25. Cas
CHAPTER 25
Cas
“I’m going to need extra attention tonight,” I tell James. “After that public humiliation I just endured.”
He laughs, but he gives me a sympathetic shoulder squeeze. “Your overconfidence is your greatest weakness. But I will give you all the attention you need and deserve.”
“What I need and what I deserve are both the same thing,” I tell him with a smirk. We’re seated in our beach chairs, enjoying the light breeze off of the ocean, the many people at this gathering all talking and laughing and milling around behind us.
I quickly learned when we moved here that when Southerners say “it’s just a few people” and “It’s just thrown together” they are not telling the truth. Or maybe my idea of a few people and theirs is just very different. But I love my adopted hometown and the people here. It’s made my transition from the city to a slow-paced beach town easier. James has always worried that I wouldn’t feel a part of his world, but Honeysuckle Harbor has embraced me as one of their own.
Even after my lack of shucking skills.
James laughs and lifts an oyster to his lips. He’s brought a tin of oysters on ice down for us to eat.
The gesture reminds me of Grayson locking eyes with me earlier. It wasn’t sexual tension between us, exactly—it was more of a moment where we both realized even if the two of us aren’t personally involved, we are engaged in a sexual relationship with the same person. At the same time.
It’s, well, intimate. A shared experience.
Because in spite of what any of us think, you can’t live next door to each other, share the same friends, raise your babies side by side, and it not get personal.
Even if I insisted to James it’s casual.
I can see that it’s not for him.
I’m not even sure it is for me anymore either and that’s concerning. That isn’t what any of us agreed to. It’s not what we signed up for. It’s not practical or smart and yet the three of us guys have fucked Caroline together twice and now we’re spending the day at a picnic. This is starting to feel like a relationship beyond the bedroom, and I need to know where my husband stands.
The truth is, I already know where he stands.
He’s falling in love with Caroline all over again. Not just nostalgia for the teen relationship they had and a healthy dose of lust, but real feelings for her as an adult.
Which I understand. She’s fun, she’s carefree, she’s intelligent, and she’s compassionate.
But James and I need to have a conversation and figure out together what we do about this.
“Where’s Caroline?” I ask James, knowing full well he’ll know exactly where she is.
“She’s with Grayson and Evelyn and his parents.” James puts down his oyster shell and wipes his fingers on a napkin. His eyes scan the beach, seeking them out.
They’re sitting on a blanket on the sand, Caroline with her legs crossed, Grayson casually flopped on his side, Evelyn between them. His family is surrounding them.
“Caro loves Evie,” James adds.
“Maybe we should let Caroline and Grayson have a night to themselves tonight.” It’s my way of testing the waters.
Frankly, I think Grayson and Caroline would enjoy it as well. There is something brewing between them that also isn’t strictly casual sex. This is all getting more complicated than I intended.
James sits up straighter at my suggestion. “You think they want to be alone?”
“I think it’s possible. And I would like to be alone with you.” Not because I’m feeling insecure. Far from it. I know what James and I have. But because it’s starting to feel like we have to return to neutral and all give each other time to process what this is and where it’s going.
Or if it’s going anywhere.
“Listen, I need to talk to you,” James says.
“About?”
“About Caroline. You know I always want to be honest with you.” James reaches over and laces my fingers through his. “I’m falling in love with Caroline.”
“I know,” I tell him simply. “I have to admit, I should have seen this coming. You’re a very bighearted man and she’s special to you. I understand that.”
“I know she’s leaving, so it doesn’t mean anything for the future, but I wanted you to know what I’m feeling.”
“I appreciate you being honest.” I squeeze his hand, my chest tight as I take in the troubled expression on his face. God, I love this man with my whole heart and fucking soul. “And of course it means something. And if it means something to you, it means something to me. We’re a team. So tell me…what do you need from me? Do you want to see more of Caroline? Or less? I don’t want you to be heartbroken when she leaves.”
