Chapter 4 Ambrose #2
In the sky, Ambrose spent all her time gathering new diamond stars but while she did that she was looking for the other swans. If she could find them the spell would be broken and she could fly all day.
She is still writing when class is done, and she keeps writing in the car. At night she sits up writing because she cannot sleep.
The next day she writes in the lunchroom, but it’s so loud, she takes refuge under a table.
Her classmate Rachel bends down to look at her. “Are you okay?”
“Oh my God, Lily’s sitting on the floor,” says a girl named Kaya who posts pictures of herself with boys.
“Honey, you can’t sit under there,” says Mrs. Berman. “Come on out now. Do you need a break?”
Lily takes a break in the nurse’s office with its jars of cotton balls and Popsicle sticks.
Her temperature is fine and so is her blood pressure.
She tells the nurse she is not sick, and the nurse says, I know.
We just check everybody. Then a seventh-grade boy comes in with a staple in his hand and it’s almost an emergency.
While the nurse is taking care of him, Lily grabs her bag and escapes to the girls’ bathroom.
She waits and waits for a stall. Once inside, she pulls off her clothes, wriggles into tights and leotard, and pulls her jeans and shirt on top.
Camouflaged, she stands at the sink and pins up her hair as though she were the Lilac Fairy preparing for a ball.
By the time she is done, she has missed social studies.
—
On the phone that night, Debra says, “But I do worry about her.”
Why is her mom always talking about her? Lily slips out of bed and creeps to the stairs. Sitting on the landing high above the entrance hall, she sees Debra pacing below. “Mom?”
“Lily Anne Eisen!” Debra says, as though Lily is the one doing something wrong. “Get back in bed.”
Phone in hand, Debra runs upstairs and tucks Lily in and tells her she loves her, and Dad loves her, and Sophie loves her.
“And Max,” says Lily because she can’t forget the dog.
“Right,” says Debra. And they will always be a family and that will never change.
Once her mom is gone, Lily sits up in bed with her novel and her little clip-on booklight.
The spell originated from a witch who turned swans into girls. The witch sends girls down from the swan kingdom to live on earth.
The witch wears black from head to toe and sees everything with X-ray eyes. She calls you sweetie but she is not.
In the morning, Lily has trouble waking up. When she is supposed to be eating breakfast she says, “I’m sick. Can I stay home?”
Her mom says, “What are your symptoms?”
“I’m tired.”
“Tired isn’t a symptom,” Sophie points out.
Lily says, “Yes, it is.”
Since being tired is Lily’s only symptom, Debra makes her go to school and then to tutoring with Megan and then to therapy with Danielle.
By that time, Lily can barely keep her eyes open.
She sits on a blue couch near a window with a large plant on the sill.
The plant is a philodendron with drooping leaves.
Danielle says, How are you feeling, and Lily says sleepy. Danielle says, You look sleepy. Then she asks, How is the novel going? Lily says good. Danielle says okay!
There are board games in Danielle’s office, but Lily would rather rest. She closes her eyes for a few minutes—actually, for half an hour.
“Lily?”
She opens her eyes.
Danielle says, “I hear you are having trouble sleeping at night.”
Lily says, “I think that plant needs more sun.”
Danielle says, “You’re probably right.”
“You could get a plant light.”
“It’s not really my plant,” says Danielle. “It’s a shared office. I’m only here Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
Lily feels bad—not for Danielle, but for the philodendron who never asked to be here. “It’s sad,” she says.
Danielle looks at her encouragingly. Lily looks at the plant.
—
Unfortunately, the less Lily talks, the more everybody wants to know what she is thinking. On the weekend, her dad says, “How’s Ambrose?” But she does not show her book to him—or anyone.
In bed at her dad’s house, Lily writes Chapter Four, which is about how Ambrose runs into trouble.
Her mischievous ninth sister Ruby steals her wings and it’s a disaster because only Ambrose can fly.
If anyone else tries, they will end up plummeting to their deaths.
So now, Ambrose has to steal back her wings and save her littlest sister whose name is Pearl.
Meanwhile, it looks like the witch is about to reappear.
“Hey, Lily.” Her dad walks into her room without knocking. “It’s almost midnight.”
“You should be asleep,” she tells him.
“You’re funny.” Richard sits on her bed.
“Dad,” she says, “I’m trying to work.”
“Maybe you should work during the daytime, kiddo.”
She closes her book. “I don’t have time.”
“Really?”
“Dad, I’m busy every minute.”
