5 Elowen
5 Elowen
Elowen planned to flee. She really, really did. The first decent chance she got, she was going to hike up her cloak and sprint
through the Mythrian countryside, escaping this situation for good. The problem was, while galloping on horseback together,
Elowen had to hold on to Vandra. And when she held on to Vandra, she felt Vandra. And Vandra Ravenfall radiated bliss.
It had been hours since Elowen consented to being taken. Thanks to her very close proximity to Vandra, Elowen had since absorbed
every last bit of Vandra’s good mood. To Elowen, Vandra’s feelings were already more potent than other people’s. Perhaps because
she’d once touched every last bit of Vandra with not just her hands, but her mouth. She used to delight in all the ways she
could unravel her. It was the best part of what was mostly a punishing endeavor, questing across Mythria to rescue Thessia
and then save the entire realm.
Touching Vandra again felt like being pulled up to the surface after a life underwater. Elowen found herself doing ridiculous
things such as marveling at the beauty of the sunset—a stunning pink, reminiscent of rhodolite—and adoring the caress of the
wind on her face.
They were riding atop the same horse Vandra had ten years ago, a striking fellow named Killer, who was black as obsidian, from his coat, to his mane, to his eyes. In the past, the sight of him lit up Elowen’s heart. His presence indicated Vandra was nearby, which meant aside from the real trouble that lay ahead, some fun trouble awaited Elowen. That was what Vandra used to be—fun trouble. Near the end of the quest, Elowen and Vandra’s late-night adventures had become an open secret among the Four. It was a source of light teasing from Beatrice and Clare. They would make a game out of keeping Elowen from leaving for the night, desperate to get her to admit where she was going. Galwell was more earnest in his approach.
“Who is she to you really?” he’d once asked.
“It’s nothing to worry about,” Elowen had responded.
“I never said I was worried.” Galwell leaned closer. “I just want to see you happy.”
Elowen hated those memories. She’d spent years whittling the shape of them until they were far too sharp to revisit, because
to think on them too much would remind her of everything she’d given up when she fled to the trees. But there she sat, clutching
Vandra’s waist, smelling the jasrose oil on her neck, thinking fondly of their shared past. Fondly! What a cruel joke! Elowen
True was fond of nothing but despair!
“What a lovely sunset,” Elowen found herself saying, right when she meant to hiss out some insult about... something. She
couldn’t remember what.
Vandra, already warm with joy, grew warmer yet. She tugged gently on the reins until her horse came to a stop. “That’s why
I took the scenic route. Best view in all of the land.”
It was the first time they’d been still since departing. The countryside came with its own kind of quiet, so very different from the noisy treetops where Elowen resided. Elowen had grown accustomed to the shake of wind through leaves or the never-ending bustle of animals scurrying from branch to branch. Down in the valley, between rolling verdant hills, the shimmery pink sky fading with every passing breath, it was so quiet Elowen could do nothing but marvel at her own contentment.
“You have no idea how lovely it is to be near you,” Vandra said.
Yes I do , Elowen thought, feeling all of Vandra’s fulfillment.
“Yes you do,” Vandra remembered, right on cue. Her laugh pressed against the silence. “How could I ever forget the ways in
which you can feel me?”
Elowen jerked back. Free from touching Vandra, a wave of resentment instantly flooded in, restoring the coldness of her heart
after hours exposed to Vandra’s unbearable brightness.
Elowen leapt down from the horse, and grabbed her satchel once she was on the ground. The quiet no longer felt like peace.
It was cruel in its patience, granting far too much room for Elowen’s loud, angry thoughts to stomp around. How could you do this? Why didn’t you let go sooner? What good can come from returning to this realm again?
Elowen set out to find a cave. Yes. That’s where she was headed. Someplace dark and chilly where she could tuck herself inside
for days, surviving on nothing but patches of grass for food and a healthy dose of misery for company.
“You know I won’t let you get away,” Vandra called out.
