Chapter Fifty-Four. Holden
FIFTY-FOUR
Holden
It takes everything I have not to chase after her.
To not pull her against me and apologize and tell her every deep, dark secret I have. Every thread of revenge I plan to exact. Every way that I too have fallen for her.
But isn’t that why she needs to go?
So I don’t see the hurt in her eyes or the defeat in her posture. So I don’t hear the break in her voice or see the tears slide down her cheeks.
A promise to Mason won’t be derailed by a fucking woman.
But the longer she stood there, the more I risked so many fucking things. More like every fucking thing.
Get your shit together, Knight.
Get your shit together, Simpson.
This is for the best.
Then why, when I look out the window down the endless stories of this building, does every damn part of me scream in protest?
Why do I want to pick up the phone and apologize?
Why do I want last night back so fucking bad?
I thought I liked living in the gray.
Right now that gray is a smothering fog that makes every part of me hurt.
Rowan begged me to make her feel last night.
The problem is, I did. And in the process, I allowed myself to feel too.
Now I don’t know how to turn it off.
To make the feeling go away.
To not hurt.
And man, this fucking hurts.