sixteen
A s Nate sat behind the wheel of his car with Madison next to him, he had the crazy urge to turn the car around and go the opposite way from the party.
Which was stupid, since he had been the one to suggest it.
It had clearly been a very stupid decision.
He didn’t know what he had been thinking.
Except he knew what he had been thinking.
He’d wanted her to have this experience, to go to a high-school party and get a feel of the atmosphere, blend in, people-watch, have a few laughs.
No big thing. Plus, he thought he would be there with her so she wouldn’t feel pressured to socialize if she didn’t want to.
It was supposed to be an excellent idea.
One that had turned to bite him in the ass because the moment she’d opened her door, Nate had just wanted to shove her back in and lock the damn thing firmly behind her.
He’d been weirdly looking forward to the party tonight, for reasons that he suspected had nothing to do with the party itself.
He’d been focused on the game of course since practice had been grueling all week.
But his thoughts had also strayed towards the post-game outing in a way they hadn’t had in a long time.
But seeing Madison framed by the soft light that emanated from her hallway had been enough to make him swallow his tongue.
He’d never felt so unsteady and the funny thing was that he didn’t even know what to blame.
It wasn’t even that Madison dressed in a way to look hot intentionally.
She’d just opened her door in her jeans and sweater, her hair a dark waterfall over one shoulder, her lips rosy and shiny, and Nate had never felt so unprepared.
He found her radiant. It was like she shone from within.
It wasn’t a light that was meant to blind you or force you to look, but something subtle that always shone whether you chose to look at it or not.
And Nate was becoming greedy for it. And for her. Which wasn’t fair to her, wanting to keep her company to himself, and himself alone. Others should be able to appreciate who she was, and bask in her kindness and light.
It was easier said than done.
This whole idea about checking things off an imaginary list had started off as something to pass the time, and in a sense it was.
But for Nate, seeing everything through Madison’s eyes made it different.
Watching her enjoy the things they did or not enjoy others as much, like that failed running session that still made him laugh—filled Nate with a sense of accomplishment he didn’t quite know how to handle.
It seemed that all Madison had to do was smile and Nate’s chest would feel like a balloon full of helium.
Like right then for example. They were driving towards Johnny’s house where the party was held and they were passing through houses that had already started putting out Christmas lights, and a brief glance at Madison was enough to tell him that she was looking at everything with an excitement that was so genuine, he had trouble focusing on the road and not looking at her.
Apparently, Nate hadn’t been as sneaky as he’d thought because Madison turned to look at him with a sheepish look.
“I’m a closeted Christmas fan.”
Nate was already having difficulty in keeping a straight face.
“What does that entail?”
“Lusting after every type of Christmas decoration but playing it cool in front of others.”
“Huh. And how’s that working for ya?”
“Not very good. Every year it’s a struggle not to turn my personal space into Santa’s
workshop.”
Nate was laughing openly now.
“You think I’m joking? Because I’m very serious right now.”
“I’m sure you are. In fact,” he said, an idea popping in his mind, “Christmas holidays are around the corner, why don’t we do something fun and you can imbue me with some holiday cheer.”
She was silent for a while which made Nate chance a look at her.
Madison was looking at him as if he’d invented chocolate.
See? Chest full of helium.
“We can do that,” she said in a timid voice that made him tighten his hands on the steering wheel to stop himself from reaching out for her.
Because apparently, he wanted to do that all the time now. Find excuses to touch her for no reason. Like wanting to brush aside the tendrils of hair that escaped her ponytail.
Or to hug her to his side and kiss her temple when he’d seen that forlorn look in her eyes while she’d been telling him about using books to cast away loneliness.
Nate never wanted to see that look on her face again.
“Okay then, it’s a plan,” he said, just as they were pulling up in Johnny’s driveway.
They climbed out of the car, and as Madison rounded the car to reach his side, he couldn’t help but take in her appearance one more time.
He swallowed thickly, making himself walk to her without letting his gaze roam her face and body like he felt powerless not to. The last thing he wanted was make her uncomfortable. And for all of his thoughts, he hadn’t even told her how beautiful she looked.
Swearing softly under his breath, he joined Madison at the front, and they made their way to the door. The loud music was bleeding through the walls so they decided to just let themselves in.
Nate was assaulted by sounds and smells he had admittedly forgotten after so many years of not attending high-school parties.
There had probably been a time when he’d even enjoyed this whole shin-ding; people crowding him left and right, some slapping his shoulder, some slipping him cheap beer they should not have been drinking, girls flirting with him, usually because of his popularity.
Now he could take it or leave it.
Looking down to see how Madison was faring, he found her with an expression of awe, intrigue and mild disgust.
Nate was already chuckling while he hung her coat and his jacket by the door on the existing pile.
His height allowed him to make his way easily through the crowd, scanning the faces around him for the guys that should be around there somewhere.
Glancing to his left, he placed his hand lightly at Madison’s lower back, so as not to lose her in the sea of people. At least, that’s what he told himself.
He leaned in closer to her ear.
“Is this everything you’ve ever dreamed of?” He could barely contain his amusement. Her look of shock was killing him. He saw her cheeks reddening before rising up on her toes towards him almost shouting to be heard.
“Well, it’s certainly interesting.”
Nate grinned at her. “Just interesting?”
“I’m sorry, what? I’m already on my way to permanent deafness.”
“You’re so dramatic.”
“I think the word you’re looking for is truthful.”
“Fine. You’re so truthful and dramatic.”
“See? You’re already coming over to my side.”
“Eh, I was pretty much halfway there. Do you want something to drink?”
Madison smiled and nodded, “A soda, please.”
“I’ll be right back.”
After grabbing them both their drinks and handing Madison her own, Nate heard a loud “Keaton!” before noticing Johnny making his way towards him.
