Chapter 2 #3
‘What the fuck’s going on?’
This is not happening. There’s no planet where I deserve any of this. I hold doors open for strangers. I looked after sick animals when I was little. I donate to charity, always buy extra at the supermarket and take it to foodbanks. All of my houseplants are alive. I’m. A. Good. Person.
I peer over my shoulder, zoning in on Topaz. The room. Cai. Rhys. They all disappear and it’s only me and my boss. Sweat glitters on his forehead. Oh, God. He must have run here. His slot’s long gone. I’ve ruined it all.
‘Seriously, Lucy. What is this?’
‘I… I… I…’
‘Answer me now.’
‘Cai bath.’ That doesn’t make any sense. But all my words leap around my head, avoiding my flailing attempts to grab them and form a proper sentence.
‘What the hell? You let Cai in to use my bath? How could you? You know I don’t want him around my things. He’s not welcome here, and I’ve made that very clear. You did this on purpose. Fuck knows why, but you engineered him coming here while my back was turned, and I…’
His ranting dissolves into buzzing, and the darkness at the edge of my vision creeps from grey to black.
My knuckles grow stiff, aching but it’s more of an annoyance than actual pain.
I don't bother to check what I’ve got a tight hold on.
The towel, maybe. My gaze is fixed on Topaz.
His mouth moves, berating me. Someone presses into my shoulder.
I turn my head; the movement is hard, like pushing through syrup.
Tattooed fingers grip hold of me. I angle to watch Rhys’ talk at me.
Water buffers his words. I shake my head to clear my blocked ears, and he asks again.
‘You all right, Luce?’ Why’s he talking so slow? ‘Topaz. Shut the fuck up.’
The world goes silent. Topaz recoils, frowning. Nobody’s ever told him to be quiet. His movement clears the dark clouds.
Rhys steps closer until his entire face fills my vision. His big, bushy red eyebrows draw together. ‘Lucy – answer me? Do you need the medic?’
‘I quit.’
‘What?’ Rhys and Topaz ask at the same time.
I back away – one step then another – until I hit the wall.
The moment is absurd. Rhys’ mouth hangs wide open, Topaz crosses his arms over his chest, and Cai is still naked.
I can’t do this anymore. I’ve ruined it.
I’ve ruined everything. Topaz is better off without me, without this mess I’ve created.
He deserves someone who can look after him.
‘I… I’ll make arrangements to find my replacement. Tomorrow. First thing.’ My bag is somehow still on my shoulder. I dig inside it, fingers shaking. Pull out my work phone and laptop, the keys to his car and house. ‘And, of course, I’ll work my notice. I won’t leave you in the lurch.’
Topaz stabs a pointed finger nail at me. ‘You can fuck right off. You’re fucking fired. Effective immediately.’
No. No. This can’t be happening. Firing means no references. Firing means I won’t get paid after today’s shift. Firing means I’ll never work again.
‘You can’t do that,’ Rhys says.
‘No. It’s okay.’ I put myself between Rhys and Topaz to protect the pop star. He can do what he wants. He is – was – my boss. I was the one who started all of this. I force my head high. ‘I deserve this,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry I let you down.’
Topaz holds my gaze for a second before his eyes flick to the clothes rail and the trousers hanging there. Right. His soundcheck. Of course. There are things far more important than me.
I move around him, giving the room one last sweep. It’s pointless. My whole life fits in my handbag, and aside from the sad salad waiting to be eaten, there’s nothing here that belongs to me. I’ve spent so long looking after Topaz’s things, I’ve started to mistake them for mine.
He’s already getting changed, ignoring Rhys and Cai completely. I should leave, but the threshold pins me in place. Once I’m gone, there’s no taking any of it back.
I turn towards him one last time, mouth opening to apologise – to fix it, to undo it. Who even am I if I’m not working for Topaz? I’ve been at his side for so long.
But nothing comes.
I’ve never been fired. Never been without a job since I left university. Never been anything less than useful.
All three men watch me like I’ve tracked mud through the carpet. Wrinkled noses, tight lips. Rhys crosses his arms over his chest. Cai is still naked, although he’s lost the swagger of his little power pose. Topaz, now dressed, purses his lips and taps his foot.
‘At least let me write a handover list?’ My voice comes out small. ‘I’ll email it to your manager. Whoever replaces me needs to learn your preferences as quickly as possible.’
Rhys scoffs, and the bridge of my nose burns. The sound hits like judgement, and it’s the final nail in my coffin. I will not cry. Not in front of them. Instead, I hook my coat over my arm, straighten my bag on my shoulder and I march down the corridor.
Only when I turn the corner do I let the first tear fall. What have I done?
And more importantly, how am I going to tell my parents?