Chapter Fourteen
landon
After we returned to the house, everyone went to their rooms. I opened the refrigerator to grab a water bottle.
“You hungry?” Janae asked from behind me.
“I thought you went upstairs,” I commented, bracing myself against temptation before I closed the door. She’d changed into a white T-shirt and black shorts, and her hair was brushed back in a ponytail. She looked like the high school cheerleader she’d probably once been.
“I can cook you something quick,” she offered.
“I don’t eat this late or this early.” I twisted off the top of my water, and she pushed up and sat on the kitchen island across from me. “You’re not sleepy? You did a lot today.”
“I get wired when I perform. Takes me a while to calm down. You don’t seem sleepy either.”
I shrugged. “Not comfortable yet in the house.” I really wanted to say that it was hard for me to relax knowing that we were under the same roof.
“So, what do you suggest we do?” She smiled.
“Not that,” I answered.
Janae giggled. “Ain’t nobody checking for you.”
I took a big gulp of water to avoid saying something that would probably get me slapped.
“I was surprised to see you at Café Negril.” Her eyes were bright and expectant.
“You’re meant to perform.” I tilted my bottle toward her. “I couldn’t look away.”
The smile on her face was pure sunshine for those lucky enough to see her entertain. This was the way she’d told me she wanted to perform that night when we were under the stars. She held the small crowd captive, and we were all trapped in her seductive web.
“It was so freeing to get on that stage and know I could get a random group of people to sing with me. They didn’t expect to see me, and I didn’t know I would perform, yet tonight was perfect. Maybe I’m not as hated as I believed.”
“You were clean and you still owned the stage. That was the best part.” I finished my water and threw it in the trash. I belatedly realized that I should’ve kept the bottle to have something in my hand before I did something crazy, like grab her. I pulled my pick out of my pocket and held it like I planned to play my guitar.
She stuck her tongue out at me. “I don’t know if I’m annoyed or not that you keep mentioning that.”
“Do you want me to be your moral compass or not? I didn’t ask for the role, remember?”
“I also thought we were becoming friends.” She reached for my wrist and pulled me between her legs, firmly placing my arms around her waist. “It feels like you’re still putting distance between us.”
“Kinda have to so we can be friends. I can’t afford to fall for you.” My gaze drifted to her mouth.
Janae smiled wider. “Why?”
“You know why,” I replied, dragging my attention back to her alluring brown eyes.
She slipped her hand under my shirt and touched my abs, and I subconsciously recoiled.
Her forehead wrinkled, and she removed it. “Sorry. Guess you really don’t like me like that. Friends it is.”
I’d hurt her, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. I entwined our hands without thought. “Sorry. I do like you. More than I want to, and you know that. We wouldn’t have spent hours on the phone this last month when I really hate talking if I didn’t like you. I’m not used to sudden touches.”
“Why? I noticed you flinched when I touched you the last time that we were together.” She seemed more curious than bothered.
“More of a loner,” I answered. The longer answer was that it’d been months since I’d had sex, and I had always felt some discomfort with people touching me.
She nodded as she opened my hand gently and touched my palm. “Your skin is rough.”
“Hazard of being a guitar player. Callouses are a badge of honor.”
Janae traced my palm with her finger. “Still, I bet if I oiled your hands every night, it would feel smoother.”
The touch of her finger on my hand while her eyes flirted with me was so erotic that my pants tightened. “So damn distracting.”
“That’s the point.” She lowered her head to press her lips slowly on my palm. “Did I tell you that the guitar is my favorite instrument, too? Maybe you can teach me how to play. Like stand behind me, with your arms around me, and guide me.”
My words were caught in my throat at the brush of her lips. I shook my head. This woman would destroy me. Time seemed to stand still as lust darkened her eyes.
She kissed my hand again. “You have nice, long fingers. The way they glide across those strings.” Janae’s lips curved into a wicked smile. “Tell me, Landon, do you fuck as good as you look?”
We heard footsteps on the stairs before I could answer in the affirmative, my willpower gone. Grateful for the intrusion, I moved away from Janae. “I better go.”
She hopped down. “Think I’ll catch the trolley. I can’t sleep.”
I gripped her wrist. “Not alone and not wearing that. It’s four in the morning.”
“I haven’t seen my father in forever, and you’re not my man.” She dared me with her pretty eyes and twisted her wrist from my hand. “Bye.”
Brian walked into the kitchen. “Am I interrupting something?”
Janae didn’t break her gaze from mine. “Nope. I can’t sleep, so I’m catching the streetcar.”
He rubbed his hands together. “I’m down. Let’s go.”
“See, Landon? I won’t be alone. You can sleep peacefully knowing I’m with Brian.” She wrapped her arm around Brian’s. “I’ve been waiting to do this.”
I watched them walk out the front door with smiles on their faces, my jaw tight. That could’ve been me and her. I punched the air. Why couldn’t I just relax? If I fell for her, I fell.