Elowen would have to do something to rid herself of Vandra. Kill her? That sounded dreadful. Elowen didn’t want anyone to
die. And blood was so messy. She just wanted to be left alone. When she was alone, she was centered. She could remember how
much the realm had hurt her, and why it was she shouldn’t return to it.
She did not dignify Vandra with a response. Vandra would find a way to be charming in return, and it would chip away at Elowen’s
already damaged armor.
When Elowen was younger, she kept people at a distance as a test of sorts. Were they truly loyal, or did they just want something from her because of her wealthy parents or her impressive brother?
Now Elowen kept people at a distance because growing near to them came with far too much pain. The better you knew someone,
the harder it was to lose them. Elowen had already lost the other half of herself in Galwell. The better half, really. She’d
lost her only real friend in Beatrice, who’d never even considered Elowen a friend at all. She’d lost her purchase in the
world. And now she’d even lost her sole source of income. It was amazing how she’d helped save the entire realm and she’d
come out of it as nothing but a loser.
Elowen could not stand to lose anything else.
She walked until the sunset turned to dusk, with Vandra and the horse a few paces back. From her satchel of Domynia costumes,
a series of pings started up—another private delivery on her message tapestry. Elowen rummaged through her bag until she found
it.
Please talk to me , the message said. Though I do quite like my view back here.
You told me you wanted to purchase my costumes , Elowen responded, fighting to keep her body from tensing. She did not want to give Vandra the satisfaction of seeing the
effect she had. You lied. We have nothing else to discuss.
“I will buy them from you,” Vandra called out. “For whatever you want me to pay.”
I want none of your money , Elowen wrote. Speaking aloud to Vandra always managed to get her into trouble. Perhaps writing would be safe. And I’d never sell these precious pieces to a pretend fan. You don’t deserve them.
“I truly love Desires of the Night ,” Vandra said.
Elowen whipped around, no longer able to hide her fury. How dare Vandra mock her interests, pretending to enjoy the very shadow play Elowen had loved since she was a young child? She expected to find Vandra with a mean-spirited smirk on her face. Instead, Vandra looked genuine, though Elowen could never know for sure, which only brought more frustration.
“See?” Vandra said. “I mean it. Just like I mean it when I say I don’t want to hurt you.”
It was utter agony, knowing people’s emotions but never knowing their intentions . What was it Vandra really wanted? She’d already succeeded in dragging Elowen toward Queendom so she could attend Thessia’s
wedding. Yes, Elowen was currently fleeing, but they both knew it was a fruitless exercise and Vandra would get her back on
track. So why was Vandra still flirting with Elowen along the way? Their entire past relationship had been built around stolen
moments on opposite sides of the same quest. Under these new circumstances, Elowen could not even imagine how they could mimic
such a situation. Or why Vandra would wish to in the first place.
Elowen whirled back around, newly furious. “Too late!”
She heard Vandra pick up her pace. “How have I hurt you? Please tell me. I am quite invested in learning more. Much like my
investment in Desires of the Night .”
Elowen hated this. She did not want to lay herself bare. There was nothing she could say other than she did not want to be
seen, or known. She wanted to be safe. And Vandra was not safe. Not at all.
“I can’t get into this,” Elowen said.
Vandra fell back, letting the distance grow between them again. “Ah, yes. There’s the Elowen I once knew,” she said. “It’s
funny how I’d almost forgotten. My memory can be so forgiving when my heart feels such excitement.”
Elowen ached at those words. She knew she was being difficult. Now she had confirmation from Vandra. But she couldn’t apologize, because that would build a bridge between them, and Elowen could not bear to bring herself closer to Vandra, especially when she’d so swiftly proved that she’d only ever cause Vandra pain.
“This is precisely why I’m single again,” Vandra lamented.
With one sentence, Vandra had managed to pique Elowen’s curiosity in the exact way she could not ignore. She had a whole host
of questions. Who have you been with since you knew me? What happened? How do I compare? They were the wrong thoughts, and Elowen scolded herself for having them. They were never anything serious. She had no claim
over Vandra. Still, she had to comment, saying, “I’m sure your breakup was more their fault than yours,” because it seemed
to be the kindest, truest, and safest statement she could make on the subject.