“You’ve been taking some expensive naps.”
She looks at him puzzled. Then she understands, and she’s a little scared. “How much does Danielle cost?”
“That’s not important.”
“But you said she’s expensive.”
He’s getting irritated. “She’s not expensive if you’re awake.”
“I don’t have to go.”
“You said you like Danielle.”
“I do! But I don’t want to spend all your money.”
“I’m not talking about money.” He shifts his weight on the bed.
“Then why did you say expensive naps?”
“Okay, that’s not the point. That’s not the message I want to convey.”
“What do you want to convey?”
“Your mom and I—” he begins.
“Why do you always say your mom and I?” Lily asks, because who else would he be talking about? Some other person’s mom?
“Listen to me. We’re worried about you.”
“What are you worried about?”
“School,” he tells her. “Sleep. How you are feeling.”
“Can I be homeschooled?”
“No!”
“Why not?”
“Who’s going to homeschool you?”
“Mom?”
“Don’t you think Mom does enough?”
“If we homeschool, she won’t have to drive me anymore.”
“No. The point is, you need to go to actual school and see people.”
“But I don’t like people.”
“Lily.” He looks like he might laugh, but he does not.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t like school.”
“Nobody likes sixth grade.”
“Sophie did.”
“This is not about Sophie.”
Lily hugs her novel to her chest. “She’s more pragmatic.”
“Where do you come up with this stuff?” her dad says.
Then Lily feels guilty, because her mom came up with that and now it’s plagiarism. “Forget I said it.”
Her dad leans over and hugs her hard. “Just tell me what’s on your mind.”
She swallows. “Dad, I just don’t like—”
“You don’t like—?” He seems to dread her answer.
“This time period.”
“What?”
“I mean, I don’t want to die in childbirth, but.”
“Lily, what are you talking about?”
Her voice is pleading. “I don’t like this century.”
Her dad shakes his head, bewildered. He adjusts his glasses. “Well, what century would you prefer?”
Then she’s stuck because all the centuries were terrible for girls, just like her mother told her, and she knows that they were bad for Jews. As a Jewish girl she would probably be dead. “It’s just so sad,” she says.
“What’s making you sad?” Richard asks. “Is it me?”
“No, not you,” she reassures him.
“You know you can tell me anything,” Richard says. “You know I’d do anything for you.”
Then come back, she thinks. Live with us all the time. In the nights and in the mornings. But since she can’t have that, she asks, “Could I just try learning at home?”
“You can’t run away from school.”
“I’ll do better at home! I learn better one-on-one.”
“Yeah, that’s why you have Megan.”
“I know but—”
“Are you learning better with her?” He’s got her now, because she is still failing math, even though she works with Megan twice a week. “Prove it to me,” Richard tells her. “Prove that you learn better one-on-one.”
—
Lily sits with Megan, and they fill in the missing numbers in equations. There is something about if there’s a ten it’s easy and if there’s a five you can pretend it’s ten and divide everything in half.
“Don’t let decimals scare you,” Megan says.
She has golden hair and sapphire eyes. She could be a princess if she wanted, and she loves math.
Megan used to be a ski instructor, but then she broke up with her boyfriend.
She drove all the way from Aspen Colorado to Cherry Hill New Jersey to be a teacher, except she makes more money tutoring.
Now she has a new boyfriend, and they are getting married in June.
Lily has seen pictures of Megan’s dress which is strapless.
Megan says, “Just multiply and then deal with the decimals at the end. Don’t be intimidated. ”
“Okay,” says Lily.
“Don’t guess,” says Megan. “Use the method. Are you with me?”
Lily is staring and staring at the numbers 6 x _ = 4.2. “Seven?” she says.
“Good,” Megan says. “You know six times seven is forty-two. But what we have here is four point two. Where do you put the decimal point?”
“Is it point seven?” Lily asks.
“Exactly!” Megan says. “Ding ding ding!”
Megan was a cheerleader in high school. She is a little bit dramatic, but a good teacher nonetheless. Lily loves that word, nonetheless. When you are with Megan you feel like you know what you are doing. Nonetheless, you take the test alone.
All alone, Lily sits with her math test in Mrs. Berman’s office.
It’s because she got a 12% the first time.
She sits with her chin in her hand, and she has a method, and she’s practiced, but there are a lot of problems. Fractions and ratios and cross-multiplication.
There are also word problems which Lily was not expecting.
If one bag of sugar weighs 14.5 kg, how much would 6 bags weigh?
