Chapter Fourteen
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
A booted footstep by her head pulled her back to consciousness.
She cringed, fearing the return of the agony that had taken her under. But she felt … nothing. Opening her eyes, she stared at the armored man looming over the healers working on her. Another visitor, and, by the look of his burnished armor, an important one.
She frowned when he brought out an ornate pair of cuffs and fastened them around her wrists. Like she could go anywhere. She didn’t realize that she’d said it aloud, until the man crouched beside her in a disharmonious scrape of metal.
“Everyone wants to go somewhere at the end,” an ice-cold whisper entered her mind.
Her breath caught in recognition at his red irises. “Not me,” she said softly, surprised when her voice worked. Part of her understood why. “I’ve had enough. I’m happy to go.”
Death’s outline went hazy. “Your healers don’t want that.”
She gripped the cuff. “I want to go. There’s nothing waiting for me back there.”
Death looked curious. “How would you know?” His outline blurred once more. After a long look at the healers, he unbuckled the cuff from her. “Perhaps another day.”
“No,” she whispered, but his figure melted into the rain until it was only her and the healers. And the pain when they woke her .
Sarai dressed, utterly devoid of emotion. She didn’t care about the dream. She didn’t care if it was a memory—if so, it was a useless one without a single clue. She stayed wordless on the journey to another bazaar, ignored Kadra’s searching glances, and sat through a dozen trials, then a dozen more. She didn’t care about any of it. She had nothing.
After the Fall, she’d woken to a team of healers putting her back together, and a few vigiles she’d believed equally interested in her welfare. Fury, pain, fear, she’d cycled through it all, but the vigiles had promised that her assailant would pay. Until the third day.
They’d suddenly stopped allowing her food. The queries directed at her had grown blunt.
“Look, we don’t care how many you slept with, but this matter could besmirch the Academiae’s reputation so we’d like it settled. Did anyone push you off? Or did you jump?”
“ Why would I jump?” Her voice had quavered.
He snorted. “A life like yours, on your back for everyone. Who wouldn’t jump? Who were you involved with? Why is he paying for your recovery?”
“Who’s paying for my recovery?” she’d asked only to be met with silence.
That day, the investigation had ended, and she’d been thrown on a wagon back to Arsamea. Had the plan she’d concocted back then worked, she’d have saved coin after coin, entered the Academiae at the likely age of thirty, spent four years training as a Petitor. And found that her records were gone. Playing by the system had gotten her nothing . The best part was that if it weren’t for her damned attacker having moved on to killing Petitors, she wouldn’t have gotten here this quickly. Life was a joke.
The climbing sun marked noon. She rubbed her aching temples, debating asking a vigile for a drink of water. To her left, Kadra’s eyes narrowed at the motion, lingering upon her features. After delivering his verdict, he raised a hand.
“We’re done,” he announced to the crowd, who groaned their dis-appointment .
She’d started packing when a sweat-streaked vigile shoved past her to bow before Kadra.
“I’ve just gotten word,” he gasped. “It’s Metals Guildmaster Helvus.”
She rubbed at where the vigile’s elbow had dug into her side. If only Kadra’s admirers had a fraction of regard for her. Feeling empty, she finished the judgment, squeezed through the crowd, and leaned against Caelum, wondering if it was fate or choice that she always ended up on the outside looking in.
It was a problem Kadra wouldn’t understand. His constituents adored him, and his vigiles clustered around him like a wolf pack daily. She couldn’t even mock their loyalty when she’d felt that icy strength. He radiated a charisma devoid of emotion that could still suck anyone into his orbit. People wanted Kadra as their leader. What right did she have to suspect him when her only proof of his evil was a half-formed memory from the same mind that had conjured her meeting with Death himself?
“Sarai.” The word, perfectly formed, brushed the back of her neck.
She started, clutching handfuls of Caelum’s mane. The horse gave her a baleful look as she spun to face Kadra.
“What?” she muttered. Wisdom and Wrath. To hear her name in that voice was enough to drive a Saint to lust.