“For someone so committed to ignoring me, you do paint me in the most generous of lights,” Vandra responded.
Ghosts. Elowen had done the opposite of what she intended. Further proof she shouldn’t be roaming the realm with Vandra this
way.
“She was the one who broke up with me, I’ll have you know,” Vandra continued.
“Why?” Elowen asked. She attempted to make the question sound harsh, judgmental even, so Vandra wouldn’t think Elowen was
being flattering again.
Vandra came up to her ear again. “It’s sweet you think I’ll tell you all my secrets,” she whispered.
With that, silence fell over the two women again. Good. The less talking, the better. Hopefully it would nurture the small amount of bitterness Vandra had let creep into her cheerful facade. Maybe with every step, she’d resent Elowen more and more, until, finally, she abandoned her altogether.
The pings started up once again. Elowen nearly tossed her tapestry to the hills. “Stop messaging me!”
“I’m not!” Vandra protested.
Confused, Elowen looked to her tapestry. It was a reminder—her heart-healing appointment was about to start.
“ Fuck me ,” Elowen muttered.
“Really?” Vandra asked. “On what condition?”
Elowen shot her a glare. At that moment, nothing was worse than Elowen being inflicted with horniness. “Please grant me some
privacy,” she pleaded. “I’m begging you.”
Vandra smirked. “I do love it when you beg.” Her grin widened, even more dazzling than Elowen remembered. She was so good
at bringing things back to playful. She never let a bad moment linger. It was a large part of what made her so dangerous.
You never knew her true aim until it was far too late. “See?” she said coyly. “You know me just as well as I know you.”
Vandra did not know everything, but she did know Elowen’s weaknesses. Intimately. And she was, regrettably, playing on every single one. Elowen hadn’t meant to let her guard down around Vandra, but somehow,
she had. She could never do it again.
A few paces ahead, right where the curve in the road began to straighten, sat a quaint-looking inn. It was the first sign
of civilization they’d seen in a long while.
“How perfect,” Vandra commented. “We need lodging for the night. We’re nowhere near Queendom yet. We can stay here. You and
me in our own bed. Doesn’t that sound delightful?”
“We will be getting two rooms,” Elowen snarled.
“Even better,” Vandra said. “I love to have enough space to freely move about. Though we’ve certainly made good use of tight spots when necessary.” She winked.
A conjuration alert appeared in front of Elowen. It was a powerful head magic that had made it possible to communicate with
anyone in the realm. In the last ten years, the wisest magicians in Mythria had found a way for the residents to tap into
that magic source wherever they wanted instead of needing a specific conjuration device. All anyone had to do was snap their
fingers and accept the conjuration to start a connection with someone or something else, and they could pinch and poke the
air to change the scale of whatever they’d conjured.
Elowen snapped her fingers to accept the incoming personal conjuration.
At once a soft-voiced woman flickered into place, seated in a chair that did not exist on the wide-open road. “Elowen,” the
woman said, alarmed. “Where are you?”
It was Lettice, Elowen’s heart healer. Every seven days, Lettice and Elowen met via live conjuration appointment to discuss
Elowen’s feelings.
“Hello!” Vandra responded cheerily. “Elowen and I are traveling through the countryside! I kidnapped her! With her consent,
of course!”
Lettice could not hide her widened eyes, nor could she compose herself quickly enough to stop her jaw from dropping. Elowen
fought off the urge to laugh. No dark thought or despairing memory ever seemed to shock Lettice. Of course Vandra relaying
her successful kidnapping would be what finally did it. It was kind of funny.
Ever since their first meeting, Lettice had been suggesting Elowen make an attempt to return to society, and Elowen had been gently but firmly dodging the request. She claimed she had all she needed in the trees. She grew her own fruits and vegetables out on the porch, and every few days a carrier bird delivered whatever other essentials Elowen required. She had shadow plays to entertain her and the queen’s salary to support her. Now all of that was gone, and here Elowen was, stomping through the hills with the very woman whose name she refused to speak in her appointments, but whose presence she referenced often, calling her a nuisance, or a thorn in Elowen’s side.
