17. Now
Chapter 17
Now
“W hat do you mean you kissed him?!” Amy all but shouts.
She’s met with shushing and nasty glares.
“Sorry,” she says to Meg, our yoga instructor, who’s way too perky for seven o’clock on a Sunday morning. “What do you mean you kissed him?” Amy asks again, softer.
“I don’t know.” I follow the flow into triangle pose. “It just happened.”
“How? Weren’t you on a date with Nick? How’d you kiss Jase?”
I shrug.
Amy continues, “Also, how are you not in a complete knot like I am?”
“Ladies.” Meg shuffles over to us. “Is there a problem over here?” Her hot pink spandex looks custom-made for her tan skin and bleached blonde hair. Meg’s eyebrow is only slightly arched, but her voice is giving pissed off.
“No,” we say in unison and exchange a look.
“You know what,” Amy says, and warning bells go off in my head. “I can’t quite get into triangle pose the way Kate can.”
“Here, why don’t you try this?” Meg calms once asked for help. She adjusts Amy’s right arm. “Does that help?”
“Yes, thank you,” Amy replies.
Meg walks away.
Amy mouths, “This is crap.”
I shoot my best friend a pointed you insisted on coming look.
She throws back an I wanted the tea eyebrow.
“Then what happened?” Amy whispers.
“Nothing.”
“What?” She speaks louder again, eliciting more looks from around the room.
“Nothing happened,” I coo. “Trivia started back up, and I remembered I was on a freaking date … with Nick.”
“Yeah, but what if you needed to kiss Jase to get over him, and now you’re over him and can focus on Nick?”
“Ladies.” Meg circles back.
“We should probably go.” I lean over to roll up my mat.
“I think that’s best. You’re always welcome to come back for another class, separately, if you’d like, or the club down the street offers Zumba—maybe it’ll be a better fit.” She shows us the door.
With one foot on the pavement, Amy shouts, “What a bitch!”
“Ame, shh, she can hear you.”
“Good. She is a bitch. Who the hell does she think she is telling us to come back for separate classes or try Zumba?”
“I mean, we talked the entire class, and Yoga is about unplugging and breathing.”
“Was I not breathing?” Amy’s nose flares.
I cock my head. “You know what I mean.”
“Anyway, you’re over him now, right? You had all this tension built up for years and misremembered what it was like when you were a teenager?”
I shake my head. “I wish.” We walk down Broad Street, away from the studio.
She sighs. “Damn. So, it was good?”
I sigh. “ So good.”
“Flannel Jim good?”
“Better than Flannel Jim.”
She clicks her tongue. “Intrigued. Continue.”
“So, Nick, perfect and well-meaning Nick, picked me up and took me to this ‘little burger joint’ he heard great things about online.”
Amy gasps. “Oh no.”
I nod. “Mhmm, and of course there’s only one place actually in town and everyone and their mother was there after the run.”
“Still?” She does the math in the air to figure out how long the crowd must have been hanging out at the bar.
“Yep. I’m sure you’ve noticed there isn’t much to do around here …well, evidently, Saturday nights are trivia nights at Firefly as well.”
She waits for me to keep going.
“So, we sat down, and Jase was our server, of course.” I roll my eyes. “He was rude as hell to Nick.”
“Um, yeah, you brought your new guy to your ex’s work—not really a good move.”
I point at her. “I agree, but it wasn’t my move . I thought we were going to the city. Anyway, by the third plate slam, I got up to talk to Jase.”
“And?”
“He kissed me instead.”
“Oh. Oh ,” Amy adds, her eyes lighting up.
“Yeah.” I bury my face in my hands. “I’m a terrible person.”
Amy rests her hand on my arm. “You’re not a terrible person … you’re confused.”
I nod and run my hands through my hair, hoping it’ll give me clarity on any of this, but my mind is a blank piece of paper, and the words aren’t coming.
She nudges. “Let’s try another angle. What does your gut say?”
“What does your gut say about what?” A familiar voice bellows behind us.
We turn around as Jase smiles coyly. This time, I do feel my cheeks burn.
His fingers brush mine. “I can only imagine that face means you were talking about me.”
Outwardly, I glare at him, but inside, I’m mush.
“Oh, come on, Kay, I thought we were past all the glaring shit after last night.”
“Jase,” Amy barks.
Even as he says her name in return, his eyes never leave mine.
Amy takes a step back as her phone buzzes. “I should go.”
“No,” I beg, as Jase says, “Please.”
“Actually, we were just leaving,” I counter.
Jase’s gaze intensifies. “Where are we going?”
“We …” I gesture between him and I. “Are going nowhere. Amy and I, we, are on our way to get coffee.”
“We are?” Amy checks.
I raise my right brow.
She slips her phone into her pocket and straightens. “I mean, we are.”
“That’s about as believable as a flying unicorn.” He laughs.
Amy snorts, but not before a subtle snicker. Is he starting to win Amy over?
“Have fun, ladies.” He waves his pointer finger at me, and I know I’ll be thinking about this moment for the rest of the day.
