Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Evie slipped out of the manor as the sun was dipping toward the horizon.
It was the first opportunity she’d had to leave without anyone noticing.
Xenia, Gigi, and Mama had taken turns checking on her, and their concern added to her guilt: after the wreckage she’d made of James’s life, she didn’t deserve such care.
“This is the blackmailer’s fault, not yours, Evie,” Mama had insisted. “Once the dust settles, we shall put our heads together and come up with a solution.”
The solution was simple. If Evie disappeared from James’s life, his troubles would be over.
The scandal was hers—and she would take it with her.
Then he would be free to pursue his dreams…
with whomever he chose. Maybe he would even forgive her one day and not look back at their time together with anger and contempt.
Evie’s mama had sacrificed everything to protect her, and she would not allow James to do the same.
She’d gathered a few essentials in her valise and donned her cloak.
Harkness had left, so she would travel alone.
She didn’t know where she was going, only that she needed to leave.
She had a vague plan to catch a coach to the nearest railway station, but as she walked in the crisp spring air, she felt a yearning to see the woods one last time.
Her feet took her there, and when she entered the forest with its mossy carpet and budding canopy, the knot in her soul unraveled.
Pain poured out, hot and liquid, down her cheeks.
She didn’t know how long she wandered. As the shadows deepened to a violet dusk, she found herself at the hermit’s grotto.
Entering the little hollow, she felt a tremor in the ground as if the earth had sighed.
It felt natural to set down her valise and sit in the alcove, letting the bench take the weight of her woes.
She rested her head against the stone and gazed at the spiraling shells until her eyelids fluttered.
“Why are you here?” a familiar voice asked.
Opening her eyes, Evie saw that she was no longer alone in the dark.
“Rose?” she whispered.
The beautiful woman nodded, her hair rippling like a dark river over her shoulders. She was dressed in white, like an angel, but her eyes glowed with earthly secrets.
“Tell me why you are here,” Rose repeated. “When your heart is elsewhere.”
“Because I must be alone.” Evie’s voice cracked. “Because I committed the gravest of sins, I am cursed. And I cannot let that curse hurt the people I love—not again.”
Rose gave her a pitying look.
“The only curse you bear is the one you placed on yourself. Beliefs are stronger than truths. I know a thing or two about that.” A smile, nearly sly, curved her lips.
“Now don’t make the same mistake I did. Go after him, grab him with both hands, and tell him, ‘You are mine, and I am yours. Not only for ease, but for every trial. This is the way of love: to stay, to forgive, to begin again.’”
“You...you etched that on the wall?”
“Thomas did.” Rosalinda’s gaze was as brilliant as gems. “He always was a romantic.”
“I am sorry…for how things ended,” Evie said falteringly. “The pair of you deserved better.”
“We did. We do,” Rose added significantly. “As do you.”
“No.” Evie’s voice trembled. “I’ve done a terrible thing, and even if it was an accident—”
“There are no accidents, Evie,” Rose chided. “You are a scientist, and you must look to the facts. Do not be distracted by illusions—by the lies we tell ourselves. Look at the shells and see what is there.”
Frowning, Evie turned her gaze to the spiral on the wall. To her astonishment, it began to move, to spin. Round and round, until she grew dizzy and nauseous.
“Don’t avert your eyes, Evie. Look beyond your fears. See the truth.”
She fought back distress. Soon the spiral began to change, the shells rearranging themselves into a different shape, curling inward, then expanding…into a flower? No, not a flower—it was Selaginella lepidophylla.
Resurrection isn’t a mystery. It is a process. If one observes the steps, one will understand the phenomenon.
“You’re getting closer,” Rosalinda whispered. “Now, what holds you back—what stops you from examining the truth?”
“I…I don’t deserve it.” Guilt, familiar and worn, smothered her. “Because of what I did. Because I took Wilmington’s life.”
“What if that is the illusion?”
“What do you mean you have no idea where Evie is?” James demanded.
After Lady Vernon’s departure, he had gone in search of his wife. When he couldn’t find her, he’d asked the others if they had seen her. Now his family was gathered in the drawing room…and their concern threw tinder on his own.
“She is not here.” Xenia wrung her hands. “The servants have looked everywhere—we’ve all been looking—and she’s gone.”
Beneath James’s frustration, panic began to drum.
“She would not have left without telling anyone,” he said curtly. “Are you certain all the servants have been questioned?”
