Chapter 28
Emma
Bash and I have just gotten home from work and daycare late Friday afternoon when there’s a knock at my door.
I’m not expecting anyone, but I do know Jonas, Theo, and Grey were supposed to be getting back from their camping trip this afternoon.
I hand Bash his normal applesauce packet and ask him to go find Yolko Ono. While he scampers off to check the dining room, I pull up my camera app and check my front door.
My heart leaps. My mouth goes dry. My vagina— nope .
No .
She stays out of this. Permanently closed, thank you very much.
But she’s acting like she’s not at the sight of Jonas on my front porch.
He’s scuffing a toe along the porch, glancing between the doorbell camera and the door like he’s nervous.
I check my text messages and my phone app, and there’s nothing.
He didn’t call. He didn’t text.
Didn’t give me a heads-up that he was coming over, which is a first.
I glance at Bash, who’s found Yolko Ono and is attempting to persuade her to follow him into the kitchen for afternoon snacks.
No more excuses.
Time to open the door.
“I’m taking a semi-permanent break from acting,” Jonas says before I’ve fully opened the main door.
“I—you— what ?” My heart isn’t leaping now. It’s erratically pounding like it’s a drum being played by a toddler.
“Do you like your hot tub?”
“Go back to the acting thing.”
“I’m taking a semi-permanent break. Do you like your hot tub?”
“Those two aren’t related.”
He grins.
No, he smiles .
A full, broad, eye-crinkling, tooth-flashing, heart-stopping Jonas Rutherford smile.
Heaven help me.
“Acting’s easy. Doesn’t mean it’s what I’m supposed to do with the rest of my life. One more time. Do you like your hot tub?”
“It’s broken.”
“I know.” He lifts a backpack. “Brought tools. And YouTube. Thought I’d try to fix it. But only if you like it.”
I realize I’m licking my lips as I stare at him, and I suck my tongue back into my mouth so fast it makes a weird slurping noise.
He doesn’t notice. Or if he does, he doesn’t care or react like he thinks I’m a dork.
“It came with the house,” I finally say. “I used it some when Bash was a baby, but then I didn’t have time, and then the chickens broke it, so…”
“Would you use it if you had time and the chickens couldn’t break it?”
I stare at him. “What’s going on? What is this? What are you doing?”
“I missed you.”
That’s the last thing he’s supposed to say.
“Not just the past couple days.” His voice goes husky, and my panties go a little wet. “The past couple years. I missed you.”
“I lost Bash,” I blurt. “At the café. He was there one minute, playing with the dog, and then he was gone, and I’ve never, ever been afraid someone kidnapped him, but I was terrified someone knew he was yours and they grabbed him and I didn’t know if I was going to see him again, and Begonia and Hayes were there and they saw it all , and I knew—I just knew —that that was all your family would need to take him away from me. ”
I haven’t even finished before he’s yanking the door open and striding inside, pulling me against his chest and holding me tight.
And then the very worst thing in the world happens.
I start crying.
Again .
“I can’t do this, Jonas. I can’t live in fear like this.”
“I’ve got you,” he murmurs into my hair. “I’ve got both of you.”
“ Stop saying all the right things .”
“I’m here to do the right things. But if you don’t want me, if you don’t want this, I’ll—” He cuts himself off with a shaky breath that I can feel all the way to the pit of my soul.
And not because I’m pressed so closely to him that I can feel it against my own chest.
But because I know what he’s about to say.
“If you don’t want me and what I bring, I’ll go,” he finishes.
“Stop.”
“I mean it. I know my life is a lot. I know it’s not simple. You don’t—you don’t need me. You have family. You’re a fantastic mom. You have the life you wanted. I’m interfering.”
I don’t know if I’m holding on to him or if he’s holding on to me now.
But I know there’s not a chance in hell I’m letting go.
Jonas Rutherford, movie star? He can go.
But Jonas Rutherford, my friend, the man who’s here , who went camping with my brother and has been puked on and taken care of us and wants to fix my hot tub?
