Chapter 20
Ava
Dating was fun.
Tucker took me to a food truck park where we could choose from tacos or sushi or gyros or burgers. I picked cupcakes. Tucker agreed that life was uncertain, so dessert first all around.
We saw more movies. And went bowling, which I figured out I’d done before when I rolled the ball and knocked all but two pins down on the first try.
“Muscle memory,” Tucker said. “You were always a good bowler.”
I wondered what other skills I had.
He lingered more and more at the door when these dates were over. One day at Harry’s, I finally asked Flo about it.
“What would make Tucker stand by the front door for like forever when we go home?”
She laughed, using her phone camera to apply a layer of bright red lip gloss.
Flo was thirty-six and cared a lot about her makeup being “on point” and that her bleached blonde curls never frizzed.
“Girl, he’s on the prowl, of course, he is.
He hasn’t gotten any since your wedding day, and he’s bound to be getting blue in the balls. ”
Harry passed by for the last part and stopped dead in his tracks. “Flo, mind yer business and clear those tables.”
Flo popped her hip in tight white jeans. “Aww, why can’t Jimmie do it? What’s the point of a busboy if we have to bus ourselves?”
“Everybody buses,” Harry said, his voice dark and low.
“Oh, listen to you, you big ol’ bear.” Flo flounced off but not toward the tables. She was probably off to find Jimmie to do it.
Harry sighed. “Don’t listen to Flo. She’s never had a man like Tucker and definitely not a situation like yours.”
I stacked plates, mindful of the forks so they wouldn’t fly off the edge. I wanted to ask him what Tucker hadn’t gotten any of and what balls would be blue? Like the gumballs in the little machines by the door? Some of those were blue.
I told him, “I didn’t understand a word she said.”
“Probably for the best,” Harry said and moved to the bar, where a customer was waiting.
So, he was no help.
But maybe I got the idea. People in the movies were always kissing or getting into bed together. I wasn’t sure exactly how it worked. I could probably Google it.
I know Tucker and I slept together in the bed in our house. And I did feel things when I was with him.
I was just…scared. Those emotions were hard to contain. Superman and Lois had an epic fight about relationships. And David Rose and Stevie and Patrick were always mixing it up on the show. Not to mention Alexis and Mutt and then Ted.
These things were complicated. And I had no one to ask. Harry didn’t feel right. Flo was full of advice I didn’t understand. I didn’t talk to the other servers long enough for something so serious.
Maybe I could ask Vinnie. Or bring it up to Tucker. That made the most sense.
I carried the plates to the back. I was getting off work, anyway.
As I put my apron in my cubby and gathered my purse and keys, Flo walked up.
She pulled a magazine from her slot. Flo loved magazines, thick and glossy with inserts that fell out.
She called herself “old school” and said that “no over-hyped influencer” would ever replace the “good ol’ mags. ”
“You need this more than me,” she said, handing me a thick copy of Cosmopolitan. She pointed to the type on the front and read it aloud. “How to figure out the average man.”
Oh! That did sound helpful. “I’ll bring it back,” I told her.
“No matter. I’ve read that one cover to cover. The new one comes out tomorrow.”
I tucked it under my arm. “Thanks.”
“We girls gotta watch out for each other. If that boyfriend of yours wants to stick it in you, you make sure he knows what’s in it for you.”
“I’ll, uh, do that. Thanks.”
I waited until I had crossed First Street, which was wild with cars late afternoon, to open the magazine and look.
The women were so perfect, and their clothes fit so well. The men were attentive, often tripping over themselves in the presence of the ladies. Tucker was like that, just not wearing those outfits.
Something tickled the back of my neck as I meandered down the sidewalk, dodging other walkers and people riding scooters.
I glanced around. This part of the street was always busy. Buses. Long lines of traffic sat impatiently at each light. The exhaust was strong. Maybe I’d turn off early. It was a solid mile walk to my house from here.
I had my magazine to keep me company.
I relaxed as I left the busy street behind.
But then my neck tickled again.
What was causing that?
