Chapter Forty-Two Cursed
forty-two
Cursed
Chase texts me after everyone is asleep, a random question that has me smiling at my phone.
Chase: Want to go for a ride?
I should say no, I know that. Nothing has changed since the last time we spoke. I still don’t know if I deserve someone like him. And yet I can’t stop my fingers from typing that three-letter response.
Me: Yes.
Although I’m more than willing to sneak out, I’ve learned my lesson when it comes to making the Shipleys worry, so I gently nudge my cousin awake to let her know I’m going out to meet Chase.
“Mmm’kay,” Jasmine mumbles, half asleep. “Just keep your phone on you.” She yawns, more alert now. “And since we’re talking again, I expect all the details about how Chase happened.”
I stifle a sigh. It was only a matter of time before she realized I owe her some answers about that.
I slip out the front door and hurry to the end of the driveway, where Chase and his motorcycle wait at the usual spot. He grins when he sees me and hands me the spare helmet.
“Where are we going?” I ask, shivering in the cold night air.
“Nowhere in particular. Just figured I’d steal you away for a while.” His voice roughens. “I miss you.”
Chase isn’t a sentimental guy, so that’s probably the nicest thing he’s ever said to me. And damned if it doesn’t make my heart soar.
I climb on behind him, holding on tight as he takes off down the empty road. For a few blissful moments, all I hear is the rumble of the engine and all I feel is the warmth of his body through his jacket.
When he finally pulls over at a lookout point outside of Starling, the view is endless, stars spilling across the night sky in every direction. We get off the bike, and I follow him to the edge of the lookout, where we can see the town lights twinkling below.
“So,” he says, leaning against the railing, “you know none of this is on you, right? None of what he did?”
“Tell that to everyone else.”
“I don’t care about everyone else. They’re wrong. You’re not your dad. I don’t want you beating yourself up over his mistakes.”
I hide my smile. Chase always seems to know exactly what to say to make me feel lighter. “Thanks. It helps.”
“What does?”
“Having someone who doesn’t look at me like I’m cursed or something.”
“Yeah, well, we’re all cursed in some way, aren’t we?”
“Are we? Okay. What’s your curse?”
He stares at the horizon, his expression becoming serious. “This town. It’s too damn small. Feels like a trap. I can’t wait to leave.”
“So it’s really happening? Your big road trip?”
“Yeah. After graduation. I’m just going to hit the highways, see every state. Eventually I’ll get out of the country and see everything else.” He nudges me with his shoulder. “You should come with me.”
He says it almost too casually, like he’s tossing out a wild suggestion but testing my reaction.
I laugh it off. “Oh yeah, sure. Me and you, riding off into the sunset?”
“Why not? You said you want to see the world.”
“You’re not serious.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Who says I’m not?”
“You’re just saying it to make me feel better or something.”
“Nah. I’m saying it because I think it’d be fun. You’d get to photograph every single place we go.” Before I can blink, he pulls me between his legs, digging his hands into the pockets of my jeans. “You’d love it.”
I suspect he’s right.
“Have you spoken to Everett at all?” I ask him.
“A little,” he admits.
“How’s he doing?”
“He seems kind of numb, if anything. And Nikki is losing it. Begging JP to push the FBI into opening a new investigation into their mom’s disappearance.”
“I saw one of the FBI agents earlier. He let me read my dad’s journal.”
“What did it say?”
“Honestly, it was a lot of rambling. Stream of consciousness. But he did mention Leah quite a lot. She was sitting for a portrait. That’s why all those sketches and drawings of her were found in his studio.
And some of the personal items—there was a scarf, a bracelet.
She probably just forgot them there.” I hesitate.
“Supposedly, she told my dad she was having an affair.”
“You thinking she ran off with another man?”
“Maybe. That’s my aunt’s theory.”
“That would mean she’s probably still alive,” Chase points out.
“I know.” I let out a breath. “I feel so bad for Everett and Nikki and JP. It’s like everyone else in town got closure except them.”
“Let’s not talk about this anymore,” he says gruffly. “Not tonight.”
Before I can say anything else, he leans in, his lips hovering over mine.
My pulse quickens as I await his next move.
I’m desperate for him to kiss me, and I think he knows, because his lips curve into a smile as he presses his mouth to mine.
It’s a tentative kiss, like he’s waiting for me to pull away, to tell him I can’t.
But I don’t. I melt into him, letting his warmth and steadiness fill the cracks, letting myself believe for just a moment that I’m not defined by all the darkness.