“We’ve an incident at Decimus’s. I’ll need you.”
Truth. “I wouldn’t have thought you’d need anyone, Tetrarch Kadra. Least of all, me. Over a month ago, you were contesting my appointment at the Aequitas.”
“And we’ve been bound ever since.”
“Right,” she scoffed, trying to clip her bag to the saddle. “Bound to a Petitor all of Ur Dinyé knows you didn’t want.”
A breath. Then, his arms bracketed her, taking the saddlebag and buckling it in place. The air filled with the scent of oranges and road dust, ink and crisp parchment.
“I didn’t want a Petitor,” he said slowly, and the words didn’t cut. Not when she’d already lost so much. “I wanted you. ”
Her numb shield fractured. Trapped between a horse and a man whose very being seemed to be granite, she swallowed a thousand variations of the same question and nodded.
“If you say so.”
Kadra’s brow creased, sharp eyes staying on her for a long moment before he got on his mount. She followed him onto the road, the question reverberating with every hoofbeat. Why?
Dismounting at Decimus’s home, Sarai took in the scene with wary eyes. The dilapidated but cozy domus she remembered was in shambles. The front door had met a quick death at someone’s boot, the nameplate wrenched off. Half the roof tiles were shattered. She counted the horses tethered around the perimeter with disquiet. Five visitors.
“What happened here?”
“My people have been monitoring Decimus since our visit.” Kadra secured their mounts.
“To see if he was in danger, or see if he was dangerous?”
“Both. Initially, he showed no sign of either.”
A crash sounded from within the home. She jumped, realization dawning. Despite Jovian’s death five months ago, no one had sought to harm Decimus. Trouble wouldn’t have come to him without being prompted.
Dread gripped her. “What did he do?”
“Got deep in his cups and accused the Metals Guild of murder,” he said dryly, looking amused when she cursed. “They’ll have found a pretext to make him regret it. Our presence will limit the damage.”
Shit. They didn’t even have a petition. She raked a hand through her knotted braid. “So what you’re saying is that our powers are limited.”
The look he gave her was equal parts sardonic and grim. “The law says so.”
At the sound of a scream within, she exchanged a look with Kadra and darted inside. The house was in disarray, the furniture sliced and shattered in an ugly show of temper. She’d believed nothing could top Marus’s drunken rampages, but this was far worse.
A Guildsman in the middle of smashing a vase sighted them and sneered. “Looks like you’ve friends in high places, Decimus.”
Kneeling by another Guildsman’s feet, a bruised Decimus lifted his head, features ravaged by tears. “Tetrarch Kadra,” he sobbed.
“Tetrarch Kadra,” a familiar voice echoed. Leaning against a wall, Helvus raised a hand covered in rings, at least ten necklaces glowing around his neck.
“Helvus.” A cold gleam lit Kadra’s eyes. “I heard you were harassing a citizen.”
“Of course not.” Helvus didn’t sound fazed. “This is a misunderstanding. Decimus, here, has misunderstood his rights. We’re rectifying the issue.”
“What sort of misunderstanding involves destroying his home to rectify it?” she demanded.
Helvus raised an eyebrow. “Not the girl who told you off before the Aequitas. Tetrarch Kadra, you’re more forgiving than I thought, letting her putter about.”
“Am I?” Kadra’s smile had every hair on her body rising on end.
“Well, she’s living with you.” Helvus whistled. “I suppose we all have our preferences .”
Kadra gave her a cursory glance as if just registering her gender, and something in her chest crumpled. “Some of us more than others.”
She deflated, numbness creeping back in. Of course he doesn’t care . She hadn’t expected anything. He was ice through and through. But today, her veneer of stability was thin. There was an abyss below her feet, and she was clinging to the precipice. Because none of it mattered. She spent over fifteen hours every damned day delivering a one-woman performance of a competent Petitor only for people like this embodiment of greed to treat her as if she were still a tunnel rat .
