Three
Nathan and I startled apart.
Alexandria burst in, already talking. "—going to dinner early so we can get back."
Kelly was right behind her. "And get ready for the concert!"
The concert. I barely stopped myself from rolling my eyes. It wasn't fucking arena rock.
I jumped up from the bunk and went over to the stereo to change the record. Nathan didn't have time to get up, but it was his bed. He shifted against the headboard, sitting up straighter.
Our room reeked of cigarette smoke. The girls' perfume cut through it—something floral and sharp—and the air from the hallway pulled on the open windows. Papers fluttered on the desk. The Smiths poster heaved away from the wall and sighed back into place.
Alexandria took in the dim room with a raised eyebrow. Heavy eyeliner and plum lipstick. Her long dark curls ratted into a messy tangle—Siouxsie Sioux makeup, Robert Smith hair. Black and purple layers, thigh-high tights and chunky Doc Martens. Silver rings glinted on every finger.
Alex.
I'd bummed a light from her my first day on campus, and we'd been inseparable ever since. She was the coolest girl in our freshman crowd—dated the guy who booked the bands at the Echo Room, got into bars without having to show ID, had connections all over the townie scene.
She was my social lifeline.
She spotted the record in my hands and grinned. “Oh my god, you found it! Having it on vinyl is so much better anyway."
Alex climbed over Nathan's legs and wedged herself against the wall—casual, familiar, unflirtatious. Kelly took the opening she left as permission, sliding onto the mattress next to Nathan in the exact spot where I'd been lying moments before.
Kelly was pretty, blond, with fake blue contact lenses that made her eyes look almost alien. She had on tights layered under corduroy shorts, a Benetton sweater—preppy meets alternative—and Doc Martens that still looked too new. Like a former cheerleader trying on her cooler roommate's style.
I didn't want to call her a poser—she was sweet, really—but she laughed too loud and her eyes never left Nathan.
She obviously had a huge crush on him. Anybody could see it—except maybe Nathan.
I could hear Alex playing matchmaker, saying Let's go get them for dinner.
The bunk bed was too small for three people without somebody sprawling over somebody else. Kelly snuggled against Nathan. Eventually she draped a leg over his like it was nothing.
Nathan stiffened. He was smiling too much. That frozen, unchanging grin he got when he was uncomfortable. He didn't seem to know what to do. Or maybe he didn't mind. I couldn't tell.
Whatever blissed-out thing had been happening a few minutes ago was gone. Nathan was suddenly talkative in a way he never was with me. More animated, louder. Like overhearing your dad on a business call. Something forced about it. Like he didn't know how to behave around them.
If he wanted to flirt with Kelly, he didn't know how. He had no moves. He was too polite.
I wanted to save him somehow. Pull her off him, maybe. Give him space to breathe.
That leg over his…
I'd thought about doing that.
She actually could.
Something about it bothered me.
Kelly's eyes locked on Nathan's face. "So what are you going as tonight?"
"Uh, Vampire Louis. From Interview?”
"Oh my God!" Her voice went up an entire octave. “I’m going as a vampire too! That's so funny!"
Nathan caught my eye across the room. For a second his smile faltered, like he wanted to say something, but then the moment passed.
Alex snorted from her spot against the wall. "I'm going as my fully realized hotter, sexier self. Bigger hair, darker makeup." She examined her black fingernails. "Halloween’s just an excuse for people to dress slutty anyway.”
Kelly wasn't listening. She touched Nathan's arm, her face lighting up. "It's like fate or something!"
Fate? Hardly. It was one of the most common costume choices in the world. And we weren't just vampires. We were Louis and Lestat.
I turned away from the bed and focused on the record, sliding it carefully back into its sleeve.
"What band is that?" Kelly asked.
"Cocteau Twins," Nathan and I said at the same time.
"I've never heard of them."
Nathan, all innocent and earnest, said, "They're amazing. You'd really like them."
I wanted to say No, she wouldn't. She wouldn't get it. She'd probably be like, I can't understand what she's singing.
But Nathan was just… offering it to her.
I didn't say anything.
“Tape it for us,” Alex said. “Oh! That reminds me. I was talking to this guy who works at the studio where they’re mixing Grey's new solo record. He said people are gonna freak out about how different it sounds."
I'd been looking forward to this show for weeks. Now I was probably going to spend the whole night watching Kelly drape herself over Nathan.
They looked like a fucking Gap ad together. The kind of couple that would probably end up married with blond kids and a golden retriever.
He probably had no clue what Kelly was after.
"Okay,” Alex said, crawling over them. “Let's go."
Kelly reluctantly untangled herself from Nathan. Alex dragged her toward the door.
