Chapter 14 #2
“Maybe I’ll tell everyone about your kittens if you don’t.” I totally won’t. But I feel like I’m flirting .
Like I’m having fun .
Like I don’t have to watch everything that comes out of my mouth to make sure it’s living up to the expectations that I’ve been told the world has for me.
And he hasn’t kicked me out of the car. He’s not slowing down. The sunset is so lovely that it’s even lighting up the clouds looming to the east with a gorgeous pink-orange hue again.
I love the sunrise and sunset back home over the mountains, but this sunset is special too.
“You won’t tell anyone about my kittens,” he says.
His confidence annoys me. “Why won’t I?”
“Because if you do, I’ll launch a save the kittens so Theo can take them home campaign, go viral, get thousands of dollars in donations from around the world, have half the women at the resort fawning over me, and you’ll be that woman who turned in the internet’s new favorite son.”
I don’t gasp this time.
I squeak.
He’s the type of person that could happen to. I swear he is.
Can this car maybe swallow me whole? I’m trying to be fun, and instead, I already feel like the horrible person who’d sacrifice the future of a litter of kittens for the sake of learning a secret.
Theo cuts another look at me. “Laney. If you were going to tell anyone, you would’ve done it already. Crazy rule-breaker, you.”
“I can have fun.”
He doesn’t answer.
“ I can . It’s just hard when there’s so much pressure to always do the right thing and look the right way so that you don’t mess up your future.”
“Ask you a question?”
The correct answer here is no . Every instinct inside of me is hollering for me to say no.
I ignore it. Tonight’s about ignoring what I’ve been taught and leaning into being someone else. “Sure.”
“How long’s it gonna take for you to get to that magical future you want to live in, and do you really think you’ll like it when you get there?”
My brain breaks. Splinters and shatters and cracks wide open. “I—I—I mean, I’m living it right now, but I also have to think about how that impacts next year, and next decade, and?—”
“You really enjoying it?”
Once again, I know the correct answer. Yes. Yes, this is what I want and it makes me happy .
But instead of answering, I’m frozen.
I love my job. I love the fulfillment. But there’s still pressure.
One day, Delaney will take over Kingston Photo Gifts. She’s so good there. We might retire early. No worries at all. The company will be in the best hands. All she needs now is the perfect husband to run it by her side.
Theo doesn’t call me on my silence.
To his credit, he’s not smirking either. Not making fun of me for being boring Princess Plainy-Laney .
I take a deep breath, fully intending to find it inside me to tell him that I love my job but yes, I’m unfulfilled in my private life and working on that— boring, Laney, boring —when something else entirely comes out of my mouth.
“Deer. Deer. Deer! ”
There are no deer in Hawaii. Not like at home.
But there’s an animal running into the road and I don’t know what it is and I know I’m supposed to say right bumper or something else to tell him where the animal is, but instead, he swerves off the road and slams on the brakes as a thump and a crunch come from the front of the car, and then there’s a sudden white explosion as the airbags deploy.
“ Oh my god ,” I gasp as I rock in my seat in the aftermath of the crash.
“Well, that’s a new one,” Theo says.
“Your car. Rental car. Did you take the extra insurance?” Dammit . Can I not be that person for one damn hour ?
Theo unbuckles, then flings his door open and steps out.
I scurry out my side too, cringing. He’s going to be so pissed. I hurry around the front of the car, bracing myself for images of him kicking the tire and cussing and yelling at me for freaking out and yelling at the animal we hit for running across the road, but instead?—
Instead, I find Theo tilting his head and staring at a barrel-shaped black animal about a third as long as the convertible is wide with a thoughtful expression on his face.
“What…what is that?” I whisper.
He whips his phone out of his pocket and aims it at the dead animal like he’s taking its picture. “Pig, looks like.”
And he wants a souvenir photo.
Of course he does, Laney. Insurance will require it. He doesn’t keep pictures of dead animals as souvenirs .
I glance at the front bumper, which is totally crushed. The light is crushed. The pretty red hood is crushed. The fender is crushed.
Can we drive this?
Will it even start?
“I’m sorry,” I blurt. “I should’ve said something sooner. Or clearer. It came out of nowhere. I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault.”
“But I saw it before I found words. I should’ve spoken up sooner.”
He looks up at me and studies me like he’s perplexed. “You’re not responsible for the whole world, Laney.”
“No, but I?—”
“Wasn’t driving,” he prompts.
“But I saw it and you?—”
“Also saw it. And tried to avoid it. And failed. You still alive?”
“Yes, but?—”
“You hurt?”