Time slowed as she took in Decimus’s crumpled form, pleading for mercy within the ruins of his home, because the law allowed everything but justice. And she stopped caring.
She faced Helvus. “If you’re operating within Decimus’s rights, then you shouldn’t have any trouble telling us why you’re here.”
“Have you never seen a bankruptcy proceeding?” Helvus chuckled. “Perfectly legal.”
“On what basis?”
“It recently came to my attention that the dearly departed brother of our Decimus here owed my men a little sum. We’re taking the house in repayment.”
Every word was a harsh jangle of sound. “Did it come to your attention before or after Decimus made accusations of murder in a tavern?”
He smirked. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Another discordant burst in her chest. “And I know that you’re lying. Do you have any proof of this ‘debt’? Anything beyond your word?”
Helvus gave her an incredulous look before turning to Kadra. “Can you please inform your Petitor that she’s interfering with my legal rights?”
“You don’t have any,” she snapped. “Jovian never owed you anything.”
Helvus sighed. “Please tell your Petitor that this isn’t a trial and that she can’t Examine citizens at will.”
She turned to Kadra whose gaze had remained trained on her throughout, a line forming between his eyebrows. “Please inform the Guildmaster that a Petitor isn’t limited to Examining only during trial, and that he doesn’t need to wear every ring he owns. It’s an eyesore.”
Helvus’s lips thinned. “Examine all you want, but it’s a waste of magic. There’s no petition here, is there, Decimus?” Wrenching him to his feet by the back of his tunic, he slung an arm around the cowering man. Her heart sank when Decimus shook his head.
Helvus shot her a triumphant grin. “Your services aren’t required. Decimus knows he owes me. ”
A crash sounded from the vicinity of Jovian’s study, and Decimus sobbed harder.
“The house is yours,” he said between gasps. “Please stop destroying it.”
“There we are.” Helvus rubbed his hands together. “Now, that is a binding business agreement. Tetrarch Kadra, my men, to whom the debt was owed, have the documents, if you’d be so kind as to witness them.”
She knew it was foolish. This wasn’t a house of debt-slaves Kadra could sneak into and spray with blood. It was midday. They were up against four Guildsmen and a Guildmaster, and had no grounds for interference as Decimus hadn’t asked for help. But she still turned to Kadra with a silent plea.
His severe expression seemed to soften before he gave an imperceptible shake of his head. Then he vanished into the study, leaving her with a supremely smug Helvus.
He considered her for a moment. “I think I like you.” Stepping closer, he gripped her chin, looking annoyed at her flinch. “Stay put. Let me see. Yes, I think you’ll do quite well.”
Goosebumps pebbled her skin at his touch, the hairs on the back of her neck rising to attention. “The feeling isn’t mutual.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” His grip tightened. She forced back a shudder. “Let me make this easier.”
His other hand slid into her pocket. Weight settled, coins clinking as he withdrew.
She froze at the handful of gold aurei he’d given her. “I don’t want this.”
“You can quibble over the amount later. You’ve a mouth on you, but I’ll let it pass, seeing as you’re new. You’ve got something to prove. Good. There are a few cases coming up that I need taken care of. Do well, and I’ll give you more.”
She stared at his weak chin, shrewd eyes, at the absence of anything resembling humanity on his face. This man could have butchered Jovian and Livia, and thrown her from Sidran Tower. Was this how the deal for their lives had been made? A few coins and everyone had looked the other way? Her records ash, her vengeance hopeless. Because a man with power had decided that her life didn’t matter.
Her rage boiled over. The locks to the cage in her head sprung open. I’d just like to give , she’d told Kadra her first night in Edessa. But she’d been wrong. The only people who thrived were those who took . She glanced at her shaking hands. Then I can take too.
She gave Helvus a brilliant smile. “Why not?”
“I knew we could come to an agreement.” His voice slickened. “I have to say your performance for Tetrarch Kadra was something.”
“Well, I perform every day.” She laughed. Her voice hardened. “Let me show you.”