I was grabbing my tobacco and papers from the trunk.
"Come on, you guys!" Alex called from the stairwell.
"One sec," Nathan said, shrugging on his jacket. He glanced back at me.
Our eyes met.
There was something uncertain in his expression. Almost apologetic.
I shoved my feet into my wingtips and we followed them out. The taste of our shared cigarette was still on my tongue.
We walked to the dining hall, Nathan and Kelly up ahead—Kelly hanging on his arm—and Alex and I following behind, slower than everyone else, deep in conversation as usual.
The place was packed with people lining their stomachs before heading out to whatever bonfire or house party they were hitting later. We grabbed trays and got in line.
Nathan loaded up—a heap of lasagna next to a mountain of salad smothered in ranch, with three garlic rolls on the corner of his tray and a glass of milk.
In the dining hall, he always ate like he was trying to get his meal card’s worth in one sitting, but when we went anywhere off-campus, he usually nursed a Coke and said he wasn’t hungry.
The girls got a plate of fries to share. I grabbed some chicken nuggets and a coffee with a ton of cream and sugar.
Nathan looked at my tray. "That's it? That’s all you’re eating?”
I shrugged. “I just want a little something before we start drinking. I'll probably eat again later, after we go out.”
Kelly and Alex teased Nathan about the milk.
He said, "I love milk with Italian food."
We headed upstairs to the smoking section.
Rows of long communal tables, thick with a permanent haze from all the Marlboros, Camels, and cloves.
Most of this crowd was probably headed to the same show we were.
Somebody from my comp class called out a greeting as we passed—some guy who was still struggling to figure out the difference between a metaphor and a simile.
I nodded and kept moving. We found a gap at the end of a table near the windows.
Alex and I sat on one side. Nathan sat across from me. Kelly scooted her chair right next to Nathan the second she sat down, close enough that their shoulders almost touched.
I ate a few nuggets, barely tasting them. I pulled out my tobacco and papers and tried rolling a cigarette the way Nathan had shown me earlier—focusing on the tension of the paper, the distribution of the leaf. Anything to avoid the way Kelly was leaning into his personal space.
He was halfway through his lasagna when she reached over and just plucked a garlic roll off his plate. It was this casual, we’re basically a couple move.
Alex said, "Oh, I didn't see those. Give me a bite."
Kelly tore off a piece and handed it to her.
Nathan protested, but he was smiling. He got up and came back a minute later with a little plate of extra rolls. The girls grabbed them like they were starving.
He offered one to me.
I said, “No thanks. Vampires really shouldn't have garlic breath."
It came out bitchier than I meant it to.
Kelly laughed too loud. "Oh my God, you're so right. What if we want to kiss somebody later?"
Surely she meant it rhetorically, so I didn’t respond.
I managed to roll three cigarettes while they finished eating. I tucked them carefully into my tobacco pouch, one for the walk back and two for later.
I watched the clock.
Nathan was totally absorbed in his lasagna and ended up with tomato sauce on the corner of his mouth. Kelly reached up to wipe it away with her thumb.
He flinched—this sharp, sudden jerk of his head—and pulled back before she could even graze his skin. It was like he’d been poked with a live wire. He grabbed a napkin and scrubbed his mouth. He didn't even look at her.
Kelly just smiled. It was easy for her to reach out like that without any hesitation, as if she assumed she had permission.
The conversation drifted around me. Alex was talking about the bass player she hoped to find at the Stone Lion. Kelly was acting all animated and playful, hanging on every word Nathan said. He was being polite, giving her that easy, effortless attention that he gave to everyone.
They looked like they belonged on a college brochure.
I wanted to get out of there.
The girls had finished their fries. Nathan had cleared his plate.
I finally said, “All right. Let’s head back.”
We left the dining hall a little after six. Since we’d turned the clocks back, it went pitch black and chilly the second the sun went down.
Kelly looped her arm through Nathan's as soon as we hit the sidewalk. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his peacoat, so he wasn't holding her arm, but he didn't pull away either.
Alex and I hung back a few paces behind. She was still going on about this guy she wanted to find later, wondering if he was going to be at the show.
I lit one of the cigarettes I'd rolled earlier and watched Kelly pressing against Nathan. And him letting her.
"She's really throwing herself at him, isn't she?" I mumbled to Alex. "I don't even think he likes her like that."
Alex scoffed. "Oh, come on. They look cute together."
I wanted to argue. His hands had been in his pockets the whole walk. He'd flinched when she tried to touch his face at dinner. He wasn't leaning into her—she was leaning into him.
I flicked the cigarette into a drain in the curb.