Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
GABE
As the weeks go by, Hallie and I settle into a routine. Being with her is everything I thought it would be and more. So much more. I’m a little surprised with how okay she’s been about us living together as more than roommates. I thought for sure she’d spook by now, worry we’re moving too fast.
But with each passing day, when nothing happens, I start to believe that she really will stay this time.
Except we still haven’t told anyone .
Hallie goes to see her grandfather at least twice a week. I keep waiting for her to say that she told him about us, but she never does. The only people who know we’re together are the Landells, and even they don’t know the full truth about us.
Glancing in the rearview mirror of my truck, I find Abbie engrossed in some game with her dolls.
She insisted on bringing an armful to Haven House for brunch, even though she has a stockpile at my parents’ place.
They range in size from Barbies to baby dolls, and whatever she’s cooking up in her imagination has her concentrating so hard, a line has formed between her brows.
I smile, returning my eyes to the road. Then I reach out and place a hand on Hallie’s thigh. She startles, and I chuckle.
“You alright?” I ask.
She’s nodding when I glance over. “Yeah. I just didn’t expect you to do that here.”
“She can’t see anything,” I say quietly. Even if she wasn’t distracted, the centre console blocks Abbie’s view of my hand. “But…we could just tell them. All of them.”
I know I said I’d give Hallie time, and I have, but I also can’t deny the way the secrecy is eating at me. Even lying to Kevin and his family about our engagement felt more genuine than this. At least then I wasn’t forbidden from touching her when we weren’t alone.
It doesn’t help that I feel like I’m keeping my own secrets from them.
Ethan’s offer has been in the back of my mind for over a month.
I spoke to him again the other day, asked some questions.
The job is similar to my current one in some ways, but there’s still some things I’d need to do to make the cut.
It’s tempting, but then I think about having to hand in my resignation to Luke.
It’s my life, sure, but I value my family’s opinions. They’re important to me. I don’t want to hide from them.
I almost miss it, but I swear Hallie flinches.
“Foster…”
She turns to look out her window, and my stomach sinks. I pull my hand from her thigh and return it to the steering wheel, tightening my grip. My jaw clenches.
The rest of the ride to Haven House is silent, save for Abbie’s chatter in the back seat. The awkwardness I thought Hallie and I left behind is back again, and I hate it with every fibre of my being.
What I don’t get is why Hallie is so against my family knowing about us.
I understood her initial hesitation—agreeing to a relationship with me was already a big step, after denying ourselves for so long, without my family being involved.
But I figured by now, she would have felt comfortable letting them know.
That leaves me wondering if I’ve done something and she’s just too nervous to tell me.
When we get to the house, I help Abbie out of the back. Hallie slips from the passenger seat, but she hangs around, waiting for me. Her shoulders are curved inward, and her gaze is trained on her feet.
Abbie skips up the steps, then looks back at me. I haven’t moved from beside the truck. “Daddy?”
“Go on inside, Abbs,” I say. “We’ll be right behind you.”
When the front door shuts, I turn to face Hallie. She clutches the strap of her purse, like it will offer her the strength she needs to face this conversation.
“Fight with me, Foster,” I plead. Fight for me. For us .
She shakes her head. “I don’t want to fight. Not today.”
“You have reservations, I know. But you’re not letting me in,” I say, taking a step closer. “So I’m just left wondering what it is I’m doing wrong, with no way to fix it.”
Her blue eyes turn sad. “It’s not you, Gabe. It’s…”
I laugh without humour. “ It’s not you, it’s me . Seriously?”
Hallie frowns. “Well, it’s the truth. You’re amazing, damn near perfect. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s me who is messed up.”
It’s not the first time I’ve heard words like that from Hallie, but they don’t make sense. “You keep saying that, but that’s not how I see you. Who put these fucking ridiculous ideas in your head?”
She looks downright miserable. “Please, Gabe,” she whispers. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “I can’t keep doing this.”
