Chapter Twenty-Seven
janae
When we walked outside Junior’s to pandemonium, the adoring crowd energized me instead of scaring me. My driver served as security as he helped me get on the roof of the Lincoln Navigator. I partied with my fans longer as the music blasted from a nearby bodega. Jeri held her camera up, capturing the controlled chaos live. I was at the top of the mountain. This natural high was what I’d always wanted. I was grateful that I was sober and that I didn’t use any medication. Whatever I felt was real and not manufactured or altered. Janae Warner had finally done it. I was at the top and hadn’t self-destructed.
After I had danced to three popular songs by other artists, Frankie eased up on the hood through the crowd as I sang and danced. “Your fans are in the streets now and causing traffic jams. It could get dangerous. Police will be here soon.”
Annoyed, I batted her away with my hand like she were a pesky mosquito. “Let them come. This is my moment. Ain’t shit going to happen but good times.”
“You’re about to ruin your moment if it gets any more out of hand. Look around. We don’t have the manpower to protect you if it gets worse.”
Instead of heeding her advice, I started rapping to the next record that played, much to the growing crowd’s satisfaction. She climbed down as I yelled, “I just brought H-Town to the Big A.”
The people cheered loudly for their fallen star that had risen again like the phoenix from the ashes.
The heat of the May night and my unstoppable energy plastered my hair to my head, and sweat trickled down my face, wetting the vintage Jason’s Lyric t-shirt I wore. My red Jordans gripped the top of the SUV’s roof as I danced, the perfect shoes for a night like this.
Arms raised, I hyped my fans more by getting them to chant along with me. Most shouted my name. Others just screamed.
Then, a sudden tug on the bottom of my jeans sent me off balance. My breath caught as my foot slipped.
The world tilted, and I barely caught myself before falling, my heart hammering as my limbs fought for control. But that tiny misstep changed everything.
The energy shifted and the crowd surged forward.
A ripple of grasping hands and desperate faces. Adoration twisting into something else. Something more urgent. More dangerous. I searched for Frankie and Jeri.
Nowhere.
Panic coiled around my ribs. I shouted, “Calm down! There’s too many of you!”
But the street was already packed tight with bodies, feverish and wild. The roar of voices blurred into chaos. It felt less like a celebration and more like a concert spiraling out of control.
What have you done, Janae ?
A fan lunged onto the back of the truck, fingers grazing my calf.
My breath hitched. My foot slid against the SUV’s roof. This time, I couldn’t catch myself and the world lurched. I crashed onto my side, my head barely missing the metal roof.
The crowd gasped. Voices twisted with panic. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting against the scream clawing up my throat. My hands scrambled for balance, but the surface was too slick, and I couldn’t regain my footing. Goosebumps prickled down my arms.
Fuck. Fuck.
The walls were closing in. My breaths came short and sharp, my pulse a frantic beat.
I couldn’t look. I couldn’t face the danger I had thrown myself into. I needed to get inside the car. Now. But how?
My mind spiraled toward one thought. One person. I needed Landon. He would save me.
I opened my eyes and searched frantically through the crowd. Where was he? My pulse thumped wildly as I scanned the sea of faces. He had to know. He had to know I needed him. Why wasn’t he here?
“Ms. Warner,” a stern voice cut through the noise. “We have to leave now, or you may be arrested for inciting a disturbance. Police have been called.”
I tore my gaze away from the crowd. The driver and a security guard had their arms raised, ready to help me down. Two more men held back the pressing fans, creating enough space for me to escape.
My body trembled as they lowered me to the ground. My sneakers hit the pavement, but my knees buckled. Before I could fall, they guided me into the SUV where Frankie and Jeri were already waiting.
Their wide eyes locked on the mayhem outside. The tinted windows shielded us, but it didn’t matter. The energy still pulsed, the fans still knocked, their faces a blur of hands and shouts. The driver laid on the horn, but the crowd barely moved.
He wiped sweat from his brow. “We might need police assistance.”
“No.” I shook my head violently. “No. The media will twist this.”
Frankie let out a sharp breath. “You don’t hear the sirens? I told you to get down.”
