Chapter 41 Dallas
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Dallas
Pain squeezed my chest. I could see the wild hurt on Madi’s face as June tore away from us. She reminded me of a bird in a cage, desperate to get free.
And I didn’t like feeling like the cage.
“June,” Madi said softly. “I don’t know what you want. I thought you liked me—us—”
“Of course I like you. But that’s all this is. That’s all this was supposed to be. You’re leaving Monday, and then what? Dallas and I are going to keep seeing each other?”
“I’d hoped so.” My voice was barely above a whisper.
She shot me a look that might as well have been an arrow through my already bleeding heart. “You know what we agreed to. And this isn’t anything like we planned—”
“Sometimes things don’t go to plan,” Madi argued. Her voice was tinged with hurt and anger. “God, I don’t get it. Why won’t you let yourself be loved? Why won’t you let this happen?”
“Because I don’t deserve it,” she shot. “I don’t. I never will. I never wanted this. I never wanted to feel anything. I just wanted to have sex—that’s all both of you were to me.”
“Were,” Madi echoed.
My throat felt dry. My body felt hot. “June, this has always been more than just sex. I know we’ve moved fast—”
“We haven’t moved on anything,” she snapped. She ran her fingers through her hair, her brows pulling together. “What did you really think was going to happen? That Madi would move here? To Whynot, of all places? To a town in the middle of nowhere?”
“I’d hoped,” I admitted. “I’d started to hope.”
Madi’s head whipped around and she looked up at me, her eyes wide. “You did?” she whispered.
I swallowed and nodded. “Yeah. I know it’s selfish, but I want you to stay. I’d never hold you here, though.”
“And you shouldn’t,” June exhaled. “If you got that job, you should take it. You’ll meet someone else in San Francisco.”
“I don’t want someone else. I want you. Both of you.”
“Well, I don’t.”
Fuck, this was killing me. Madi stared at June for a few seconds longer then shook her head, turning and going out the door. Watching her go hurt more than a gunshot.
I was so frustrated. “Why are you like this?” I snapped.
June’s fury turned on me. “Like what?”
“Like this. Why won’t you let this happen? You know that Madi means the world to you—”
“To you,” she corrected. “If you want her so bad, then why don’t you go with her? Why don’t you move to San Francisco?”
I fell silent and took in a careful breath. “June, she just stood here before us saying she could move here. You’re pushing her away like you always do to anyone. You’re pushing me away.”
“Then why haven’t you gone?” She crossed her arms. For a second, her expression broke, the sadness splitting through her words before being pulled back again. “Go.”
I pressed my lips together, trying to read her. Trying to figure out a way to break through, but dammit. I couldn’t force her to. “Okay. As I have said, when you’re ready to actually talk about this, I’ll be here.”
“Fuck off, Dallas. I hate you.”
An empty smile traced my lips, and despite the fact that more than anything I wanted to kiss her, hold her, promise her that the three of us would be okay—I walked out of the shop.
I rapped my knuckles on Madi’s door and waited. It took a couple minutes before it opened and—fuck. It shattered me to see her like this.
“Madi,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. June is . . . I . . .”
“I don’t know what I thought was going to happen,” she said, wiping her cheeks. “I just . . .”
“I want you to stay,” I said. I took a step closer, cupping her face in my hands. “I want you to stay more than anything else in the world, but I also want you to be happy. You have to do what’s right for yourself.”
“You want me to stay,” she whispered.
“God, yes.” I pulled her hard against my chest, kissing the top of her head. Her arms wrapped around me as I held her, her scent washing over me. “Madi, I . . .” I love you. I’ve fallen for you. All of my words failed me.
“I need to think.” She slowly pulled away, unwinding herself from my arms. Come back. “I need to think.”
“Okay.” I hooked my thumbs in my pockets, searching for the right words. “Madi, I don’t care what it is, if you need something—call me. If you wake up tonight and want to be held, my front door will be unlocked. If you just need a friend, I’m there. Okay?’
She sniffled. “Thank you.”
“Always.” I drew in a shaky breath. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Homecoming. I can’t wait to see what you created while you were here.”
A soft smile traced her lips, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m sorry, Dallas. I feel like I’ve ruined everything.”
“You haven’t.”
“Okay.” She sniffled and put her hand on my chest, leaving it there for just a moment. “Are you okay?”
“No,” I whispered hoarsely. “I’ll leave you to think. But I want you to stay, Madi. More than anything else, I want Whynot to be your home. I want us to be your home.”
I stepped back, giving her enough space to close the door. I offered her a sad smile as she slowly closed it. The moment it clicked shut, I put my hand on the wood, lingering.
I stood there for a few seconds then forced myself to leave.
I’d known June my entire life. I knew when she was cornered, she struck. But the things she said had hurt deeply. Not just me, but Madi too. Fear of what could happen and being scared of happiness wasn’t an excuse.
Madi said she could stay.
This whole time I’d been preparing myself for the fact that she would go, while longing for her to find a home in this place—a home with us. I’d counted on her leaving to be the thing that broke my heart.
Not June being the one to push the chance away.
I raked my fingers through my hair, tears burning as I made my way out of the hotel and darted straight to my truck. I spared a glance at the flower shop, but the sign was flipped to closed.
How could I be strong enough to keep the three of us together?
I wanted to hold Madi. I even wanted to hold June because I knew that she was hurting. I knew that she was scared of letting go of her past. It didn't matter that she deserved to be loved, she had to see it too.
The damn proposal.
It had been the worst idea. The best idea. A life-changing idea.
I loved Madi and June. I was in love with them.
Over the last few weeks, everything had changed for me.
When I thought about the future, they were in it.
There wasn't a life for me without them.
I wanted to wake up every day with them in my bed, hearing their laughter, enjoying the ups and downs that came along with living.
I wanted to see Madi create brilliant things. I wanted to see June flourish.
I wanted to build a future together.
Loving one person was sometimes hard. Loving two had twice as many challenges. But I knew that if the three of us really wanted it, we could make it work.
Nothing about what we could have was impossible.
But all three of us had to want it.
Not one of us, not two of us.
Me, Madi, and June.
The drive home passed by in a blur. I pulled into my driveway and sat back, trying to hold it together.
I probably should have gone back to my shop, but I couldn’t work like this. I was too distraught.
I hopped out and sniffled as I went to my little library in my front yard, rummaging through the books. It was out of habit. Every time I got home, I liked to see what had been taken and what had been left.
“Son of a bitch,” I whispered.
Ms. Carlson had struck me while I was gone. I pulled three bibles out of the box and considered chucking them through her window, but instead took them inside. I kicked off my shoes, tossed them in the trash, and went straight to my bed.
I crawled in and rolled over on my stomach, pressing my face against the sheets and fuck.
My sheets smelled like them.
“Dammit,” I whispered.
I’d give Madi time to think. I’d give June time to cool down. And I’d give myself time to be tortured over how fucking close we were to a real chance at this.
But then, I’d be there for both of them. I’d show June that even when she was at her lowest, she could still be loved. And I’d prove to Madi that Whynot was right where she belonged.