Hallie inhales a shuddering breath, and I can see her eyes turning glassy. She steps into me, setting a hand on my chest. It rests over my heart, and I wonder if she can feel how hard it beats for her. Always her, even when it hurts.
“This won’t be a secret forever,” she says. Promises. “Soon. We’ll tell everyone soon. I just need a little more time.”
The front door creaks open, and Hallie jumps back, dropping her hand. The guilty look on her face guts me.
“You guys coming inside?” Clara asks, sticking her head out. “Or are you just gonna stand in the cold all day?”
Hallie and I stay silent.
“I don’t care one way or the other,” my sister continues, either totally oblivious to the tension or doing her damnedest to pretend. “But Mom won’t let us eat until I get an answer, and I’m hungry .”
“We’re coming,” I reply. My voice doesn’t sound entirely like my own, thick with strain.
With one final, suspicious glance, Clara shuts the door.
I look at Hallie again. “A little while longer.”
Without another word, I start up the porch steps.
After a moment, she follows behind me. When I enter the kitchen, Abbie is already situated in her own chair.
She doesn’t like to sit with me anymore.
Instead, she chooses to sit next to Sophia.
It usually works out alright because then I can sit next to Hallie.
Today, though, I head for the open chair between Delilah and Dad. Hallie freezes in the doorway, but I don’t look at her. I can’t. It’s petty, I know, but I need a minute to work through my shit. Sitting beside Hallie, catching whiffs of her apple shampoo, would only be torture.
I can feel Delilah’s eyes on the side of my face. I turn to her. “What?” I ask, a little rougher than intended.
Luke’s arm tightens across her shoulders as he leans around her. “I don’t know what crawled up your ass today, but watch your tone when you speak to her,” he warns.
Delilah pats his thigh. “It’s alright, Luke.” Then she lowers her voice. “I was going to ask if you’re okay.”
I sigh, forcing my shoulders to relax. “I’m fine. Just… I’m fine. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, though. I’m sorry.”
She smiles. “You’re forgiven.”
One look at my brother and I’m not so sure about that, but I nod gratefully.
“Looks like it’s you and me, babycakes,” Clara says, patting the remaining seat for Hallie. Then she sends me a confused glare. “Seeing as someone stole my spot.”
I shrug. “Sucks to suck. You were too slow.”
“Clary doesn’t suck!” Abbie chimes in. “That’s mean, Daddy.”
“You tell him,” my sister says.
Abbie crosses her arms. “You have to say sorry.”
Clara grins, and I roll my eyes. “Sorry, Clara.” Unlike my apology to Delilah, this one is lacking in sincerity.
“I’d give that a two out of ten, but I’ll let it slide.” She grabs a croissant and drops it on her plate. “Let’s eat.”
Hallie finally slides into her chair. We make eye contact for a brief second before she looks away. It kills me, being at odds with her, but I also can’t deny how shitty I feel when she won’t open up to me fully. Clara says it’s not about a lack of trust, but it certainly feels that way.
Does she think I can’t handle whatever it is she’s gone through? Does she doubt my ability to love her through it? Because I know without a shadow of a doubt that whatever she tells me won’t make my feelings go away.
Abbie sits up on her knees, trying to cut her pancake, to no avail. It would help if she held the plastic knife the right way up, but she got mad at me the last time I pointed that out. My little girl is independent to a fault.
She lets her fork and knife clatter to her plate. “Hallie,” she says with a frustrated huff, “can you help me?”
“Of course,” Hallie says immediately. “These pancakes are tricky, aren’t they?”
What guts me even more is how good Hallie is with my daughter. She doesn’t see it, but I do. Abbie will always have me and Larissa, but the connection she shares with Hallie is different. Special. I don’t want her to lose that.
As everyone eats, conversation springs up around the table.
Luke and I inevitably start talking about work, and Dad chimes in on occasion.
The urge to tell them both about Ethan’s offer presses on me, but I hold back.