I clenched my fists. “And I have the number one song in the country after three years of silence. That was me celebrating.” My voice was hoarse, edged with something even I couldn’t identify. The rush, the fear, the desperation. My heart pounded like it would explode.
Tears streamed down my face as I jabbed a finger at the driver. “I pay him well to drive, and that’s exactly what he’s about to do.”
Frankie’s nostrils flared. “I can’t with you.”
“Can’t do what?” My voice rose, cracking. I glanced out the window, watching the fans slap their hands against the glass as the SUV inched forward.
She waved a hand, dismissing me completely, as I slid into the row behind them.
“Can’t do what?” My chest heaved. “Huh?”
Jeri leaned closer to the driver, her voice low but firm. “Keep inching forward. Keep honking. No one wants to get hit.”
I twisted toward Frankie, my hands curled into fists against my thighs. “Can’t do what?”
Frankie whirled on me, eyes flashing. “Can’t deal with you when you’re high.”
A sharp laugh tore from my throat. “Then you can’t deal with me ever, because I haven’t used anything since Houston. This is me, Frankie. This is me, high on life.”
Frankie’s expression flickered. Shock, doubt, maybe even regret.
I nodded furiously. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m serious.” But my voice wavered, the tears coming faster. “All I wanted was to have fun.” My body curled in on itself, my arms wrapped around my knees as I rocked. “That’s all.”
Jeri reached out hesitantly. “It’s okay. The car is moving.”
“It doesn’t matter.” My throat tightened. “I messed up. Again. I’m that crazy bitch. It wasn’t enough for me to celebrate in the restaurant. No, I had to cause a scene. On the street. In front of everybody.”
My eyes darted around the SUV. I needed my phone. I needed Landon.
“Did he call?” My voice shook.
Jeri hesitated. “They’re at the studio.”
I clenched my jaw. “I know where they are. I asked if he called.”
Frankie slammed her fist into her palm. “Keep talking to us like we’re nothing, and we’re getting out of this car.”
“Go right ahead,” I snapped. The moment the words left my lips, I hated them. God, why was I like this? I wanted to reach for her, to apologize, but I couldn’t seem to move.
Frankie exhaled sharply. “I swear I’m done with you. You almost got us killed because you don’t listen. You think money solves everything? Throwing your card at a manager to pay for the whole restaurant without asking for a receipt? You should be glad I made sure you got it back.” She tossed my credit card onto the seat next to me.
I swiped at my wet face. “That’s hilarious. I know money doesn’t solve anything. If it did, I wouldn’t be a mess.” My voice wobbled, but I pushed forward. “You’re not the first to be done with me. Probably not the last.”
Jeri put her hands up. “Please. Please stop shouting. We’re moving. It’s over. No one got hurt. Tonight was supposed to be a good night.”
Frankie crossed her arms and turned toward the window, shutting me out completely.
That did it. I curled into myself, my sobs breaking free. Somewhere between gasping breaths and bone-deep exhaustion, I sank into sleep, too drained to fight anymore.
A door creaked open, followed by the soft rustle of movement and a shift in the air. Warmth settled near me, familiar even through the haze of half-consciousness.
The cushion dipped beside me, and the scent of cedar surrounded me, steady and grounding. A low voice, calm and sure, cut through the fog.
“Nae, it’s okay.”
My breath caught, and without thinking, I curled toward the warmth before my eyes even opened.
Landon.
“My life jacket.” My voice broke, the tears threatening again.
Landon moved closer, wrapping his arms around me, his grip grounding me in a way nothing else ever could. “Always.”
I clung to him as we drove away, my heart still racing, my mind still spinning, but the storm inside me started to settle.
“How did you get here?” I whispered. “Where are we?”
“Frankie called me.” He rested his chin on my head. “She didn’t think you wanted the guys to know.”
She was right. I had been able to hide this for so long by pouring my energy into sex, rehearsals, performing, and cooking. But tonight, my mask had slipped.
Frankie and Jeri sat across from us. Frankie’s arms were still crossed, but her face had softened, just slightly.
I turned to her, voice raw. “I’m sorry. You were only looking out for me.”
She gave a small nod but said nothing.
Landon kissed the top of my head. “It’s all good. No one got hurt. No police trouble. The fans still love you.”
