Chapter Four
America
“I should go to bed.” I drop my burning palm from his jaw and massage the branded spot with my thumb. I’ve made so many mistakes this year that I’ve fulfilled my quota. If EJ and Dove weren’t singing their orgasmic opera in our Airbnb, I’d hurry on back to the villa.
Or at least that’s what I should want to do.
“Just one.” He stares at my mouth like he’s never noticed it before, then he focuses on my eyes. “It’s been such a nice night. I’m not ready for it to end. My thoughts are not… they’re not fun. When I’m alone.”
I can’t seem to make myself walk away, but then again I don’t really want to. We haven’t caught up in ages. Who knows when there will be a next time. And I hate to see him in pain.
It’s not like I’ll be able to sleep while he’s on the balcony drinking anyway.
I lift a hand and extend one finger. “One more and we’ll call it a night.”
“Great.” His smile widens. “What will you have?”
“Vodka, please.” I follow him inside.
I’ve lost count of the cocktails I’ve had tonight. Mine and mine and Dove’s and… then there’s the vodka… and we can’t forget about the pre-drinks.
He pours another tiny bottle of vodka into my glass before handing it to me, his fingers brushing against mine.
The summer heat and the vibe between us have me breaking out in a sweat. “Is the pool still open? I’d love to cool off.”
“There were people in it until two this morning.” He wraps his lips around the rim of his glass and tips some of the liquor into his mouth.
“I think I’ll get in then.” I pop out my Calmer earbuds, drop them into my purse. I wear them to places like the club we went to tonight so I don’t get overwhelmed by all the noise. I don’t need them now. Here, with Gray.
“In your dress?” His gaze runs over the fabric clinging to my curves. “Do you want to borrow a shirt or something, so you don’t ruin it?”
“Uh.” The idea of wearing his clothes makes my brain stutter. The soft, worn material against my skin. The scent of his skin and his cologne against my nose as I inhale. It would either be heaven or torture. “No, that’s okay. I’m going to take it off and go in my bra and panties.”
He covers a cough with his fist.
“Damn drink has bones.” His voice is raspy.
We take our drinks out to the pool. Set them on a small table between two loungers with lemon print cushions.
I shuck my shoes, wiggling my toes to release the tension from the balls of my feet. Party shoes are fun, but there’s nothing like being barefoot.
Gray takes a seat on the end of one of the loungers as I grab the hem of my dress with both hands and wiggle it up until it won’t go any further. “Shoot.”
“You okay in there?”
“Forgot to unzip,” is my muffled reply. I expected to do this in a much classier way. Shirk the dress and dive under the water in a solitary move. “Probably should have thought this through a little better.”
“Do you need some help?” His voice is much closer.
“Whoa.” I jump, my heart beating faster.
He steadies me with a hand to my bare midriff before I can take too many steps backward and end up in the pool. “Hang on. I’ve got you.”
My tongue puddles with saliva at his assured and strong tone. A girl could fall in love with a guy who tells her things like that.
I recall a specific memory. Gray was twenty. Dressed in his baseball gear, his gym bag in his hand as he came marching toward me and the boys who were harassing me because I said I didn’t want to date one of them. They’d called me frigid. A tease. I’d developed curves much faster than the other girls, so apparently there was an assumption that I was ready to start dating. They’d backed me up until I tripped and landed on my butt in the grass. I was so freaked out I started crying.
Gray grabbed fourteen-year-old me’s hand and tugged me to my feet, directing me to his car where he made sure that I was okay.
“I’ve got you,” he said before he drove me home, and for some reason, I felt like he really did. We were both only children. Both adopted in one way or another. Me, literally by my parents. Him, figuratively into EJ and Indy’s family.
For a biracial girl on the spectrum, who had no ability to read social cues, who more often than not felt like she didn’t fit anywhere, that sentiment, that connection was everything.
But Indy’s perfume seeps into my thoughts again. He also had Indy. By the time I was sure I was in love with him, she was too.
By fifteen she’d planned their future together. By eighteen there was no denying that he would fall for her. I never stood a chance. Not when Indy wanted him too.
She was the one he fell for. The one that he loved and wanted to marry. The one he’s still not over.
Even if that wasn’t the case, she’s my best friend. Through thick and thin. Which means nothing can ever happen with Gray and me.
That’s okay though. A teenage girl with a crush that never ends grows up to have hopes and dreams she knows she’ll never experience. I’ve made peace with it.
He finally lifts my dress free of my arms.
Despite my peace, those words, from him, put me in a spin. Because tonight has felt different.
Easy.
Like it would be okay to pretend that there’s a chance for us. Only for tonight. Only in my head. I can imagine he keeps touching me because he wants me. That the way he looks at me as I sit on the edge of the pool and slide in means he wants to kiss me. And not just my palm.
I swipe my damp hands over my face and push the wet strands of my hair back. “Are you coming in?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Would I have asked?”
“Fine. Hang on.” He moves our drinks to the tiled edge and sheds his shoes and shirt, revealing a taut, bronzed torso and wide shoulders. He reaches for his belt, tugging on the leather until the buckle uncouples, and then moves onto the fly.
Stripped down to his boxers he jumps in. His shaggy, blond hair is in his eyes, but he flips it out of the way. “Better?”
“Much.” I splash him teasingly before reaching for my vodka. “Tell me what’s next for you.”
“I don’t know,” he says as we rest against the dimly lit edge of the pool, sipping our drinks. His hand finds my side. His thumb strokes and the muscle under it quakes.
I close my eyes and breathe through the flames he’s ignited. “Gray, I—”
“Rica, I think we should get out of the pool.”
