nineteen
T he weekend following that Friday night was everything it was supposed to be.
Like Christmas had thrown up all over it.
Exactly how Maddy liked it.
When her nonna visited them, they would decorate both the main house and her small apartment, thus testing the endurance of electrical outlets of the house to its maximum.
Christmas was only two weeks away so it was time to get their festive mode on.
It was Maddy’s favorite time of the year.
The twinkling lights, the Christmas tree full of colorful ornaments, the garlands on the banisters, the wreaths on the doors, the stockings on the fireplace, she loved it all.
But most of all, she had always loved the family time, how they would always be together, Maddy and her three favorite people.
Listening to Christmas music, cooking, playing an even more insane amount of board games.
Maddy and grandma ending up being the most competitive ones of the bunch, just shy of exchanging insults.
All in good spirit of course.
All that holiday anticipation, however, made the last few days of school before the break go by exceptionally slowly.
In one such day, Maddy had been shamelessly zoning out, her gaze wandering outside the classroom window. She hadn’t really been looking at anything in particular but her eyes quickly zeroed in on a familiar figure, something which made her heart skip a beat.
Maybe she should have that checked out. It clearly wasn’t something normal.
Nate was passing through with a couple of his classmates, his hands in his pockets.
Maddy smothered a sigh that threatened to escape her lips and embarrass her in front of her professor.
How could anyone look so effortlessly good? She certainly couldn’t pull that off. But Nate did. He so did. And he wasn’t even a little bit cocky about it. Sure, he joked about it but he never actually showed off. He just traipsed about looking like that in sportswear, for Christ’s sake.
A quick look at his downcast expression was enough to pull Madison out of her blatant staring.
During the past few days, Maddy and Nate had picked up the habit of talking and texting here and there more than usual.
Mostly for silly stuff. But as the days went by, Maddy couldn’t help but notice that Nate’s mood seemed to be deteriorating little by little.
And whenever the holidays were mentioned, he became quieter and distant, like he had to make an extra effort to appear his usual self and Maddy didn’t know what to make of it.
She hated seeing and hearing him like that.
And watching his dark demeanor that morning sent a painful pang in her solar plexus.
Maddy pursed her lips in determination. She took her friend responsibilities seriously and she would at least try to cheer him up. The cogs in her brain started spinning which gave her a nice distraction from the absolute boredom of the class.
She suddenly felt much more energized.
That afternoon, she texted him.
Maddy : Wazzup?
Nate : Are you quoting what I think you’re quoting?
Maddy : Um… no?
Nate : Because if you were, that would mean that you were actually ready to watch the thriller that you still owe me?
Maddy : Wow, that backfired spectacularly. You’re still on about that? I thought we’d decided that we didn’t need to watch that.
Nate : No, Mads. You decided that. I never agreed to that.
Maddy : Well anyway, I’ll be totally sidestepping that.
Maddy : My reason for annoying you this fine evening is to ask you what you’re up to tomorrow afternoon.
Nate : Nothing much.
Nate : Should I be scared?
Maddy : Of course not, silly.
Maddy : I was just wondering if you wanted to go browse some music with me.
Maddy : Ever since the party, I’ve been itching to go find some nice tunes.
Maddy : There’s a music store not far from here we can check out.
She hoped she didn’t sound too pushy.
Maddy : If you want to.
Yeah, that’s much better.
Maddy : You totally don’t have to if you’re not in the mood.
Okay, she should stop now.
Maddy : It’s no big deal.
Seriously, any time now.
She made a sound of frustration while sitting on her hands to stop herself from typing more nonsense.
The truth was that she was actually really looking forward to his reply. She hoped this would turn his mood around. Plus, she just really wanted to see him. Since the party, she found that she’d missed his steady presence next to her, radiating a warmth that was unique to him, and only him.
Her phone pinged with another message. The sound that escaped her was anything but dignified.
Nate : Sure, Mads.
Nate : I’ll text you the time I’m picking you up.
Maddy : Okay!
She flopped back on her bed, kicking her feet up and down in excitement.
She was giddy like a schoolgirl with a crush.
Except she wasn’t. A schoolgirl, or a crush owner.
