18. Grayson
CHAPTER 18
Grayson
“Remember, she likes mashed bananas, but not banana baby food,” Caroline says.
“Of course, I am –”
“She doesn’t like barrettes in her hair. She prefers hats. But she’ll tolerate that one bow with the clip on the back.”
I pause, waiting to see if she’s finished. She’s only been here for a week, but she’s acting as if she knows everything there is to know about my daughter.
And I think she does. There’s been a huge change in both Caroline and Evelyn in the week that Caroline has been here. Evelyn smiles whenever she sees Caroline now and goes to her easily. I’ve seen how Caroline looks at Evelyn, too. She cares about my daughter—fuck, she even has me referring to Evelyn as ‘my daughter’ mentally. I don’t know that yet. But it feels natural to think it. Dammit.
That’s almost as big a red flag as finding Caroline acting protective of Evelyn with the nannies starting tomorrow a fucking turn-on.
“Oh, and I threw away that dark green romper that you had in her closet. She hates it. It’s way too scratchy. And I was afraid they would just put it on her and not notice.”
We are standing in the kitchen and Caroline is going over last-minute things with me before she leaves for the evening. It’s her last day with us. She’s already made two pages of notes and all of this is apparently the things she forgot to write down.
“Caroline,” I say, waiting for her to straighten from where she’s bent over, adding these things to yet another piece of paper.
She turns to face me.
“It will be okay.”
The fact that I am comforting someone else about the situation surrounding Evelyn hits me as ridiculous. I am the last one to feel assured that everything is going to be okay. But I feel the need to send Caroline off with a smile.
Caroline blows out a breath. “You can call me anytime.”
I want to call her. Actually, I don’t want to let her go in the first place. And yes, in part, that is for Evelyn. The baby is going to miss her. I’m going to miss hearing Caroline’s voice, her laughter, her singing out in the living room while I work. I’m going to miss seeing her every day. And I do worry about bringing yet more new people into Evelyn‘s life.
She’s sleeping in the next room, looking like an angel when I laid her down, seemingly content and happy. But there is constant upheaval in her life and I feel lost as to how to change that.
“I can?” I ask about Caroline's offer to be available anytime. More for my sake than hers.
I cannot fuck the nanny. But if she’s not the nanny…
“Of course. I can come over and help out whenever. I’m flexible. James will understand even if you need me during a class or something. If one of the nannies gets sick or something, I can fill in.” She seems almost eager about that possibility.
“That would make you still kind of my nanny,” I say, more for my sake than hers.
I cannot fuck the nanny.
“No, not really,” Caroline says. “I’m just a friend, helping out now. You wouldn’t have to pay me.”
The money is, of course, the least of my concerns.
But that would make it cleaner. If I wasn’t paying her, then fucking her wouldn’t be complicated. It would just be…fucking.
But I can’t fuck her. I can’t risk it. What am I even thinking? I’m not sure there are enough condoms in the world to make me feel safe having sex again.
And as of right now, she is not my nanny, but she is still the gorgeous woman I’ve been hard for since I met her, and I probably should get her the hell out of my apartment.
“I…You’ve been a huge help to me and Evelyn.”
“It’s been fun. I’m glad you needed me.”
If she only knew the ways I need her.
I cross to the refrigerator where I stored the flowers I bought her on my way back from the run I took on the beach this evening. I needed to pick up more diapers and formula too, so I took a run, stopped by the store, and saw the flowers in the shop window on my way back.
I turn and carry the bouquet to her. “Thank you so much. I know we upended your life this past week.”
The frown lines on her forehead smooth and her expression softens as she takes the wildflowers from me. The bunch of yellow, peach, white, and purple flowers make her smile and that’s all I needed to see.
“Thank you, Grayson. These are gorgeous.” She lifts them to her nose.
“I considered something else. But something like a photo of Evelyn would just be something else to pack and move. I know when you travel a lot, you tend to keep physical possessions to a minimum. And that would have been presumptuous, actually.”
I don’t know if this woman who has known us for a week would even want a photo of Evelyn to keep.
But Caroline smiles. “I have lots of photos of Evelyn on my phone. Lots . Many with me in them, too. Several with James as well.” She laughs. “If someone looks over my shoulder in a bistro as I’m flipping through them one day, they’ll assume she’s mine, I’m sure.”
That makes something strange grab in my chest. And it’s not entirely unpleasant.
I clear my throat. The idea of Caroline looking through photos of Evelyn while sipping coffee in a bistro somewhere around the world makes me strangely emotional. “I also thought about jewelry, but that seemed…intimate.” My gaze drops to her mouth. I shouldn’t have said that.
