Chapter 52
52
Layne
J ana’s words flitter on an endless loop, consuming my thoughts. I can see reminders of what she’s saying in everything I look at—the twinkling stars in the night sky, the way Dante looks at me like I am his world. Despite the strange confirmations in front of me, I’m still looking for the reasons I haven’t asked them to bond with me yet.
Ultimately, I’m scared. I don’t want to be. But that doesn’t mean I’m not.
I’m not self-sabotaging, but I am holding myself back from asking Pack De Luca to tie me to them forever because I don’t want to turn out like my mother.
It’s taken time to understand but I think being around Pack De Luca has highlighted an anxiety I’m sadly holding on to - being blindsided by people who should’ve done everything to protect me – my family. In part it’s been harder to work through because not only was I let down by them, but I also witnessed my mother defending my father on numerous occasions, even when he was cruel and terrible to her, and me. I don’t want to be like that ever. I also don’t want people to look at me and think I’m ignorant or weak, which in hindsight is how I view her now.
My past is a heavy burden to bear and some days, I seriously misjudge the weight of my trauma. Other days, I think I’m so stupid and fragile minded. In my head, it’s always my father’s voice I hear on those days, saying the same thing over and over, like he did when I was growing up.
Even without a therapist talking me through my issues, I know my past sits like a ragged scar—the reminder is always there. Other people's manipulations shape your future as much as genetics define your eye color.
Realistically, I know I am not my past. I survived. But sometimes it’s hard to remember that.
It’s a good thing Dante drives, because no matter how much I want to be present with him, I invariably keep getting caught in my mind, looking for ways to move forward.
“ Il mio tutto , please tell me what ghosts I need to slay,” he says quietly, like he doesn’t want to interrupt my thoughts.
But his voice cuts through the fog of memories, his scent guiding me back to the present. Back to being in the car with him after dinner with Jana and some of her pack. And I’m so relieved I’m here with him.
Dante’s face is illuminated by the flashing headlights of cars passing us, and even though he’s refusing to stop looking straight out the windshield, and his hands clench hard around the steering wheel, I feel like his whole focus is on me.
“Jana said something to you, and since then, you’ve been drifting further away from me. I’m not sure if you realize it. And I know it’s a lot to fucking weigh you down with, baby, but I feel your pain like it’s my own. Even without bonding, I feel every part of you.”
“You do?” A growing need for his validation has me almost guilty in my selfishness, but tonight, I’m letting Jana’s Mother- Earth influence guide me—Dante can give me what I need if I’m brave enough to ask for validation.
“Can I turn and look at you?” His scent is heavy with his unique Amaretto perfume, but it’s also influenced by anguish.
“Of course you can,” I whisper, already twisting in my seat. “Why did you ask?”
“Because I am so fucking furious right now, I don’t want to scare you. I’m not angry at you, Layne, do you understand that? I’m drowning in rage that you had to suffer growing up, and I’m heartbroken you still are suffering. All I want to do is protect you, but I’ve already failed you.”
“You haven’t.”
“Clearly, I have because I can feel your sorrow. It kills me. I want to rage at the world.” His words are all over the place, but they’re reflective of his thoughts, because I can see the slight manic glaze to his eyes as plain as day. “Can I tell you something?”
“Yes.”
“But it’s not to pressure you, it’s so you understand how completely in love with you I am. That’s all, okay? Promise me you will try to hear what I am saying when I say I’m not trying to pressure or sway you.”
“I kind of know you well enough by now, Dante, to understand you wouldn’t do either.”
He smiles, nodding his head. “Good, baby, that gives me hope.”
“What do you have to tell me?” I whisper, feeling sick with anxiety.
Dante reaches for my hand. “I’m so fucking scared you’re going to leave me.”
“What?” I ask, stupefied, before my shock morphs and it has me screeching at him. “Dante! What?”
