25. Callie
Callie
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24TH
“ L ily Cooley, if you don’t stop making obscene gestures with the crochet hook and start paying attention, I’m going to have to have a talk with your mother.” Mrs. Woodcock is mostly joking.
I think.
“Sorry, Mrs. Woodcock.” Lily sounds contrite, but I know the second I look at her, she’ll be inappropriately stroking one of the large knitting needles while she stares at Crankshaft. “In my defense, I wasn’t prepared for lessons. I only came for moral support when Callie called me for a last-minute hair appointment.”
Crankshaft lets out a grunt from behind his yarn.
“I know, right?” Lily replies. “That streak in her hair is like a mood ring. I knew something was going on.”
“Nothing’s going on, I’m fine,” I roll my eyes. Besides this damn slip stitch, anyway. Just slip, you stupid stitch!
Aside from my uncooperative yarn, it’s a beautiful evening. Mrs. Woodcock’s expansive front porch is headquarters for the Dirty Hookers in warmer weather (although the temperatures are dipping a little more now that it’s almost fall). The fresh air fills my lungs with every aggravated breath I take, and the gentle creaking of the wicker furniture makes me think of the increasing weight pressing on my very last nerve.
“I’m really excited about the Talons,” Ro chimes in, referencing her recently formed town roller derby team. “We’re hoping to hold try-outs soon and pick a place to hold practices. I was thinking maybe Eagle View would let us use the gym?”
Why won’t this fucking slip stitch work?
“What do you think, Callie?”
“Um, yeah, that sounds lovely.” Seriously, I keep pulling the yarn through and it’s not doing the thing. Why can’t it just do the stupid thing?
My eyes are on my project, but I don’t need to look around to know that everyone is looking at me.
“Callie, dear, I think Rowena is asking if you could maybe put in a good word at the school for her,” Mrs. Woodcock ventures.
I take a pause and look at my sweet friend (unless you’re in the rink with her). “Yes. Yeah, of course. I’ll talk to Alicia tomorrow. I’m sure she’d be happy to support the team.”
Ro offers me a slight smile at the same time Mrs. W announces she’s going inside to get us some iced tea. Lily seizes her opportunity to escape and shuffles quickly to sit in the seat next to me. “Listen,” she leans in to me, “I love that woman, but tea ain’t cutting it tonight. Here, I thought maybe you could use one of these.” She pulls a thermos out of her tote bag and sets it on the small table in front of everyone with a thud. Then she reaches back in and grabs some plastic cups.
I’ve only done a billion slip stitches in the last four months. Why can I suddenly not do one?!
And then it happens. The stitch drops again and the loud pop of my brain short-circuiting is the only sound I hear.
“WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE SHIT IS GOING ON WITH THIS GODDAMN YARN?!” My arms flail about as if independent from my body, stretching the yarn in every which direction. Ro and Lily both rear back to avoid getting caught in my crazy crochet cyclone, and Crankshaft pauses his knitting to eyeball me. I throw the entire project on the ground with a primal yell before clenching my entire upper body in frustration.
The cicadas chirping is the only sound left after my outburst…something that would be quite comical if I wasn’t having a complete and total mental collapse.
I don’t know when Lily poured the drink. All I know is that she’s handing me a cup of something, and I gratefully swipe it from her before downing it. It’s a little sweet, a little tart…it’s glorious.
Of course she made cosmos in bulk. That’s what real friends do.
The plastic cup is at least twelve ounces and I don’t stop drinking until it’s gone.
“That’s not good,” Crankshaft mutters.
Ro is the first one to attempt speaking to me. She brushes one of her long brown braids back over her shoulder and looks at me with concern. “Is there, uh…anything you’d like to talk about?”
“My pantaloons won’t work,” I grumble.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Then everyone else joins in.
“Did she say pantaloons?”
“Don’t you sew those?”
*Manly grunt*
Ro tries again. “So your…pantaloons aren’t…working?”
“No!” I throw my arms up and Lily and Ro both jerk back again.
Mrs. W is sitting down with her iced tea pitcher, but she’s witnessed the entire situation. “Don’t see pantaloons much these days. Are they for Fettuccini?”
“They’re for Winston.”
Crankshaft’s hands drop to his lap and he gives me a hard stare. “No,” is all he says before resuming his knitting.
He’ll come around.
“This is just a side we’ve never really seen from you before,” Lily says gently. “You’re kind of freaking everyone out.”
Kodi’s words echo in my brain now. This is the kind of place where people take care of their own. I want Finn and Lex to be taken care of when I leave. Which means they need to know what’s going on.