“Sorry to intrude,” Vandra continued. “I suspect this is a private matter. I need to check us into our rooms anyway.” Vandra
walked right up to the conjuration. She dropped her voice to a stage whisper. “Do me a favor and be sure this one doesn’t
attempt to run off.” She pointed to Elowen. “She loves to do that. And she used to say I was the theatrical one. She has a wedding she must attend, so leaving now will do her no good, and she knows it.” Vandra blew
a kiss. “All my love!” She strutted toward the hitching post beside the inn, her black horse following closely behind.
“Elowen, is everything all right? Do I need to call the royal guard to help you?” Lettice asked once Vandra had gone inside.
This time Elowen did laugh. “I’m quite certain the guard won’t help, seeing as Vandra is now a member. She’s taking me to the queen’s wedding.”
Lettice fought off another gasp. “I wasn’t sure if you’d heard the news. I’d hoped we could talk about it.”
Elowen waved her hand. “There is nothing to say.”
This was Elowen’s favorite response to Lettice’s many inquiries. And yet Elowen was the one who’d set up the heart-healing appointments for herself. She wasn’t exactly sure why she’d done it, only that she’d grown tired of being the only person subjected to her own thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, that did nothing to convince her to share most of those thoughts and feelings with Lettice. She’d talked through some—as much as she could manage—but she resisted saying it all. Because when Elowen spoke certain things out loud, it always seemed sillier than it did in her head. Too small to be as big of a deal as it was. And Elowen hated to feel that small.
“Will Beatrice be attending?” Lettice asked. Elowen could not sense emotions through conjurations. Not magically, at least.
Still, she could feel Lettice straining to conceal her genuine curiosity. As her heart healer, Lettice wanted Elowen to mend
her friendship with Beatrice because it was the healthy thing to do. As a Mythrian, Lettice was clearly dying to know why the famous Beatrice and Elowen no longer spoke.
“What great fortune!” Vandra shouted from inside the inn, loud enough to distract both Elowen and Lettice.
Good. Elowen wasn’t planning on answering Lettice anyway.
Vandra peeked her head outside. “We got the last two rooms!”
Lettice tapped her finger on her cheek. “Is this the woman you’ve told me about? The one whose name you won’t share?”
“No,” Elowen said.
“Maybe this is good,” Lettice said softly, ignoring Elowen’s answer. “Maybe you can have some fun for once.”
“I hate fun,” Elowen responded. “And I won’t be having any.” She snapped her fingers twice, effectively ending the conjuration.
Vandra came back outside with two keys in hand. “Did you have a good appointment? I use a heart healer as well. They are quite
transformative. By the way, which room would you like? One is the corner, with windows on either side, and I know you prefer
a scenic view.”
“Stop pretending you care about me!” Elowen shouted, unable to withstand another moment of Vandra’s thoughtful attention. “I am here. I am going to the wedding. You have done your job. Can you just leave me alone along the way?”
“Why do you assume that’s all I want?” Vandra asked. She did not bother to conceal her hurt. “I know you’ve been away from
society for a while, but surely you have not forgotten that people who care about one another do things like ask each other
questions.”
Elowen knew Vandra desired her. That had been clear from the first moment they met, ten long years ago, when Elowen caught
Vandra leaving decaying meat around their camping tent in an attempt to get carcass hawks to swarm them on the way to the
Grimauld Mines. Elowen had gone into that interaction expecting a confrontation, only to end up with her tongue down Vandra’s
throat and her hands grabbing her waist, eager for more. But Vandra caring for her? That couldn’t possibly be true. In ten years, neither one of them had ever attempted to reach out. How could Vandra
possibly care for her?
While Elowen stood there stunned, unable to respond, Vandra took the opportunity to dig in deeper. “We have a chance to do
what we couldn’t ten years ago. We are no longer adversaries. I am not here to thwart you. Do you really wish not to know
me better?”
“I don’t want to know you at all,” Elowen lied, and for once, she considered herself lucky to be the only one with the ability
to know how much her head and her heart disagreed.