I paced in the kitchen, trying to figure out what to do next. What if she became interested in Brian, who was friendly and… and… normal? Sleep wasn’t going to happen until they came back home. I headed to my suite and grabbed my guitar.
When they returned about forty minutes later, laughing about some joke Brian had told, I played my acoustic guitar on the winding steps leading to the front door. Brian nodded at me as he walked inside the house, followed by Janae, who didn’t look at me. When she passed me, I tugged on the end of her shirt. She removed my hand, but not before I saw her face.
Her pleased smile was enough to settle my soul.
April 16
On Wednesday evening, we gathered around the long dining table. Delicious aromas tempted me from the late dinner Janae had prepared after a long day of rehearsing. Her glam squad, who’d been enjoying the city as tourists, joined us for dinner. Amazingly, Janae had whipped up this home-cooked meal within two hours. I wouldn’t have believed she’d actually made it herself if I hadn’t strummed my guitar at her request while she hummed and prepared the meal from scratch.
She’d pulled out the chair so I could sit at the head of the table, though my inclination was toward one of the other chairs.
“This is for you. Without you, I wouldn’t be welcome here with the band.” Janae chose the seat to my right, and her nervous energy shrouded me as everyone found a place at the table. I squeezed her shaky leg, and she smiled apologetically and stopped moving. “Before everyone digs in, I want to say grace. I don’t know people’s spiritual or religious beliefs, so I’ll just call on God to thank him for bringing us all here together.”
We all touched fists, adopting my style of connection as we bowed our heads and Janae led the prayer.
“Words can’t describe my gratitude for being here with you all. I have been alone and lonely most of my life, and just being around you, even those who aren’t sure they should trust me, still feels like I’ve found the best family. Thank you for allowing me space in your world. I won’t take you for granted. Here’s to more fun and creating timeless music that we are always proud of. Amen.”
When I opened my eyes, hers were still closed, and I impulsively kissed the tear on her cheek. Her eyes popped open in surprise, and she grabbed my face and kissed me. She rubbed the lipstick off my mouth and chuckled through her tears. “Sorry… sorry. I forgot myself. Don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
Before I could reassure her that it was okay, Charles grabbed my face from the other side and pinched my cheek. “Isn’t he so cute? I want to just pinch his cheeks all the time.”
Laughing, I swiped his hand away. “I already told Janae I’m not a puppy. Now, I have to add ‘a boy’ to the list.”
Cedrick, who sat at the other end of the table, hit the side of his glass with a fork. “I want to make a toast.” He glanced around the room. “Make sure everyone has something in their glass.”
Janae had made fresh lemonade and tea, though Cedrick and Santiago had added liquor to their drinks.
Once we all had our glasses full, Cedrick said, “If this year so far is any indication, we’re about to go up yet another level. I am hard and tough on you, Janae, and will continue to do so because this business will eat you up and spit you out. Make you forget who you are.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “I hope that the Janae we’re seeing right now is the real you and not a facade to get into our good graces. Time will tell if this is truly you. If I’m wrong, I’ll be the first to embrace you and treat you like my sister.” He slanted his gaze to me and then back to Janae. “But I promise you, if you destroy my family, I will destroy you.”
Janae stilled, and I picked up her hand and placed our entwined hands on the table. “And if you ever speak to her again the way you just did, you’ll have to deal with me.”
We glared at each other until Janae pulled my chin in her direction. “It’s okay. I can’t expect a couple of days and good food to fix what I did to others for years.” She straightened her shoulders and addressed Cedrick. “You’re going to have to get used to my being in Landon’s life. I’m not going anywhere as long as he wants me to be there. I don’t want to hurt him or any of you, including you, Cedrick. Most of all, I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. Now, I made this dinner so we could laugh, joke, and eat some good food that’s getting cold. Can you break bread with me and, for now, put away your reservations?”
Cedrick gripped the glass in his hand while staring at us.
Brian, who sat beside Cedrick, quietly said, “Peace while we eat.”
Cedrick finally nodded.
Janae breathed a sigh of relief before she picked up a bowl of mac and cheese that was paler than the other, larger bowl. She passed it to Santiago. “This is a special vegan mac and cheese for Cedrick. I also made him a rice and bean dish down there next to the green beans.”
Cedrick received the bowl and looked at the rice dish. Wordlessly, he spooned some of the mixture on his plate. The rest of us passed the rest of the plates back and forth, normalcy returning after a tense moment. Cameras had been rolling the whole time, and I would ask for the footage to be cut, though I was sure Cedrick and Del would want to keep it.
“Mm…” Cedrick said with a begrudging smile. “This might be the best vegan dish I ever had.” He pointed to the other mac and cheese. “I have to try the real one if she can make fake cheese taste like that.”
Brian shook his head vehemently. “She made that big bowl just for me. She made you your special bowl. Now enjoy.”
