Chapter 33
Nevan
Something was wrong. Enid sat by my side at my mother’s cottage, back straight, barely looking in my direction.
Throughout the night, I’d wondered if nerves were affecting her, and I’d tried to put my hand on her back, lay it on her knee, grab her hand, anything to let her know I was here with her. But every time I’d tried, she’d jerked away, so I’d stopped any attempts to touch her.
Everyone sat around the round table between the kitchen area and the living room.
The bags under Cillian’s eyes were only getting more prominent, and I wondered what was going on with my younger brother.
He looked more stressed than usual, not his charming self.
Wolfe sat next to him, gnawing on his chicken leg, and Niamh sat next to Wolfe, staring at Enid with furrowed brows and pursed lips.
Maybe something had happened at the book club last night. I needed to find out if Niamh knew something, and suddenly, I was kicking myself for not being more present with Enid over the last few weeks.
I’d been so busy with these stupid house calls, many of which she’d joined me on. But we couldn’t exactly talk during appointments where we had a patient to focus on. And the time we had spent together was mostly doing other things with our mouths.
“So Enid,” Mother said, “I hear you’ve been shadowing Nevan, learning more about healing?”
Enid swallowed her bite of food. “Yes, Nevan is a really good teacher.” She gave me a soft smile that I couldn’t help but notice was full of sadness.
“She’s been a great student and a quick learner,” I said, an ominous feeling settling over me.
“Is healing something you’re interested in?” Mother asked.
Father reached out and laid his hand over hers.
After all these years, they still loved each other so much. pain hit me then, along with the realization that maybe I’d never have that. I looked over at Enid. Or maybe I already did.
“No,” Enid said quickly. “I’m not a healer.”
“Really?” I glanced at her, surprised. I’d figured she was shadowing me so much, reading all these books, helping me create new potions, because she was interested in the possibility of it.
Enid gave a small shrug. “I’m clearly not cut out for saving people.” Her voice was terse and short.
“I think you’d make a wonderful healer,” Niamh said. “Ms. Carragh is still raving about your house call.”
Enid stared at her plate. “I didn’t even do anything. Nevan is the one who stitched her up.”
“Using your spindles,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. “It turns out there are a lot of plants with healing properties in this bog.”
Wolfe grunted, and I shot him a glare, hoping that he understood he’d better not say anything about what a shock that was.
But it was Cillian who decided to ruin the moment. “Who would’ve thought?” he asked, taking another sip of his wine.
He’d already downed a whole goblet.
“Maybe you should take it easy.” Father reached over and set Cillian’s glass down.
My younger brother snatched it back up, draining it. “Why? Just letting loose a little.” His words slurred.
Oh, godwitches. This was the first time I’d brought a woman to dinner, and he couldn’t make an effort to stay sober for it?
“Well, I’m glad to hear that about your bog, Enid.” Mother cut into her chicken breast with a knife. “I always knew there was so much potential in this place if we just explored and studied it a bit.”
Enid took a bite of her roasted potatoes but didn’t respond, didn’t bat an eye at that. I thought she’d be happy to hear others say nice things about her home. Dread coiled tighter in my gut. Something was definitely wrong, but I had no idea what.
“I never would’ve guessed.” Cillian leaned over, almost falling onto the table.
He righted himself and attempted to grab the jug, his hand missing it entirely.
“I mean, this bog is downright terrifying, full of plants that will eat you, cut you, strangle you.” He barked out a laugh.
“So glad our castle landed here of all places.”
Enid’s hand curled around her fork so tight her green skin paled.
Wolfe grabbed Cillian’s arm while he tried and failed to grasp hold of the jug. Godwitches, how drunk was he? “Father’s right,” Wolfe said. “You’ve had enough.”
Cillian glared at him but slumped back in his chair, thankfully not arguing.
Mother cleared her throat, gaze flicking to Cillian with concern.
I took a sip of my own wine, needing something to calm my nerves. “Maybe the bog would be more receptive to us if we weren’t so defensive.”
“Yes,” Niamh said quickly. “I agree. I think the Cragh has become a lovely home for Fairwitch Isle, and we’re just now discovering all the potential. Imagine what more we’ll discover in the next few years.”
“If we’re all still alive,” Cillian said out of the side of his mouth.
“Cillian.” Mother shot him a warning look.
Enid shrank back, the confident, fierce woman I knew nowhere in sight, and that did it. I was done with this. I was done with Cillian’s snarky comments and attitude.
I threw down my napkin. “Just stop,” I said, voice firm. Cillian’s eyes snapped to meet mine. “Stop with the snide remarks. You’re drunk. Go home and sober up and then be the leader this place needs.”
Cillian laughed. “What do you think I’ve been doing the last seven years? All I’ve done is be a leader, and where has it gotten me? With a castle that won’t choose my queen. Defenses that are getting weaker by the day.”
“What?” I asked.
Wolfe cleared his throat and widened his eyes at Cillian menacingly. So he knew about this.
“Our defenses are getting weaker?” Father asked, his gray brows shooting up.
“That was supposed to stay a secret,” Wolfe said with an edge to his voice.
“Why? Everyone should know that if someone stumbles upon us, there’s a chance they might see Fairwitch. We’ve already had a few humans scouting around.”
Enid stiffened next to me, and I put my hand over hers. I knew she’d had some tense run-ins with nearby towns in the past.
“That doesn’t mean they’re here for us,” Mother said, voice hopeful. “They could just be walking through the bog.”
