Chapter 23 #2
“No, no, you didn’t, Thomas. I don’t want you to apologize for anything because I asked that of you.”
“You didn’t ask me to kiss you,” Thomas reasoned, his face heating. “Or to attempt to touch you. I should not have—”
“Please,” Cameron said, and exhaled a weighted sigh. “I wanted to kiss you, and the rest of it too, but I had no idea… I suppose I didn’t…” He swallowed and his throat bobbed.
Thomas watched him nervously. “You didn’t what?” he asked tentatively, afraid of the answer.
Cameron stared down at their clasped hands in Thomas’s lap. “I wasn’t sure how… how you felt about me and this circumstance, deep down. I worry about it, and your past experience—the nature in which we’ve come together.”
“I’ve told you before that none of that matters, and that I’m pleased with this arrangement.”
“I know. But I couldn’t reconcile it in my mind, and I worried about it.
” He took another breath, steeling himself.
“But just now, when you pulled my aura, you conveyed your affections so… openly and lovingly. You sincerely expressed your desires, and I want to give you what you want, but I—I’m honestly not confident that I can satisfy you.
I’m strange and I’m not very… I don’t have much experience to draw upon when it comes to sex and I—”
“Stop.” Thomas twisted his torso and lifted his hands to hold Cameron’s over warm face.
“You don’t need to be experienced, Cameron.
We can go slowly and learn each other with time, in whatever ways you’re comfortable with.
There’s no need for you to feel pressure to ‘satisfy’ me.
You already satisfy me in a myriad of ways—you excite me in ways I never thought possible. ”
Cameron snaked his arms around Thomas’s waist. “I know my apprehensions are strange and unusual, but I do sincerely want to try.”
“You are not strange.” Thomas glanced to the side, considering. “However…”
Cameron’s eyebrow lifted. “However?”
“I want this.” Thomas wriggled his ass a little, indicating their present situation. “To be close to you in this way without being stressed that I’m offending you.”
“You can certainly have this,” Cameron said, smiling. “I’m not offended.”
Thomas leaned in and caressed their noses. “And I want this,” he said quietly, then placed a soft kiss on Cameron’s mouth. He didn’t linger there, but stayed close. “To kiss you, at least sometimes. Is that alright?”
“You can kiss me,” Cameron said, his gaze flickering down to Thomas’s lips before lifting back to his eyes. “I want you to kiss me. And I… I enjoy touching you.”
“Okay,” Thomas confirmed, wrapping a hand around to cradle the back of Cameron’s head.
“Then we’ll start there. And anyway, I probably should not have agreed to release your aura while we were both naked and in an absurdly picturesque Roman bath surrounded by romantic firelight.
We were asking for trouble—begging for it. ”
Cameron laughed in a warm, humming sound from his chest, then lowered his head and pulled Thomas even closer. He hugged him tightly and buried his face in his neck and robes. The gesture was so openly warm and sweet that it made Thomas’s face flush.
Cameron didn’t say anything as he embraced him, but he didn’t need to. Thomas returned the gesture, closing his eyes as he held the handsome purebred in his arms.
The next morning, Thomas had breakfast in his room, showered and went to the upper library to do some sorting.
He’d told Wyatt that he could come later in the afternoon for tea, and the prospective appointment was eliciting a pinched-nerve sensation in the back of his neck. Desperately, he needed a distraction.
Cameron had told him that he could look through the piles of books and decide if he wanted to keep anything. Thomas wasn’t keen on advice about murderous gnomes, but he was happy to browse (he also elected to keep The Art of the Kama Sutra, which was currently sitting on his bedside table).
He’d stolen an innocent kiss good night from Cameron when they’d returned to the estate after the bathhouse but hadn’t pressed for anything more.
The fact that Cameron was at least open to physical affection was satisfying enough, so Thomas intended to keep his word and bide his time. They would go slowly.
Although, he eventually wanted to include sleepovers in his list of requests. Nothing salacious, simply sharing the same bed from time to time, as they had in Antibes.
He acquiesced internally. Everything in due course, you horny bastard.
Thomas was sitting on the floor with his legs folded and had just picked up another quirky novelty book when Cameron abruptly appeared in the door frame. He was casually dressed in another beautifully knitted cardigan, dress shirt and tailored pants, but his face was harried.
“Is that you?” he asked, a bemused expression occupying his features.
