35. Rya
35
RYA
The range of emotion I’ve experienced in the last few hours would be enough to exhaust anyone. I’m scared. Overwhelmed. Pissed off. Sad. The list goes on and on. Add the trauma of the attacks—first the stairs, then the stage—and the physical pain itself, and I’m not doing so great.
Honestly, I’m disappointed—in Hazel for sure, but also in myself for not recognizing the signs earlier. The confirmation that she’d been behind everything I’ve been through this semester has gutted me. To know she harbors so much hatred toward me… well, it makes me feel sick. And why? Because we’d be competing for parts in future showcases and ensembles? Because I fell in love with my best friend who happened to be the guy she’d set her sights on?
It’s just not normal for someone to take the jealousy they feel and act out on it the way she had. I thought she was on my side, thought I had her support. Even before we were dating, she kept teasing me about how cute Logan and I would be and said she didn’t understand why we weren’t dating. But now, I wonder if she was simply feeling out the situation to find out if we were truly just friends. And the hell of the entire crazy debacle is that even once she’d begun to stab me in the back, she’d remained by my side, suggesting we have girls’ nights and generally making me think we were besties. She didn’t want me to think a damn thing was wrong.
How she was able to look herself in the mirror, knowing what she was covertly subjecting me to, I will never know. If only I’d paid more attention, maybe I would have been more cautious with her. But instead, things had festered in her head, and I hadn’t seen it coming. As a result, I’ve lost my friend, my roommate, and quite possibly my entire ballet career. I will miss Hazel’s infectious laughter and the bond I thought we shared. But I will not miss feeling like someone was out to get me. Everything I’ve worked so fucking hard for… it could all be for nothing. It’s unbearably depressing.
Also depressing? Ugh . Having to immobilize my arm in this fucking sling.
I wonder if I’d known what was going on in Hazel’s head if I could have prevented this. Taking a deep breath, I blink back the hot rush of tears that sting the backs of my eyes and my nose—the nose that’s still sore from where my face smacked into the floor at the bottom of those stairs. I wince. And as a result, my cheekbone throbs. She did a number on me, I’ll give her that. The physical damage will heal. Hopefully. But the emotional pain will, no doubt, be with me for a very long time.
I drag in a shallow breath, my gaze traveling to Jaxon, who is asleep sitting straight up in a very uncomfortable hospital chair, his chin tucked into his chest. The way he’d kept that lunatic from continuing to come after me— I shake my head in wonder. He really will do anything to protect me from harm. My attention shifts to Logan, who is lying on his back on a narrow padded bench with his knees bent and propped up because he’s too tall to fit properly. In those moments when Hazel was shrieking insults at me and accusing me of stealing things from her, Logan had been my rock. I would never have expected anything less from him, but I’d appreciated it all the same. Slowly, I exhale, the air jerking from my lungs. Who knew the act of breathing could be so damn painful? I hope both my guys already understand how much showing up for me in those moments had meant to me.
My phone buzzes several times in a row, and I wince, shifting to reach it on the rolling tray by my bed where it’d been charging overnight. Shit. I can’t get to it. Not without hurting myself. And I know exactly who it is because the only other people that’d be messaging me right now are snoozing across the room from me.
It’s my parents. They’d been at the showcase last night, but all the way in the back, and apparently when shit started going down, the audience had gotten to their feet and had surged forward, virtually blocking the aisle as they tried to find out what was going on behind the curtain. I feel terrible that my poor parents had been put through that, knowing something was very wrong, but unable to get to me. I clench my teeth. My mother is likely apologizing, yet again, within those text messages.
The phone vibrates again, and I stretch to the side, reaching with my good arm. My face blanches as pain jabs through my shoulder. “Ouch!” I suck in air through my clenched teeth, unable to stop the exclamation from hurtling free.
“Rya.” Logan lurches upright and is off the bench in a split second. “What’re you doing, baby?”
Jaxon jolts, his eyes popping open. He blinks hard, then stands, hurrying over to my bedside, looking for all the world like he might topple over. He sways on his feet as he rubs his eyes. Groggily, he rasps, “What happened?”
Logan snorts out a laugh. “She wanted her phone and decided to be stubborn and not wake us up.” His brow raises as he hands it to me. “Isn’t that right?”
“I’m sorry. I had my notifications set to do not disturb until nine, but then my phone started vibrating like crazy.” Making slow and deliberate movements so I don’t jar my shoulder, I accept the phone from him, then jut my chin toward Jaxon. “You didn’t even get to lie down. I can’t imagine either of you slept well.” With a weary exhale, I glance at the screen. “Oh. Boy.”
“What’s going on?” Jaxon rubs a hand over his face.
