Chapter 32
Lor
Leena had sent me to the nearest creek, letting me know how badly I smelled. Now I had a fresh change of clothes, a full stomach, and I was clean.
I was ready to find Aoife, to face whatever she had to say, and to tell her exactly what was on my mind. The moon glowed overhead, providing just enough light to guide my way back to the camp. It wasn’t a long walk through the trees, and the glow of firelight flickered in the distance.
The first person I saw was Leena, who stood with an apologetic look on her face. “Our talk didn’t quite go as I planned,” she said.
Ah. Not surprising. “Where is she?” I asked, and Leena pointed toward the tent that Aoife and I were supposed to share.
Leena caught my arm before I could go to Aoife. “She’s not happy. I don’t know if she’ll want to see you.”
I let out a harsh laugh. “That’s nothing new, Leena. And it’s never stopped me before.”
I walked toward her tent, bathed in moonlight that shone between the trees. I lifted the flap open, disappointment sweeping over me as I took in my wife laying on her side on top of the thick bear skin rug, back to me while she slept.
No matter. We would talk in the morning and sort this all out. I’d make it clear there was nothing between me and Leena, that I didn’t want there to be anything between us.
For tonight, I would lay next to her, be the warm body she needed. I’d show her that I could be everything she needed if she gave me a chance.
I lay down behind her, moving my body close so her back was against my chest. The minute we touched, she stiffened.
“You don’t need to sleep next to me,” she said. “It’s not your job to fix me, Lor. If all the other Fair Folk can get used to sleeping alone, then so can I.”
“But you don’t have to,” I murmured. “You have a husband, Aoife. You have me.”
She rolled over, staring at me with those golden eyes that almost glowed in the dark of the tent.
“That’s exactly the problem.” She sat up, huffing, irritation filling her voice.
“I’m so tired of just being another one of your projects.
Another thing you feel like you need to take care of because it’s the right thing to do. I can take care of myself.”
I was starting to understand this pattern. She fought with me to push me away. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t seen it before, but I did now.
“I know that,” I said, but she kept going, the words coming out in a rush like they’d been held behind a dam that burst.
“You’re a good man. You’re principled. And you’re always going to do what’s right. But I release you. I release you from this marriage. From whatever sense of duty you feel toward me. Maybe Castle bound us together, but that doesn’t mean we have to abide by traditional marriage standards.”
In all the years we’d been together, she’d never spoken so plainly. We fought and yelled and argued, but we’d never actually given each other permission to step outside of the marriage.
“If you want to share Leena’s tent tonight, don’t let your sense of morality stop you. I won’t be mad if you go to her. I won’t blame you. I’ve given you no reason to stay by my side, no reason to believe we have anything real between us.”
It was too dark to see anything but the outline of her face and her body, but I didn’t need to. I could imagine it just fine: the way she was tilting her chin up, her golden eyes hard, jaw locked.
“Go to her,” Aoife said. “Stop shouldering everyone else’s burdens; stop acting like it’s your sole responsibility to fix everyone and everything.”
“No,” I said simply.
She let out a frustrated huff. “You’re so stubborn. Why do you always have to argue with me?”
“Aoife, I’m not here because I want to do the right thing,” I said, voice rough and low. I raised my hand and cupped her cheek, and I could’ve sworn she turned into my touch. “I’m here because I want to sleep next to my wife tonight.”
“Because it’s what you’re supposed to do,” she argued, still not getting it.
I shoved a hand through my hair. “Who’s arguing now? Just let me sleep next to you, woman.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not some obligation or duty,” she burst out.
“Aoife, you are many things, but not ever, not since the day I met you, have I seen you as an obligation.” I leaned forward, my lips hovering over hers, so close our breath mingled together. It was tempting, so very tempting to close the distance between us.
We stayed frozen, facing each other, for what felt like eternity until Aoife finally huffed and said, “Fine. You can sleep next to me tonight. But only because I’m too tired to argue with you.
” She rolled over as I cautiously put an arm around her stomach, gently tugging her into me.
She was asleep within minutes, her breathing slowing, but she didn’t move away from me.
She lay so content and peaceful in my arms just like she had the other night we’d fallen asleep together.
I’d wanted to kiss her so badly, but I suspected if I had, Aoife would push me away even more.
And for once I didn’t want her to.
Godwitches be. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I was developing feelings for my wife.