She gripped the hand on her shoulder and wrenched it sideways. Before Helvus could yelp, she pressed his face into a torn cushion and gripped his head. One heartbeat and she stuck her thumb on the edge of a broken vase. Another and she wiped it over herar .
Then, she plunged into his head.
Opening her eyes to a meticulously organized library, she grinned. Why, thank you, Helvus. Sifting through tomes from five months past, she pulled out one simply titled “Jovian.” The world dissolved.
He could never get used to seeing these corpses shatter. Helvus picked his teeth in front of Sidran Tower, watching rain sweep away the blood leaking from Jovian’s body.
“Pack him up.”
The two goons who’d volunteered shuffled forward, looking frightened. At his impatient glare, they wrapped the corpse in sackcloth, then stood there, fidgeting.
“Are you waiting for me to carry it?” he demanded. “You wanted to be trusted. This is a crucial task. We’ll have others like it, and I’ll enlist better people if you’re incapable.”
After much gagging, the fools hefted the body between them. Thunder rumbled, and one of them cast an apprehensive look at the sky .
“We’re fine. They’ll ensure it.” He held the door open for the men to enter Sidran Tower, leading them toward the broom closet on the first floor. Squeezing inside, he prized open the trapdoor that supposedly led to the cellar.
“Seventeen steps to the bottom, so count carefully,” he warned.
Angling, the body downward, the men descended, counting in whispers. He shut the trapdoor behind him. An hour later they emerged in an alley outside the Academiae with no vigile or magus the wiser.
“Bury the body under a few bookcases. Be quiet about it, so the brother doesn’t wake.”
“Guildmaster,” one of the goons stammered. “How does this help the Guild?”
“Anything that threatens the scuta threatens us and threatens our clients.”
The men nodded, evidently not understanding. Pity, but he’d still have to kill them. He wiped his hands. One night and three bodies.
She withdrew from Helvus’s head with a gasp. I knew it.
Her fingers trembled violently, the memory of Jovian splattered across the cobblestones as vivid as Helvus’s assertion. Anything that threatens the scuta threatens us and threatens our clients. The scuta that made no sense, the Metals Guild that manufactured them, Helvus staging the suicides of Petitors, and his mysterious clients. They’re the killers.
“You fucking bitch!” Helvus roared.
She stepped back in time to dodge his wide swing, right as the study door burst open. Kadra stalked out, eyes going to her.
Helvus pointed at him, breathing hard. “I won’t let this go. She dared—you dared to Probe me.” His finger stabbed the air by her face. “Make no mistake, I’m bringing a petition. You’re going to the mines, you northern, ill-bred—”
“Guildmaster Helvus, I don’t know what you mean.” Sarai’s face was a picture of distress. “I only caught you when you tripped, so your head wouldn’t hit the floor. Probing without consent is a serious accusation.” She turned to the Guildsmen, all of who’d been in the study. “Did any of you see me Probe him?” she asked earnestly.
They looked stupefied. She let the silence linger, watching Helvus turn more purple than his robes. She had to stop him from bringing a petition. She was doomed if she was Examined.
“See? You’ve no proof.” She feigned indignance. Dropping her voice for his ears alone, she added, “So how many Petitors’ corpses have you smuggled out via Sidran Tower?”
He froze. She fought a laugh. Reaching into her pockets, she emptied out the coin he’d offered. It clattered on the floor, where his men eyed it eagerly.
“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need this. Perhaps your men do.” She smiled pleasantly. “Now, about this house, Guildmaster, is there any way we can change your mind?”
“You’re playing a dangerous game,” Helvus hissed.
“I’m actually hoping for a binding business agreement,” she quoted. “What do think of forgiving the debt? It would do wonders for your reputation. Helvus the Benevolent.” She spoke quietly. “Helvus the Petitor-Killer.”
He paled. “You don’t know what you’ve done. You think that knowledge gives you power? It’s killed better people than you. Now you’re next.”
He stormed out, yelling for his Guildsmen to follow. The men stared at the aurei on the floor and each other. In a few seconds, both were gone.
