14. Finn
Finn
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 6TH
“ G ood to see you again, Finn!” Nick “Odd Duck” D’Onofrio greets me as Lexie and I walk into his gym. “You talk your dad into letting you get a membership yet, Lexie?” he asks.
Admittedly, my daughter has been making great strides in coming out of her shell this last month. But right now it’s seven o’clock in the morning and she is not in the mood. Her only answer to his question is the small grunt that escapes her before she trudges off to sit on the sidelines.
Put Up Your Ducks is my happy place here in town. I remember Nick from school (the ridiculously athletic man who could play every sport but cornhole, hence the nickname “Odd Duck”), and it was great to find out he’d moved back home not long before I did. He’s established an incredible facility here. The smell of the giant tires and the rubber mats combined with the sounds of people punching the shit out of bags is always a great boost to my serotonin levels. But the biggest draw is really the giant mural that’s hand painted on the back wall. It’s covered with character variations of Nick’s favorite thing in life: rubber ducks. There’s a rumor that people in town inspired some of them, but I can neither confirm nor deny it.
I’m about to apologize to him for my daughter’s turn as a cave person, but an abnormally loud yawn interrupts my thoughts. Nick and I turn to see Callie dragging herself in, a large water bottle barely hanging onto her finger. Kodi isn’t far behind her, doing her damndest to hype up her teammate, but to little avail. Callie glances at me and Nick, gives us a short wave, and makes her way to one of the weight benches, where she plops down and gratefully swigs the coffee that Lily hands her.
“I guess there aren’t a lot of morning people around,” Nick chuckles.
I saunter over to my competitor, not noticing her bright pink leggings or the cropped white t-shirt that will probably give me a view of her stomach at some point today. I bought one of those gallon-sized water bottles this weekend, and I want to show her. “Did you see?—”
Lily holds up a hand. “Please, no conversations until after caffeine has been fully consumed.”
Callie continues to vacillate between drinking her coffee and staring off into space.
I was sure she’d have something to say about me drinking water today. And she doesn’t even look like she’s remotely aware of the fact that I traded the sweatsuit for a regular sized t-shirt and shorts. I’m actually a little disappointed.
“Don’t be sad, Finnegan.” Callie’s voice is tired, but her eyes are bright, and she winks at me. “I’m really proud of you for your hydration upgrade. You’re like a real grown-up.”
I can’t help the self-satisfied smirk that tugs on the corners of my mouth. I decide to honor the “no speaking” rule and instead just give her a thumbs up while I back away.
Ticket-holding Wild Turkey spectators filter in and sit off to whatever side Nick directs them to, Lexie has suddenly become animated again, standing next to Asher and the other kids from the school paper. I wouldn’t say Callie is animated , but she’s definitely more alert post-coffee, stretching in a way that forces me to look the opposite direction.
This might end up being a painfully long morning.
Test #1
Piper nods at Nick and calls out to quiet the crowd and get their attention. “All right, everybody! I know it’s early, but I want to thank Nick here for opening his gym to us for BATTLE. NUMBER. TWOOOO!”
The early morning time doesn’t seem to have a negative impact on the audience; their cheers and whistles are nearly deafening in the open space of the gymnasium.
“For this battle, we have set up a series of five fitness tests designed to measure strength, endurance, and flexibility. Best three out of five wins it!”
“Go, Finn!” someone shouts from the back. Feeling relieved to have at least a fan, I hold up both arms in the air and strut—hell yeah, I strut—in front of Piper to recruit some people for Team Finnegan. To my surprise, I see a group of my students are here, and they are loud in their support. I didn’t think those little assholes had it in them, but it’s awesome.
Of course, Kodi starts chanting Callie’s name, just like she did at the carnival, and Team Athena joins in. Callie just smiles and waves at everyone…I guess her usual enthusiasm doesn’t kick in until around 8:00.
“First test!” Piper announces. “The ultimate test of flexibility…“ Shit. “The Sit and Reach!”