No, she was perfectly cool, calm, and collected.
If only she could get that stupid grin to go away.
***
The next afternoon found Maddy and Nate in a local music store about a half hour from where they lived.
At first glance, it looked like an unassuming place, somewhere one could just pass by and never even notice if they weren’t paying attention. But once they stepped inside, it was a whole new world.
The tinkling sound of a bell accompanied the swishing of the door as Nate was the first to enter the store, holding it open for Maddy to pass through.
The relief was instant as the warm temperature of the place had her relax her bunched up shoulders from the cold.
A soft guitar was playing in the background as Maddy and Nate took in the feel of the place.
There were exposed brick walls everywhere, rows upon rows of CDs and vinyls marked by decades and then artists filled the eye, the colors of the album covers making it impossible to discern at first glance what they were seeing.
Maddy felt as if she could touch the music in the air.
A brief glance at Nate was enough to tell her that it had been the right call to make the trip here. Nate looked almost enthralled, like he was trying to absorb everything at once and unsure of where to start. Which was more or less what Maddy was experiencing.
Now, Maddy didn’t know about Nate, but where she was concerned, in no way did she consider herself a music expert.
She really, really wasn’t. But once she found a vibe she liked—whether it was a music genre or an artist—she became consumed by it.
She had to hear everything they’d ever released.
It was pretty much the same as with her favorite authors: once she discovered one she loved, she’d hunt down every book in their backlist.
Half measures didn’t exist for her, and looking around the shop, a wave of nostalgia overwhelmed her.
She had really missed this.
Sure, downloading or streaming music had certainly become the easiest way to access music throughout the years. And of course there were the mega stores that catered to every taste.
But nothing beat the feel of a local CD store, where she really had to put in the effort to look through the stacks, scanning every album for the cover or a hint of the name of her favorite artists or groups, sometimes coming up empty-handed, others resurfacing with precious findings she would love and listen to again and again.
Coincidentally, the early 2000s had given Maddy some of her all-time favorite music and she felt almost jittery. She couldn’t wait to dive in.
“So,” Maddy exhaled, the first word either of them had uttered since setting foot inside. “What do you think?”
Nate’s dark eyes seemed to have regained some of the spark he had been missing during the last few days as he turned to peer into her own. There was a glint of excitement there that definitely mirrored her own.
“I think your idea was awesome, Mads.”
Maddy fought hard not to beam like a lunatic.
“Are you going to still think that when I inevitably start singing out loud every song my eyes latch on that I’ve forgotten that I actually love and now I absolutely have to sing because I’m a human jukebox?” Maddy asked, all in one breath.
Nate blinked at her.
“Are we going to get thrown out of here if you do?”
“What do you take me for? An amateur? I know how to be discreet, Nate.” Maddy scoffed. “I’m not going to belt out lyrics at the top of my voice. You will be the sole recipient of all my performance.” A brief pause. “Unless it’s Evanescence.”
Nate chuckled, his hand reaching up to curl softly in the crook where her neck met her shoulder, squeezing her lightly, his eyes boring into hers.
“I’m honored. Lead the way, jukebox.”
So Maddy led the way while honestly hoping that Nate wouldn’t be able to feel how her pulse was jumping erratically like her life was in mortal danger on the exact spot where he’d curled his fingers.
A hope that would probably be squashed given that her heart seemed seconds away from trying to escape from her chest.
He’d done that so casually, like his hand was a missing puzzle piece that needed to slot into place.
Forget singing. Maddy was probably going to hyperventilate and pass out from too much oxygen.
Okay, she needed something to distract herself.
“How about we do a guessing game?”
Yes, Maddy was an evil genius, which judging by Nate’s skeptical expression, it was an opinion he didn’t share. “We both know we like Muse but what about other artists and groups? We’ll make suggestions and see if we end up with anything else in common. Who knows, we might both be Madonna fans.”
“Wow, that was amazing, Mads. You got it on the first try,” Nate beamed exaggeratedly.
“Really?” Maddy beamed back.
“No,” he deadpanned.
Oh. Okay. His sarcastic tone flew over her head but she would not be discouraged.
“Not even ‘Sorry’? Come on, that was straight up fire!”