“I missed you too,” I whisper.
His grip on me tightens.
“And I hated you for how you left, and I hated you for not replying to my messages, and every time I got short on sleep, I hated you for having an easy life, and I missed my friend .”
“I’m so sorry, Emma. So sorry.”
“Mama kwy?” Bash whispers behind us.
I suck in a massive breath, pulling all of the snot and tears and fear back inside me, just as I’ve done every time I’ve thought I couldn’t do this the past couple years. Shaking free from Jonas, I wipe my eyes, then squat down to Bash’s level.
“Mama’s having a moment, sweetie. I’m okay. I just need a minute with my feelings.”
He stares at me with big brown eyes, that finger drifting to his mouth while he holds Yolko Ono in his other arm. “Dona make you kwy?”
“No, Jonas didn’t make me cry.”
Bash eyes Jonas like he knows Jonas did, in fact, make me cry.
“Hey, kiddo,” Jonas says softly. “Nice chicken you got there.”
Bash pulls his slobbery finger out of his mouth and grabs my hand. “I take cawe Mama.”
“You’re doing a fabulous job,” Jonas says.
“She my mama.”
“Best mama in the world, isn’t she?”
Bash tugs on my hand. “ My mama.”
“Your mama who needs to get dinner started,” I say. “What do you think? Should we have a Friday night pizza party?”
“Unka Deo!” Bash yells.
He’s so firm on it, I honestly turn and peer through the screen door, wondering if Theo’s here.
But he’s not. “I think Uncle Theo and Aunt Laney are having a date tonight. But I can text Zen. And the triplets. What do you think?”
“Peeda pawty!”
I sniffle once more while I smile at him. “Pizza party it is. Can Jonas stay?”
“No. Dona go.”
“Maybe he stays after he does a timeout?”
“No. Dona go .”
I glance up at Jonas, and I swear he’s gone into full actor mode.
No emotion at all beyond an easy smile. “It’s okay,” he tells me. “Begonia wants a full run-down on how much torture I was subjected to the past couple days.”
“ Goooona! ” Bash cries. “ Maw-mawa! Gona Maw-mawa peeeda pawty!”
“You…want me to invite Begonia and Marshmallow to our pizza party?” I ask Bash.
“Uh-huh.”
“And Hayes too?”
“No.”
“Zen and the triplets still?”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s nice to include all of our friends when we can.”
Bash eyes Jonas again. “Dey eat ow-sie .”
“And you have to share Yolko Ono with Decker.”
Bash grins.
Yolko Ono bagocks.
Jonas sucks in a breath and takes a half step back, and I laugh.
I actually laugh.
“Okay. Pizza party it is. Go find your pizza party pajamas, and I’ll invite our guests.”
Bash drops Yolko Ono, who bagocks again and startles Jonas again . And then my little tornado tears off up the stairs.
Jonas sighs as I rise back to my feet, watching while Bash’s little legs disappear. “It’s okay if he doesn’t want me here. He knows I made you cry.”
“Generally, leaving isn’t the best way to solve a problem.”
He winces.
I take his hand, realize what I’ve done, and drop it again, my pulse skyrocketing. “I didn’t mean?—”
“I will deserve that until the end of time.”
If there’s one thing I’ve learned since my failed wedding, it’s that I need to not say it’s okay quite so much. “I forgive you,” I say instead, “and I understand if you can’t yet forgive yourself.”
He studies me, those beautiful brown eyes flickering over my face. “Bash has no idea how lucky he got with the mama lottery, does he?”
“None of us ever do. Can you invite Begonia and Hayes and Marshmallow? I need to ping Zen and the triplets, and then order pizza.”
“Is there any chance you’ll let me order the pizza?”
“No.”
“Had to ask.”
“You can fix the hot tub though. Thank you.”
He smiles at me, but this isn’t a knock you off your feet with all of that movie star beauty smile.
This is a soft smile that says I want to hug you again .
And it sends a full body shiver racing across my skin and down to my bones.
Something just shifted.
And I don’t know if I’m ready for it.