Chapter 22
Max was waiting on the patio when they got back, huddled under the string lights with Uyu. Bundled up in his grubby hoodie, he'd wrapped himself and the dog in an additional layer of blankets filched from the Langley House linen closet. Fuzzy socks and scuffed blue slides completed the ensemble.
“Don't go in,” he warned. “Eric showed up an hour ago.”
Namgyu took the puppy from him. “Which Eric? Ha, they're so hard to keep track of, I don't know how anybody does it.”
“Vanilla.”
“Great, the first one. He's worse than every other Eric.” This was significant coming from Kei, the world's most ardent devotee of vanilla as a flavor. “He's even worse than Creepy Eric and Professor Eric combined.”
“He wants to see you next, Zu.”
“What? Why? I haven't done anything!”
“Well, somebody fucking did. There was a leak today. Prism’s losing it. And you're supposed to be leader, so Eric’s asking for you.”
“A leak? Is it from the show?”
“Yeah.” Max shifted uncomfortably in his lawn chair. He glanced at Eunjae for a second, then chose to focus on the fire pit, where a few embers still smoldered. “Sorry, hyung.”
“Sorry for what?”
Kei consulted the Internet and came up with a grainy clip of Max at the diner, stepping in so that Jiyeon wouldn't be trampled by an overenthusiastic Arthur.
“Our knight in shining armor, Max Lee,” he read out loud.
Then he was too busy rolling his eyes to get through the rest of the caption, so they crowded around to see for themselves.
“It doesn't show Jiyeon's face,” said Kazu.
“Doesn't matter. Look at the comments, everybody's saying it's Emma Han. Something about the way she did her hair.”
“People have known about her being here since the first week. It's not like Prism wanted it to be a secret.”
Kei sighed out of exasperation. “Again, doesn't matter. This video proves that she spends at least some time with us on set. They didn't want her on camera for this exact reason. Look at the fans flipping out.”
He was right. The situation could very well deteriorate from here.
But what Eunjae found most concerning about the footage was the angle from which it was filmed.
Only Max was recognizable, the video cropped to reveal just the back of Jiyeon's head and half of Arthur's suit jacket, but you couldn't get that angle without standing in a certain spot.
It was filmed from behind and to the right of Apollo, toward the back of the group.
And this was worth investigating, but Eunjae didn't have the energy just then.
It had been such an endless day. Exhausted, heavy-hearted, all he wanted was ten uninterrupted minutes in the shower and another five minutes to reply to Jiyeon's messages.
He'd tell her goodnight even though she wouldn't see it for hours.
Then he'd try and get some sleep himself.
Maybe the morning would bring a miracle, or at least a measure of clarity.
But their one and only bathroom was occupied, of course, and although it was Eunjae’s night to take a twin bed in the loft, Jesse had beaten him to it.
He was up there snoring, dead to the world.
Nicky slept in the other bed and it was Jungwoo's turn in the master.
At this rate, any remaining bunks would be outside, on the lawn.
But with Eric and Kazu in the living room, even the sleeping bags were off limits.
Bad timing. Bad luck, bad news, bad everything.
Eunjae backtracked out of the tiny cottage, which now felt more claustrophobic than ever.
He let the door shut with a bang. Then he closed his eyes, sagging against a brick wall long since leached of any warmth.
Three weeks in and he was ready to call it quits. November and freedom seemed eons away.
But it wasn't freedom, right? That was an illusion. Their time here would end and Apollo would sign with Zenith, a two-year contract, maybe three. How many similar situations waited down the line? This mess with Ezra, and having to hide his relationship with Jiyeon — those problems wouldn’t mend on their own.
Time might heal some damage, but not all of it.
“Hyung. You okay?”
Eunjae opened his eyes to find Max staring at him, mouth pinched with worry.
Namgyu watched from a few paces away, Uyu curled up in his arms, while Kei scrolled social media with an air of disinterest. He was listening, though.
They all heard it when Eunjae said no, he wasn’t okay, not really.
His brother hated him, his parents were irresponsible, and Eunjae was just as bad, because why hadn’t he done a better job with Ezra?
If he hadn’t tried to run away from his audition back then, Vivian wouldn’t have gotten fired.
Ezra would’ve had her in his life. He wouldn’t think she was a terrible person who— no, that was too difficult to say, he couldn’t repeat it.
But what if he’d fought back? He never fought Leila, he just sat around being useless.
Useless, that was the word. A great word for how Eunjae felt right now.
And it was Friday, and Friday was date night, and he’d failed every date night for the past three weeks.
It was a deluge of words. He could’ve kept going, but it hurt too much. And then Eunjae wondered if there was any point to saying more, or saying anything, period. These were his problems. Why force them on his brothers? Why upset the dog? She whimpered, sensing his distress.
“Shit,” said Max. “Okay. You want ice cream?”
Kei lowered his phone. “Ice cream? Are you serious? It’s 10:45.”
“We need car keys. Hang on, I bet Nicky stole some—”
“Ha! Ice cream, that’s such a good idea.
Ice cream fixes a lot of things. We can all go tomorrow!
Everybody can feel better. Doesn’t everybody just want to feel better?