Johnny immediately pulled him in for a bro hug.
“How are you doing, man? This is quite a crowd, huh?” Johnny shouted, his body slightly tilting. Nate would probably end up being the only one sober by the end of the night.
“It sure is,” he nodded his head towards his friend and teammate.
“Hey, who’s your girl?” Johnny asked, just then noticing Madison on Nate’s right.
“This is my friend, Madison.” He didn’t offer more information.
“Hi, Madison, I’m Johnny!” he said, extending his hand towards her while giving Madison a very obvious once-over. “Do you go to the same school?”
“Ah, yes, I do actually. It’s nice to meet you,” she answered politely.
“Huh, that’s weird. I thought I would have noticed you.” Johnny attempted a lopsided grin that failed completely.
Nate, however, was decidedly not amused. “Yes, that’s a pity,” he murmured.
“What?” Johnny shouted close to Nate’s ear.
“Someone is calling you over there,” Nate shouted back, showing the general area of the kitchen.
“Oh, right! I’ll catch you later, man. Got to be a good host!” Johnny said, before he was basically swallowed by the crowd.
Nate sighed and shook his head. If this was how the night was going to go, he could already feel the exhaustion setting in. The tiredness after the earlier match was enough. Batting guys away from Madison was not what he’d signed up for. And a glance at her confirmed that she was happily oblivious.
With Johnny’s departure, Nate spotted a corner of the living room near a window that seemed to be less crowded and nudged Madison towards it.
“I’d forgotten what the 2000s were about, but this party sure brought everything screaming back to me,” Madison said while sipping her soda.
She had to lean every time she talked in order to be heard, her side always brushing against his, her long hair tickling his arm where he had folded the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows.
Her scent drifted over to him, something floral he found himself wanting to chase to its source.
“I’m scared to ask,” he said finally.
“You should be, really. God, I’d forgotten how aggressively we girls used to try to flat-iron our hair.
I’m surprised I had any hair left going into adulthood.
” She shook her head in horror. “And the emo phase, sweet Jesus, I’d blocked that out.
All that smudged eye-liner. Everybody looked permanently like raccoons. ”
“Did you go through an emo phase, Madison?” Nate asked, barely stopping himself from cracking up.
“Thank God, no. But that was mainly due to my inability and general disinterest to follow any sort of trend.” She paused, seemingly in deep thought. “I did fall victim to the low-rise jeans catastrophe though. Not my finest moment.”
Nate could feel his lips twitching like mad.
Madison’s gaze landed on his face, her hazel eyes narrowing at him.
“I don’t suppose you have any embarrassing fashion confessions to share with the class.”
He pretended to think it over seriously.
“Embarrassing? No, not really. I did however own a pair or two of cargo pants.”
“The ones that had a million pockets and could fit all your possessions?”
“Yep, those ones exactly.”
“Yeah no, that’s not embarrassing enough. Not even a fringe?”
“Nope, sorry.”
“Well that’s disappointing.” Madison’s eyes were sparkling in obvious amusement. And Nate knew that because he’d somehow drawn closer as they’d kept talking. He realized that he was actually having fun, and he felt lighter than he’d felt in years.
He knew he should take a step back or even look away but he didn’t want to. And something told him that maybe she didn’t want to either.
A loud noise like glass shattering on a hard surface snapped them out of whatever that was and Nate felt a surge of annoyance at the interruption.
However, no interruption could dissolve the underlying thrum of excitement that seemed to be buzzing through his veins.
He suddenly had the desire to be just a little bit impulsive.
“Dance with me, Mads?”
Up to that point, the music had been a mix of dance hits from the 90s and early 2000s as well as endless RnB songs. But as the intro to Edwyn Collins’s ‘A Girl Like You’ started blasting from the speakers, Nate decided he was going off-script.
Madison’s smile started from a mere tilting of her lips and evolved into a full-on grin.
“Are you sure? How much have you had to drink exactly?” she said, her excitement tinting her cheeks in a way that made his breath hitch.
“Unfortunately, not at all so I can’t blame this on alcohol.
” He extended his hand, palm up. “And I’ve never been surer.
” His voice sounded rough even to his own ears, as Madison reached out and clasped her hand in his.
He gently tugged her towards him, slowly walking backwards to the middle of the living room where everyone had been dancing.
Nate’s left hand found its way around Madison’s waist while his right one clasped her left as he attempted to twirl her, which of course had her laughing in seconds.
They danced through the whole song and the next one, both of them busting out some of their best and some of their most ridiculous moves and laughing until tears formed in the corners of their eyes.
If the only goal of the night was to see her have fun, then Nate would go home feeling proud as hell for achieving it.
From the corner of his eye, he caught the familiar figures of Liam and Cooper who were standing stock-still and gaping at him as if he’d grown an extra head.
He was definitely going to hear about this later.
He had no regrets.
The music suddenly changed into something lush and slow, charging the mood around them. He was ready to let Madison go, to maybe guide her to their earlier spot and resume their conversation.
Except his body felt locked into place, his muscles tensing with anticipation.
Nate peered into Madison’s eyes, and what he saw there reassured him that letting go was the last thing on both their minds.
He found himself moving closer to her as if he’d been doing this forever.
She fit against his body, her arms grasping the front of his shirt, her warmth sipping though the fabric while he held her close, one arm around her waist and one around her nape, as the music crooned away.
They were surrounded by dozens of bodies but they might as well have been alone with only the music guiding their movements in a soothing, sultry vibe.
A sense of peace came over him as Nate came slowly to a realization that had been a long time in the making.
He wanted this girl. In whatever capacity, as a friend or otherwise. There was no going back for him.
He was not letting her go.