twenty-one
M addy had no idea how her legs were still holding her up.
A feat of physics, of biology, or of whatever the hell something.
She really didn’t care.
She would keep her jelly legs as long as she could also keep the butterflies in her stomach that had suddenly turned into fucking pterodactyls.
As long as she could keep the warmth that had pooled in her belly like thick honey, making her both sluggish and hyper-aware.
She could feel everything. Nate’s puff of breath on her wet lips. His thumb making soothing circles where he was holding her. His clean, woodsy smell making her dizzier than she already was. Her pulse beating in her throat slightly maniacally.
They breathed the same air for a few moments after they parted, in no hurry to separate fully.
It was cliché, but everything felt slowed down around them.
As if time held little meaning.
But again, with them, time had always held little meaning.
Maddy felt her cheeks stretch painfully in a smile she was sure did nothing to downplay what she was feeling. She’d always had trouble playing it cool.
Fuck that. She really didn’t care about that either.
She would follow her gut wherever that took her.
“So you really liked that book, huh?” she asked, no chance at making it sound like a serious question when her smile was probably all over the place.
Nate’s deep and unrestrained laughter sounded of happiness and that was all Maddy could wish for at that moment.
“Let’s just say I will be looking forward to your suggestions from now on.”
They were still speaking so close to each other, it was almost as if they were sharing a secret, not casually conversing about books with vampire sex scenes.
Yes, she was no fool. She knew very well which parts he’d found ‘illuminating and educational.’ And she was happy to recommend many more books if this was the outcome she could look forward to.
They eventually separated a bit more, enough to resume walking, his arm again around her shoulders, hers around his trim waist. This time, Madison didn’t do it because she was cold. She was pretty sure she wouldn’t feel cold again for quite some time.
It just felt like an impossible feat to put more distance between them.
“Can I interest you in some hot cocoa?” Nate’s smooth voice startled her out of her spinning thoughts.
“Why, yes, kind sir.”
Nate’s chuckle transferred from his body to hers, reverberating through her.
“I’m sorry, are we English now?”
“Don’t expect me to sound logical right now. Something must have seriously got knocked around up there,” Maddy said, pointing at her head. To say she was still feeling slightly disoriented was the least.
In the best way.
“Hey, what are your plans for the holidays?” Maddy asked as they made their way to a coffee shop that was lit up with a bazillion Christmas lights just ahead of them. “Have you decorated yet?”
“No, not yet. We don’t really make a big deal out of the holidays at home. It’s not really the most wonderful time of the year for my family.” Nate’s lips tightened in a bitter smile.
“I’m sorry, Nate. I shouldn’t have assumed.” She shook her head at herself.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it, Mads.” His easy words were tinged with sadness.
Maddy hated seeing him like this. There was probably a good reason behind Nate’s dejected confession but she didn’t want to pry. He could tell her if and when he felt ready.
“If nothing is fixed, we could do some of the fun things you suggested a while back. Or I could be your little Christmas helper and we could decorate your place together, I certainly have the height for it.” She paused, thinking she didn’t want to put pressure on him if he didn’t feel like it.
“Or we could do absolutely nothing like that. We could ban Christmas and watch something scary instead,” Maddy offered with a smile that probably looked like a wince.
Nate’s eyes softened with a chuckle and pulled her closer into his embrace.
“We can do anything you want, Mads.” She could read the sincerity in his expression.
“Are you sure?” she asked though for good measure.
“I’m sure,” he nodded.
“Okay then. But just for honesty’s sake, you shouldn’t give me carte blanche with this kind of stuff. You might find yourself doing despicable things.”
Nate was shaking his head in laughter.
“Okay, fair, so how about this. You get to do your despicable things and I get to choose something scary to watch to even things out.”
Maddy sighed. “Yeah, okay. I’ll probably spend the whole time with my face buried in my hands anyway.”
“No worries, Mads. It will be nothing you can’t handle. Promise.”
The glint in his eye did not reassure her in the least.
After that, they continued their wandering around, a cup of hot cocoa in hand.
Maddy pointed out all the different kinds of decorative lights and ornaments to Nate, as if he were not blessed with excellent vision himself, oohing and aahing every time she saw something extravagant or particularly cute.
Nate thankfully seemed to have accepted his fate as the recipient of all that oohing and aahing, throwing her bemused glances here and there, an ever-present faint smile tilting the corners of his lips.
Their steps carried them through the better part of the neighborhood, before they made their way to the car so that they could head back. They never parted throughout the entire meandering, a part of their body always in contact, always touching.
She thought that she could easily get addicted to that.
The drive back carried with it a sense of calm surrender to something inevitable. The music of Snow Patrol’s ‘Chasing Cars’ flooded the vehicle as Nate drove them home and Maddy felt herself settling in the comfort of those familiar lyrics.
***
The next few days flew by with lots of decorating happening in the Pierce household, which meant plenty of family time; some back-and-forth roasting with her mom, some festive dad jokes from her dad that made everyone groan, and some third-degree interrogation from her grandma.
“What’s that expression?” her nonna asked when they were playing cards one afternoon.
“What expression?” Maddy knew very well what expression she was talking about. She’d had a goofy face on all the damn time for the past few days, before she remembered to school her features into something more normal and less deranged.
Her nonna lifted a finger and pointed it straight at her face.
“That expression.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s my face.”
“It is your face, but it’s happy.”
“Are you saying that my face is usually a sad face? Because I’m hurt.”
“Don’t try to distract me. It won’t work.” Her grandma could become very intimidating for an old lady.
Maddy sighed.
“It’s nothing, I was just thinking about the other day at the music store. It was fun,” she said nonchalantly.
Her grandma simply stared at her.
“So, it was fun, hm?”
“Yes.” Maddy tried to avoid that stare.
“At the music store.”
“Yes.”
“With Nate.”
“Yes.” Maddy was starting to sweat.
“Your friend, Nate.”
Maddy’s brief hesitation was all her nonna needed to pounce.
“Ha! I knew it.” She shook a triumphant, wrinkled fist at her.
“You know nothing, old woman,” Maddy told her, narrowing her eyes.
Her grandma’s face softened.
“I know you look happy, tesoro mio.”
Well, shit.
Maddy was a sucker for her nonna’s endearments. Especially since it had been years since she’d heard them.
“We’re friends, nonna, really. But there could be something else there, too. It’s too soon to tell.” Maddy’s mind had been on a constant loop, replaying every moment with Nate. She felt her grandma’s gaze, studying her intently.
“Is he a player?” her nonna asked.
“I hope not.”
Her nonna snorted. “I mean, does he like playing like we do, board games etc.?”
“I guess?” Maddy had a bad feeling about this.
“Then you should invite him over. It will be good for me, some new blood. Maybe he will pose a challenge.”
“Hey!” Maddy would have felt more insulted if it hadn’t been true. She shook her head. “What are you plotting?”
“Nothing.” Her nonna eyed her innocently. “I’m just a little, old lady that would appreciate some company, that’s all. Plus, your parents will be gone for a couple of days to visit your aunt and uncle and this way, we wouldn’t feel lonely.”
Maddy looked at her blankly.
“That was very subtle.”
“It was, wasn’t it?” she smiled proudly.
“Not in the least.”
Her grandma scoffed.
“It is mainly the truth, though. Invite the boy over. It will be nice.”
Maddy contemplated her nonna’s suggestion. She supposed it wouldn’t hurt to ask Nate if he wanted to come over. And if he didn’t, it would be totally understandable.
“Will you be nice?”
“I’m always nice.”
“Uh huh.”
Yeah, sure.