Chapter 19 #2
Well, Laney, I started making faceless videos of myself knitting with my woody hanging out while telling women that they should have higher standards, somehow became the most popular creator on GrippaPeen.com, and he doesn’t like it that my dick makes more money in a week than his brain could lose in a year .
Nope.
Not telling her that.
Besides, if that was the only problem, then it would be his problem. Not mine. “Reverse it, princess.”
“Fine. Why do you hate Chandler?”
I should not tell her this.
I shouldn’t.
It’s mine to bear. Not hers.
But it’s an easier secret than telling her I have a side hustle as an online adult entertainment star.
And I’ve been bearing this other secret all by myself since Emma and Chandler hooked up again when they both moved home after college.
Everyone thinks they’re so perfect and cute, the overachieving daughter of the town taxidermist and the chosen son who’s taking over running Bean & Nugget.
Laney won’t stop asking until she has a reason.
So I’ll give her one.
I suck in a deep breath and make myself look her in the eye. “You remember the Snaggletooth statue go-kart incident?”
She nods once.
“Chandler was driving. He told everyone it was me.”
She gasps.
Like literally gasps out loud. “He was?—”
“ Shh .” I put a finger to her mouth and immediately wish I hadn’t.
Jesus , her lips are soft. And plump. And pink. And hot.
“Theo,” she whispers, “ you went to jail for that .”
“My word against his. Who’s gonna believe me?”
“But—”
“It was years ago. And I came out of it with a better understanding of what I did and didn’t want for my life. Who cares now?”
“ You care.”
I shrug. “Shouldn’t. Changed my life for the better.”
“It was jail .”
“It was a wake-up call.”
“But he lied . And you paid the consequences .”
“Wasn’t fully innocent. I was there. I dared him.
And you know what they say. So much potential.
Learned his lesson . And now he’s the CEO of a budding café empire in the middle of the mountains, and I happen to really like where my life has taken me since.
So it turned out all right from where I’m standing. ”
She flinches so hard I feel it in my own chest.
Or maybe that’s the weight of all of the exaggerations that just came out of my mouth making my heart heavy.
“You still shouldn’t have paid for his mistake,” she whispers. “That’s not fair.”
And now my chest is feeling something else.
Warmth. Comfort. Relief.
She believes me.
She believes me .
“Long time ago,” I repeat.
“Does Emma know?”
“You know she and Chandler don’t keep secrets.” I keep my face as straight as I can so as not to clue Laney in to the fact that I believe Emma doesn’t keep secrets from Chandler , but I’m not sure it goes the other way.
“Does Sabrina know?”
“What doesn’t Sabrina know?”
“But she never—of course she didn’t. Why would she tell me? But why didn’t she?—”
“Laney. Long time ago. Let it go.”
She studies me like she’s looking for what I’m not saying. For the parts of the story I’m leaving out.
None of those parts really matter though.
Not to me.
“You want me to let it go, but it’s bothering you enough to cause problems between you and Chandler.”
Dammit. I hate logic. “You believe me,” I say instead of making more excuses about why Chandler would be on my shit list now.
That is what matters to me.
That she believes me.
She flinches. “I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression I wouldn’t.”
“Wasn’t the most reliable guy for a lot of years.” It’s true. Hiding from who I was back then won’t change it.
“But you own what you do. I didn’t do it isn’t a phrase in your vocabulary. So if you say you didn’t do it, why wouldn’t I believe you?”
“Because I don’t want my sister to marry a douchebag.”
Fuck .
Fuck fuck fuck .
That definitely wasn’t supposed to come out of my mouth.
“I don’t mean—” I start, but she cuts me off.
“Honestly, if they’d started dating in the last year, he wouldn’t be who I would’ve picked for her either, but then, there aren’t many people I’d pick for Emma.
She’s just too good . He makes her happy, though.
He has for a long time. I know he loves her, and you know she can’t wait to start a family with him, and this is her choice. Not ours.”
Ours .
I like when she says ours .
She wrinkles her nose again. “And really, in the Tooth, she could do a lot worse.”
“I’d rather be alone than do worse.”
She studies me again, and once again, entirely too closely. “Have you told her how you feel? That it still bothers you?”
“Tensions are high. Weddings are hard. I probably pushed some shit too much in the past few years and did things to him I don’t even remember now.
Probably just as much my fault as anyone’s.
I won’t ruin this for her because I’m having a wallow fest. I’ll get over it.
” I hold out a hand before she can object or use some more logic and reason to tell me that I should say something to Emma.
“C’mon, forced date. Let’s go kick ass in this scavenger hunt. ”
“You’re right,” she says slowly. “Weddings are hard.”
She slips her hand in mine, her face a study in something is broken and I can’t fix it , and I feel it again.
Warmth. But not the bad kind that makes me want to shed all of my clothes to get comfortable.
The good kind.
It also makes me want to strip off all of my clothes, but for an entirely different reason. And this good kind comes with feeling like I don’t need to strip.
Like I’m okay however I am.
I know it’s a lie. It’s a temporary thing. A vacation fluke that’ll end the minute she finds out what I do in my spare time.
But for this moment, it’s real.