Chapter 10
Astrid
I sobbed as I stared at my reflection in the toilets. No amount of tissue was going to sort the panda eyes I currently had going on. I knew I couldn’t handle my drink, but a part of me knew that I wasn’t setting off the waterworks just because of that. It was the sudden realisation that Theo and I weren’t fixable. If we couldn’t even complete the first task of couples counselling, what hope did we have left? I knew I could be a bitch, I egged him on and crawled under his skin. But I just couldn’t stop myself. He infuriated me so much to the point that it wasn’t even funny, I wanted him to feel what I felt. We were world’s away from the people we used to be, and it was such a tough pill to swallow. When you’re young you think you’re invincible, immune to disease and heartbreak. Where every inch of your world is coated in rose-tinted lenses and opportunism. That’s what makes becoming an adult feel like a crushing blow, when the glasses are torn off and you’re yanked away from the fabrication of innocence and colour, left with nothing but greyscale. I sometimes wondered whether I was scared to lose Theo or just scared of being alone, but as I sit here, sniveling into the sink, I realise that it’s both.
“Are you okay sweetheart?” a small, kind voice asks from the toilet stall behind me. Normally, this would creep me out and cause me to bolt straight for the door, but as it opens, I’m greeted with an older lady. She couldn’t be any older than seventy. Her hair is Silver and cropped and she’s wearing a beautiful Teal cocktail dress with matching heels. Her sympathetic smile reaches her eyes as she hands me another tissue.
“Thank you so much.” I whisper, blowing my nose and not even worrying about the disgusting sound.
“Not had a very good night?” she says gently.
Letting out a defeated laugh, I reply, “I guess you could say that.”
“Penny for your thoughts?,” she asks, whipping out a humbug sweet. “I didn’t have a penny to offer you, this is all I have I’m afraid.”
I smile, taking the sweet from her palm and popping it into my mouth, before awkwardly chuckling, “How long do you have?”
“Oh trust me.” She chirps, ushering me to sit down on the tub sofa, (yes, these toilets were fancy, fancy), “I have all the time in the world.”
◆◆ ◆
“He just doesn’t understand me anymore and I don’t even think he wants to.” I said, dramatically flaring my arms about, something I’m incapable of stopping when I’m telling a story.
We must have easily been sat chatting for the past 30 minutes. I thought we’d receive judgmental daggers from anyone coming and going from the toilet, but if anything, they either seemed to completely ignore us, as if toilet therapy sessions were just the norm, or they’d give me sympathetic smiles and ask if I was okay. I was aware by the continuous buzzing of my phone that Theo was trying to get hold of me, but we were in deep conversation and honestly, I didn’t feel like talking to him right now.
“It sounds like he needs to start looking at things from your perspective,” the old lady, who I now knew was called Darla, adds.
“Exactly!” I shout a bit too enthusiastically.
“He needs a taste of what it’s like to be you.”
“Definitely.” I agree, “And I bet he wouldn’t last a day either.”
“Hmm,” Darla nods, her face morphing into a look I can’t quite describe. One that admittedly, is starting to make me feel a little uneasy. I mean, I’ve literally just shared my entire relationship timeline and struggles with a complete stranger.
However, that feeling is quickly squashed by the interruption of a very drunk Welsh woman, barging her way into the toilets and shouting “Astrid?! Is anyone in here called ASTRID?”
Frowning, I raise a limp arm. “Uh, I’m Astrid?”
Her face lights up like a Christmas tree, “AHA! Someone out there called Theo is looking for you.” She swallows, as if she’s about to throw up, “And he doesn’t look too pleased. If you’re his girlfriend, God help you love.”
Just brilliant. I knew I’d have to face the music at some point though. Although Giovanni’s was in our hometown, it was on the outskirts, meaning unless you wanted to run the risk of insane muscle cramps and blisters, you’d have to drive there. There were no Ubers around this area and Theo was my lift, I quite literally had no other choice.
Slapping my thighs ready to stand up, I say, “Well, it was lovely to meet you Darla, but my fate awaits.” I nudge my head towards the door and puff out an exhausted breath.
Before I can open the door, she puts out a hand to stop me. My chest constricts and my stomach tightens, not knowing what she’s going to do next.
“Just tell me this Astrid.” she says, licking the dryness from her lips, “Do you sometimes wish you could get inside his head, to see yourself, the way he sees you, to try and encourage him to be a better person, the person you need him to be?”
I shrug, trying to divert my eyes away from her intense gaze, “I mean…sometimes, I guess.”
Still clinging on firmly to the door, she adds, “Do you think it would be worth it? If it meant you could learn from one another and get your relationship back on track?”
Edging forward now to grab the door and save myself from this evidently crazy lady, I reply, “Uh- he’s probably getting worried about me now. I should really get goi-”
“ Yes or no?” she responds sharply, her eyebrows creasing like an angry owl in the night.
“Fine, yes! Yes I guess hypothetically, it would be worth it if it meant we could make things work again.”
Finally letting go of the door and causing it to dramatically swing open, she bores her eyes onto mine with a tone that evokes the sharpest chill down my spine, “Then consider it done.”