Sixteen
sadie
My cough worsened as afternoon slipped into evening, and a headache pounded in my temples, too strong for painkillers to tame.
I’d been vomiting on and off, and when I slept, bizarre fever dreams took hold of me.
At one point, I could have sworn I was floating, my body overcome with lethargy and drifting on the air like a wispy cloud. Another time, I was hugging a tree, wrapped around the trunk as if its strength and sturdiness could heal me.
Ultimus was a mind-bending hallucinogen, and I needed off this trip.
I wanted my old life back.
I wanted my mum.
When I woke deep in the night, I couldn’t summon the will to raise my head. “Theo?”
“I’m right here,” he said, his voice heavy with sleep. “What do you need?”
I paused to cough, then reached for him in the dark, picturing him sitting on the edge of the coffee table. It didn’t occur to me he wouldn’t be perched there all night, waiting for instructions. “Can you… can you lie here with me for a minute?”
“I already am.”
His amused tone had me sweeping my palm across the surface beside me. It was soft and spacious, with a sheet in place of leather. Had he carried me to his bed? Was that the floating sensation I remembered?
I didn’t even have the energy to be embarrassed. “Why am I in your bed?”
“I’m tired. This way I can sleep and be close by if you need me.”
“Smart.” My eyes welled with tears, and my throat tightened. “You’re so smart, Theo.”
“And you’re delirious.” He stroked his fingertips over my forehead, then through my hair, rubbing the spot behind my ear with his thumb.
My fever hadn’t broken yet, but his closeness didn’t suffocate or overwhelm me. It was solid and dependable... like a tree. “Have I been wrapped around you all night?” I asked.
“Like an octopus and a furnace all in one.”
His comment generated a faint smile, and I slipped into a semi-dozing state, murmuring disconnected nonsense. When I regained full consciousness, Theo’s body was moving against mine with soft laughter.
“What?” I asked, wishing I could see his face. “What did I say?”
“Don’t worry about it.” He kissed my forehead and laughed some more, and it hit me how much I loved the sound.
The second detail that registered was the press of his bare lips, with no surgical layer between his mouth and my skin.
“Did you take off your mask?” I asked, struggling to focus.
“I did,” he said. “You showed symptoms in less than an hour. If you’d passed it onto me, I’d be in the same condition as you are by now.”
My heart raced at the thought of Theo gambling with his life like that. The rules were changing so fast, we couldn’t be sure of anything. “You shouldn’t have done that,” I said, my words slurring. “I’m so sorry. I was really starting to like you.”
“You just mentioned something like that, but in blunter terms,” he said. “I’m not sick, though—and you’re not dying—so you can stop with the goodbye talk.”
Another coughing fit took over, the impact brutal on my throat.
If he could have experienced it from my perspective, he might have a different opinion.
My body didn’t feel right. Bones and muscles aching, and there was a strange sensation at the back of my nose.
Every time I swallowed, I had to brace myself for pain, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open for longer than a few seconds.
“You won’t miss me too much,” I whispered. Nobody could feel this terrible and emerge from the sickness still breathing.
“It’s all right,” he said, stroking the hair back from my face. “You’re too out of it to know how wrong you are.”
I couldn’t focus on his words. Fatigue washed over me again, but rather than fighting it, I surrendered and hoped it would heal me.
My eyelids fluttered open, and I blinked a few times to orient myself.
Am I alive… or dead?
I rubbed my eyes and turned my head on the pillow. The blinds over the window were lowered, and the daylight peeking around the sides gave little away. It could have been morning or afternoon, a day or a week later, for all I knew.
I attempted a deep breath, and my lungs filled a little easier. Not much, but still. It didn’t feel like someone was sitting on my chest anymore. When I swallowed, the pain in my throat had faded a fraction, no longer making my eyes water.
Curious, I touched my cheeks, and my hands went still. Surely not. My skin had cooled, and my pulse wasn’t throbbing just beneath the surface.
I closed my eyes as a shuddering sigh left me. Definitely alive. If I’d made it through the fever, I must have passed the peak.
I’d get to see Ava again. Theo.
A dry sobbing sound heaved from me—but it was too soon to celebrate.
Theo’s side of the bed was empty.
What if he was somewhere in his apartment right now taking his last breaths?
I struggled into a sitting position, elbows shaking, fingers digging into the navy quilt, then looked down and discovered I wasn’t wearing the t-shirt and leggings I’d been in when the fever hit. Instead, I wore loose flannel pyjamas—my pyjamas—with no memory of changing out of my clothes.
Bracing myself, I pulled out the neckline of my top, and my shoulders slumped with relief. Same bra.
How long had I been here?
Medication, tissues, and a half-full water jug were strewn across the bedside table closest to me, and a rumpled blanket had been draped over the grey armchair in the corner as if Theo had spent part of the night there.
“Where are you?” I whispered, my voice husky from lack of use.
I couldn’t hear the low drone of the television coming from the living area. There were no cooking smells. No footsteps or clattering plates.
With a rush of determination, I flung back the covers and tried swinging my legs over the side of the bed, but after two failed attempts, I cursed and flopped back against the pillow, chest heaving.
So much for breathing easier now. I might as well have run a sprint.
“Come on, you can do this.” Tensing my abdomen, I gripped the quilt for leverage and tried again, sliding one leg over the side of the bed, then the other. Being upright for the first time brought on a wave of dizziness, and I paused, waiting for it to pass.
Knees trembling, I inched forward and touched my bare toes to the carpet, congratulating myself on the victory, however minor.