“No, I?—”
“Not at all?”
“No, not at all. I’m fine.”
He studies me longer than absolutely necessary, and then he does the last thing I expect, which honestly should’ve been the first thing I’d expect, given that this is Theo.
He cracks a grin. “Think we can load it in the car so my pops can stuff it?”
“ What ?”
“The pig. Don’t think he’s ever done a stuffed Hawaiian pig before.”
“Are you— are you serious right now ?”
His smile gets broader and impossibly more attractive. “It’s a feral pig. You were gonna eat it anyway tonight if we’d stayed at the resort. And this is just a car. Piece of metal. Replaceable. I’m fine. You’re fine. Now find your muscles and help me get this thing in the trunk.”
“Absolutely not. And not because I’m a stuck-up rule-follower. There is zero good that will come of us putting that thing in the trunk.”
“You’d deny my dad the chance to work on a new species?”
“Is that even legal?”
Yep. That came out of my mouth.
Theo’s lips curve up into a dirty, naughty grin. “I never realized just how much I like it when you get all rule-follower. It’s a challenge. I like a challenge. You challenge me, Laney. Thank you.”
My stomach dips low and my mouth goes dry. “Are you seriously pretending to flirt with me over a dead pig?”
“Not pretending. C’mon. Help me get this thing in the trunk.”
“We should call someone. The sheriff’s office. Is there a sheriff on the island? Or is it the police? Who’s in charge of roadkill here? Will the car move? Are we going to need a tow truck? Oh, god. Emma. She’s going to be so upset.” I whip out my phone, and?—
No signal.
“Em’s fine. We’re not hurt. And in case you forgot, Rocky Roadkill put food on our table and clothes on our backs our entire childhood. She knows about the circle of life.”
He squats next to the pig and takes a selfie.
A selfie .
I stifle another squeak.
“Makes more once it’s stuffed if you know where it came from,” he says like it’s the most reasonable thing in the world. “Rest well, little piggie. Didn’t mean to kill you. But I promise we’ll find your body a forever home where you’ll be loved and revered.”
“I can’t get a signal. We can’t call for help if I can’t get a signal.”
“Someone will come along. People were hitting animals on the road long before cell phones, and they survived to tell the tale.”
“We’ll walk. Can’t be far to find a signal.”
“Pig in the trunk first.”
“ I am not helping you ?—”
I don’t finish.
I can’t.
Not when the dead animal suddenly squeals the unholiest, loudest squeal in the history of undead squeals, shoots to its feet like it took a hot poker up its ass, and charges Theo.
“ Zombie pig !” I yell. “Duck! Dive! Run! Zombie pig !”
Theo gets the full force of the pig right to the chest and goes sprawling back onto the pavement.
I shriek and dash for him.
But that’s the exact wrong move because the zombie pig is pissed , and now I’m his new target.
“Holy fuck, it’s alive,” Theo gasps.
It flares its snout at me. There’s murder in its eye. It paws the ground once, snorts, and then charges me.
I scream and scramble onto the hood of the car.
Or try to.
Really, I’m grasping for purchase on the slick surface while the pig rams the car .
“Hey! Get! Stop!” Theo bellows at it as he jumps back to his feet, staggering only a little as he runs at the pig.
Did he hit his head?
Does he have a concussion?
The pig does a fast turn and hurtles its barrel body back toward Theo, who takes off around the car. “That’s right, fucker! Chase someone with your own kind of stubbornness and innate good looks and solid muscle structure!”
I’m trying to climb up the car so I can dive over the windshield and inside, and I’m trying not to laugh at his ridiculousness at the same time. “Get in the car, Theo! Get in the car !”
He dives.
The car shakes and my bottom half goes sliding to the edge of the hood.
There’s a thump as the pig slams into the car and connects with the door right where Theo just went over inside the convertible.
“Can it jump?” I shriek. “Is it going to eat us?”
“Pigs can’t jump.” Theo climbs to his feet on the front seat and reaches over the windshield to grab my arm.
“Are you sure?”
“No. Get in. We’re getting out of here before we find out otherwise.”
He pulls me over the windshield while I try to clamber up too, but I’ve never climbed a convertible windshield before.
Especially not while the car is being repeatedly head-butted by the most solid pig in the existence of wild, terrifying pigs.
I finally get the rest of the way up the windshield with Theo’s help, but that’s where the very worst thing in the history of terrible things happens.
I lose my balance.
Do I fall out of the car and get trampled by the very angry feral pig?
No.
That would be better.
Instead, I trip and fall headfirst onto Theo.
And he loses his balance.