I stopped abruptly and turned around.
A woman in a long flowy dress walked half a block behind me. I recognized her from the rose video. “Mother?”
She froze, glancing around. “You know who I am?”
“Of course, I do. Geneva Roberts. You ruined my childhood.”
She pressed her hand against her chest. She looked older than in the video I’d seen, her shoulder-length brown hair sparkling gray in the afternoon light. There were lines around her eyes.
I tried to breathe through my alarm. My tattoo flitted through my vision. Mom is bad.
“Why are you following me?” I asked.
“I was—hoping to catch you. I thought you might be working at Big Harry’s again.”
We stood well apart, enough that we had to raise our voices to hear each other. No one walked this part of the neighborhood. The row of houses was silent and still.
“What do you want?” I asked her.
She took a step toward me, but I took a step back. She stopped. “I would never hurt you. You are my only child. The most important thing to me.”
“Right. That’s why you never wanted me to leave.”
She attempted to flash a smile, but I wasn’t fooled.
“Ava, I wanted to ask how your wedding went.”
“You weren’t invited.”
“I know. But I knew of it. Your father posted your engagement in the Houston paper.” She dug through a tattered bag on her elbow and pulled out a clipping. “He seems very proud.”
I had seen the newspaper announcement. Father had showed it to me on one of his visits since the wedding. The image he used of Tucker and me was one I had taken. A color copy of it hung on the wall of the bedroom.
I almost told her the wedding hadn’t happened, but that weird tingle came back, so I stayed silent.
“It didn’t happen, did it?” she asked in a tone that told me she already knew the answer. This was all a ruse.
I turned around and began walking. I should have taken self-defense classes right away. Tucker was supposed to find one.
I’d find a class on my own.
I hurried for two more blocks before I sensed she was still behind me. I was leading her right to my house. I halted and turned around.
Her face was red, and sweat made her hair damp around the edges. Walking fast was hard for her. “I won’t hurt you, Ava.”
“I read all about you.”
“You seem different. Have you lost your memory recently?”
I didn’t want to answer that either, but I felt stuck. I couldn’t walk home. She’d know where I live. Maybe I should go back to Harry’s.
She pressed a tissue to her forehead. “I’m guessing you have. And that’s why the wedding didn’t take place.” She gripped the purse handle with both hands. “I checked the public records. Your marriage certificate was never filed.”
So, she’d checked up on me.
“Please go away.”
“Ava, you’re a grown woman. I have no power over you.”
Not true. “If you hid me away somewhere, stopped me from taking my meds, I would eventually have a seizure and forget where I was supposed to be. You could tell me anything. You were good at that.”
“You always were so very smart,” she said. “I just—I had hoped—”
“Whatever it is you want, I can’t give it to you,” I said. “If I feel safe later, maybe we can have lunch or something. But right now, I’m trying to rebuild my life.”
“I’m so sorry it happened again,” she said. “If you would listen to me, the treatments I found were better.”
“Right, because I had so many fewer seizures with you.” I left the sidewalk and went into the street. I would cross it here and head back toward Harry’s. This wasn’t safe at all.
“When you were growing up, sure.” Her voice took on a pleading tone. “Ava, please listen. You went a long time with no trouble until you ran away. There are studies on what I was doing. It’s a real treatment!”
I didn’t know what she was talking about, and I wouldn’t believe anything she said without asking my father first.
I walked swiftly toward First Street.
“Ava, you have my number on your phone. If you keep struggling, please consider what I have to say.”
I waved her off, hurrying toward the busier street, to people I knew.
She stood in place for as long as I walked. Eventually, I turned a corner, and I couldn’t see her anymore.
When I was far enough away, my belly shook so hard that my teeth chattered. When I got to Harry’s, I didn’t go in, but I sat on a bench, watching for her to emerge from the neighborhood.
She never did.
Eventually, I went in a different direction to home, constantly watching over my shoulder.
I pressed my hand against my hip, over the tattoo, hidden beneath my jeans. I wouldn’t have put it there if I hadn’t meant it.