“Why?”
“Because we’ve been drinking, and I keep wanting to touch you.”
I want him to keep touching me. “And that would be bad.”
“It would be very bad.” He’s closer now. His chest presses against mine. My nipples have turned into little diamonds that I know he can feel through the thin material of my bra. His gaze drops to my cleavage. His tongue glides over his bottom lip. “Wouldn’t it? We’re friends and—”
“We haven’t talked in six months.” Chlorine and Gray smell pretty good on one another. Or that could be the alcohol talking. I mean, if I really wanted, I could say all the drinks we’ve had are responsible for whatever comes next. No one could say that either of us are entirely sober at this point.
No one is here to sober us up either. Dove is with EJ making their own vacation fling mistake. And Indy is married. She’s in love with someone else. She doesn’t want Gray anymore. But I do.
I have for so long. I would keep him forever, but if I can only have one night…
I slip my arms around his neck, mold myself to him. I take the chance I’ve wanted to take for far too long. “You want to touch me, Gray? You want to kiss me? Or maybe you want to fuck me? I could be your dirty little secret and you could be mine. Have you ever thought about it?”
Of course he hasn’t. Because he was Indy’s, and he was true. There was never any looking at anyone else—
His breath hitches.
“I am now.” His eyelids grow heavy over darkened irises.
“You want to check out my nipple piercings?” I tease as my heart beats erratically. Cavolo . Wow. Am I really being this bold? “Tug on them with your teeth?”
“Fuck, Rica.” He crowds me back against the tiled side, pressing his hard body against mine. Clasping the side of my neck he moves in.
Holy shit. He’s touching me like he wants me. This is really happening.
“One time, Gray.” I search out his mouth, because damn it, I’ve wanted to nibble on that bottom lip since I was fourteen years old. Why shouldn’t I get to experience him one time? Why shouldn’t I be allowed to enjoy the man that I have secretly loved, now that my best friend doesn’t want him anymore? If he wants this too and Indy never finds out…
His tongue slides between my teeth to hungrily taste the soft curves of my mouth while his thumb finds the metal pierced through my nipple and grazes over the sensitive spot.
A flood of heat makes my insides clench, and a moan escapes my throat. It spurs him to tug the cup of my bra down, exposing me to the air and anyone who might stumble upon us. But then his mouth covers my nipple, his tongue flicking the little ring around.
I want to climb him. One hand wrapped around his head to hold his mouth to my breast, I use the other to tug at his boxer briefs and wiggle my hand inside to wrap around his cock.
He groans as I slide my hand up and down his length. The reverberation is lovely against my flesh. “Filthy little Rica. You want my cock so bad that you can’t let me enjoy your luscious breasts first? You know I’m going to taste you before I fuck you, right? I want your pussy grinding down on my tongue.”
“Holy shit.” I inhale so hard I almost choke on it as a party no doubt returning from the nightclubs breaks into our private moment.
“Not here.” He fixes my bra and lifts me up on the edge of the pool. He pushes out of the water, offers me his hand. “Come on.”
We leave our empty glasses, bundle up our clothes, and run inside. Stopping to check that the reception desk is unmanned, we race through the foyer while dripping water everywhere.
By the time we get to the room we’re kissing again. Breathless, I cling to him while he opens the door. Somehow between there and the bed, I lose my bra.
He drags my panties off me as I crawl backward onto the mattress. He discards his boxers. Glorious baby Jesus, he looks better than he ever did in my fantasies. Tall and tapered, he still has an athlete’s body. He bows over me and it’s the predatory look on his face that claims all my attention. His lips blaze a trail down the center of my abdomen until they land over my clit. His knees hit the floor and he touches me with his tongue and all I want is more.
More of the way he circles and teases. More of his tongue digging into my entrance. He reaches up to play with my nipple ring while he goes down on me, and my clit throbs.
“Gray.” I whimper. I’m close to an orgasm. It’s right there. I’m on the edge. He is a sight to behold between my golden thighs. The way he watches me as he eats is erotic.
He keeps up the tempo, his tongue on my pussy, bringing my orgasm to its climax and making my inner walls pulse. “Oh God.”
When he stops, he crawls up my body, drags one of my knees up to his hip and enters me.
“Oh yes.” I gasp and cling to him. He rolls his hips, digging in deeper with every stroke.
“Fuck, Rica. You feel so…” He grunts and groans, pistoning his hips.
I’m already so sensitive. Every stroke, every slow grind of his hips feels so good. And the way he shortens my name, making it more affectionate… It’s not long before another orgasm is taking over my nerve endings and tunnelling my vision.
“Christ. Your pussy is so fucking greedy,” Gray whispers. His damp forehead lowers to mine as his own release triggers. “I’m going to fill you so fucking full, you dirty little flirt.”
I cry out at the heated sensation of his cum filling me right before he collapses on top of me. Shit. We didn’t use a condom. Luckily I’m on the pill, and it’s Gray so it’ll be fine.
“You…” His lips trail over my neck before he rolls to the side. “You are something else, Rica.”
Oh my God! I just had sex with Gray. My entire body is blissed out. My chest is buoyant and giddy. “That was…”
All of my wishes come true. Well, almost all of them.
He wraps his arm around my neck and pulls the sheet over us before I can ask if one of us should move to another bed. It’s comfortable being hugged, pressed to his side, and the mattress is soft and so inviting. And EJ isn’t back yet, so what’s the harm in a little after-sex snuggling? In pretending that this could be us from here on out.
Gray’s breathing smooths out, the warmth of it stirs the little hairs at my nape as my eyelids flutter shut.