Thomas blinked, alarmed. “Is what me?”
Cameron stormed in with the intensity of a soldier carrying out his marching orders, his eyes zeroed in on Thomas as he stalked across the floor and over the remaining piles of books and files.
When he dropped to his knees in front of Thomas and leaned in, sniffing, Thomas drew back and defensively hunched his shoulders.
“Cameron, what in God’s name—”
“It is you! How can this be? This is…” He tucked his face into the curve of Thomas’s neck, and the tenor of the moment drastically shifted.
Cameron caressed his nose up the length of Thomas’s skin, up to his ear and along his jawline, sniffing the whole way.
It sent a fierce spark of arousal up Thomas’s spine and straight to his cock.
“This is so strange,” Cameron whispered against his cheek. He brushed his lips at the corner of Thomas’s mouth and hovered there. Thomas couldn’t breathe. “Why do you smell like this?” Cameron asked, entranced. “Why do I smell you so… so strongly? And suddenly?”
Incapable of providing answers or thinking straight, Thomas lifted his chin and kissed him. Cameron returned the affection, except his movement was studied. The nuance was exploratory and curious—more like tasting Thomas’s mouth than the simple act of kissing him.
It was eccentric and odd but wholly thrilling. Thomas exhaled a soft whine and gripped the lapels of Cameron’s sweater. He leaned back, pulling Cameron along with him until he was flat on the floor and Cameron’s weighted frame was pressed against his body.
They kissed in the pale yellow light of the morning sun, the subtle warmth of it encircling them as they lay on the old ornate rug.
Thomas’s hands were wrapped around Cameron’s sweatered shoulders, but he wanted to touch him everywhere—he wanted to be touched everywhere.
The length of Cameron against him was heavy and perfect and it made him feel stiff and needy.
Thomas’s eyes alighted behind his lids as he consumed Cameron’s mouth and scent.
Cameron broke the kiss by gently lifting his head.
He propped himself up on his elbow, and for several beats, he silently stared down into Thomas’s face and glowing irises in the sunlight.
Cameron brought his free hand up and caressed his jawline.
Thomas closed his eyes and tried to prevent his heart from bursting out of his chest.
“Forgive me,” Cameron said eventually. “I’ve wrestled you to the ground like a goddamn animal. I’ll need to get used to this… the scent of you.”
Thomas shook his head and opened his glowing eyes. “You can do this to me anytime you like. Really. It doesn’t matter where we are—in the middle of a party, at the farmer’s market. Whenever the urge strikes, you have my utmost consent.”
Cameron chuckled, then pushed up to his knees. He held out a hand to help Thomas sit upright. Thomas didn’t want them to move, but he accepted anyway and willed his eyes to burn out.
“I woke up this morning and this new scent was floating throughout the estate,” Cameron explained, resting on his knees beside him. “It was so bewildering and strange and… enticing. I had no idea what to make of it, and I thought I was losing my mind. Irrefutably, it is you.”
Wanting to distract himself from his blatant arousal that he could do absolutely nothing about, Thomas tugged at the hem of his sweater, then brushed the sleeves. “Maybe my releasing your aura last night did something to your vampiric senses? Opened you up, somehow?”
“Could be…”
Thomas glanced up. Cameron was still staring at him with that awe-stricken look, as if he was lost in a daydream. It made Thomas feel lightheaded and slightly self-conscious. “What do I smell like?” he asked, wanting to break the tension.
“You smell clean.”
“That is a relief.”
“Like freshly laundered linen, or perhaps a winter morning.”
“That could very well be whatever detergent Lennon uses to wash my clothes.”
“And sweet,” Cameron added, not taking the bait and remaining serious. “Subtly sweet and nutty, like… almond blossoms.”
Thomas didn’t have anything clever to say to that. He sat there under the weight of Cameron’s intense gaze, feeling like his eyes might spark again at any moment. Feeling like he might spontaneously combust.
“How did it know?” Cameron said in a soft, bewildered voice.
The question wasn’t posed to Thomas, he knew.
More like speculative musings. “When I saw you five years ago, how did it know that you would be like this? How did my nature comprehend, but I didn’t?
That you would be so complex and lovely.
That you would be patient, persevering, intelligent and truly… a beautiful soul.”
Thomas’s eyes did alight then. He sat perfectly still. It was as if he’d been stripped raw in the glow of pale sunlight. As if his heart, nature and every aspect of his being were laid bare beneath Cameron’s pensive gaze.