I’m sipping my second cup of coffee of the day. This one is Mama’s special blend with a touch of the French vanilla creamer she keeps in the fridge. I’m staring at an empty laptop screen, urging inspiration to strike, but nothing’s happening. Nothing except memories of last night and running into Jase again this morning.
Hyla hops on my bed and paws at the blankets to get comfortable.
“What do you think, girl?”
Hyla sighs and rolls over for a belly rub.
“No? Ugh, I wish this coffee had an extra shot of … something else.” With this, a new blog idea comes to mind. I’m about halfway through when there’s a knock on the door.
Amy pops her head in. “Hey, I wanted to see if you—oh God, it’s a good thing I haven’t seen you in the writing cave before.”
I stop writing. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing. You look gorgeous right now.”
“Thank you.” I place my hands under my chin and bat my eyes at her, but when I glance at the mirror on my closet door, I inhale sharply.
“Told you.”
My hair is in a messy bun at the top of my head with a pencil in it, my makeup has run quite a bit, and my oversized T-shirt is not in the least bit flattering. I look like a hot mess. “What’s up, Ame?”
She takes a bag of Smartfood, a bottle of Moscato, and two glasses out from behind her back. “Any chance you want to watch Penelope, you know, for research to help me wrap up the cover feature?”
I stroke my chin, pretending to consider her offer. We both know it’s an immediate yes. Penelope has been my “drop everything” movie since I was a little girl. It’s the first movie Mama took me to see in theater. The day started and ended with Daddy being drunk out of his mind, but the middle was just the two of us: a haven with reclining seats, a big-screen TV, and enough buttered popcorn to make me forget the real world for an hour and forty minutes.
We peel back the covers, and both climb in, lining the pillows up straight. We lean back and sit facing the TV. Amy pours the wine while I turn on Netflix.
“How has everything gone with the article?”
Amy’s face lights up. “You’re going to love it. Reese is as amazing as you’d imagine—beautiful, sweet, funny. Interviewing her was like hanging out with an old friend.”
I’m in awe. “We’ve been very lucky with cover models.”
She hands me a glass, and we toast.
“I have to say…” She sips as I put my glass on the nightstand. “Sloane has surprised me.”
“How so?” I meet Amy’s eyes.
“Pleasantly surprised me,” she amends. “It’s got a lot of charm and good people.”
“Gossips,” I add.
“Hot men.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
I click my tongue. “Ugh.” I bring my hands up to cover my face. “What am I doing?”
“You’re … figuring it out.”
I exhale. “No, I mean it, Ame; what am I doing? In Sloane? With my life? My family begged me to come down here and see my dad. I’m here, and I can’t be within a hundred feet of him without having a panic attack. I finally find this perfect guy who gets me, and I’ve been sneaking around and kissing Jase. Honestly, what am I doing?”
She shifts to face me and puts her hands on my shoulders. “Kate, deep breath.”
Inhale. Exhale.
“Better?”
I nod.
Amy holds up her pointer finger. “First of all, you are allowed to deal with your anxiety and trauma however you need to, and if that means waiting to see your dad, or not seeing your dad at all, I will support you. The big thing is being here with your family, and you are.”
Inhale. Exhale.
“Second,” she raises another finger. “Jase kissed you.”
I lift my right hand. “I didn’t stop him.”
“Did you want to?” She quips.
I gulp.
She takes another sip of Moscato, then sets her glass down. “I didn’t think so. Listen, is it ideal? No, but the fact of the matter is, we can’t help who we’re attracted to.”
“It’d be a lot much easier if we could. Nick is a good guy. He doesn’t deserve—whatever I’m doing, and Jase …”
“Jase?”
I pull a pillow out from behind my back and bury my face in it. I mumble incoherently, and Amy peels the pillow away. “Um, repeat that?”
“It’s complicated.”
Her phone lights up with a text from Leo. She blushes and ignores it. “Is it, though? You’ve been in love with Jase your whole life, completely sabotaged relationships—”
“Hey!”
Amy raises her hand. “I’m not done. What happened back then sucked … but that was six years ago, Kate . You’ve grown. He’s grown. And despite spending half a decade apart, you’re both still into each other. That doesn’t just happen, you know?”
“I thought you were Team Nick?” I challenge.
She bumps my shoulder with her own. “I’m Team Kate, always. Nick’s great, and from what I hear, Jase has made his fair share of mistakes, but he’s also done a lot of things right, like loving you and protecting you. I’m here for whoever is going to make you happy.”
“I’m not even here for Jase. I came to see my dad, and we all see how well that’s working out.”
“Again, you are allowed to deal with your anxiety and trauma however you need to. Or not. That’s okay, too.”
I squeeze her hand. “Thank you for coming down here. I didn’t think I needed you here. I didn’t think I needed anyone, but I was wrong. I’ve never needed anyone more. You’re the best.”
“I know,” she agrees. “Ready?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I press play and reach for the Smartfood, ready to have ourselves a night.