One task at a time. That was all I needed to focus on—and all I was capable of handling.
I sat up straighter and stared at the beige wall opposite. A virus had raged through my body and left a human-shaped shell behind, but I’d made it. I was still here.
My eyes welled with tears, and another sob broke from my throat.
It was all the motivation I needed to keep going.
I stood on shaky legs and set my sights on the bedroom door. Ten steps, and I could cling to the frame while I recovered.
Just let me find Theo, safe and well. That’s all I want.
As if I’d summoned him, he appeared in the open doorway, eyes widening for a split second before he scanned me from head to toe. “Hey,” he said. “You’re up.”
My stomach flipped, and I leaned against the bed for support, examining him to make sure he was real and not another hallucination.
With his toffee hair in its usual tousled state, and his jaw covered in longer scruff than I’d ever seen on him, he appeared a slightly more worn version of the man I knew.
The relief that raced through me left me lightheaded.
“Barely,” I said, struggling to speak. “My legs aren’t doing what they’re supposed to do.”
He crossed the room in a few steps, appearing unfazed by the information. “You’ve hardly eaten a thing since you got sick,” he said, “and you’ve been in a fever haze for five days.”
I stared up at him as he clasped my elbows. “Five days,” I said. Where did that time go? I had no memories after the first night. “Are you serious?”
He nodded slowly and eased me into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. “You were in and out of consciousness and a rambling mess for the short times you were awake. Sharing declarations of love. That type of thing.”
His eyes glimmered with gentle humour, his expression so soft and affectionate, I could barely focus on the words leaving his mouth.
“I was so sick, I thought there was no way I’d live through it.”
He looked me over again as if to convince himself I was awake and talking. “The fever didn’t get you, so I think you’re safe.”
“Are you feeling all right?” I searched his features, but nothing triggered any concern.
“All good,” he said. “Looks like I’m immune.”
The wave of gratitude that rolled through me eclipsed every other thought. “I’m so happy I didn’t—wait, what did you mean about declarations of love?”
“Forget it.” He lowered himself to the spot beside me, his knee resting against mine. “It’ll only make your face catch fire again.”
Oh, God. I had vague recollections of mumbling during the worst of my fever. My cheeks warmed, and I closed my eyes to get a hold of myself. “I’m not responsible for what I said when my brain was fried.”
He didn’t tease me any further, and I appreciated his restraint. “I’m glad you made it,” he said. “It would have sucked if you’d died.”
I opened my eyes and tried to answer, but the words got stuck in my throat.
He’d tended to my every need for almost a week while Ultimus attacked my body, putting himself at risk, potentially losing the chance to see his family again. It was only pure luck he hadn’t caught the virus himself—and he was still here, caring for me, putting my mind at ease. Making me feel safe.
With a rush of emotion, I half turned toward him and slipped my arms around his waist, holding on as tightly as my depleted strength allowed.
“What’s this for?” Theo embraced my shoulders and pulled me against him, keeping me steady.
He smelled clean and warm and appealing, and I was the opposite in every way. “I wouldn’t have made it this far if you weren’t with me,” I said with an ache in my throat. “You kept me alive.”
He slipped one of his hands under my greasy hair and squeezed the back of my neck. “It was the right thing to do.”
“That doesn’t mean you had to do it.” I kept hold of him, breathing him in. “Most people wouldn’t.”
Theo rubbed his hand up and down my spine. “If they knew you, they would.”
I clutched him tighter for a moment, soaking up his strength and steadfastness. My arms loosened, and I pulled back, sighing at the mere thought of the jobs that lay ahead of me. “I need soap and water so badly,” I said. “My teeth need brushing, too. I feel disgusting.”
Theo rested his hand on the mattress beside my knee. “How about I bring you a bowl of warm water and a facecloth? I can’t get Laura in here to help, and I doubt you’re up to handling a shower or bath on your own.”
He’d changed me into pyjamas while I was out of it. Cared for me without crossing lines. He could have done whatever he wanted to me, and I’d have no chance of defending myself.
“Can you help me?” I asked. “I feel so gross. I just want to sit in the bath for a while. All I need is a hand to get in there, then you can leave me.”
Theo stared right back at me and dragged the corner of his lower lip between his teeth.
He’d already done so much, and this was way outside the type of favour you asked of friends—but no one could come into his apartment, and there was no way I’d wait until it was safe for others to be around me.
“You couldn’t even look at me a couple of weeks ago,” he said. “Now you want me to take off your clothes and help you get into the bath?”
Being awake and focusing on the conversation took more effort than I currently had in me.
I wasn’t even sure I had the strength to brush my teeth, let alone bathe, but I nodded.
The thought of changing into fresh underwear and pyjamas, and maybe convincing him to wash my hair so I could feel human again, was too tempting to refuse.
His expression turned pensive, and a long moment of silence stretched between us. “What’s your last name?” he asked.
I frowned. “Wentworth.”
“What’s the number of our building?”
“Forty-eight.”
His gaze roamed over my features, paying particular attention to my eyes. “Middle name?”
I huffed out a sigh and humoured him. “Elizabeth.”
“I don’t even know if that’s right.” Theo flashed me a grin that caused a sweet fluttering in my stomach. “How many people still live here?”
“Nine—no, eight. Is this... is this a mental competency test?”
“Just making sure you’re in your right mind.”
“Did I pass?”
He nodded, still so unsure of doing what I asked it made me want to laugh. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll get everything ready.”