“Finn asked me to stay here when the school year is over.”
Everyone’s eyebrows shoot up, but no one says anything.
“Is that a bad thing?” Ro ventures.
“I mean, not inherently, no. But he knows I can’t stay. The teaching position is just through May and I can’t not teach. I mean, maybe I could stay through part of the summer, but I need to make sure I have time to apply for a job somewhere else.”
“It’s only September, though,” Lily points out. “You have a ton of time before you need to decide. Why is he bringing this up now?”
I know why. But I can’t bring myself to say it out loud.
Fortunately, none of my fellow hookers ask me to.
“I’ve never lived anywhere for longer than two years,” I say. “I don’t know what to do.”
Ro, never one to dodge a difficult situation, speaks first. “Is this a ‘looking for advice’ situation or a ‘just needing to vent’ situation?”
“I don’t think I know that, either,” I admit.
She smiles. “Well then, how about I give you some advice and you don’t have to listen to it if you don’t want to?”
My chest instantly loosens. “That sounds fantastic.”
“Not too long ago, a wise man—a wise and sexy man—told me it was good to get out of my comfort zone. That I wouldn’t really ever be able to live up to my potential if I didn’t push myself. I think maybe you moving all the time is your comfort zone. And maybe Finn asking you to stay is the push you need.”
I nod, weighing her words. I look over at Crankshaft and he gives me a subtle head tilt, confirming he agrees with Ro.
“I’m not even saying that because I selfishly love you and want you to live here forever,” Ro adds.
I lean over and give her a tight hug. “I love you, too,” I tell her. “I love all of you.”
“And we love you,” Lily agrees. “Do whatever the fuck you want to do, Callie. We’ll support you no matter what.”
“Take your time, dear,” Mrs. W says. “Men tend to jump in with both feet when they’re in love. They get tunnel vision.”
Oh shit, did she just say “in love?”
“Don’t feel pressured to make any plans just yet.”
I draw in a deep breath and try to regain my composure. “Thank you. All of you. I’m really glad to be here with you tonight.”
“Whatever you need.” Lily pats my knee. “Including a ride home because damn, girl, you just slammed like six shots of vodka.”
“I’ll regret that later…” I begin.
Lily and Ro finish with me, “…but I’m not sorry now!”
Mrs. W chuckles and pulls her knitting needles back out. “Lily, dear, come back and sit with me so we can continue your lesson.”
Lily’s eyes go wide and she puts her cell phone up to her ear. “What? Yeah, no, I can talk, hang on for a second. Sorry, Mrs. Woodcock, I have to take this!” She makes her way down the porch steps and out into the field where I imagine she’ll stay indefinitely if I don’t wrap things up.
I pack up my bag and drink another half a cup of cosmo, because why not?
“Pantaloons may not be my best idea. Do your weird potatoes need scarves?” I ask Ro, who’s surrounded by a mound of knit brown tubers.
She looks hurt. “You know they’re owls, don’t be hateful.”
I laugh and give her a hug again. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”
I’m only sort of kidding.
I hug Mrs. Woodcock and give a hearty wave to Crankshaft before motioning to Lily that I’m ready to leave.
“You okay?” she asks as we pull out on to the road.
“I’ll be better when the booze kicks in.”
She snorts. “I’ll bet.”
We ride in silence for a couple of minutes before I feel like I can articulate my thoughts. “I know it’s weird.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s weird,” I shrug. “To feel awkward and overwhelmed by being loved. Normal people don’t feel like that.”
“Who the fuck is normal around here?”
“Not just here. Everywhere. Anywhere.”
“Okay, who the fuck is normal anywhere?”
“You know what I mean.”
Lily keeps her focus on the road but squeezes my arm. “We’ve got your back, sis. Like I said, whatever you need.”
After another minute, she adds, “But if you don’t text and visit all the time, I will hunt you down. Do you understand? I will come for you.”
“I promise,” I laugh.
Then I rest my head on the headrest and stare out the window. Most of the shops in town are already closed for the night, but plenty of people are still walking around as we drive by.
“My friend, Toshi, moved around all the time, just like me.”
“Yeah? But not anymore?”
“No, he, uh, decided to stay in Arizona a few years ago.”
Lily scrunches up her nose. “Arizona? Why?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t really know. He just said that he’s had houses all over the world, but for whatever reason, that was the place that felt like he had a home .”
“Profound stuff.”
“Yeah…”
“Home is wherever you want it to be, Callie.”
And those are the words that echo in my brain for the rest of the night.