Chapter 37
Lydia
On Sunday night, I’m finally discharged from the hospital with strict instructions to take it easy for the next few days and to call if anything feels abnormal. Honestly, after seven days in a hospital bed hooked up to fetal monitors, just getting into a car feels abnormal. Not to mention how solicitous Cole has been since the accident. That’s a whole new level of abnormal.
Even though it’s only 8:30 when we arrive home, I tell Cole I’m going to bed and head straight to my room. Having just spent a week in bed, I’m not actually tired, I just need the reprieve from Cole’s constant presence. It’s messing with my mind and giving me false hope that he might actually, on some level, care about me. I keep reminding myself that he’s just worried about the babies, but my stupid heart flip-flops in my chest every time I picture him crying over me outside the ice cream shop.
I take a shower, enjoying the feel of the hot water against my skin after so many days of just taking unsatisfying sponge baths. When I get out, I towel dry my hair and pull my favorite nightshirt over my head. I hear banging in the kitchen and, my curiosity getting the best of me, I venture towards the noise.
As I round the corner to the dimly lit kitchen, I spot Cole kneeling on the floor rummaging through cupboards, a trash bag at his side. My throat dries as I notice that he’s only wearing a pair of boxer shorts. Then as I watch him for a second, I realize what he's doing. He puts a jar of peanut butter into the trash bag, then, a second later, a half-eaten bag of almonds. He reaches all the way into the back of one cupboard, his hand reemerging with a spice jar labeled nutmeg. He studies it for a second, considering, then tosses it in the trash bag with everything else.
“Nutmeg isn’t a nut,” I speak up from my perch in the doorway and he turns, startled. I’m shocked by the haunted look I see on his face, and I realize he’s been putting on a front for me this whole time. He must’ve been really worried about the babies.
“Lydia, I thought you were sleeping.” His voice comes out a croak. He’s been crying. My heart lurches in my chest.
“Cole,” I say, taking a tentative step forward. “It wasn’t your fault what happened. It was just a mistake.” He shuts his eyes and shakes his head.
“I should’ve been more careful. Should’ve never made that mistake. When I think about what could’ve happened…” his voice breaks off and he shakes his head again .
“Cole,” I take another step closer, placing my hands on my protruding stomach, “the babies are fine, okay? Yes, it could’ve been really bad, but you did exactly the right thing giving me my EpiPen. The babies are fine,” I repeat. “The babies are fine.”
Cole’s eyes pop open and land on me, the intensity in them taking me by surprise. “Lyddie,” he whispers, sending tingles down my spine. A second later he’s up off his feet and closing the distance between us. He stops right in front of me, a question in his eyes. Slowly, I nod, because I can’t deny that I want this too. Cole reaches over and tucks a stray hair behind my ear, then lets his hand trail down my cheek until his palm rests along my jawline. He tilts my chin up to him so that our eyes lock, then he bends down and kisses me.
His kiss is soft at first, like he’s cherishing the moment, but then a groan escapes him, and his arms wrap around me, somehow surrounding me despite my size. And now he’s kissing me like he really means it. My body is alive with longing, but as his hands move down along my sides and over my hips, a burst of self-consciousness hits me, and I pull away.
“Lyddie?” He calls me by my pet name again, the sweetness of it rolling over me like sunshine. “Is something wrong? Did I hurt you?” He looks so worried, and he’s so sexy standing there in his boxers, the hard lines of his muscled shoulders begging for me to trail my fingers over them and I-I’m …
“I-I’m so fat,” I stammer, my lower lip wobbling as ridiculous tears threaten.
To Cole’s never-ending credit he doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even crack a smile. Instead, he slowly moves his hands from my hips up over my stomach sending a thrill through me. His eyes are locked on mine as he whispers, “Lyddie, you are growing our babies, and you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”
Now tears spill over my lashes, but Cole just wipes them away with his thumbs and kisses me softly on the cheeks, his tenderness flooring me. I reach up and tentatively run my hands over his shoulders, deciding that maybe I believe what he says. Cole sucks in a breath and then, quite suddenly, he’s scooping me up and carrying me not in the direction of my bedroom, but his.
For the first night since we got married, I fall asleep in bed next to my husband, his hand wrapped protectively around our children. My heart betraying me by having fallen in love with him.