Chapter 27 #2
“As for focusing less on the message and more on its delivery,” he said, “perhaps you have the right of it. Lady Vernon counseled me in a similar fashion.”
“Morgana Vernon is a shark.”
James was taken aback by Gosford’s bitter tone. “On the contrary, she has been a key supporter.”
“Once upon a time, she was mine as well.”
Tossing back the last of his whisky, Gosford came unsteadily to his feet.
“Here’s my parting advice.” He executed a tipsy bow. “Keep your enemies close and your friends closer.”
Frowning, James watched the fellow stumble off, wondering what the devil he meant.
James returned home by early afternoon. Despite the strange malaise that had plagued him since the talk with Gosford, his lips twitched when he found Evie exactly as he’d left her.
Bent over the escritoire in her sitting room, her spectacles perched on her nose, she was jotting notes and mumbling to herself.
At the warm greeting that lit her whisky eyes, his disquiet dissipated.
He placed his hands on her shoulders and bent to kiss her cheek.
“Still busy as a bee—or moth—I see.”
Removing her spectacles, she smiled at him.
“You are a sight for sore eyes. How was the club?”
“Fine.” He paused. “I saw Gosford.”
“Oh. How did that go?”
“It was awkward. To say the least.”
“Why don’t I pour you a drink and you can tell me about it?”
He decided that some of life’s greatest pleasures were the simplest. Or perhaps he was just a simple fellow who enjoyed basic comforts like coming home to his wife and being able to tell her about his day.
They settled on the settee, and with his arm around her, he described the interaction with his disgraced colleague.
“What do you think he meant by keeping your friends close?” she mused.
“I suspect he thinks Lady Vernon betrayed him. The moment the scandal hit, she jumped ship.”
“She jumped from his ship onto yours.”
When he raised his brows, Evie shook her head.
“I didn’t mean that in a jealous way. I know you have no intention of dropping your anchor in her port, so to speak.”
He had to grin. “Careful, sweetheart. These nautical references might give me ideas.”
“Oh, do keep your mast down,” she quipped.
He wondered if she knew the effect her cheekiness was having on him. Hearing his shy darling refer to his “mast” was making his trousers uncomfortably tight.
“Regardless of my personal feelings about Lady Vernon, I think you should heed Gosford’s warning. She shifts her favor with the wind. What she did to Gosford, she can and will do to you.” Evie gnawed on her lower lip, her eyes troubled. “If she catches even a whiff of the scandal from my past—”
“She won’t,” he said. “And I have no illusions about her loyalty. I am not as gullible as people seem to think.”
She tilted her head. “Who thinks you are gullible?”
He wasn’t certain he wanted to have this discussion. Since the thoughts had been niggling at him like a toothache, however, he gave in.
“You do,” he told her.
“I never said such a thing.” She looked genuinely shocked.
“Perhaps you did not use that exact word. But when you compared me to Apollo, you said I have lofty ideals, and more than once you’ve called me high-minded.”
“Those were meant as compliments.” Her brow pleated. “If you took them in some other fashion—”
“I know what you meant.” Feeling like a fool, he sat forward and rubbed his hands over his face. “It has been a long day. Forget I mentioned it.”
“I will not. Something I said bothered you.” She studied him with disturbing acuity. “You’ve never liked that comparison with Apollo. You think it implies that you are prissy—feeble and not as manly as the great Zeus.”
“That is not the part that bothers me,” he averred.
“Then what is it, James? Tell me.”
He exhaled. “I am not perfect.”
“All right,” she said slowly.
“And I don’t want you to think that I am.”
“You needn’t worry on that account.”
He ignored her gentle jibe. “Gosford disagrees. He says you’ve placed me on some sort of pedestal, and I should play up your wifely adulation.
He says your view of me will help convince constituents that I am a worthy candidate.
But I don’t want you to think of me as some aloof and impeccable god.
I’m not. I am just a man who has flaws like everyone else—”
“I am perfectly aware of your flaws,” she said.
“You are stubborn and idealistic to a degree that sometimes puts you out of touch with ordinary folk. You prefer to keep your own counsel, which is usually sound, but you also risk brooding and stewing over things you would have been better off discussing. You have exceedingly high standards, especially when it comes to yourself.”
Her assessment stopped him short. And made him feel like an even bigger idiot.
“Well,” he muttered. “As long as we have that clear.”
“I didn’t mean to insult—”
“You didn’t.” He gave her a wry look. “I asked for your opinion and now I have it.”
“You have part of my opinion,” she corrected.