He reaches over and grabs my flying hand, our fingers immediately interlacing and squeezing together. “I wouldn’t be able to let you go, though.” He grimaces before he keeps talking. “And I get my fears are so out of place, considering everything we feel for each other, and fuck, being scared doesn’t make sense because I see our future playing out like a movie every time I close my eyes. But that doesn’t mean my worry about losing you goes away. You intimidate me every time you look at me because of the way you own me so effortlessly, and I’m so worried I’m being sucker-punched or will be.”
“Dante…”
“I had to tell you. My parents were big over sharers. I think it’s part of my DNA, but it’s you. You, Layne, are like an earthquake, and I’m forever standing in the epicenter, holding on, spilling my deepest secrets, and hoping I survive. I need you, baby, like I never needed anyone before.”
My chin is wobbling before he finishes, tears tracking down my face, and I’m scrambling onto his lap before he takes another shaky inhale. “How do you have the same fear as me? I’m worried you’re all going to blindside me at some point.”
Dante’s eyes flare so wide, the whites show. “You’re worried about me leaving you? Fuck, Layne, I get anxiety when you go to the bathroom.”
“You do not.”
“I do! Just don’t tell anyone on the street, okay?”
I nod. “You’ve got a reputation to uphold.” And there’s a sudden and sullen pitch to my voice.
One that makes him growl under his breath. “Do you know why I don’t want people to see how fucking weak I am when I’m with you? Because, Layne, I seriously would prefer the time I’m with you to be full of good times and not us wasting time with people coming at us because they think the way I love you makes me and the De Lucas weak. But here’s the thing—I’ll always be butter soft for you and only you. Everyone else gets my other side. But both sides of me are real.” His gaze gets a demon-like edge to it in his conviction.
It’s lucky I like the villains in stories so much, because much like Dante said, I can’t ever see myself letting him go. I’m sure some days I’ll believe I’m lying to myself, but I’m hoping I can lean on him, Matteo, and Valentine for the reminder. Which, in a roundabout way, allays my earlier fears.
“Take me home,” I snap, flicking my chin up. “I want us all to bond. Now.”
His emotions drain away as he deals with the shock of my petulant demand.
He shakes his head after a moment. “Excuse me?”
“Yeah, you heard me right. I’m pretty sure I’m always going to wonder how I found you because, honestly, how? But on those days, I’ll feel our connection on a different level that’s as real as you are in my arms right now. And for the record, I know you’ll be there, fighting my demons with your gooey-soft love.”
He shakes his head slowly as a grin plays at the edges of his lips. “And huge, hard cock.”
“Okay, demon slayer, you can bring any weapon you choose. We’re going home to bond, right now. Not later, not anywhere but out on the balcony as the four of us watch the moon shine over your territory.”
“Can I call home and tell them?”
“Nope, because you’ve got enough on your lap.”
“How so?”
Instead of answering, I reach down and undo his seat belt before twisting it around my back and clipping us both back in. “See, you’ve got enough on your lap. I’m not moving.”
He smirks, nodding his head, looking impressed. “You are more than enough. I fucking hope the boys in blue are busy elsewhere, because I’m not stopping.”
I settle under his chin and cuddle in close to give him the space he needs to drive us home. It’s a little difficult and a lot awkward, pretty much like loving me is and always will be. But right this second, there’s no doubt in my mind that this pack can handle the task.
Dante slams his foot on the brake as soon as we’re in the garage, and the car screeches to a loud stop. Then he’s swiveling us around. In the next second, he is standing and racing toward the elevator. His hand slams over the call button, and he snarls at the wait, nearly breaking his finger jabbing impatiently at the button for our floor.
“Do I need to get changed?” he asks suddenly, breaking the silence with his nervousness.
“Unchanged, maybe? Let’s play it by ear. Honestly, Dante, bonding is the aim, not how it happens.”
“No. Stop!” he barks. “Close your eyes and tell me how you see it play out.”