Jeri smirked. “She’s over here crying her eyes out with the number one record and a sexy man on her arm. Raise your head, you drama queen.”
A watery laugh slipped from my lips. “I deserve that.”
Jeri grinned. “Damn right you do.” She turned to Landon. “You better get used to the attention. Del needs to hire security for the rest of the tour. You just became the sexiest man alive.”
Landon frowned. “What happened?”
Jeri shoved her phone toward me. My breath caught. It was the photo. Landon. Shirtless. Sheets tangled around his waist. Eyes locked on me, dark and intense. My favorite shot of him.
My voice barely made a sound. “How did you get that?”
“Brian sent it. Said this was the cover of your single.”
Landon shifted uncomfortably.
I swallowed hard. “You cool with it?”
He mumbled, “The group decided.”
But his jaw was tight. His hands flexed against his thighs. And for the first time, I realized. He wasn’t okay with it.
And neither was I.
May 15
I was naked in his bed, waiting anxiously to talk to him. I’d been out most of the day and night shopping and taking in a Broadway show, making amends with Frankie and Jeri while he was holed up in the studio. I loved that Landon had nothing to hide. He’d given me his code to his brownstone and cell without asking, as if we already shared his home. He may have had the money to have a separate residence for his women and multiple phones like previous men in my life, but he didn’t play games.
However, he did have his ways. He preferred order in his home and liked things just so. I could not move things around without asking first, though he was always open to my suggestions. Sometimes he drifted off mid-conversation, his mind pulled toward music or astronomy. Other times he made a comment that stung without meaning to.
But none of it ever felt like a flaw, just part of who he was. More than anyone I had ever known, he listened when I spoke, adjusted when I needed him to, and cared in ways that went beyond words. That was why I knew he would hear me now. I needed his help to change the cover, and if anyone could make it happen, it was him.
The sounds of the code being entered through the system built into his headboard signaled that Landon was home, and I was both excited and irritated to see him. It was after two in the morning, and we hadn’t spoken since he’d returned to the studio at the break of dawn.
He smiled when he saw me. “After an exhausting day, I’m so glad you stayed here with me. I love coming home to you in my bed.”
“It feels like home already to me,” I admitted.
“Good.” He leaned over and kissed me, and I gripped his hand before he moved away. “You know I need to shower before I get in bed.”
“I’ve been waiting to talk to you for hours.”
He replied warily, “I was in the studio.”
“I know where you were. You didn’t call me.”
“I would have, but Cedrick said you and your squad were going to see a musical.”
“Hours ago, Landon.”
He stood up to his full height. “Okay, I’m here now. What did you want to talk about?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the song we just did together that went number one and the cover that doesn’t include me. I texted you that I needed to talk.”
“You told me that you were good with the cover. What else is there for us to talk about?” He took off his hat and tossed it on the bench.
“So, you only reach out when you think something’s wrong?”
His shirt joined his hat. “Don’t start that when you know I am here for you.”
“Your phone went to voicemail.”
Landon frowned, dropped his cell on the table beside the bed, and headed to the bathroom. “Shower and then talk.”
“No.” I hit the mattress.
He sighed loudly. “Why? Maybe I want to get clean, relax, and then talk. You can wait a few more minutes.”
“It won’t kill you to strip and get in the bed now.” I patted the space next to me.
“Stop trying to make me do something just to see if you can,” he shot back, then stalked off to the bathroom and locked the door.
I fumed until he finished his shower and walked out nude. No matter how many times I saw him, I still hadn’t gotten used to the way he looked, and some of my anger fizzled. He slid into bed without a word and pulled me against his warm, clean body.
Landon always smelled good, his scent comforting as I snuggled into his side. It was always better when it was just us. He carried himself tensely in the world, always on guard when there was no music to anchor him. But here, in his home, with me, he was at ease. He had once flinched at my touch, needing time to adjust, but now he sought it out, pulling me closer like he needed the contact.
We’d made progress. I didn’t want to ruin it with my temper.
“Now, what do you want to yell at me about?” he asked with a straight face. I still couldn’t tell when he was teasing me.
“We accomplished something great. Why is this the first time we’ve talked about it? We should’ve gotten together to celebrate. Had dinner or something. Or had a night of fun with everyone. I only stayed out late with Jeri and Frankie because you didn’t text or call me. Watching the guys communicate with Frankie and Jeri was frustrating, and I received nothing from you.”