“I also think you are honorable, loyal, and kind. Your intelligence is tempered by humor, and while you are hard on yourself, you are generous with others. You are not perfect…but you are perfect for me. I could not imagine a better husband—a better lover or partner. Which is why I am madly, irrevocably in love with you.”
Touched, he kissed the back of her hand and tucked it against his thigh.
“I wasn’t fishing for compliments but thank you. You must know that I love you outrageously in return. Enough about my day. How is your speech—”
“Not so fast. We are not done discussing what put you in a mood.”
He started to deny that he was in a mood but realized it was pointless. Moreover, hadn’t he been the one to insist on honesty in their marriage? If he couldn’t be truthful with his wife, then who could he share his troubles with?
Searching for the right words, he said, “I don’t want to be thought of as infallible.”
Understanding came into her eyes. “Perfection is a heavy burden to carry.”
“At the club, people were all but celebrating my victory. They alluded to my past successes and what they perceive as my winning qualities. Yet the outcome is far from certain.” He heaved out a breath.
“Ryerson has been gaining momentum. While his tactics involve fearmongering and smearing his opponents, one cannot deny that they are effective. I am beginning to wonder if they might be more persuasive than my approach. What if voters don’t care about my policies and plans? ”
“The fact that you take the moral high ground is admirable and signals that you are a man of character and honor. While Ryerson has found success attacking his opponents on a personal level, your strategy has better staying power. People will vote for you because you have the best ideas—because you care about their welfare and wish to create real and lasting change.”
“What if I lose?” He forced himself to give voice to his fear. “What if I don’t get the opportunity to implement my ideas?”
“Then you lose. But you will lose knowing that you have done your best, and I know for a fact that the best of James Harrington is no trifling tide.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Back to the nautical metaphors, are we?”
She squeezed his hand. “Fear of failure is natural and more so when expectations are high and consequences great.”
At her perceptiveness, he felt his chest tighten. “There it is, in a nutshell.”
“I know you don’t like the comparison, but that is partly why I thought of you as Apollo: you are the golden one, the dutiful heir and brother whom everyone can rely upon. You wear responsibility so effortlessly that sometimes it seems as if there is no cost to you. Yet there is, isn’t there?”
His eyes heated. Appalled, he stared at his shoes, fighting to regain control.
“I don’t want to fail,” he said at length. “I don’t want to be a disappointment. To let down those who have put such faith in me.”
“If you put your best effort forward—and I know you could never do anything less—then you have fulfilled your promise to them and yourself. You do not need to be perfect, James,” she said gently. “You need only be yourself.”
“What if it is not enough?”
She brushed her fingers along his jaw, angling his face so that he was looking at her.
“No matter what happens, I could not be prouder of you. I know the rest of the family feels the same way. James, my darling, you are, and have always been, enough.”
Christ.
Crushing her against him, he buried his face in her hair.
She held him, giving him what he needed.
He realized then that she had always given him this, since the early days of their marriage.
He’d appreciated what he had thought of as her steadying presence, but it was more than that.
She understood him like no one else. Even when she had kept secrets and withheld romantic sentiments because she felt herself unworthy, she had offered him her sweet and unconditional love.
With her, he’d never had to be anyone but who he was.
He drew back, gazing into her warm eyes.
“Thank you for listening. For understanding.”
“What are wives for?”
“As to that. I have a few ideas.”
He leaned in to kiss her…and was surprised when she placed a finger to his lips.
“I am glad you are not perfect or infallible,” she said softly. “It makes you more suited to a mere mortal like me.”
“There is nothing mere about you, Evie.” He took her face between his hands, needing her to recognize the truth.
“You are my world. You’ve said that I rescued you from ruination, but the reverse is true.
You saved me. You ease my burdens and balance me—remind me that life is about more than duty. Without you, I am lost.”
Her gaze shimmered, and he hoped she finally understood what she meant to him.
“Then I suppose,” she said, “that you should be thanking me.”
He raised his brows. “What sort of payment comes to mind?”
“I have a few ideas.”
A smile flirted at the corners of her mouth.
In a blink, she’d gone from his wise and steadfast spouse to his sweet and seductive lover.
He marveled at her complexity. She knew his virtues and his failings and, by some miracle, loved him as he was.
Gratitude amplified his need for her, which felt as vital as his next breath.
“If I may, I do have a request,” he said.
Her eyes lit up. “The spectacles?”
Yes, she knew him well.
Tenderness became a tempest, a roiling sea of desire.
And when she cried out her love for him, her spectacles sparkling and incomparable breasts jiggling with his thrusts, he let his emotions sweep him away.
Trusting that what they’d built together would hold and keep them safe, he surrendered to the storm.