fourteen
W hen Maddy returned home from the bookstore, the ache in her sore muscles returned with a vengeance. She had completely forgotten about that. Because apparently bookshops and good company healed all wounds.
She snorted.
After hopping in the shower and letting the hot water work its magic, she changed into some comfortable and fluffy sweats that had little hearts on, and sat down at her desk to work on some homework.
Ah, the joys of being a student.
A couple of hours later, she heard the jingle of keys and the murmurs of her parents returning from their chores.
“How did running go, Maddy? Are your limbs all there or do I have to organize a search party for them?”
Her mom, the jester. Who of course knew of Maddy’s aversion to strenuous physical activity. She’d given birth to her after all.
“All in one piece for now. Nate might lose an arm or a leg though if he’s not careful with his little jokes at my expense.” She’d had to tell her about Nate, her helpful schoolmate slash burgeoning friend. It hadn’t sat well with Maddy finding excuses all the time about where she was.
“From what you’ve told me, I don’t think you would be very successful. You’d probably end up embarrassing yourself.”
Maddy gasped.
“Wow, such little faith in your own child.” She paused. “But you’ re right,” she acquiesced reluctantly.
Her mom laughed and mussed Maddy’s hair a bit like she used to do when she was a little kid. Maddy soaked up her touch.
“Hey, don’t forget that tomorrow we have to be at the airport around noon to pick up grandma, so don’t sleep late since we have to leave earlier just to be safe.”
Maddy froze. She didn’t know a heart could beat so fast, but if hers was of any indication, it apparently could.
“What?” she croaked out. She could hear her own voice becoming unrecognizable. A lump in her throat made it difficult to swallow and she tried her best to appear as if nothing was wrong to her mom.
“Nonna Angela is coming tomorrow and we need to pick her up. Did you forget, sweetheart?”
She had totally forgotten. She had forgotten what coming back this far in the past meant. She wondered if it was possible for a person to die of shock, sadness, and happiness at the same time. She really didn’t want to test that theory.
Her nonna used to live in a small, quaint 1-bedroom apartment in Milan, Italy.
She was a 75-year-old Italian spitfire and Maddy had adored her.
They used to visit her whenever it had been possible when she was little, the four of them piled up in that small apartment, always trying to figure out sleeping arrangements.
Maddy had never been happier.
Afterwards, nonna had decided it was better if she visited them during the holidays or summer vacation. And that’s what this was. Christmas was only a few weeks away and she was due for her visit.
It was unbelievable how many things time scraped away. Even the fondest of memories.
But if they were truly the fondest of memories, they would come rushing back in a surge so cataclysmic it would not be stopped. And Maddy didn’t want to stop it.
It had been so many years since she had seen her nonna, years since Maddy had lost her.
But they were both here now, and Maddy no longer cared about how or why.
She would grab this chance with both hands, she promised herself.
***
The reality is that most people have once or twice wondered what they would do if they went back in time. The possibilities would be endless; make different decisions about important matters, correct past mistakes, appreciate things that came and went and would never come again.
Maddy had thought about this as well, even more so given the circumstances.
She didn’t want to change things. She didn’t want to do things differently. There was a reason everything had happened the way it had and it had shaped her into the person that she was. A bit closed off yes, but at peace.
But what she did want to do was revisit all those happy and sad moments that a teenage mind usually lets go in a blur of hormones and confusion, but an adult mind learns to keep close at heart.
Case in point.
Maddy was standing at the arrivals’ gate with an impatience that rivaled that of a child’s that awaits Santa.
She couldn’t count the times she had done the exact same thing even if she wanted to.
But now her mind seemed to catalog everything.
Her heart was in her throat as she stood there among dozens of people shuffling around her, trying to get a peek at the passengers claiming their luggage.
Maddy’s fidgeting was probably getting out of control. She balled her hands into fists inside the pockets of her thick coat in an attempt to stop them from shaking.
The automatic doors kept releasing passenger after passenger but Maddy’s eyes snagged at a short elderly woman with fluffy, short, gray hair, huge glasses that were slightly tinted, dragging a large, tattered, green suitcase.
She would recognize that woman everywhere. Possibly because she had been her favorite person in the whole world.
“Nonna!” Maddy exclaimed, waving her hands frantically above her head.
Her grandma spotted her almost immediately, a large smile splitting her wrinkled face in half as she made her way slowly towards them.
They met halfway, Maddy almost running. It took great effort not to crash her but Maddy was powerless not to enfold her in her embrace, hugging her as tightly as she dared to.
It was all there; her scent that reminded her of the peppermints she always seemed to carry with her, her warm hug that like a balm had always soothed her soul, and her soft voice whispering ‘la mia cara bambina’ in her ear.
Maddy barely noticed the tears that started running down her face.
Because they were tears of joy. Of such heartbreaking joy she could feel her heart breaking at the same time as it was mending.
But what Maddy knew for sure was that a missing piece had been restored to her and she had never been more grateful.
Her nonna Angela was Maddy’s maternal grandmother. She usually spoke Italian with the family, but when visiting and surrounded by others, she could handle herself well in English.