Breaking the news in the middle of brunch is not how I would want to go about it, especially after the not-a-fight Hallie and I had beforehand.
When the food is almost gone, and the girls have gone off to play, there’s a lull in conversation. Dad shares a look with Mom across the table, and then he clears his throat. “Your mom and I have something we’d like to tell you.”
Clara’s head jerks up. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?” She turns to Mom. “Are you sick?”
“Jesus Christ, Clara,” I curse. It isn’t uncommon for her to jump to conclusions, but damn.
“No one’s sick,” Mom is quick to reply. “It’s nothing like that, sweetheart. Nothing bad. It’s just something we’ve been mulling over.”
“What is it?” Luke asks. Even though Mom said it wasn’t bad, he’s still wearing that uber serious expression of his. The one he uses to brace for unfavourable news.
“We were thinking of taking a trip,” Dad says. “Friends of ours have a place down in Mexico. They invited us to spend the winter there.”
“A trip? Out of the country?” Clara’s eyes have almost bugged out of her head. “You don’t even have passports. And all winter? What about Christmas? What about Haven House? I mean, have you really thought about?—”
“I think it’s a great idea,” I interrupt, before my twin lets her imagination run wild. “The bed-and-breakfast will be closed for the season soon. As for Christmas, we don’t do much anyway.”
The holiday is always a low-key affair. Even when we were kids, besides opening presents, it was a calm day at home. It’s no different now that we’re adults, only Abbie and Sophia will be the ones waiting for Santa.
I’d been looking forward to spending the day with my girls. Last year, I had to work, and my daughter spent the holiday with Larissa. This year was supposed to be different. Only, now I’m not sure where Hallie and I will stand by the end of next month.
“It’s still tradition,” Clara argues. “You’re with me, right, Luke?”
Our brother scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “Traditions change, Clarebear…”
Realization dawns on her. He wants to spend the holiday with Delilah and her siblings.
Clara crosses her arms. “I see.”
“Clara,” Mom says gently. “We don’t have to go, if you really don’t want us to. It was just a thought.”
As stubborn as Clara is, she also has the biggest heart. So when she sighs, I know she’s giving in. She may be disappointed, but she’d never stand in our parents’ way.
“No,” my sister says. “If you want to go, you should go. You’ve worked hard for a lot of years. You deserve a vacation.”
Dad smiles. “We’ll send you a postcard.”
She points a finger at him. “You two better call me all the time. I don’t care how much it costs!”
I fight back a laugh. Clara has often lamented Luke being overprotective, but she can be no better. I think that’s just what we do in this family—we care, sometimes too much.
“Will you watch the house for us while we’re gone?” Mom asks her. “I’m worried the pipes might freeze, but I also don’t want to keep the heat on blast if no one will be here.”
Clara nods. “I can just stay here instead. My apartment will be fine.” With it being above the bakery, the heat is always on inside the building, and I’m sure the warmth from the ovens travels up to her place, too.
Dad throws his arm over Clara’s shoulders, hugging her to his side. “What would we do without you?”
“Well, you wouldn’t have a favourite child,” she replies.
Luke flicks a sliced strawberry across the table at her, and she gasps, pulling out of Dad’s arms. “Delilah! Do you see what kind of uncivilized man-child you’re in a relationship with?”
Delilah can’t hide her giggles. “I’m incredibly sorry, Clara, but I’m kinda in love with him.”
“Kinda?” Luke presses.
She rolls her eyes, though she grins. “Hopelessly, deeply, madly,” she amends.
“That’s what I thought,” he says, then takes her by the chin and kisses her.
Mom looks on with delight, and Clara starts making fake gagging noises. Through the chaos, I find Hallie. She has a slight grin on her face as she watches Luke and Delilah together, but when her gaze lands on mine, her smile turns sad.
I still have her, but it feels like I’m watching her slip right through my fingers, and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do to stop it.