Someone rings the boxing bell and Nick brings out the dreaded Sit and Reach measuring box. I’m not not flexible but that damn box has taunted me ever since I was a kid. I’ve never done well. Which means Callie’s got a point before we’ve even started.
Nick instructs me and Callie to jog twice around the gym in opposite directions (so as not to spark an inadvertent, unplanned racing competition) to warm up our muscles before stretching over the Box of Doom.
As predicted, it was an easy victory for Callie…which should probably irritate me, but seeing her start to wake up and look at me with that competitive grin? Totally worth it.
Test #2
“Second test!” Piper’s voice echoes, and everyone quiets. “A fantastic way to check out that lower body strength—hope you don’t skip leg day, Coach—the Waaaaall Sit!”
“You’re going down, Finnegan,” Callie says to me, just loud enough that I’m the only to hear it.
“Athena, please. I never go down.”
Yeah, it was a bad choice of words. And I can’t un-speak them. “In a competition,” I weakly clarify. “Not, um…in the other…I mean, I definitely make sure that…” Shut the fuck up, you are making it so much worse.
A blush rises in Callie’s cheeks, but thankfully she just laughs and walks over to the wall. The boxing bell rings out again and we sink into our sitting positions as the stop watch begins. Cheers from the crowd help me focus on keeping my form perfect and not on the woman who’s almost close enough to touch me.
The first thirty seconds are relatively easy. Once we hit fifty seconds, the burn settles in. A quick glance over and I can see her legs are shaking. I can do this! I can take this one!
“Don’t worry about what you said earlier,” she says in a struggled, hushed tone. I peek over at her and see a sheen is covering her forehead. “I know it’s not for everyone, but I actually love going down.”
I know she’s messing with me on purpose…but that doesn’t keep the filthy image from popping into my brain. And that’s all she wrote. I lose my balance and topple over, watching as Callie slides in relief to the floor.
She’s pure evil, smirking at me while she’s rubbing her hands up and down her quads.
“Cal-lie! Cal-lie! Cal-lie!”
Listen, I promise I’m not one of those asshole men who feels like he always has to win. And I have no problem with a woman being smarter, funnier, or more athletic than I am—hell, I’m raising a daughter, and I want her to slaughter every enemy she ever fights. I can gracefully lose to any. Other. Person.
But not Callie Snuffleupagus.
Test #3
Piper walks back to the center of the gym. “All right, for those keeping score, that’s Callie-two and Finn- zerooo !”
“You can dial it back a little,” I scowl at her.
“I cannot,” she points back at me. “For the third test, we might see Coach get his head in the game. It’s push-up time!”
Oh, thank god. I can do push-ups. I can do push-ups all day. In my sleep. One-armed, even. And while I’m not dumb enough to underestimate my competitor, I feel like I’ll be able to take her on this one.
The whistle blows and we begin. Learning from my mistake last test, I stare straight ahead at the mat in front of my face so I can’t see her. And, for added safety, I hum my favorite workout song so I can’t hear her, either. I think about grandmas and baseball and block everything else out around me.
Ooo baby bay-bay.
My arms are on fire, but I won’t give up.
Bay-bay-bay-BAY-bay.
“Okay, Coach, we get it, you win.” Callie’s voice doesn’t sound annoyed. At least I don’t think it does. When I stop and look over, she’s lying on the mat, grinning from ear to ear.
I gratefully collapse and stare back at her. “How many did I do?”
“Well, I crapped out at seven and we stopped counting you at thirty. After that, we just all enjoyed listening to you singing as both Salt and Pepa.”
I’m too excited about my victory to be embarrassed. “Only seven for you, huh? Is that why you named your ferret Fettuccini? After your noodle arms?”
Her response is just flipping me off and belting out the chorus to Whatta Man while she stands up and offers her hand to me.
I don’t need help, but it would be rude to refuse her, right? That’s definitely the only reason I let myself touch her unreasonably soft skin, each of us gripping each other’s forearm to pull me up.
To show my good sportsmanship.