“Are you going to take this seriously?”
“When do I ever not take things seriously?”
Nate arched an eyebrow in answer.
Maddy’s answer was to extend her forefinger on said eyebrow and attempt to push it down.
To which Nate answered by covering her hand with his own and holding it against his chest.
“Are you done?”
“Not in the slightest,” Maddy murmured stubbornly. “But I will let this go for now since we have more pressing matters. Serious matters,” she said, putting the emphasis on serious.
God, she really had turned into a teenager.
“Okay, so, am I closer with Red Hot Chili Peppers or System of a Down?” Maddy rubbed her jaw in a contemplative way.
“Probably System of a Down, although I never went deeper than their most well-known songs.”
“‘Lonely Day?’”
“Among others.”
“Yeah, that was a good one.”
“What about you? You said Evanescence. Their ‘Fallen’ era or their later stuff?”
“Everything, honestly. But that ‘Fallen’ album might as well be embedded permanently in my brain.”
Nate nodded his head and Maddy secretly loved how seriously he took this, the attention that he paid. Sometimes, when someone inevitably got used to passing unnoticed, they started to believe they were actually invisible. But Nate’s company never made her feel invisible.
“Okay, next. Slipknot or Rise Against the Machine?”
“Slipknot.”
“Me too!” she beamed.
A small smile tipped Nate’s lips. “I bet it’s their really angsty, instrumental songs, ‘Snuff,’ ‘Vermillion Pt.2?’” he said, the bastard almost smirking.
Maddy narrowed her eyes.
“How did you know that?”
“I had a hunch.”
“Hm,” she eyed him suspiciously. “You think you have me all figured out, don’t you?”
His hand had slipped away from where he had been holding her to shuffle through the CDs, but he was now turning fully towards her to answer her.
“I’m starting to realize that it would take me years to figure out some things about you but never everything.”
Maddy felt her breath catch at his statement. Sometimes it was like he knew which raw nerves were exposed and needed soothing.
“Why are you saying these things to me, Nate?” she looked him straight in the eyes, needing to read the truth of his words there.
Nate returned her look calmly and unflinchingly.
“You wanted my honest opinion. Well, this is my honest opinion.”
Maddy felt that her voice would crack if she attempted to speak, so she gave him a smile she hoped conveyed what she was feeling and nodded.
“And in the name of honesty,” he continued with a sheepish expression, “I will have to admit that, though I wasn’t a Madonna fan, I was a bit infatuated with Nelly Furtado there for a while.”
Maddy could practically feel her face go slack with shock.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. And don’t look so shocked. I was just a teenager and she was… well you know how she looks. And her songs were really catchy,” Nate finished with a wide-eyed, almost panicked expression, probably expecting she’d make fun of his confession.
“Nate, I know. Anyone with eyes and ears would agree that that infatuation would have been one hundred percent justified.” Maddy considered for a brief moment how much to reveal.
“I had a fixation on the HIM front-man. There was just something about that guy with his eyeliner and his beanies that used to be a sight for sore eyes for quite a while back then.”
Their eyes caught and they both started laughing.
They talked about several more bands and types of music, reminiscing about the tapes they would have to rewind by using a pencil to unwind the tape’s film, or the almost manic way they would catch a favorite song on the radio and blast it through the speakers a long time before streaming services were put on the map.
It had been so frustrating and so fun at the same time.
After a full hour of walking through the aisles, Maddy’s gaze caught on a band she hadn’t listened to for quite a while. And a song that always made her heart full as much it made it ache.
Tugging on Nate’s sweatshirt, she slipped a hand around his wrist, pulling him to a stop.
“Do you trust me to pick out something for you?”
“Of course, Mads.”
With a wide smile, she picked up the white and gray cover of two figures embracing of the ‘Eyes Open’ album by Snow Patrol.
“Here,” she said, handing it to him, “something to remember this day by.”
Nate’s eyes fell on the album before he fixed his piercing stare at Maddy.
“Grab another one.”
Maddy looked at him quizzically.
“One for you, and one for me. Something so we can both remember this day by.”
The warmth that spread through Maddy at his words was something she hoped she would never forget.