Chapter 11 #2
“Ah, I see…” Physical intimacy didn’t immediately equate to sex in Thomas’s mind. It was interesting that it did within Cameron’s. “What about casual romantic intimacy? Holding hands or a hug. A kiss, for instance?”
Cameron paused and shifted his stance. “I… I’m not sure. I haven’t given it much thought. I don’t know if I’ve ever held anyone’s hand besides Rachelle’s, and that was when she was a child, frankly.”
Thomas wondered at Cameron’s previous romantic experiences—how old he was when he’d first had them and under what circumstances.
It had taken Thomas some time and exploration to gain a firm sense of his personal preferences.
If he exclusively based his opinions on his very first physical and romantic encounters (when he was young, eager and ignorant), he wouldn’t be interested in sex and carnal intimacy either.
He was going to let the topic drop, figuring he’d subliminally received the answer to his feeding question (likely not happening). So, he was surprised when Cameron spoke up once more.
“And you?” he asked. “How do you… What are your thoughts on romantic intimacy?”
Thomas blinked. “Ah, I am quite affectionate and I enjoy romantic intimacy—but only under specific circumstances.”
“Alright,” Cameron said, straightening from the shelf. “Well? Do tell.”
“It took me some time to figure out that I’m, um… You may not be familiar with the term, but I’m demisexual.”
Cameron raised an eyebrow. “Is that a human label?”
Thomas smiled. “Yes, it is. I found it handy when I came across the term, because it helped to validate my feelings. I need emotional intimacy with my partner before I can enjoy sex and other romantic acts. In human terms, I’m demisexual and bisexual.”
“I know that one,” Cameron said. “Aren’t all vampires technically bisexual?”
Thomas waved his hand. “More or less—categorically ‘queer.’ I used to have a female friend who strongly preferred other women. But I like the sound of it, honestly. Bisexual. This might be oversharing, but I had an acquaintance in my younger days—just as I had started university. The man was ravenous, my God. Constantly pawing at me and trying to get me into his bed. I finally let him have me and the experience was subpar, to say the least.”
“The ‘subpar’ part I am very familiar with,” Cameron said, nodding.
“But later, I met Dawn.” Thomas paused and steeled himself. He hadn’t spoken out loud about Dawn in… he didn’t know how long. But he wanted to share this. The moment felt right, somehow.
“We became closer over a longer stretch of time,” Thomas went on.
“I learned about her family and her life. The hardships she experienced as the eldest child—which I could absolutely relate to. We confided in each other. The seduction was slow, cautious and tender. When we finally made love, it was… wonderful. Unlike anything I had experienced before.”
Where was she now? This vampire that he had planned to spend his entire life with. The absence of even knowing if she was okay had created a hole in his heart.
“You loved her,” Cameron said into the silence. “Dawn…”
Thomas sighed. “Yes.” The rain began falling more intensely outside. Large droplets tapped against the windows like pebbles on glass. The wind moved and shifted like mist in a spellbinding dance.
“What happened to her?”
“I don’t know.” Thomas looked up and met his eyes. “I don’t know where she is or what happened to her, and I’m half afraid to know the answer. I feel like a coward, but it… it’s a long story.” He felt brave enough to tell the tale of Dawn, but not the rest of it. Not yet.
Cameron seemed to understand. Or, at least, he didn’t speak again. He didn’t turn and busy himself back at the shelf. Instead, he stared at the floor at his feet, seemingly taking in all that Thomas had said.
In that moment, Thomas acknowledged within himself that he was unquestionably fond of Cameron.
For certain, the purebred was reserved, but honest. If Thomas asked him a direct question, Cameron was straightforward in his response.
He ran a clean, orderly home and took his responsibilities seriously.
Thomas had also noticed the way he quietly tended to the other vampires around him. His staff members were contented and comfortable in their duties. Mira had been singing his praises since the first week they’d arrived. Although, Thomas never responded—he’d stayed silent as she droned on and on.
And with Thomas, too, Cameron had offered several instances of thoughtful tenderness. The white tulips and the cozy robe and slippers. The way he’d guided Thomas back to the battered couch after his episode with the secret stairwell.
“Just… so that we’re clear,” Cameron said, tentatively breaking the long pause, “I did not bring you here with any expectations of sex or intimacy.”
Thomas smiled weakly. “Yes, you’ve made that crystal clear.
Besides…” He glanced down at his too thin, too pale fingers still wrapped around the Kama Sutra book.
The shabby state of his years-old clothing.
He looked and felt like a man made from bones and dust. “It isn’t as if I would offer you any sort of wicked temptation, otherwise. ”
“Exactly.”
Thomas raised his gaze, frowning. “That wasn’t very nice. You didn’t have to confirm it.”
Cameron laughed, the sound full and boisterous from his chest. “I just told you I’m not sexually attracted to anyone! It has nothing to do with you, personally. I can’t even scent other vampires, remember?”
He did remember, but it didn’t make him feel any better.
“To end this on a more positive note,” Cameron began, “while I don’t find anyone sexually attractive, I do… I appreciate your sharp perspective and contemplative nature. Your bold opinions and inquisitive mind. I like those things very much.”
Cameron’s light hazel eyes met his in earnest. There was no jest nor irony in the statement. It made a little ball of heat bloom in Thomas’s chest and stomach.
He spoke quietly. “Thank you, sir.”
“You are welcome. How can I not be satisfied with my decision when the first thing you privately expressed to me was that you were plotting the murder of your elder father? If ever there was a declaration to break the ice.”
It was Thomas’s turn to laugh openly. Despite feeling anemic, it sent a sparkly warmth all through his torso. He briefly thought back to that moment, when he’d first arrived and had been truly despondent and withdrawn. “You would have been justified in immediately tossing me out onto the streets.”
“No, no. The confession was the most engaging conversation starter I had ever heard. It begged so many more questions—Why do you wish to kill him? What did he do? Does he deserve it? In what ways would you do it? Have you killed anyone before? The list goes on and on. Superior to ‘Nice weather we’re having,’ or any of the usual banal topics. ”
Winded and flushed, Thomas put a hand to his forehead to catch his breath and steady himself. “I’m certainly glad you thought so.”
“How’s it going, by the way?”
Thomas’s eyes fluttered open. “I haven’t murdered him yet, if that’s what you’re asking?”
“Ah, yet.” Cameron turned to the shelf, his smile wide as he began scanning the books there. “He remains optimistic in achieving his goals.”
Helplessly, Thomas grinned. He returned to the work of unpacking his box and pretending for all the world that he felt completely fine, strictly ignoring the raw, desperate truth that in this moment, he would very much like to have consent to bite the fetching man standing in front of him.