Her cooking was divine. Anyone lucky enough to taste her food became a changed person.
But nonna Angela wasn’t just a master in the kitchen—she was a force to be reckoned with.
She never minced words and could eviscerate someone without lifting a finger.
More than anything, she paid close attention to those she loved.
Nothing escaped her notice. If you were among the lucky ones, you could always count on her—because she would always put you first.
Her nonna lived in a small apartment above their garage, so that they could spend as much time together as possible.
Ever since she could remember herself, Maddy would always look forward to the part where they got home and opened that giant suitcase that would spill gifts upon gifts for the family.
When she was in elementary school, the gifts were everything Sailor Moon—figurines, coloring books, video tapes.
Later, they became beautiful stationery in elaborate designs, which Maddy treasured but rarely used for fear of ruining them.
Then came the books—stories in Italian with captivating covers that she would read for years to come.
And, of course, there was the chocolate.
Maddy would never forget it as long as she lived.
Her favorites were the dark chocolate pieces filled with espresso that melted in her mouth and the caramel-shaped torrone that stuck to her teeth like crazy—but she loved every second of eating them nonetheless.
Right then, Maddy, her nonna and her mom were all gathered in the apartment’s small living room trying to sort out nonna’s clothes and tidbits. Maddy’s dad had left just a few minutes before to stock up the fridge for the family dinner they would prepare for later.
Seeing all three of them together felt so strange to Maddy. It was like she couldn’t take in everything fast enough, like trying to hold water in her palms.
“So, Maddy, have you learned to listen to other people yet or are you still as stubborn as I remember you?” her grandma quipped from somewhere in the bedroom.
“Me? Stubborn? I’m sorry you must be confusing me with your other grandkid, nonna.”
“You are my only grandkid.”
“Then dementia must be setting in really fast, old lady, because I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m the very picture of obedience,” Maddy said, her expression as innocent as ever.
“Yes, mom,” Ellie weighed in. “She really is. I only have to tell her three times to do something specific and she does it.” She had no right to look this amused while being so rude.
Her nonna joined them and her blank stare spoke volumes.
“I see nothing has changed. That’s good to know.”
“And you’re pretty much the same, I see too.”
“My changing days are over, dear. If anything, I’m entitled to my old, bitter ways.”
Maddy frowned. “Except you’re not that old and certainly not bitter.”
“But I could be if I wanted to and that’s all that matters,” her nonna said, pinching her side with a stealth uncharacteristic of her age. Maddy yelped, dancing a few steps away, instantly ticklish.
“Wow, I did not miss you at all, nonna,” Maddy threw at her grandma, her soft smile betraying her true feelings.
Her grandma chuckled. “And I’m sure your sentiments will remain the same when I kick your butt in backgammon and checkers later,” she said cheekily.
“Ha! As if!” Maddy scowled. “It’s time for the student to become the master.”
“We’ll just have to see about that,” her not-so-beloved-anymore nonna said simply.
***
That afternoon, Maddy was lounging on her bed leafing through a comic book she had read more times than she could remember, when her phone chirped with a message.
Nate : So how did it go?
Maddy couldn’t help the slow smile she felt stretching her lips. She’d told him about her grandma’s visit and how excited and anxious she’d been about it.
Maddy : All was good.
Maddy : Had to re-hydrate after all the crying I did though.
A brief pause, and then,
Nate : That’s...great?
Maddy : Considering the circumstances.
Maddy : It’s just that I keep wondering, how can something make you so blissfully happy and devastated at the same time?
Maddy : Ok, bumming-out time is over.
Maddy : New subject. Τhink of all the coffee candy I’ll send your way.
Maddy : You won’t be able to sleep a wink for a week.
Nate : I can feel the tremors setting in already.
Nate : If you’re sure you’re okay, Mads.
Maddy : I am
Maddy : Thank you
Maddy : Anyway, what are you up to?
Nate : Trying to find an excuse not to go to the post game after-party on Friday.
Nate had a big game coming up on Friday and Maddy remembered he’d told her that he’d be practicing till his arms fell off. His words, not hers.
Maddy : Aww, is Nate too good for high school parties now?
Maddy : Is that the right way to uphold your jock image?
Maddy : Come on, my dude, you have an image to maintain!
Nate : Why are you so invested in this?
Nate : Sounds like someone else is eager to go.
Maddy : Puh-lease, as if.
Nate : I didn’t say it was you.
Maddy : Oh
Nate : Tell you what, you’ll come with me.
Maddy : What?? I’m not a party person!
Nate : And I am?
Maddy : Well, you should be!
Nate : And why is that?
Maddy : You’re an athlete, you’re supposed to like the attention! That’s what stereotyping is all about.
Nate : Ok then
Maddy read the message and released a breath. Crisis averted.
Another message pinged.
Nate : I’ll be your stereotypical jock and you will be the stereotypical nerd he drags to the party to make her socialize.
Nate : Should be fun.
Maddy supposed she had dug her own hole right there.