“Thomas?” Cameron said, unblinking.
“Yes?”
“I think I… I am in love with you. I love you and I’m overwhelmingly grateful that you’re here with me, despite everything. Is that terribly awkward for me to admit to you?”
Thomas blinked, and a pool of tears he hadn’t even noticed were gathering in his glowing eyes spilled over. He shook his head. “No, Cameron.” His voice cracked. His breathing hitched as he swallowed. “It isn’t awkward at all.”
Cameron lifted a palm and held his face. He leaned closer. “Then, why are you crying?”
“Because I’m happy,” he said, wrapping his fingers around Cameron’s wrist. “I’m relieved.”
For the first time and of his own instigation, Cameron tilted and kissed Thomas slowly.
It wasn’t like the explosion of ravenous passion the night before at the baths, nor the quirky, inquisitive affair just a few moments earlier.
This was delicate and earnest, like something lovingly curated specifically for Thomas to express Cameron’s blossoming affections.
This time, when Cameron pulled away, his eyes were glowing emerald.
He sighed. “This feeling toward you has always been inside of me, but it registered as a… deep empathy. Maybe even concern or sincere intrigue? After you released my aura, it’s as if the mystery of it has become clear—or perhaps my lens was augmented. ”
“Feelings grow and change over time,” Thomas reasoned, basking in the tenderness of Cameron’s hand cupping his head.
His thick fingers threaded into the back of Thomas’s hair.
“You didn’t know me five years ago when you saw me, and to be frank, I was a much different man then.
Some remnants of that vampire must remain within me, though. ”
That he’d left such a strong impression on Cameron five years ago and still the sensation not only carried on today, but had developed further and into love, was comforting.
It meant that not all of him had been ravaged and distorted from the imprisonment.
That at least fundamentally, somewhere inside himself, he might still be the vampire he once knew.
“Is this how it felt with Dawn?”
Thomas blinked at that, but took a moment to consider carefully. “No. It wasn’t like this. Not at all.”
“In what way? May I ask?” Cameron sat back on his knees and dropped his hands to his lap, rapt with attention.
Rubbing a hand through his hair, Thomas smiled to himself, chagrined. “I wasn’t nearly as desperate with Dawn.”
Cameron frowned. “You are not desperate.”
“Oh, I am, believe me. There’s something about you that has me wound tight like a metal coil, and I barely recognize myself.
I’ve not… I haven’t ever been quite like this in my past romantic liaisons.
I’ve been passionate, but I feel almost needy with you.
I don’t mean to be. Within the depths of my nature, I want you, and I have to tell myself to calm down almost always. ”
“When you say that you want me, does this mean sex?”
“Not just sex,” Thomas clarified. “More than sex.” At the base of his spine, it was this itchy, throbbing and discontented thing. His nature writhing around and irritated because it desired someone that he was strictly not allowing it to have, nor fully indulge in.
Cameron shifted to sit on his ass. He drew his long legs up to bend his knees and rested back against the couch. “More than sex. Do you mean bonding, then? Mating?”
There was no use trying to ignore or hide it anymore. “Yes,” he breathed. “I think so.”
Cameron nodded, not balking or freaking out at the idea, which was reassuring. “It’s very difficult for vampires in Eden to bond,” he offered pragmatically. “Even if we tried, it may not take for a very long time. It could be years.”
“I know,” Thomas said. “I’m not demanding that we try.
It’s just a feeling I have toward you. I know you wanted this arrangement to be strictly on paper, but are you open to having more with me?
” He was fairly certain he knew the answer—especially in the wake of Cameron’s heartfelt confessions—but his chest tensed anyway.
“I think I’m open to just about anything with you, Thomas. Of course we can try when we feel it’s right.”
Seeing his opening, Thomas batted his lashes and smiled. “Anything?”
Cameron froze. “Are you about to test the limits of this?”
“Not ludicrously! Can we have sleepovers?”
“Sleepovers?”
“Yes, where I occasionally spend the night in your room, or you in mine, of course. Like we did in Antibes.”
“We can,” Cameron said, then considered further. “But I detest sleeping in full pajamas. I usually sleep in my briefs and nothing else. If that’s a problem, we may not be able to commit to this exercise.”
Beaming, Thomas straightened. “Oh, that’s not a problem for me, my darling. Quite the contrary.”