Chapter 18
Emma
I have never, ever, ever felt more awkward in my entire life.
Ever .
And yes, that includes the hours that I spent having total strangers stare and whisper at me when I didn’t realize everyone on the planet with a smart phone or internet connection had seen me jilt my groom when I was supposed to be saying my wedding vows.
“This was a bad idea,” I whisper to Laney and Sabrina when we duck inside to grab the rest of the food.
Theo’s holding Jonas captive at the grill.
Bash is under the watchful eyes of Zen and the triplets at the swing set.
Grey and my dad have re-started their ridiculous conversation about if it’s possible to taxidermy a bee, which is what they always do when they want to make people uncomfortable.
They did it the first time Chandler tried to talk to me in public after our breakup.
That was funny.
This is possibly not.
“This was the best idea,” Sabrina replies.
“The triplets might’ve been overkill,” Laney says, “but even though I know you could’ve handled introducing Bash to Jonas all on your own, I’m glad we’re able to be here for you.”
Sabrina snorts. “I would’ve found a way to spy no matter what, so I’m glad you invited us.”
I hug them both. “I don’t think I could do this without you.”
“Yes, you could,” Laney says.
But Sabrina makes a face.
A bad face.
You wouldn’t know it was a bad face if you didn’t know her as well as I do, but I know that face.
She knows something.
“What?” I say.
“I want you to know this is one of those things that I’d prefer to not tell you, but I don’t do that anymore, so please remember I’m telling you this despite knowing it’s going to make today worse.”
I swallow. “Maybe we can scrap that no secrets rule for today?”
Laney grips my hand. “We’ve got your back, whatever it is. You can handle it.”
“You know I’m supposed to be taking care of you two right now, right?” I ask. “I’m ruining your first pregnancy glows and stealing the attention you should be getting. That’s not fair.”
“Pregnancy sucks with a side of barf. You can have it.” Sabrina winces.
“Dammit. I didn’t mean specifically that you can have it.
But now I’m thinking about you being pregnant again, and I need to—you know what?
Please tell my brain to stop going down rabbit holes and my mouth to stop spitting them out. ”
“Just tell us what you know,” Laney replies.
“He likes you,” Sabrina whispers.
It takes a full minute to register who he is and who you is, even though it shouldn’t.
Probably denial.
Full-up, willful denial.
“He does not .” My whispered retort is at a decibel level that should only be audible to dogs. I’m honestly surprised Jitter and Duke aren’t howling outside right now.
“I know he’s an actor and he can fake things, but Em, I have never seen that look on his face before in all of the Razzle Dazzle movies I’ve watched. He likes you . And he was trying to hide it and he couldn’t .”
“He just wants to know Bash.”
She harumph s. “He was watching you like you were a seven-course meal at the fanciest restaurant he’s ever eaten at. Before Bash came out. After Bash came out, he stared at you like you’re a superhero, which he damn well better, because you fucking are .”
“Are you sick?” I put a hand to her forehead. “Hallucinating? Do I need to call Grey?”
“When the least romantic of the three of us says body language is betraying a man, I’d listen,” Laney murmurs.
Sabrina rubs her belly. It seems bigger today than it was yesterday. “I told you I didn’t want to tell you. And I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t have at least ninety percent certainty about it. And if I didn’t think you needed to know all of what you could be facing here.”
She’s right.
I know she’s right.
But the worst part? I felt it too . Not just today either.
Difference is, when it’s just me, I can convince myself he’s acting for the sake of getting to know Bash.
If Sabrina sees it?
Screw this. I do not need Jonas Rutherford in my life. I’m only doing this because I think it’s the right thing to do. For Bash first, and then for Jonas. “We need to get the food and get back outside.”
Sabrina hugs me, and since she’s given up heels for the duration of her pregnancy, her head rests between my boobs. “You can do this, Em. And we’re here for whatever help you want along the way.”
Laney wraps her arms around both of us. “Always.”
We gather the food and head back outside, my brain a jumbled mess in a way it hasn’t been since right before I met Jonas the first time.
I shoot a look at the grill as I hear Theo ask, “So, you pay your taxes?”
Oh my god, he did not .
Sabrina makes a strangled noise.
Laney sighs her peaceful resignation sigh.
She and Theo hated each other until I accidentally set them up during my destination wedding week. Actually, hate might not be strong enough of a word.
But they did, which means she knows better than anyone else what she’s getting with my brother.
And Jonas?
He actually cracks a grin. “I pay all of my taxes,” he assures Theo. “In every state. Few countries too, depending on the year and what I’ve been up to and where.”
My shoulders drop.
“He’s telling the truth,” Sabrina says.
“Already has a leg up on the last guy you were this seriously involved with,” Laney adds.
“We are not —” I start, but then I hear Bash squeal on the swing, where Jack—yes, Jack , despite the triplets telling Jonas wrong names for themselves—is pushing my little boy too high.
Jonas and I are involved.
We share a kid.
And it is a relief to know my baby won’t one day find out that his father had to go to prison for tax evasion.
Which is likely what would’ve happened to the kids I would’ve had with Chandler if I hadn’t jilted him at our wedding.
I eye Laney. “Theo keeps rubbing off on you.”
She laughs, then rubs her belly. “In so many ways.”
“ Ew .”
“Emma’s an accountant,” Theo says. “She doesn’t fuck around with guys who don’t pay their taxes.”
“Good reason to dump a guy at the altar,” Jonas replies. “These ready to be flipped?”
Dad eyes me.
He sees it too. Much as I love him, he’s not a very observant man. So if he sees it too— dammit .
I’ll just have to not like Jonas back.
Easy answer.
Especially when I remind myself how he left in Fiji.
“Do you know what I hate?” I whisper to Sabrina and Laney.
“Not nearly as many things and people as you should?” Sabrina quips back.
Bah. Hating people and things takes too much energy that I’d rather put to good use raising my son. “I hate that I think I understand why he did what he did.”
“He still owes you,” Laney says.
“ So much,” Sabrina agrees.
I nod. “So much. I didn’t say I forgive him. I didn’t say I like him. I didn’t say he gets to be part of my life any more than I decide is necessary for Bash’s sake. I just said I understand .”
My two best friends eye me, then look back at Jonas.
“My standards are much higher now,” I tell them.
Sabrina slings an arm around my waist. “For your sake, Em, I’m holding you to that.”