A good night’s sleep can do wonders. When I wake up, I have a sense of clarity and purpose I haven’t had in a long while. Maybe it was Amy giving me permission to feel however I need to that made me realize I need to start taking control of my life—mistakes and all. Time to start ripping off band-aids.
I dial Nick’s number and pace in my room, waiting for him to answer. He picks up on the second ring. “Hey, beautiful.”
“Hey,” I answer. There’s a big lump already forming in my throat. I can’t do this on the phone. He deserves better.
He laughs nervously. “Uh oh, I don’t think I like the sound of your voice dropping.”
Me either. I dig my free hand into my hair. “What are you up to?”
“Not much. What’s up?”
“There’s a park in the center of town, across from the high school. Want to meet there in an hour?”
“Sure. I’ll see you soon.”
Fifty-five minutes later, I’m sitting on a bench in the middle of Rose’s Park, which is lit up with twinkling lights, even in the morning. Birds are bathing in a mini fountain nearby, chirping and dancing.
It’s nearly empty for eight o’clock, and I’m thankful for the lack of eyes on me . Nick’s footsteps echo as he transitions from the concrete of the sidewalk to the marble path. I hold my hand up to wave, and his wide grin reaches his blue eyes. His long, black overcoat reaches his knees, blue jeans and sneakers sticking out.
“Jeans? I didn’t think you owned anything but suits,” I joke.
“Oh, I don’t. I borrowed these from my neighbor at the hotel.”
“Ha.” I smirk but look away. “Listen, Nick …”
He sits next to me on the plastic bench and puts his hands on mine. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do this … I get it. It’s not me, it’s him.”
I gape at him. “What? How’d you—”
He shakes his head and says, “Sometimes a guy knows these things.”
“Oh.”
“… and I saw the paper this morning.” He hands it to me.
The paper’s folded over to page 4— Matilda’s Column . On the top of the page is a big, half-page, semi-grainy photo of Jase and me running straight ahead but looking at each other. A look that could look like love but certainly looks like we’ve got history. History based on secrets and lies but history, nonetheless.
“Nick, it’s not—he’s my ex.”
He cuts me off. “It’s okay, Kate. You guys have a past. I get it. If it were just a past, I would wait it out until you’re ready, but it’s not finished.”
“I’m so, so sorry. This whole thing wasn’t fair to you?” I put my head in my hands. “Gosh, why couldn’t it have been you?”
Nick laughs and plants a sweet kiss on the top of my head. “Hey, really, it’s okay. It’s not the right time, and I’m not the right guy.”
Sniffling, I look up. “You’re a good guy, Nick Scott.”
He cocks his head. “Not what the ladies in my basement would say.”
Our laughter fills the air and lingers long after he leaves with a tip of his invisible hat.
Some time passes before I stand. I intend to walk home, but my legs have a different idea and, instead, I pace to Jase’s door. The front porch light is on, almost as if he’s waiting for me or for someone else . I knock twice before I chicken out and trip on the front steps.
The front door opens, and Jase calls after me. “Wait.”
I stop in my tracks and turn around to see Jase pulling at the screen door. He stands on the porch in a pair of ripped jeans and quarters drinking T-shirt, muscles peeking out from his sleeves. He looks impossibly hotter than yesterday.
“Been thinking about the kiss, huh?” He runs his hand through his buzzed hair, and it takes everything in me not to jump him.
I don’t back away, either. I stand there on his porch and stare into his perfect eyes. “This was a mistake. I’m sorry. I should go.”
His arm reaches out. “Kay.”
I look up at his pleading eyes with my confused ones.
“Do you want to come inside?” He holds the door open.
“I, uh …” I bite my lip.
“Kay?”
I swallow. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he repeats.
I don’t know what I’m expecting, but I’m hit with a strong sense of nostalgia. The first floor is wide and open-concept, with big windows around the side and beautiful hardwood floors stretching through the living room and giving way to the tile in the kitchen, separated by an island. The kitchen cabinets are light grey above the marble countertops and a side-by-side fridge.
I turn to face Jase. “Wow. You made it happen.”
He sticks his hands in his jean pockets, and heat rises to his cheeks. “Yeah.”
“It looks good.”
“Want a tour?” Jase extends his hand, and without thinking, I take it.
Lightning runs right through me like it always does when I’m with him. My phone vibrates in my pocket. “One sec,” I say to Jase, and answer, “Hey, Mama.”
Her tone is flat. “Som … something ha … happened.”
“I’ll be right there.” I hang up and rush out the door.
He chases after me. “Kay!”
“I’ve gotta go. I think something happened with my dad.” Tears fall from my eyes.
Jase grabs his jacket from behind the couch and pulls his keys off the hook. “Let’s go.”
“You don’t have to come with me.”
He shakes his head, keys in his mouth, while he pulls the door shut but doesn’t lock it. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course, I’m coming with you.”
I climb into the passenger seat of his old pickup truck. “Guess this is an upgrade from the Sundance.” I inhale the faint new car smell from the air freshener hanging off his rearview.
“Her name’s Missy.” He mumbles under his breath and puts Missy into drive, heading into the unknown. Together.