My eyes slam shut, and I have no choice to comply with his Alpha influence. But he rubs his face over mine reassuringly. With Jana’s words still looping around, I allow myself to see what it is I want. And sharing it with Dante has my excitement slaying my anxiety. “Clothes on, but PJ’s or T-shirt and sweats. The outdoor seats and sun loungers turned to face the view, lots of pillows, and a light blanket we can all huddle under. No sex, but lots of kissing and making out before I fall asleep in your arms with your bites on my body, your breath on my face.”
He pulls back, his face lined with shock. “How do you keep doing that? You just pretty much described how I want to bond with you.”
I smile, then dip under his chin and soak in the confirmation he just gave.
The doors of the elevator open, and the light of the television blinks in the darkness, telling me Val and Matteo are still up. Dante walks us toward them and doesn’t stop until he’s in front of the television, blocking their view.
Matteo sits up on the edge of the sectional. “Good news from Hannah?”
“Fuck that. Better news from our Omega. Tell them,” Dante demands, his voice deep and husky.
Pushing out of Dante’s arms, the first thing I notice is how Valentine and Matteo are dressed exactly how I want them to look when we bond—in sweats and old tees. It feels like another confirmation.
“I want us to bond tonight. Now. Here.” They both look at me, stunned, waiting for answers. “I don’t need fancy clothes or exotic locations. Being here, in our home, is more important. And I would love to do it now because the night feels like it does in my dreams.”
Matteo is in front of me before I can blink, his brown eyes glittering with awe. His hand brushes the hair off my face. “How did I find you? I’m going to give everything I can to make this perfect.”
“Good. I need you to move the outdoor furniture around to make us a bed big enough for all of us. Then you’re in charge of snacks and drinks.”
“And me?” Valentine asks. I felt him approaching without even turning around, his designation pressing against me like a reassuring touch.
“Alpha, you’re in charge of getting our blankets and pillows. Maybe a couple of weapons because we’re sleeping outside afterward.”
He comes in closer, his finger settling under my chin, so he can see in my eyes. Valentine’s blue eyes are piercing, completely disarming as he unashamedly searches mine. Except, it doesn’t take him long at all to see what he was looking for. I wish I had a camera to capture the smile that spreads over his face.
“I should have expected the unexpected from you. Your curveball is a beautiful one, Mrs. De Luca, and I’m honored you trust us enough to tell us exactly what you want. We would love to bond you as ours and as a part of our pack, because as much as we knew the instant you walked in our home that you were ours, we also knew you’d tell us when you were ready. Thank you.” Valentine dips down to kiss my forehead.
Everyone scatters, though we taking our time while getting ready. Again, exactly how I dared to imagine it.
Once I’ve changed into a pair of cotton sleep shorts and a loose tank top, I walk out of my room. All the lights are off in the apartment, but I don’t need to see where I am going. I follow my heart to them waiting on the balcony.
We don’t need words. I’m not sure I could find the right ones to describe how special the moment is, anyway. Matteo reaches for me, and I leap into his arms. We share a soft sigh, and then he kisses his way over to my scent gland. “Valentine’s going to help me make my bond stick. My teeth to bond my forever woman to my soul, but I’m borrowing his Alpha genetics to hold my claim.”
I love how he shares with me how he’s hopefully found a way for us to bond.
Our words fall away as he guides me to my feet again, and then his hands trail up my arms, and he uses one hand as a place for my head to rest against. With the other, he brushes my hair away and strokes over the spot.
There is no ceremony, because none is necessary. Matteo is as ready as I am. He gives me a gentle kiss in warning before he bites down.
The pain is exquisite, and life changing. Even before he’s stopped biting, there's a fluttering of movement inside my chest. It’s hard to describe but impossible to ignore.