Until that very moment, I hadn’t been able to articulate my troubling emotions. I’d thought my sadness was about the cover, and it partially was, but my hurt hit deeper. I’d assumed that since Landon had been my protector and my defender thus far, on the biggest moment of my life, he would be my supporter, too.
The rumble of his voice near my ear soothed my irritability. “So much happened. We were working on new music, and during a short break, we found out about hitting number one from Jeri when she went live with you at Junior’s. I looked for you, praying you were not overwhelmed, and I was happy to see that you weren’t.
“I was still shocked and in disbelief about our song. I was trying to process seeing you sing at the restaurant and the guys celebrating, and then Del sent me two pics as possible covers. He insisted I choose immediately and that we had to act fast. I didn’t like either one because it didn’t represent Hollow Bones. Del sent them to the rest of the band. The band disagreed and chose one of the photos we took. I didn’t like being forced to choose between the two and started working on the album again. Then Frankie called me about you. I promised the guys I would return as soon as possible, and I’ve been grinding in the studio ever since. We are this close to finishing the album.” Landon looked at me. “I wasn’t ignoring you… or at least not in the way you think.”
His heart beat steadily as he awaited my response.
“Can I see the choices?” I said, sighing.
He picked up his phone and showed me the two photos.
“What’s wrong with the two hats? It’s you and me.”
Landon nodded. “I did like that one better, too. Except it didn’t rep the group.”
“And this one does?”
“I feel like you do, but I was outnumbered.”
“Did you even bring up that I wasn’t a part of the picture of you?”
“You can tell it’s your hand because of the butterfly tattoo on your wrist.”
I tapped the pic of him. “My face, Landon. Why isn’t my face on the cover?”
His chest rose and fell. “Del chose the pics. Not me.”
“This is where I need you to defend me.”
“I didn’t choose either one.”
“You also said nothing is decided if the group doesn’t all agree.”
“You took the pictures, and this is a single not going on either of our albums. Why are you bothered?”
I waved my hands wildly around me. “I have a number one song, and my face isn’t on the cover? Does that make sense to you?”
“We’re not going to argue about this. Last night you said you were fine with it. It’s your voice, Janae. In the video, we see you more than anyone else. Let my photo stand. Please.”
“You’re not even comfortable with the picture.”
“So? You keep telling me to open up and be freer. This is how I’m doing it. End of discussion. I’m exhausted.”
I hit him with my pillow. “You won’t shut me up. The discussion is over when I say it is.”
He put his hands under his head and looked at the ceiling. “Talk.”
“You said you didn’t want to use our relationship to sell records.”
Landon slanted his gaze at me. “I don’t. No one else cares about that except us. You heard what Frankie said. Del and the guys see us as good business, too, and I cannot deny that people like us together. I love us together and hope we’re always together. Remember, I didn’t want to do the shoot. I only went along with it because I wanted to please you. Don’t bust my balls because the picture chosen doesn’t have your face.”
Turning over on my stomach, I tried to explain in another way. “I feel like the Black artist who’s erased from the album because the label chose white faces.”
“I don’t know why you feel like that when the world recognizes you more than us. You were the one swarmed at Junior’s. When we go places, people ask for you and not us. If you have an issue, take it up with Del. I didn’t want to show the pics to the guys anyway. I suggested the galaxy or a one representing a star without any faces. I didn’t think we should have our faces on the cover. He sent the images to the guys against my wishes because he said I couldn’t decide for the band.”
“You weren’t trying to protect me. You were trying to protect The Hollow Bones.” Old, familiar hurts burned through me. “Not even my manager looked out for me.”
“My job is to protect you as my woman. Regarding the business, I can’t be on your side and The Hollow Bones’. It’s unfair of you to ask that of me or make me feel guilty.” He continued to study the sky. “Are you done talking?”
I wanted to scream that I wasn’t. All that would do was aggravate him when he’d clearly made up his mind. I was in this alone, as I’d always been. I moved away from him and turned over to face the wall.
Landon sighed loudly and turned on his side away from me.
I cried without making a noise, which I’d learned to do when I was a girl.