“Right.” Cillian stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork. “Because this is such a lovely place to take a stroll.”
“Enough.” I slammed my hand hard enough that the glassware rattled. “Enough about this bog.”
Cillian laughed quietly. “And of course, we land here, and what room does the castle give back? Your lab. Not something useful like the lookout tower we’ve been missing for six years. That would sure be nice right about now.”
“Cillian, what has gotten into you?” Mother asked.
Enid shot to her feet, fury rolling off her in waves as she showed emotion for the first time tonight.
I was just glad to see some spark back. “That lab is important,” she said.
“It’s important to your brother, so it should be important to you too.
” Cillian held her gaze. “He’s brilliant, you know.
You have no clue all the amazing ideas he has, all the potions he could be creating to make this world a better place, but he can’t because he’s stuck doing your bidding as a healer, a career he doesn’t even want. ”
Everyone stared, shocked. Father’s mouth dropped open.
Mother’s hand floated to her mouth. “Is that true, Nevan?”
“You don’t care about what he wants as long as he’s doing your bidding,” Enid continued.
“You’re working him to death. He stays up all night reading alchemy books, studying the art of making potions because there’s no other time for him to do it, and that’s his true passion.
You take him for granted. You demand and demand and demand, yet you never stop to ask what he wants for himself, and he doesn’t say anything because he’s trying to make everyone else happy. ”
Mother’s eyes welled with tears, and I looked up at Enid, shocked by this outburst. She’d barely showed any emotion when my brother was tearing her bog apart, but he said one thing about my lab, and she’d exploded.
She said all the things I hadn’t been able to say, and she’d done it the first official time she met my family. She was so brave, so utterly brave.
“Nevan.” Enid shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes as if she was coming back to herself after an out-of-body experience. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” With that she turned and ran out of the house, the door slamming shut behind her.
I blinked, not fully able to process what had happened in the span of a few short minutes.
“What in the fuck was that?” Wolfe said.
A loud snort came from across the table, and I looked over to see Cillian asleep, chin tucked into his chest.
What a mess.
I opened my mouth to say something, to explain myself, then closed it because I had no idea what to say. I looked behind me. Enid’s figure got farther and farther away from the cottage in the waning light.
“We can talk later,” Mother said. “You have to go after her.”
My mind replayed all the amazing things Enid had said, then landed on that final thing she’d told me.
I don’t think I can do this anymore.
“Did she just break up with me?” I asked, feeling dazed. Maybe the wine was finally hitting me.
“It sounded like it.” Wolfe took another bite of his chicken leg, and Niamh elbowed him.
Mother reached across the table and laid her hand over mine. “Go after her.”
If Enid had ended it, that meant our entire charade was up. She didn’t want to fake date me anymore. I’d known something was wrong all night, but I hadn’t realized how wrong. Until she said those words. Fuck.
“You can fix this, Nevan,” Niamh said with an encouraging smile.
“No I can’t.” I let out a dark laugh and leaned back in my chair. “I actually can’t fix this because none of it was real.”
Father dabbed his mouth with a napkin. “Don’t say that, son.”
“No.” I took off my glasses and pinched the bridge of my nose. “You don’t understand. I mean those words literally. None of it was real. I lied to all of you.”
Confusion flitted across Mother’s face. “You lied about what?”
“About my relationship with Enid. We made the entire thing up.”
“Why in the fuck would you do that?” Wolfe asked.
Enid had been brave, so I supposed I could be too. I threw up my arms. “Because I don’t want a relationship, and you wouldn’t listen. None of you would. I’m so busy already between being a healer and trying to create enough potions that I could open my own apothecary—”
“You want to open your own apothecary?” Father asked.
For fuck’s sake. My family really knew nothing.
“Enid needed someone to help improve her reputation so she doesn’t get exiled,” I continued, “and I needed someone to get you off my back about marriage. Except then . . .”
I trailed off, not sure where my mind had been going with that sentence.
“Except then you fell in love with her,” Mother said softly, eyes once again welling with tears.
Love. The word struck me straight in the heart, and I knew instantly it was true. Fuck me.
“Oh, you’ve got it bad,” Father said with a smirk.
“I really just wanted to eat a good meal.” Wolfe put down his fork, half his plate uneaten. “And now it’s cold.”
Niamh shushed him.
Mother nodded, blue eyes so intense. “You love her, Nevan. So go after her.”
“She just told me it was over.” My heart split open at the thought of not seeing her every day, of never kissing her again, never holding her, never hearing her snarky commentary, never getting those rare, precious smiles she only gave when I broke through her walls enough to earn one.
Niamh tsked. “She loves you, too, Nevan.”
“She does?” Wolfe asked, and Niamh rolled her eyes.
“Yes,” Mother said, exasperated. “Please keep up.”
My mother reached over and put a hand on mine.
“I’m sorry I pressured you so much. I was worried about you.
Worried you were going to work yourself to death.
I thought if you met the right woman, maybe you’d slow down, but it turns out we should’ve been paying much closer attention to your needs.
You have no reason to believe me now, but I want this to work out between you and Enid.
Not for me but because I saw the way she just stood up for you, and that is everything you deserve in a partner.
Someone who understands what you need and will speak up for you when you don’t speak up for yourself.
She loves you, and if you love her, too, then you owe it to yourself to go after her. ”
Niamh was nodding along, and I started to believe maybe they were right.
“What am I doing here?” I asked myself.
“I don’t know, but go!” Mother shooed me.
Father smiled. “Go get your woman.”