Ethan moved to stand in front of his wife.
“You are upset, brother, and understandably so,” he said evenly. “But do not take your temper out on Xenia.”
James exhaled. Ethan was right. This wasn’t Xenia’s fault—it was his.
“I pray you’ll forgive my rudeness, Xenia,” he said heavily.
“There’s nothing to forgive.” His sister-in-law’s eyes shone with an empathy he didn’t deserve. “You are only worried about Evie. Do you think it is possible that she went for a walk? To clear her head after…um, today’s unfortunate events?”
Xenia’s tactful reference made James feel like the lowliest scoundrel.
While the scandal had rocked him, he wasn’t proud of how he had handled the situation, specifically with regards to Evie.
He had lashed out at her because he’d been angry and upset.
Because he hadn’t been prepared for how devastating failure would feel.
He knew the guilt Evie carried, yet he’d twisted the responsibility she felt into something far uglier.
Thinking of how he’d accused her of being self-absorbed and unsupportive, he wanted to punch himself… the way Evie ought to have.
Instead, she’d looked at him like a whipped puppy.
His throat grew scratchy as he recognized that her response to his vitriol hadn’t been one of anger but acceptance.
She felt she deserved his scorn—when, actually, she had the right of things.
He had lied to her. And to himself as well.
She had concealed her past because she was afraid of losing his love and ruining his future.
When she’d finally trusted him with the truth, he had assured her that it didn’t matter.
He had promised to find a solution. Yet when he failed to do so, he had blamed her for the collapse of his campaign…
because his pride and ambition had blinded him to what mattered most.
Ad finem fidelis.
Evie had given him her love and loyalty, and she deserved his in return. Sudden fear spiked as he considered how far she might go to protect him. Would she leave him?
She is welcome to try.
She was his wife, and she belonged by his side. If he had to hunt her down and grovel to get her back, then so be it. Looking at his assembled kin, he knew that he needed their help.
“Evie may have left. I certainly gave her reason to,” he said with self-loathing. “I would like to organize a search for her.”
“We shall find her.” Papa clasped his shoulder. “Do not judge yourself too harshly, son. It has been an eventful day. Once you and Evie are reunited, you will sort things out.”
James nodded, though he felt far from reassured. Looking out the windows, he saw darkness had fallen. At this very moment, Evie was God knows where, alone and unprotected.
“We will split up,” he said urgently. “We must search Chuddums, the neighboring villages, and the nearest railway stations. Anywhere you can think of that Evie might have gone.”
A few hours later, James’s worry turned into full-fledged panic.
They had looked everywhere for Evie. In Chuddums, they’d knocked on the doors of everyone they knew and some they didn’t.
None of the villagers had seen Evie, but several—including the Pickleworths, Mr. Duffield and his companion the blacksmith, and Wally and his group of cronies—volunteered to join the search.
They widened the circle to Chudleigh Crest. Evie had not been seen at the coaching inn or anywhere else.
James’s siblings and their spouses had continued to other villages.
Mama and Papa were on their way to Reading in what was rapidly becoming a wild goose chase.
James had wanted to take charge of one of the searches, but everyone insisted he should be at Bottoms House in case Evie returned on her own.
What if Evie doesn’t come back? What if she has truly left me? What if my despicable behavior drove her away for good?
He was riding back toward the manor, so drenched in despair that he didn’t feel the rain as it began to fall.
His horse did, shaking its head in displeasure.
When thunder boomed, it reared and whinnied; James gripped the reins, fighting to stay seated.
Panting, his face slick, he managed to calm the animal… but not the beast howling within him.
Right now, Evie could be cold and wet because I was a bastard to her. She could be lost and alone in the dark, with no place to go—
The flash of clarity was brighter than the lightning that cracked the sky.
The place took her in when she had nowhere else to go. She felt safe there, as if nothing could touch her.
“Devil and damn,” he said, stunned. “Could Evie have gone there?”
With a surge of hope, he turned his horse around and galloped toward the woods.
With a gasp, Evie surfaced in the darkness of the grotto.
As the storm raged outside her cozy hideaway, she knew that she was alone. Rosalinda was gone…but she had left a priceless gift: knowledge.
“By the blooms,” Evie whispered. “I know who is behind everything.”
As the truth swept through her, a dark shape emerged in the doorway.
A scream tore from her throat, echoing in the cave.