But I’d love to see her wearing a necklace around her pretty neck that I gave her.
The strange, hot surge of possessiveness surprises me.
She wets her lips. “Yeah. That would have seemed intimate.”
“So, I settled for flowers.”
“Well, everyone loves flowers.” She lifts them again and inhales their scent. “And you remembered I said I love wildflowers best.”
“Of course.”
There’s a pause—something hangs in the air between us—then she steps forward, wraps her arms around my waist and presses her cheek to my chest. “Thank you, Grayson.”
I’m surprised by the hug, but my body reacts instinctively to having hers against it.
My arms go around her, and I pull her in fully, her body against mine. I love the feel of her in my arms. Her softness against my hardness. And I know she can feel my hardness, especially that behind my fly. My cock hardens almost instantly with her breasts pressed to my chest, her pelvis settled against mine, and her scent drifting up to my nose.
I drop my nose to her ear. “You really saved me, Caroline. Thank you so much for being here for me and Evelyn. ”
“It was my pleasure,” she says softly against my shirt front.
We stand there, holding each other for another few seconds, then she pulls back. But I don’t let her go. She looks up at me. I study her gorgeous eyes, her nearly flawless skin, the copper, red, and gold strands in her hair, and finally the sweet shape of her mouth.
This is going to complicate everything. But…
“Fuck it,” I mutter.
Then I kiss her.
The kiss turns hot and deep quickly.
Caroline moans and I quickly sweep my tongue into her mouth. I thread my fingers into her hair, holding her head and tipping it back. I turn her and press her into the wall, letting her feel exactly how hard my cock is, how much I want her, how good we make each other feel.
I hear the flowers drop to the floor, then feel her fingers sink into my hair, her fingernails scraping over my scalp.
That heats my blood and makes me growl. I slide one hand down her side, over the curve of her breast, then under her shirt and up to cup that sweet mound in my palm. I rub my thumb over her nipple and she whimpers into my mouth.
Her hands coast down my back and then start untucking my shirt from my waistband. She undoes my belt buckle, then her greedy, hot hands are under my shirt and against bare skin.
“Fuck, Caroline,” I say against her jaw as I drag my mouth to her neck. “You feel so fucking good.”
I dip my hand inside the cup of her bra, plucking and rolling her nipple, then palm her ass with my other hand. That tight, perfect ass I’ve been dreaming about biting, spanking, and gripping as I fuck her from behind.
My whole body feels like it’s on fire. I lift her and she wraps her legs around my waist. I press her more firmly into the wall, rocking my cock against the sweet, soft spot between her thighs where I need to be.
She moans, then gasps, “Oh, God, Grayson,” as she grips my shoulders tightly.
“I’ve wanted you from the very first day. I’ve fucked my hand so many times thinking of you.”
She shivers and moans again. “God, I’ve thought of that moment more than I should have.”
“While getting yourself off?” I lick down her neck, then bite gently.
“Yes.”
“Does this sweet pussy need my cock, Caroline? Should we replay that scene but have it end the way we’ve both been imagining?”
“Yes. But…”
Something in her tone makes me pause in kissing my way back to her mouth. That hot fucking mouth I want around my cock more than I want my next breath.
“But?” I ask, pulling back to look into her eyes.
“That’s…complicated.”
I shake my head. Most of my blood is south of my belt, so I’m not totally clear-headed here, but I do remember that it’s not complicated now. “Not anymore. You’re not my nanny anymore.”
“No. Right. Not because of that. But…” She bites her bottom lip.
I stare at it. I want to bite that bottom lip. I want to slide my cock past that bottom lip.
“I’m kind-of involved with Cas and James. I mean…we’re sleeping together. And I guess we didn’t talk about sleeping with other people. I mean, obviously they are. With each other. And this isn’t a long-term or a serious thing. But I guess we didn’t talk about anyone else while I’m here and it feels like I should at least tell them if I’m going to be doing this with someone else too.”
She’s rambling a little. She seems aware of that because she suddenly stops and presses her lips together.
I stare at her, my chest rising and falling as I breathe hard, forcing my mind to focus on something other than the fact my cock is finally pressed up against this woman’s pussy. “What?”
“It’s just for fun. Temporary while I’m in town. Obviously. But, yeah, we slept together. The three of us. And plan to again.” She pauses, winces slightly, and says, “It was great,” almost apologetically.
I let that sink in.
She slept with the guys next door.
She had a threesome with the guys next door.