“Mom and Dad have been waiting in their car for me to respond. They want to be here when I’m discharged.” I wet my lips, scanning the rest of the texts. “Mom’s worried, Dad’s… I don’t know, actually. I think Mom’s purposely not saying much.” The way Logan is chewing on the inside of his cheek is mildly concerning, but I kinda chalk it up to him having to face my dad. “I’m nervous. They had so many questions yesterday, and I just couldn’t bear to get into it. And now…”
Logan’s mouth quirks into a half smile. “You deserve to be allowed to talk about it at your own pace. And I think they might have understood you needed a minute.”
“Are either of you nervous?” My eyes move from one to the other in turn.
Jaxon shrugs. “I think they assume I’m the new boyfriend, so I don’t know what to expect. Especially since that’s not exactly accurate.” His brows furrow. “We haven’t ever discussed how we’ll handle any of this.”
“Play it by ear?” I cringe at all the ways that could backfire, then shift my gaze to Logan. “You’re used to my dad. Are you nervous? I can tell something is on your mind.”
Logan steps close, bending at the waist to brush a tendril of my hair back. He looks steadily into my eyes, his expression so serious it makes my heart stutter with apprehension. “I have something I need to tell you—something I didn’t want to bring up last night because I thought?—”
“ We thought.” Jaxon puts a hand on Logan’s shoulder, squeezing.
“Right. We thought it might upset you even more and”—he shrugs—“we were in protection mode.”
I draw in a careful breath. “Whatever it is, I can handle it.” I walked out to center stage in a theater full of people, all eyes on me, battered and bruised with my arm hanging out of its socket. Surely, I can handle this. But then I search Logan’s eyes, and I know whatever he’s about to tell me, he truly believes has the power to hurt me. I exhale sharply. “Just say it.”
“I was almost surprised Hazel didn’t mention it in her tirade. But I think she also somehow orchestrated a power outage in the building so we’d be trapped in the elevator together in the dark.” He stops, halting to press his lips together.
“She’s manipulative, man. Just tell her.”
Logan heaves out a disturbed sigh. “The power finally came back on and as it did, she grabbed me and kissed me.”
I blink, air whooshing from between my lips. Hazel kissed Logan?
“And if that weren’t bad enough, when I pushed her away and asked what she was doing, she accused me?—”
My eyes crash shut for a moment as I shake my head in disbelief. That girl. I swear . Lifting my good arm to touch his lips with my fingertips, I murmur, “Logan, you can stop right there. She’s got something seriously wrong with her. You watched that psycho dancing my choreography on the stage as if she weren’t doing a damn thing wrong. I have no doubts when it comes to you.” I cup the side of his face, drawing him down to me, and press my lips to his. It’s soft and lingering and fueled on his end with what I believe to be a plea of sorts—to trust him. And on my end, I seek only to reassure him that I do.
The clearing of a throat wrenches us apart. Startled, all three of us turn our attention toward the doorway.
My parents stand there, my mom with her eyes wide and hand covering her mouth, and my dad with a grim set to his features along with a raised brow that tells me we’re about to be hit with a whole lot of questions.
Questions of the variety I really don’t want to answer for anyone, least of all my stern father. “Uh, Dad. Mom. Hi.”
“Mr. and Mrs. Monroe, nice to see you this morning.” The cheeky smile Jaxon shoots them would be hilarious if they hadn’t just walked in to see me kissing the man they know to be my best friend.
“Jaxon,” my father says curtly, his gaze never wavering from Logan.
“Dad—”
“I’d rather hear the explanation from Logan,” he growls. “Mind telling me what the hell is going on here?” His gaze shifts to Jaxon, who’s standing very close to Logan.
Logan reaches for my hand. “You know I love your daughter.” He locks eyes with me. “I kinda always have. Nothing has changed.”
My mother makes an odd little sound before wetting her lips, glancing at Jaxon. “But— I thought…”
I nod. “Please don’t freak out. I’m dating both of them. And we’re happy. All of us.”
My dad rubs a hand over his forehead, his gaze shifting to the ceiling as his face turns a mottled red color. “I’m not often speechless.” He exhales hard as his head snaps back to us. “This is disgraceful, Rya.”
From this angle, the hard twitch of Logan’s jaw tells me things are about to get interesting. “Sir, I’m gonna say this just once. If you’re more concerned about how your daughter is being loved and supported than you are about what her supposed friend did to her, then maybe you should rethink that.”
“She’s been through hell and back. And if you can’t be here for her, I promise you, we will be.” Jaxon aims his steely gaze on my father. “She doesn’t deserve to be surrounded by anything but protection and love… always.”
I never would have thought anything could fluster my father or make my mother squeak the way she had at Logan’s and Jaxon’s words, but that’s exactly what’d happened.
