Chapter Forty-Two
Thorn
Paris, France
Monday, Zero Four Hundred Hours
T horn climbed without a word.
He watched Arya swaying. Gripping. Moving one hesitant foot, then the other.
Fear washed through his system, cold waves tingling over his skin. His heart crushing under the weight of his terror. He couldn’t push past it. He depended on training to move him up the side of the arch. Up. Up.
Once he crawled across the top, he stilled.
Lynx wasn’t in his ear, giving sage advice.
His team was on the ground. Everyone, friend and enemy alike stood, hands on hips, heads back, watching Arya on her climb.
She had to make the climb.
He understood that at some primal level.
As sure as Thorn knew he hated everything about what was happening, he knew this was her journey. He straddled the arch, then lay on his stomach.
He looked through the metal bars. Arya turned her face up and caught his eye.
“I understand.” He choked on the emotions that clogged his throat. With an iron grip he took hold of his own fears and thrust them aside. He cleared the debris. His conviction flowed freely. This was about Arya. He was there to support her . Solid. Strong. Unwavering. He hoped she could read that in his eye s as they focused on each othe r . “We’ll do this together.”
“What?” she called out.
But he didn’t answer her.
After a moment she climbed. Thorn was laser focused on her. He watched as her fingers unclasped and reached rung after rung. There was nothing he could do right now but wait. His mind raced around trying to find ways to solve this problem. To win the game. To pull out a victory. But there was nothing that he could do. He had to wait for Arya to get to the top.
In his head, the tactical crap bounced around. The fact that she had vertigo. She hadn’t eaten in days. She was coming out of a detox on a drug that they didn’t understand. Her mind was flooded with new and horrific memories. That she was able to get her body to climb that arch, meant that she had a goal in mind.
It was his buddy all over again only that had been his brother in arms.
And Arya was an undefinable part of his cell structure. She was part of him.
Her head rose over the side, and he could see her eyes. “You did it. I’m here.”
She looked at him, then she looked down.
Thorn’s body froze. He forced himself into combat breaths. Pushed his focus to the left and the right, trying to break the hold of the freeze that could be so deadly. He’d never experienced terror like this. It washed through him, and he let it flow out again until he was solid. Unwavering in his support.
“Keep coming up,” Thorn said. He was surprised that his voice sounded warm and welcoming. He hoped she could hear that. Hoped that his sound waves were stronger than the wind and that her tinnitus wasn’t too loud. “I’m here. We’ll do this together, okay?” He put his hand out, and miraculously, she reached out and took it.
“Do what together?”
“Why did you climb up here, Arya?”
She looked down at the water far below them. It threw her weight off balance, and she had to grip his hand harder not to fall. Thorn wrapped his feet into the girding to hold them in place.
Arya turned her gaze onto Thorn. “I’ll never go back. I’ll never be a prisoner again. I’ll never do anyone’s bidding.”
“That’s right. That will never happen again.” Solid. Unwavering.
Her face pulled into tight lines of confusion. “You have to let go of my hand now.”
“No. I made you a vow. And I would never lie to you or hurt you. I will not compromise that vow.”
“Give me my hand back, Thorn.” Her words were louder, angrier this time. “I want this pain to end. I can’t do this anymore.”
“That’s right,” Thorn said. “I’m here. We’ll do this together.”
“You…what? Do you not understand the situation? I’m going to jump.” She closed her eyes. “I’ll just let go and lean back. And my body will fly. I’ll keep my eyes closed and feel the wind. And then, suddenly, I’ll feel nothing anymore. It will all be gone.”
“All right, that’s the plan then. Shall you come up to me? Or shall I climb down to you.”
“Neither. I…what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’m here. We’ll do this together.”
“But then…”
Thorn stopped. This was it.
“But…” She looked down, and he felt such longing in her body.
He had so many friends who had died by suicide. They just wanted release. So many men and women he’d fought beside. Men and women, who just couldn’t . They came back to the civilian world where they should be safe, and they found no peace.
“ Thorn.” Despair painted his name.
“Whatever you decide. I’m here. Whatever you decide, we’ll do it together.”
“Gage has got rappelling gear,” Nutsbe whispered. “He’s out of sight behind you. Tell us when you want us to proceed.”
The sky stilled as if taking one last inhale of night. And with an exhale, dawn broke, unveiling the indigo that had hidden beneath the blackened sky. The birds roused from their nests calling to each other.
Thorn and Arya poised there, grasping hands.
Arya rested her head against the metal.
It took long minutes. Thorn’s heart hadn’t stopped racing. He felt like this was the hardest marathon he’d ever run. Letting go of control was not his nature. But if he tackled and wrestled Arya back down, she’d just look for another opportunity. She had to choose to face the pain. He’d never experienced what she did, and he couldn’t even imagine it.
Finally, she looked up and their eyes locked.
He swallowed hard. And forced himself to stay still and silent.
“When I first saw you, I felt such an affinity for you, as if we belonged together,” she said. “That felt hopeful, like maybe there was a slice of happiness in this world for me, too.”
“Thank you for finding the right words.” He smiled. “I’ve been looking for a way to explain my feelings to you. That’s about right.” The smile slid away. “And it feels like my chance to have hope and have that belonging is hanging by a thread.” And he stopped himself from adding anything else, like please, for my sake, don’t jump. Because, this wasn’t about him. This was about her. She had to want life.