“I think it’s inevitable I’m going to be heartbroken when she leaves. But I don’t want to see less of her. I want to soak up as much time with her as possible while she’s still here, if that’s okay with you.”
Throughout our entire relationship, James has always been giving and supportive and generous with me. With his attention and love, and his habit of leaving me little notes at night on the bathroom mirror so I find them when I’m getting ready for work. He cooks for me. He cleans our apartment, and he raises our son and he never, ever resents my long hours at work. He worries about my acclimation to South Carolina, and that I miss my family, and he always encourages me to do video calls and send gifts to my sister’s kids, and to plan on trips back to the Netherlands.
He deserves to love and be loved to his fullest capacity.
“It’s more than okay with me. I want you to be happy and Caroline makes you happy.”
James lifts our entwined fingers and kisses my knuckles. “You make me happy.”
“I know.” I don’t doubt that and I never will. “But love can be multiplied.”
I suddenly know what needs to happen. I don’t want to comfort my husband through a heartbreak. I want him to have everything he wants and then some, complicated or not. I want to give him the entire world, and if that includes Caroline Bell, then I will move mountains to make it happen.
James sighs. “I love you so damn much.”
“I love you too. With everything inside me.” I reach over and steal one of his oysters.
After a few seconds, James says, “I wish there wasn’t an expiration date looming over our time with Caro.”
“I know. Maybe she’ll change her mind?” I probably shouldn’t get his hopes up. Or hell, my own hopes. I’m really enjoying what we’ve got going on.
James shrugs. “I don’t know. I certainly don’t want to talk her into anything. She loves teaching.”
“There are schools here.”
“Yeah, but…” James glances over at Grayson. “What about Grayson and Caroline? Is there something more going on there?”
“I have no idea. Possibly. Should we ask him?”
It’s obvious to me what needs to happen. I’m a logical person and this is a problem with a very simple solution.
James frowns. “What do you mean? I don’t know if that’s our place…”
“Get Grayson over here.” I smile at him. “Just trust me. Don’t let Caroline come over. I want the three of us to talk without her.”
I relax and take a sip of my red wine, frowning a little at the plastic goblet. No glass on the beach is an excellent rule, but it does absolutely nothing for my expensive cabernet.
James returns with Grayson in tow, who has his phone to his ear and is nodding.
“Okay, I understand. I heard you, Andrea. I said I’ll be there.”
Grayson sighs as he sinks into a free beach chair after ending his call. “Is there a beer in this cooler?” He flips up the lid.
James sits down on the opposite side of Grayson. “Should be. Help yourself. Business call?”
“Yes.” Grayson fishes around in the cooler and pulls out a lager. He tries to twist it off, but nothing happens. He puts the cold bottle to his forehead. “There is a crisis with a deal we’re doing in midtown. The developer got raided by the Feds and now I have to be back in New York on Monday to see what the hell is going on and mop things up if necessary.”
“It must be hard running a business remotely,” I say. “How is that going?”
“It’s okay. Not disastrous, but not easy either.” Grayson shrugs. “I don’t know.”
James fishes a bottle opener out of our beach bag and hands it to him. “You’ve taken on a lot, Grayson. I’m impressed with how you’re managing it all, seriously.”
“Thanks. You both have been a big help. Having two nannies is a lifesaver as well.” He takes the cap off of the bottle. “Caroline has been there for me too, obviously. I couldn’t have done this without her after Rose quit.”
His voice softens when he mentions Caroline.
It’s the perfect segue. “Speaking of Caroline,” I say. “I’m just going to come right out and ask—are you falling in love with her?”
Grayson chokes on his beer. “Jesus, Cas.”
“He’s very direct,” James says. “It’s because he’s Dutch. He doesn’t know you need to dance around the subject endlessly with lots of hints and convoluted sayings for advice to be a true Southerner.”
“It was definitely an adjustment,” I say. “I still don’t fully understand “might could” in its intended use.”
“It just means that it’s a possibility but nothing definite,” James says. “What’s so hard about that?”