” Namgyu returned the dog to Max, giving her one last good scratch behind the ears.
“Let’s do this, guys. New plan! You two go inside and tell Zuzu it’s past your bedtime.
I’ll stay with Ari. We’ll go take a walk. ”
This announcement sent Kei reeling out of his chair. His voice ratcheted upward, bordering on shrill. “A walk? To where? Right now? It’s pitch black out here! And neither of you has any sense of direction! Ari couldn't find the airport and ended up living with strangers for two weeks!”
“Phew! Take a deep breath. Nobody’s going to the airport! Gosh, that’s so far away, why would we go there? We can just walk around until Ari isn’t so sad anymore. You know Jaehwan-hyung always says taking a walk is a good idea.”
“He says that when he's mad! ‘Take a walk, Max!’ is just code for ‘Go away before I wring your neck, Max!’ and everybody knows it!”
“Wow, what the fuck? He’s told your ass to take a walk, too. Hyung’s told you that a million times. Why am I the example?”
Kei ignored him, gesturing wildly at the night in general. “Take a walk? At this hour, in a weird town, in a foreign country—”
“Aww, it's not even a foreign country for Ari. This is his country now, he's moving here. It’s home.” Namgyu grinned. “I've got this. No more tears! Big Brother Hong is here!”
“Who taught you how to say that in English?” Kei exclaimed.
Max went back for his blanket. “I’m going with you. Walking is stupid, we can just borrow one of the vans. It’s freezing out here.”
“Aww! It’s not that cold, I think it feels nice!”
“Respectfully,” said Max, “you’d be wearing shorts in hell, hyung.”
“Ha! That’s so true!”
“It’s not true. Gyu would never end up in hell.”
Max shot him the most withering glare. “It was a goddamn joke, Keiichi. But don’t worry, because I’ll explain it to you when we’re both in hell, I’ll even talk slow so you’ll get what I’m saying—”
“Go ahead and explain it now. Aren’t we in hell? This is hell for me! I hate it here!” Kei turned to Namgyu. “You can’t take Ari and go walking around in the damn countryside. That’s insane. You’re being insane, okay?”
A light flared up in Namgyu’s eyes. Grabbing both younger brothers, he said, “You’re being insane, Namgyu-hyung. Walking is stupid, Namgyu-hyung. But that’s okay, Namgyu-hyung. You’re my big brother and I’ll listen to you, Namgyu-hyung.”
“Oh, shit,” muttered Max, because they’d done it now. This was not a brother who pulled rank very often. When he did, you were screwed.
Eunjae berated himself for not agreeing to the walk as soon as it was suggested. “You’re my big brother and I’ll listen to you, Namgyu-hyung.”
“Ha!”
“I’m sorry, Namgyu-hyung.”
“What for? Silliest thing you’ve ever said.”
Eunjae prodded the other two with his foot until they got the hint. This resulted in the weariest, most begrudging sigh he’d ever heard, but Kei broke first. He mumbled, “You’re my big brother and I’ll listen to you, Namgyu-hyung.”
“There we go. And what about our knight in shining armor, Lee Seojin?”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re my big brother and I’ll shut up now, Namgyu-hyung. Go take a goddamn stupid walk, Namgyu-hyung.”
“Aww! See, that wasn’t very hard. I knew you could do it. Gosh, I’m so lucky. I have the best baby brothers ever.” He took Eunjae by the shoulders. “Anyway! Ready?”
“Ah, yeah. I’m ready.”
Max and Kei shuffled indoors. There was some grumbling about serial killers potentially lurking beyond the property’s walls, but the matter was settled, and Namgyu had won. “Goodnight!” he called after them. “Love you so much!”
They set off toward the tennis court. The grounds were cloaked in deep blue shadow.
Soon, some of these trees would be bare, the roses withered by frost. Eunjae imagined the house’s grand facade hung with holiday lights.
Time kept flowing, whether it did so at a trickle or swept through like a riptide, dragging him under.
Where would he be, when the season turned again?
What else would change? In the stillness, his thoughts were much too loud.
He looked to Langley House just once. Simultaneously comforted and concerned by the dim glow of Jiyeon's window on the second floor, Eunjae hoped the day’s troubles weren’t keeping her awake. But he didn’t send a message; he kept going, letting his brother steer the course.
Namgyu hummed a ballad as they walked. He didn't speak again until they came to the property’s edge, Monroe slumbering in the valley below.
“You’ll listen to what he said, right?”
The only brother he’s got is me! Just me, but he doesn’t even care!
Eunjae swallowed hard, throat aching. “You mean what Ezra said, hyung?”
It’s all because of you, you, you.
“Aww, no. I already knew you were listening to him. But did you hear your dad when he said this isn't your fault?” Namgyu reached over to ruffle his hair. “Make sure you listen, okay? Because it isn't your fault. Everything can't be your fault, Ari. That's a lot.”
The world went blurry. “Yeah. It is a lot.”
“I know it’s rough right now, but guess what? It’s never that way forever. The bad stuff comes and goes.” Again, the weight of Namgyu’s arm around his shoulders, warm and reassuring. “When it’s over, everything good is still right here.”