Her strength drained out, leaving only bone-deep awareness of what she’d done. Gods save me . This was why she’d locked up her rage. There was always a cost to unleashing it.
Numb, she endured Decimus’s gratitude, refusing when he offered her Jovian’s scutum in recompense. “I couldn’t, your brother must have waited months for this.”
A long while later, she excused herself to head outside. Untethering Caelum, she realized she was shaking. To enter the sanctum of another’s head was a dangerous talent that demanded prudence. Its abuse carried severe punishment. If Helvus brought a petition—which he still might—she’d go to the mines. I really fucked up.
Quiet footsteps drew close. She hadn’t been able to face Kadra since his reappearance from the study. Now, she had no choice. Turning, she stared at the ground, silent.
She spoke first. “I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t have any excuses. And, believe me, I’m aware of what I’m facing.” She squared her shoulders. “If you’re going to dismiss me from office before Helvus brings a petition, I don’t blame you.”
“Why would I do that when you’re doing so well?”
Truth. She finally looked at him. His hard face didn’t look the least bit angry. “I dug into Helvus’s head against his will!”
“Unorthodox, but I’m the last person who’d take issue with you flouting the law.”
“This isn’t breaking out debt-slaves! I abused my power!”
“Or should it always have been used this way?” He tipped his head toward a tearful Decimus in the doorway. “Would Helvus have listened if you’d asked nicely?”
She recognized the echo of her own retort to Cisuré after Harion’s assault. So you were listening . “If everyone did as I just did—” She broke off with a sound of frustration, realizing he had her cornered. “Damn it, Kadra!”
“ There you are.” Triumph laced the gravel of his voice.
She stared as lines crinkled at the corners of his eyes, cruelty vanishing in favor of what looked startlingly like delight. Kadra had always been stunning to her in the way of an Arsamean wolf, and just as dangerous. But this man was devastating.
“This is why I chose you.” He was so close; she could see the splash of ink on his jaw. “ This is who I saw at the Robing.”
“Someone with more anger than brains? ”
“Someone who could tear down a country.”
She withdrew. “It all comes back to what I can do for you, doesn’t it? Well, Kadra, I’m inches from being sent to the mines. That’s what trying to tear anything down gets you.”
“You won’t.” From his lips, it was a foregone conclusion.
“I just saw Helvus and his men drag Jovian through a passage in Sidran Tower! He’s up to his eyes in the Petitor murders. Even you might be out of your league.”
Kadra didn’t look surprised. “Helvus is powerful. So am I.”
“Is that what I’m supposed to do?” she asked bitterly. “Hide behind powerful men?”
“Use me.” His voice was hypnotic. “I’ll shield you.”
Her heart hummed fiercely. “Why?”
He spoke with quiet gravity. “You have power here too. Use mine until you find yours. Give everyone no choice but to hear you.”
She couldn’t help laughing. “That must be so easy for a man to say. Powerful people like you have always made people like me lace ourselves into subservient personalities in order to survive. Then you blame us when they become a second skin.”
“I’m not blaming you.” The words caressed her cheek, prompting an involuntary shiver. “I’m saying that there is nothing wrong with your rage. And I will stand behind you when you choose to exercise it.”
Stunned, she searched for words and failed. Something dangerous and powerful beat in her chest, a trapped bird begging to be set free. She’d yearned to hear those words for eighteen wretched years.
Her breath wreathed her face in shaky exhales. “Does this mean I’m choosing you?”
His smile widened. “Not unless you say so.”
Inches from his too-hard, cruel face, she realized she wasn’t as stoic as she’d thought. Arsamea had frozen her emotions, but this city and this man made them blaze, and she yearned to knot her hands in his black hair and pull him to her and grit out that he haunted her head, had stalked her nightmares, and that she’d do anything to know who he was, so she could decide whether to rip his heart out of his chest or give him hers.
Instead, she held out her hand and watched his larger one enclose it. “You have a deal.”