“Then just say it’s a possibility,” I argue. “Don’t say ‘might could make it to the barbecue on Saturday.’ Say that you can’t commit.”
James shakes his head. “You don’t get it.”
“I really don’t. But anyway, back to Grayson and Caroline. How do you feel?”
Grayson wipes his mouth. “I guess you could say I’ve been sowing my oats on Saturday night and praying for crop failure on Sunday.” He can barely get the sentence out before he’s full on smirking.
James laughs. “I know the feeling.”
I glare at both of them. I just want to know if he wants more with Caroline or not, and he’s talking in riddles to mess with me. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means, yes, I have feelings, but I’m worried about what happens after all the sex. Caroline is leaving in less than a month.”
“Are you in love with her?”
“There he goes again,” Grayson says to James. “Just bold as can be.”
I sip my wine and wait for them. I’m not going to drag them to the obvious conclusion.
James knows me well enough to understand that, and he steps in. “Cas and I have been talking. We know Caroline is planning to leave and if that’s what she wants, we will respect that. But I think we’ve all gone way past casual. We’re all catching feelings and developing friendships and hell, blending our families. How do you feel about that?”
Grayson’s eyebrows lift. “What, like the four of us, long-term? In a relationship? I mean, hell, yeah, would be my first thought. I don’t want Caroline to leave at all. Ever . Followed by, that would be the solution to all my problems, frankly. I respect and like both of you. I’m falling for Caroline. I trust you guys with my daughter. I’m very fond of your son. It would make my life easier and more fulfilling to not do this single dad thing alone. Or single.”
I nod. This kind of logic I understand. Grayson thinks with both his heart and his head. Oh, and his dick. Which aligns with my approach to life.
“That’s what we want too.” James looks at me for confirmation.
I nod. “Exactly.”
Grayson lets out a breath. “But what does Caroline want?”
“I don’t know. But I think we need to spend time with her that isn’t just about sex. One on one time with her, each of us. Show her this goes beyond sex for the two of you.”
“And you?” Grayson asks.
I’m not sure exactly how to answer that. “I like her,” I say simply. “This isn’t something I anticipated, but I’m fully on board with this moving in a direction we never anticipated.”
I am, because of James. And because of Caroline. And Grayson.
This isn’t really about me, which for a man who likes to get what he wants, that might seem confusing, but it’s cut and dry to me. I want this for a variety of reasons, and so I’m going to do my best to make sure the people I care about are happy.
“Where is she right now?” I ask.
“She’s with my daughter. Because she loves her.” Grayson’s jaw tenses. “I’m not going to use that to my advantage though, however tempting.”
“Of course not. Caro wouldn’t be with you for that reason anyway,” James says. “She’s independent and knows her own mind.”
“So just…show, but not tell, her what we could be? Together and one on one?” Grayson asks. He looks thoughtful.
“Yes. Like I said, if she wants to leave, we wish her well.”
“We have to let her come to that conclusion on her own,” James says. “I know her. She’s a free spirit. It has to be her idea to stay in Honeysuckle Harbor.”
Grayson chuckles. “I agree with that. She does know her own mind.” He sips his beer. “Hell, that’s half the reason I’m falling in love with her.”
I don’t think he even realizes what he’s said aloud.
“Just so we’re clear—no sex when any of us are alone with her.”
“No sex,” Grayson says. “Agreed.”
“No sex.” James nods.
“I should take her and Evelyn with me to New York on Monday,” Grayson says, sitting up straighter. “That would be a great way to spend time together. I’ll have meetings, but we can do some sightseeing. I definitely don’t want to leave Evelyn home with the nannies. They’re too new to her, and I could take one of them to New York, but I’d much rather spend the time with Caroline.”
“That’s perfect.” I raise my plastic wine glass. “All in.”
James shakes his head and raises his own beer. “All in.”
“I’m not sure exactly what I’m agreeing to,” Grayson says. “But what the hell? I’m in.”