And from there, we were able to calmly discuss what had been going on around here, even though I felt like I was choking on the truth as I answered all their questions about Hazel’s offenses and all the reasons why I felt I couldn’t talk to them about the attack my own roommate had waged on me. The conversation hadn’t been easy, but I’d been endlessly supported by these two men. I have never felt so loved and cared for in my entire life, and I don’t quite know what to do with myself. Because I think the shitstorm might really be over now that Hazel’s been arrested. For the first time in forever, I’m no longer anxious that someone is out to get me.
As Jaxon lets us into his room several hours later, I turn, backing my way inside so I can see them both. “Thank you.” Everything I want to say is caught in my throat, and for several seconds, all I can do is focus on dragging air into my lungs. “For everything.”
Logan reaches me first, drawing me gently to his chest, and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Nah, Tiny Dancer. Thank you. For being ours. I’m only sorry it all went down like it did.”
“Same.” Jaxon comes in close and stoops to drop a slow, devastating kiss on my lips, then eases away.
My brow furrows. He’s been oddly quiet since last night, unless he absolutely has needed to say something. As I watch, he sits down on the edge of the mattress, lowering his head into his hands. He scrubs them through his hair. I glance at Logan, gesturing that we should sit with him. After we settle on either side, I put my hand on his back. “Jaxon… no holding back with us. Never again.” I angle my head to better see his expression. He looks so lost.
I meet Logan’s eyes over Jaxon’s bowed head, and I feel the concern radiating from him to match my own. Logan lets loose a sigh. “Whatever’s bothering you, spill it, man.”
A disturbed laugh huffs from between Jaxon’s lips. “To be honest, I’m a little weirded out.”
I cock my head as a line forms down the middle of my forehead. Whatever’s on his mind is no small thing, and that scares me. My mind scrambles for what could be plaguing him. “By what?”
Jaxon hesitates, peering at me first, almost as if he’s asking me for help.
“Jaxon?” I press a kiss to his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
He scrapes his teeth over his lower lip, a shudder running through his body before he turns, his gaze shifting to Logan. “I?—”
There’s so much turmoil in that single word, it’s like a punch to my gut. I get up from the bed because I can’t stand not being able to read what’s in those intense, dark eyes of his. Sinking down onto the floor, I rest my hand on his thigh. He’s searching Logan’s features, and it’s very clear to me that he’s struggling hard. I remain silent, knowing whatever this is, it’s not my place to butt in. But I want to be there—for both of them. Please, no . Not when we’re finally happy.
Logan hooks an arm around Jaxon, his big hand drifting up his neck, stopping to massage there. “You can tell me any fucking thing. If this… talking to her parents earlier… if that was too much, if it made you think of what it will be like when people realize the three of us are together for real…”
Jaxon exhales, shakily. “I’ve thought of it.” He glances at me for a second, giving a swift jerk of his head. “I don’t fucking care what they think.”
My breath hitches as I watch hurt wash over Logan’s face, only I’m not so sure it’s warranted. Yet . My brow pinches.
“The minute the words began to vomit out of Hazel, it made me feel sick on the inside. All the hatred. The jealousy. The way she thought she was so deserving of everything that was rightfully Rya’s.”
“Ohhh,” I whisper, sitting back on my heels, then snap my mouth shut.
Logan slowly shakes his head. “Make your point.”
“That’s just it.” He holds out a hand gesturing to me. “How is what she was saying to Rya any different than the absolute malice I threw your way for years?” He covers the lower half of his face, his shoulders sagging.
To my surprise, Logan begins to laugh. He throws his head back, earning an odd look from Jaxon and an incredulous one from me. I smack his leg. “Why are you laughing?”
“Because. There’s a big difference. She’s crazy. She did terrible things to all of us.” He stops to wet his lips as he slaps Jaxon’s upper back to get him to turn his head. Leaning in, he whispers, “You were just being my dickish stepbrother. Big fucking difference.”
I hold up a finger. “And you apologized.” I slowly get to my feet with Jaxon’s help and situate myself between his legs before I sit on his thigh.
“And we love you,” Logan murmurs, his voice husky.
My throat is tight, but I manage to whisper, “We do,” because I think it’s important Jaxon hears it from both of us.
Logan leans in, coaxing Jaxon into a fiery kiss. Their lips bruise, tongues stroking. It makes me so hot, I begin to squirm openly, my breath going ragged as I watch the overt display of masculine affection that flows between them.
A slow smile spreads across Jaxon’s face as he meets Logan’s steady gaze, then turns to aim his grin at me. “I fucking love both of you. So goddamn much, it’s knocked me on my ass. I’m never going to be the same.”
A moment later, the two guys tug me into the mayhem, and we lose ourselves in the beauty of the only war that will ever rage among us again. Because everything we’ve been fighting for? It’s worth what we’ve endured to get here. Our endgame is clear now. This is love.
And it’s all we need.