In the most private part of me, I’m no longer alone as Matteo’s essence infuses and intertwines inside that place, gently, like a faint breeze. He pulls away, Valentine’s mouth taking his place. He doesn’t bite or even press his teeth into the marks Matteo made; Valentine uses his tongue to trace over the indents, using the magic only an Alpha holds. With each lick he makes, I feel Matteo settling inside me more.
It’s such an incredible feeling, I nearly get lost in how wonderful it is, except I want Matteo to get lost with me. My hands twist in his T-shirt, bringing him closer and drawing him down to my level, and I strike as soon as my eyes settle on the place I want him to wear my mark—close enough to his scent gland but a little higher and more central. I strike, and I strike hard. He grunts in pain before the sound twists into one of awe, of unspoken encouragement to keep biting. My Omega side preens, already knowing the scar of my claim will be a billboard for the world to see.
Matteo’s happiness is infectious as it flows through my system. I know exactly the euphoria he’s experiencing, because we’re sharing it through our new connection. He takes a step back, not to go, but to make room for Dante. And like his joy, I can also pick up on Matteo’s eagerness for the others to be similarly amazed.
Dante is next, and he presses his forehead to mine. I nearly drown in the sea of promises in his glittering, ocean-blue eyes. One moment, he’s there, and the next, his teeth are sinking over my scent gland. He manages it so his claim and Matteo’s don’t overlap.
Where Matteo’s appearance within me was as subtle as he is, Dante’s arrival is like a door being kicked in. It’s as perfect as he is.
He’s also impatient for me to return his bite, but that is Dante, and I wouldn’t change anything about him. I make my claim on him as obvious as day and night. Biting down until I taste the copper of blood, it doesn’t seem like any time passes before there’s a sudden surge, like a rush of adrenaline as our bond snaps into place.
The moment I let go of his flesh from between my teeth, he’s laughing and moving out of the way. He takes a couple of steps away, to make room for Valentine, before he shoves his brother away to scoop me up in a hug. “Fuck, yes, baby.”
I sink into Dante’s excitement; it oozes off him, but he’s also pumping our bond full of it and his other emotions. There’s no way I can misinterpret his true feelings. I won’t ever question how right we are for each other again.
I get a small crest of anxiety and urgency through our bond, like a part of him is missing. He grabs Valentine’s arm, and some of the urgency is replaced by something I can’t put my finger on. I look to Matteo and Dante and find the answer in their submission.
Valentine is pure Alpha, and he no longer hides his true strength from me. No matter which Valentine—Alpha or man—is wearing the mask, his love is pure.
Valentine is fast when he snatches me closer. His hands feel like claws as he cranes my neck back, stretching the skin taut. He strikes hard like a snake, and he bites like a cornered snake too. Valentine doesn’t bite me once. He doesn’t even do it twice. He rings one side of my throat to the other with his claim, finishing over my scent gland and under the spot where his brother’s claim sits.
Valentine’s arrival in my soul is as dramatic as Dante’s was. It’s like an arrow through my heart, and I fall into him, staggering and desperate to make him mine.
I bite him twice; it feels right. Once, over his scent gland for the world to see, and again on his bottom lip, because I can’t stand the thought of him kissing any other person. Inappropriate? Maybe. But my care factor is fucking non-existent. The only thing that matters is he is mine, and everyone knows.
As his claim winds through every cell in my system, I’m literally flooded by his raw strength. I have to physically hold on to him as he sweeps through our bond, somehow also grasping on to Matteo’s and Dante’s connection before he binds the three separate tethers into one. Then, protectively, he wraps the individual strands of our bond around my heart, shielding it, claiming it, taking it as theirs.
Sensations become impossible to define, but I know there are times during the night when I rise up in my consciousness and find myself spread over the three of them. All of us kissing, touching, cementing our bond.
I definitely remember when the sun rises over the horizon. I’m the only one awake. I desperately want a memory to last in my mind forever. Every time I look at a dawning sky, I will remember our bonding.
It’s the scent of us that eventually guides me to join them in sleep.