Test #4
“He makes a comeback!” Piper booms. Thankfully, the crowd cheers. It’s nice to know I’m not getting booed at least. “Now you’d think this next test—test number four—might feel a little unfair to our lovely opponents here, because they just got through burning up their biceps. But nay, nay, my fellow Swallowers. Because the plank is actually all about the core .”
The audience lets out an appropriate “Oooo,” and I internally groan as I swig some water. Yeah, the plank is all about the core, but it’s not like it doesn’t use the biceps.
“Positions please!”
Callie and I both sink back down to the mats and lie on our stomachs.
“Mr. D’Onofrio will kindly be on hand to make sure backs are straight,” Piper continues as Nick steps in between us. Jesus, his shoes are gigantic. What is he? A size twenty?
The whistle blows and we move into plank position. I’m at a little bit of a crossroads here, since apparently not paying attention gets me into as much trouble as paying attention does. I don’t want to focus on Callie because then my mind goes places I don’t want it to go. But I don’t want to tune everything out, either, because if I win this, then I tie up the battle, and I’ll need my strength for whatever agony they’ve cooked up for the last test.
Nick is a beacon of encouragement, as per usual. “You guys are doing great,” he cheers. “I want you both to win.”
The gym has only gotten louder, everyone yelling and clapping. It’s almost enough to distract me from the horrified screeching of my abdominal muscles.
“Two minutes,” Nick calls.
“Mother fucker ,” Callie’s muffled yell comes from next to me. “Sorry, kids! Don’t swear! Sorry!”
I can’t help it. I start laughing. And it’s enough that I finally fold onto the mat, still laughing when I look over and see her doing the same.
“Ooo, that was a close one,” Piper says. “Real nail biter here, everyone. What have we got, Nick?”
“Finn takes this one by less than a second,” he grins.
I look over and see Lexie jumping up and down, clapping for me. Looking at me like she used to when she was tiny and I’d put a bandage on whatever scrape she’d earned that day. Like I’m a superhero.
It’s enough to propel me up without any effort and walk over to Callie, who’s lying on her back with her arm over her face. I offer my hand to her—again, strictly to maintain the fair play we had from before. Not because I might be addicted to touching her. “Come on, Athena,” I tease. “War’s not over yet.”
“No, I died. I died,” she repeats. “I can’t play anymore because I’m dead. Tell Fettuccini I love him. Make sure he gets all my socks.”
I chuckle. “Is that a forfeit? I win?”
She moves her arm just enough to peer at me underneath it. She mumbles something indistinct, although it sounds an awful lot like “fuck you,” and begrudgingly takes my hand and stands up.
“Drink some water, dummy.” I wink at her as I head over to my own water bottle and drink like I’ve been in the desert for five days.
Test #5
“This seriously could not have worked out better if I’d planned it myself, folks,” Piper is borderline giddy as she walks across the gym. “And now for the ultimate tie breaker. The final test.”
When I look to where she’s headed, my heart sinks.
I fucking hate the sled. Don’t be the sled, don’t be the sled. Don’t be the sled, please, in the name of Alfred R Barnswallow, don’t be the sled.
“What the hell is that?” Callie asks.
“The Sleeeeeeeeeed!” Piper lowers her voice by an octave and cups her hands around her mouth to appropriately introduce the torture device. “This, folks, is test number five and we are about to see some genuine power here!”
Callie steps up closer to me, her voice still relatively quiet. “Um, if it’s a sled, what’s up with the seat? These things look like medieval sit and spins.”
I snort a little at her description. “That pole in the center is where the weight plates go, it’s definitely not for your?—”
“All right, contestants, listen up! For this test, Mr. D’Onofrio has asked that you please remember to focus on proper form and body weight distribution so you don’t get injured. You will push the sled from one end of the sled court to the other and then give your muscles a brief rest with The Ponginator ! You can see, set up, we have an empty egg carton for each of you, along with a giant box of ping-pong balls. Once you get five balls in your respective egg carton, push the sled back here to the start. Best time wins.”