Okay.
I blow out a breath. I slip my hand out of her shirt, letting go of the best breast I’ve handled in a very long time. I let her slide down the wall and make sure she’s standing on her own, then step back. I shove a hand through my hair.
Finally, I say, “That’s good.”
She blinks up at me. “It is?”
“Definitely.”
“Oh.” She frowns, as if confused.
“I can’t do this,” I tell her. I take a step back as if to emphasize the point. To both of us. “I let this go too far as it is. I’ve wanted you since day one. I was serious about that. But I can’t get involved.”
“Oh,” she says again.
Fuck, I sound like a dumbass. We both know if she hadn’t said that about James and Cas, I’d be buried balls deep right now.
My cock pulses, and I silently curse.
Fuck, I want her.
But I Can. Not. Do. This.
“I know this feels like I’m running very hot, then cold. Being an asshole, or whatever. And I do want you. I just can’t.”
God, she looks good freshly kissed and driven against the wall. Her lips are plumper and pinker, her hair is mussed, she’s breathing a little hard, and her nipples are poking against the front of her shirt, beckoning me.
I want to suck on her nipples so badly.
I could turn her, bend her over my couch, and fuck her good and hard, just once. Get it out of my system. Get just one taste of her. Feel her gorgeous pussy around my cock just once.
But once would never be enough.
And once is all it could take to wreck my life.
Okay, wreck my life even more.
It’s not like you have to screw a woman four times to get her pregnant. I shove my hand through my hair again.
“I’m really sorry, Caroline,” I say. “I just have to be more careful now. I’ve got Evelyn. And she’s taught me that even one tiny screw up can change the lives of multiple people. My life has been turned upside down—hers is a confusing, chaotic mess. It’s affected my business, it’s even affected my parents and my sister. And everything else in my life. I just can’t risk casual sex. Especially right now, when my life feels like a train barreling down the tracks with no brakes.”
Caroline frowns. “I’m not looking for a long-term relationship. The last thing I want is to get pregnant or have someone misinterpret sex for something more serious.”
I nod. “I believe you and I respect that. But as I’ve learned, things can still happen. The only way for me to be in total control of my life and Evelyn’s is to do whatever I can to mitigate even potential complications.”
She does not say, “Oh now I’m a complication? Well, fuck you,” like many other women would. Instead, she nods. “I get it. That makes sense.”
It does. It really does. But I wish she could honestly say, “Just fuck me, Grayson, I can make it all better.”
“I think I’m just gonna go,” she says.
I nod. “Okay.”
She bends and gathers the flowers she dropped, cradling them against her chest. She walks to the door and I cannot help but let my gaze drop to that gorgeous ass as she sashays her way across my living room.
She opens the door, then turns back and says, “Maybe I’ll see you around.”
Then she steps out the door, closing it behind her.
And all I can think is that yes, I probably will see her around. Because she’s fucking the two men who live next door. And I can’t escape the images of her sandwiched between James and Cas, them kissing, touching, and making her come right on the other side of my bedroom wall.
“Fuck.”
Well, I brought that on myself. I kissed her first and got a taste of what I can never have. I am the one who said this couldn’t happen. I am the one who’s apparently decided to live like a monk, until when? Evelyn is eighteen? Or maybe I should just go get a vasectomy now so that I can live my life happily and at peace.
But what if I want to make another baby someday?
I stomp over to my couch and sink into the middle of it. Something hard jabs my ass and I shift to the side, pulling out a rattle. I toss it onto the coffee table.
I stare at my front door, replaying everything from the moment I finally kissed her, to how her breast felt in my hand, to the way her thighs squeezed me, to her confession about her and James and Cas.
Caroline is sleeping with Cas and James.
Great.
Those two assholes can’t be happy just having each other?
But then I start to really think about it.
They get to experience amazing, hot, very dirty sex with Caroline Bell.
Lucky fuckers.
But even more, it’s obviously casual, and temporary.
I can’t help but imagine it. A little.
I don’t create an entire scenario but…I bet the three of them are very hot together.
And when there are two men fucking one woman, only one of them can be in her pussy. The other still gets to bring her pleasure, enjoy touching her, kissing her, have their mouth and hands all over her. They also get to have her mouth and hands all over them. But there are plenty of other ways to enjoy and satisfy a sexual partner without risking a pregnancy.
I glance in the direction of James and Cas’s apartment.
So those guys are open to having a little extra fun in their marital bedroom. And Caroline is obviously open to multiple partners.
I wonder how they all would feel about adding one more to their party of three.