Cedrick punched him in the arm, and the two kept hitting each other like the brothers they’d become until Brian passed him the large platter, and I was finally able to breathe.
Janae whispered, “Can we be alone later?”
My groin tightened at her suggestive tone, and I nodded as I gulped down her sweet lemonade. I wanted her like I’d never wanted another woman. Still, something inside of me knew she wasn’t ready. Janae’s fragility was hidden behind layers of tough walls she’d built over the years. She wanted my comfort to assuage what had just happened with Cedrick. She wanted to forget using her body. And if we were to have sex, I didn’t want our first time to be anything but what it was meant to be.
Beautiful.
I sat on the fluffy rug at the end of the bed with my guitar, anticipating Janae’s knock after she returned from a late night out with the group. I’d remained at the house, playing my music. I needed space and quiet to build up my resistance. One look from those pretty eyes and I was a goner.
Janae immediately fell into me when I opened the door, kissing my chin and cheeks. Before she could touch my lips, I pulled back, searching her face.
She frowned. “I’m sober, Landon.”
“That’s not what I’m looking for.”
Her hand went under my shirt again, rubbing my abs, and this time, I welcomed her touch though I struggled for control. She whispered, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Do you want to have sex with me tonight because you want to be with me, or am I just someone to use because Cedrick hurt you?”
“What?” Her eyes widened. “I would never use you that way. I can’t stop thinking about how you would feel inside of me. I do want to be with you. It has nothing to do with him.”
“Well, if you want me now, you’ll want me later.” I gestured toward the back door. “Take a walk with me.”
She groaned and looked down at the thick outline visible through my sweatpants that I couldn’t prevent, no matter how I tried to distract myself. “Damn.”
“You’ll find out in time,” I said smugly as I headed toward the back door, knowing she would follow.
“When?”
“Not yet. Impatient Iesha.”
She laughed. “Stop while you’re ahead.”
The cool, crisp April air chilled my face. The clear, bright crescent moon and the sounds of the fountain trickling water into the dark blue pool soothed me.
Janae asked, “You want to look at the stars?”
“No. We’re catching the streetcar.” I opened the back gate, and we walked around the house and down the road. “I want to ride in silence with you.”
She smiled. “I was hoping you would ask me. Why silence?”
“It’s the world I prefer. I want to show you a little of my world. It’s okay to be quiet, Janae.”
“So, we don’t talk?” she asked skeptically.
I chuckled. “We simply exist and observe using our senses.” I kissed her neck gently at the frown on her face, inhaling her floral scent. “You smell good even after being out most of the night.”
“Landon, are you trying to seduce me to get me to do what you want?”
I plastered on a frown. “Is that what I’m doing?”
As the streetcar approached, she studied my face and finally broke into a smile. “You know exactly what you’re doing, and it’s working.”
She held on to the back of my shirt as I led the way onto the almost-empty streetcar. Two other passengers stared out their respective windows. I adjusted the moving seat so we faced each other, and each had a window seat. I reached down, took her heels off, and placed her feet on my thighs to rub them.
“I thought you had a thing about feet?”
“Sensitive about my feet. Don’t mind touching yours. You’ve been on them all day. Look out the window or close your eyes and pay attention to your senses.”
She shook her head slowly. “Kinda hard to look anywhere but at you.”
“I’m trying to slow us down,” I said. She’d made it so impossibly hard to ignore my body, which still warred with my mind.
“Massaging my feet isn’t the way to slow us down. Taking care of me is so sexy and such a turn-on.” Her breasts rose and fell as she stared at me.
“Should I stop touching your feet? Because how you’re looking at me is so distracting.”
She giggled and looked out the window before refocusing on me. “It’s crazy how much I like you.”
“I want to keep it that way.”
“You really believe that I can’t possibly be into you? One thing I know is men… and you are a good one, through and through. I want something real.”
“And you need to be quiet. This is a silent ride, remember?” I squeezed her foot. I had no desire to be reminded about her history with other guys.
“But…”
I shook my head and pointed to the window. “Notice the sights. Listen to how the streetcar’s noise ebbs and flows depending on the starts and stops.”
As the streetcar traveled down historic St. Charles Avenue, she folded her arms and stared out the window. Soon, I watched the smile glide across her face before she drifted into the much-needed sleep she’d seemed hellbent on avoiding.
Then I finally became silent and observed the affluent homes and neighborhoods en route to the relatively busy downtown area. I soaked in the history, culture, and early dawn noises, building my armor against a woman whose brown eyes left me defenseless. She was already causing a shift in the band because she was causing a shift in me. I’d meant what I told Cedrick, because I also knew he’d meant every word he said to Janae.
I looked at the sleeping beauty. Was she worth risking The Hollow Bones, my brothers, my best friend?
Resting my head against the window’s edge, I watched as the sky slowly changed from midnight navy to a pale blue, waiting for answers I knew wouldn’t come.