Callie and I trade looks as Nick demonstrates how to push the sled acceptably. “That doesn’t look too rough,” she says.
I bark out a laugh. “That’s cute.”
She looks confused and a little nervous. But then she squares her shoulders and stretches her arms out. She extends a hand, offering me a good-natured competitor’s shake. I accept it and we both turn to smile at Asher, who takes our picture for the school paper.
Then it’s time to get down to business, so we approach our respective sleds.
Nick steps near her and gives her a quick rundown on form again and then goes to grab a weight plate for me.
“What is he doing?” Callie asks.
“You’ve never done this before,” I shrug. “I’ve done it plenty, unfortunately. So putting added weight on mine means I don’t get an unfair advantage.”
“Oh, okay. Feel free to add a couple more on there, then,” she calls to Nick.
This is it. Another tie breaker, just like the carnival. Except losing this means I lose not just the test or the battle, but I think it means I lose the whole war.
Oh, hell no.
The whistle blows and we push off towards the ping-pong balls. Callie is actually close on my heels and sits down maybe two seconds after I do.
I could be focusing on our hands touching every time we reach into the joint box of plastic balls. Or even the way our knees keep lightly brushing in the frenzy. But not when victory is right in front of me.
“These damn things keep bouncing out of the carton!” she laughs.
“No excuses,” I throw back.
“Yes!” she exclaims as her fourth ball lands. I’ve only got three so far.
Neither one of us says anything now; we’re way too busy thinking about what our picture will look like in the school paper when we win. Or maybe that’s just me.
The leisure sport gods smile upon me and I land two in a row into the egg carton.
“Noooo!” Callie yells as I fly out of my chair and run to the sled.
The gym is deafening at this point and I hear Kodi scream, “Callie, it went in! GO, GO, GO!”
Every muscle in my body is wishing me dead, but I won’t give up until I’ve pushed this stupid thing to the finish line. And when I do, I turn to see my opponent is only about halfway back.
I did it.
I fucking won.
Piper holds my right arm up while Nick holds up my left and I’m declared the winner. Lexie runs up to me and gives me a high five, which Asher snaps with his phone. If he sends me a copy, I might forgive the way he looks at my daughter.
Then a hand lands on my shoulder, and I turn to see Callie grinning at me. “Congratulations, Coach.” Some strands of her hair have come out of her ponytail and are curling around her face. How did I never notice how thick her eyelashes are? Because that’s a weird thing to notice about someone, creeper.
Even though we’re both covered in sweat (seems that happens a lot), I put my arm around her shoulder and pull her into my side. It’s not a natural move, but it feels like one, and she responds by wrapping both of her arms around my waist.
I rub my chest and look down at her.
“Oh shit,” I grumble.
She looks back at me, her brows furrowed. “What?”
“Sorry. Nothing.”
It’s not nothing.
It’s something.
Delilah’s right.
Fuck.
“All right, everyone!” Lexie’s holding court now. “With the victory of test number five and battle number two, that means we’ll see you all at Birdie in the Hole for battle number three next weekend!” She pauses for the crowd’s answering cheer to quiet a little before continuing. “But before you leave, we’ve got a little surprise.”
She waggles her eyebrows—something I have never seen her do, and it’s horrifying—and gives me and Callie the same look she used to give me years ago when she hid my keys so I couldn’t take her to school.
“She’s up to something,” I say. “And it isn’t good.”
Callie lets go of me and brushes her stray hair away from her face. “Uh-oh.”
My evil spawn turns back to her audience. “If you remember back to that first night at the carnival, you might remember my dad saying something about a boxing match.”
The gym goes nuts and my stomach drops to the floor. “No. No, no, no.”
“Yes!” Callie laughs and throws her arms in the air. I’ve barely had a second to process the fact that I’m definitely more than just lusting after this woman and now I have to step into the ring with her?
I walk over to Lexie. “You’re grounded. For the year.”
“Worth it,” is all she says before walking back into the crowd.