Isn’t that a lot of sugar? Why would you need that much sugar for anything?
Maybe if you were a bakery? Multiply, she thinks.
Worry about the decimal later. But multiplying is tricky because you end up with more place values than you had before.
She hears Megan’s voice. Don’t be intimidated!
She hears her dad’s voice. Prove it! But she isn’t sure where to put the decimal point.
She isn’t sure she multiplied right either.
“How was the test?” her mom asks as soon as Lily gets into the car after school.
“I don’t know.” She regrets sitting in front where her mom can see her easily.
“Better than last time?”
“I’m not sure.” Lily pins up her hair as they drive to the high school to pick up Sophie.
“Megan says you are doing great work,” Debra says.
“But it’s different when she’s not there.”
Lily’s mom scans the building. “Where is your sister?”
Sophie is five minutes late. Then seven minutes late.
Lily’s arms are tired as she pins and then unpins her hair to try again. “If I’m late, I can’t go to class.”
“Stop it.”
Lily pulls out her book and rereads the ending of Chapter Four.
You are not going to get your chance, said the evil witch.
I have scattered all the other swan girls and you will never find them.
Yes I will said Ambrose, even if I have to travel to the ends of the earth.
The pelican will help me I will find her on the mountain.
Good luck said the evil witch you’ll need it.
“Hi.” The car door slams.
“Could you not slam the door?” Debra says as she starts driving.
“You’re making me late!” Lily accuses her sister.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are, obviously! If your class was first, you’d come out to the car on time.”
“Oh my God stop,” says Sophie.
Lily turns around to glare. “You only care about yourself and your friends.”
“At least I have some.”
“I’m going to pull over,” Debra says.
“No!” Lily sobs, because she doesn’t have time for that.
“What is your problem?” Sophie demands.
Lily is clutching her novel as tears pour down her face. “Please, Mom, keep driving.”
“Apologize to your sister,” Debra tells Sophie.
“Because she’s crying?”
“Because you made her cry.”
“She makes herself cry!”
“Now.”
“I’m sorry!” Sophie says as they pull up at the studio. She snatches her bag and leaves, not quite slamming the door, but closing it hard.
Lily should follow, but she doesn’t. “It’s too late.”
“No, it’s not. You have two minutes,” her mom says.
“I can’t go in there looking like this.” Lily’s hair is half up, half down, her face is hot and red in the passenger-side mirror.
“Sweetie.” Her mom hugs her as best she can over the gearbox and the emergency brake.
“I wish I was little again,” sobs Lily.
“Me too,” says her mom.
“You wish I were little, or you wish you were little?”
“I don’t know. Both!” her mom says. “All of the above.”
“Why are you crying?” Lily asks.
“Because you are.”
They look at each other and Lily says, “I think I failed my test.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Debra says.
“Yes, it does!”
“We’ll figure it out.”
“But how?”
“We’ll talk to Megan,” Debra says. “We’ll talk to your teacher. We’ll make a plan.”
“It’s too late.”
“Go!” her mom says like the pelican. “You can do it. Run.”
Go, Lily tells herself. Go, nonetheless. She plunges Ambrose into her dance bag, wipes her face with her jacket sleeve. Dashes up the stairs. She runs as fast as she can, but she doesn’t make it.
She hears the music. Through the glass wall she sees everybody at the barre. She almost runs downstairs again—but then she realizes that it’s not Gwen teaching class. They have a substitute! It’s Cassandra who isn’t strict at all.
Lily pins up her hair and takes a breath. She slips into the studio to stand between Maddy and Scarlett.
“You got lucky,” Maddy whispers, because Cassandra doesn’t mind whispering.
“I know!” Lily says.
“Stand tall,” says Cassandra. “Shoulders down. Elbows up.”
Lily stands tall; she points her toes as she extends her leg. Her arms are tired, and in the mirror her face is flushed, but she doesn’t think anyone can tell that she was crying. By the time barre is done, her cheeks don’t even look that red anymore.
Cassandra says, “Come out to center.” The class stands spaced apart. “That’s it,” Cassandra says. “Lily, lift your head.”
Through the glass wall of the studio, Lily glimpses Nastia, all in black. Nastia who sees everything—but she didn’t catch Lily sneaking in.
Lily’s classmates know that she was late, but they have already forgotten.
That’s how it is when you are dancing. You only think what you are doing now.
You breathe. You bend and you come up again.
You stand with your chest open and your shoulders back.
Line up in threes to practice leaps. Wait in your corner and lift your wings to fly.