We kiss for a while, soft and sweet and unhurried. When we finally pull apart, he wraps one arm around my shoulders and we stand at the railing, staring up at the stars.
An hour later, I’m about to sneak back in through the mudroom door when I catch the low hum of voices coming from the backyard.
For a second, I think it’s my cousins, but as I creep closer to the source, I realize it’s Maggie and Dan.
I don’t know what they’re doing out here, but they don’t sound happy.
“…can’t do this anymore, Dan. Just tell me the truth. Do you know what happened to her?”
I freeze.
There’s a pause, and then my uncle’s voice, weary. “Mags, I swear to you. I don’t know what happened to Leah.”
Why would Maggie think he knows anything about—
My heart hammers as the pieces slide into place. I remember the last time I heard them arguing. I thought I heard the word affair.
Now I know why.
I stumble forward, emerging around the side of the house into the yard. They both turn sharply. My aunt’s eyes widen.
“Ryan. Darlin’. What are you doing up?”
I ignore her, focusing on Dan. “Did you have an affair with Leah Devereaux?” I demand.
The color drains from his face. He glances at Maggie, then back at me, resigned. “Yes. I did.”
I blink. For some reason, I wasn’t expecting him to admit it.
“Dan,” Maggie warns, but he shakes his head at her.
“It’s fine, Mags.” His gaze finds mine again.
“I’m not proud of what I did, Ryan. And although I don’t want to stand here and make a bunch of excuses, your aunt and I were having problems. The twins were so young, demanding all of our time.
We were stressed and tired, and I felt…unwanted, I suppose.
Underappreciated. And it drove me to make the biggest mistake of my life.
I felt lost—” He falters. “And Leah understood. She felt the same way.”
“You cheated on Aunt Maggie?” My voice wavers. This was the man I leaned on, trusted more than anyone here.
“It was wrong,” he says simply. “I knew that then, and I know it now. But it ended before she disappeared. Whatever happened to Leah, I had nothing to do with it.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
Maggie jumps in, her tone brittle. “Because we were trying to put it behind us. For the kids, for us. But now…now I don’t know what to think.” She turns to her husband, her eyes hard and brimming with anger. “If she wasn’t one of Gabriel’s victims, then where is she, Dan? Where the hell is she?”
His face crumples. “I don’t know. But I swear to you, to both of you, I never would’ve done anything to hurt Leah.”
I want to trust him. I need to. But I keep picturing Everett, his quiet grief, his endless questions, and I have no idea what to think.
Clearly, Maggie doesn’t either. “Maybe you don’t know what happened to her, but you’re deluding yourself if you think you didn’t play a part in it. She was leaving her family.”
“I never asked her to leave JP. Not once. Leah was a free spirit. She did what she wanted.” Dan visibly swallows, his Adam’s apple trembling in his throat. “Mags. I’ve been honest with you about everything since the moment I chose you. Chose us.”
Maggie is quiet for several seconds. Finally, she shakes her head and reaches for my hand. “C’mon, darlin’. It’s late. Let’s go to bed.”
She drags me inside the house, leaving Dan alone in the darkness.
I hardly sleep that night. My racing mind keeps waking me up, and by seven a.m., I admit defeat.
I dress quietly and leave through the mudroom, heading for the trail.
I take off at a brisk walk, hoping to see Everett, but when I find the forest silent and deserted, I make my way to his house, realizing I don’t just want to see Everett—I need to see Everett.
Maybe he won’t want to see me. Maybe he’s still reeling about the discovery we made in my father’s bunker. But I’m worried about him, and now that he knows my father didn’t murder Leah, maybe he’ll be able to look at me again without seeing his worst nightmare.
JP lets me in, while the dogs race around our ankles, barking to get my attention. As I bend down to provide unlimited pats, JP smiles and says, “It’s good to see you, Ryan.”
“It’s good to see you too.” Guilt floods my stomach over the way I abruptly quit my job at the shelter after the Valentine’s Day dance. “Is Everett home or did he leave for school?”
“He’s in the shower. Just got back from his run.”
“Do you mind if I go up and wait for him?”
“Of course not. I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you.”
Will he? At this point, Everett’s been on such an emotional roller coaster, I have no idea where his head is at.
I’m nearly at the stairs when I stop and glance at Everett’s dad. It suddenly occurs to me that during my confrontation with Dan and Maggie last night, I neglected to ask one important question.
Did JP know about the affair?
It bites at my tongue now, but I force myself to tamp it down. It’s not my place to bring it up, at least not without talking to Everett first.
Still, I can’t stop myself from saying, “I’m so sorry about Leah. Not knowing what happened to her.”