Chapter 5
On Monday morning, Bella got up early to fit in her run before heading to Hammersmith for day one at Merris Group.
Merris was her first solo project. She had won the work and Susan had assured her she was ready to handle this contract by herself. Of course, she was nervous. In fact, make that very nervous, as she pounded along the pavement trying to pump the anxieties away. It was a wealth management company, she reminded herself, her speciality… yes, but ‘so old-school, so establishment,’ came the little anxious voice. She ran faster to blot it out.
It was her job not to be scared, but to be confident and sure of herself otherwise the whole business of advising companies on how to make far-reaching changes didn’t work. Her clients were like wolf packs, they could smell fear a mile off and hunted it down.
After her shower, she donned her battle armour – serious make-up, a scraped-back bun and her smartest work outfit.
She’d been warned to leave her car behind, because there wasn’t any parking, so she packed her workbag and set off down the road to join the throng of cross-town commuters on the Tube.
Even this early in the morning, she’d forgotten how crowded and warm the Tube trains could be. She took off her coat and managed to squeeze herself into one of the last seats left. Ten minutes later, she was feeling sweaty and nauseous. She put away her phone and closed her eyes, willing the journey to pass.
By 8a.m. she was in Hammersmith feeling dizzy and drained. When she arrived at the stately Merris building, she took some deep breaths and braced herself for the day ahead.
‘Come on, Bella,’ she told herself. ‘Time to get it together.’
She clacked up the marble steps and through the revolving door. At reception she announced herself and was told to join the executives upstairs for their breakfast conference.
In the lift, she checked herself over in the mirrored wall. She felt queasy and nervy, but thanks to the generous application of cosmetic aid, she looked groomed and professional. She took another deep breath, then the lift pinged open and she headed for the conference room.
Opening the heavy door, she took in an enormous table with twenty or so heads swivelled in her direction and a side buffet heaped with plates of bacon, eggs, kedgeree, fried toast, croissants and steaming pots of coffee.
Nausea rose up in her throat like a hard ball and she broke out in a cold sweat. She realised she was in the grip of proper morning sickness. All eyes were fixed upon her and she was rooted to the spot, unable to open her mouth, convinced she was about to throw up on the parquet floor.
Somehow, she managed to swallow the ball down and say, ‘Hello, everyone. I’m Bella Browning. Where would you like me to sit?’
She wobbled over to her seat while Mr Merris, himself, made the introductions. She accepted a cup of tea and as she sipped it, she began to feel a bit better. She glanced at the men around the table – all men, all older than her, all definitely thinking, What is this girl going to be able to do for us?
‘We’ll just run through our usual business first, shall we?’ Merris said. ‘Give Ms Browning time to get her feet under the table.’
So, the conference began and Bella listened carefully, knowing more could be learned about a company in one meeting like this than in weeks of figure analysis. She quickly spotted the people who were good at their job and those who were fudging.
When it was finally over, she was shown to a small office, where she unpacked her computer and papers.
The first day, with all the meeting and greeting, was interminable and she didn’t manage to leave the office until 8p.m. Day two got off to an even worse start. She walked into the breakfast conference room and as her gaze fell on the platter of fried eggs, she could barely contain a retch. There was nothing she could do apart from sit down in her chair feeling overwhelmingly sick and weak. When she reached for her teacup, she noticed that her hand was trembling.
After the second day’s early morning conference, there was a second long meeting to get through before she could finally hole up in her office. She had barely sat down there when there was a knock at the door and the human resources director, an American called Mitch, appeared.
She waved him in. They shook hands and introduced themselves, then he shut the door behind him, but didn’t take up her offer of a seat.
‘To be honest,’ he said with a serious look, ‘forgive me for saying this, but you don’t seem very well.’
She suspected the shaking hand had given her away.
‘I’m recovering from a… virus. It’s left me a bit queasy in the mornings. Somehow, the Tube and the eggy breakfasts don’t help. I’m sure I’ll be fine in a week or two,’ was the best she could come up with.
‘Look, er…’ he fiddled with the knot of his tie, ‘I’m sure it will be fine for you to come into the morning conference a little later, if that helps.’
‘Yes, thanks.’ She gave him another smile.
‘Bella,’ Mitch smiled back and ran a hand through his sandy hair, ‘I don’t want us to get off on the wrong foot here. I’ve looked into the work Prentice and Partners has done recently and you do seem to be able to turn companies around fast. We need a shake-up, but I have no idea how you’ll get this lot to take on anything new. I’ve tried?—’
‘Well, you’ll just have to watch and learn.’
‘I look forward to it. Where do you live, by the way?’
‘Belsize Park, north London,’ she said.
‘Geoff has a driver pick him up from Swiss Cottage every morning, maybe he can collect you en route?’
‘Really? I could be collected by car?’
‘Would that help?’
‘I’m willing to give it a try. Won’t Geoff mind?’
‘I’ll ask.’
The following morning, a sleek black saloon pulled up outside her building at 7a.m. A car and driver! Bella thought as she climbed in; she would enjoy it for now, but when the new management plan came into action, it would probably have to go.
Geoff, the finance director, was already in the back but fortunately not desperate for conversation, so they sat companionably together, reading The FT on their screens and passing the odd comment.
On arrival at Merris Group, Geoff went into breakfast while Bella hid in her office for twenty minutes eating vanilla yoghurt and drinking water. The sickness was still there, but it was bearable, so for the first time that week she was starting to feel slightly more optimistic about the job ahead of her: turning this dinosaur company around before it became completely extinct.
Later that morning, she scrolled through a raft of new e-mails to find a message from Chris:
Chris
Bella, how’s it going all the way over there in rural Hammersmith? Merris will have to do without your brilliance for a few days because we are off to pitch for work together in Birmingham.
Bella
Chris, hello. B’ham? Really? I didn’t know anything about this. When? Where? Who?
Chris
Ah! There you are. Express orders of the boss. Two days of meetings at the wonderful Salwood House Hotel in the countryside. You, me, hard work, fine wines. It’s going to be lovely. Client is a small finance company over here with a big partner in the States.
Bella
OK. Send me the details and I’ll sort it out. It better be good.
Chris
Let’s just say if we get this, we’ll all be upgrading cars sweetie.
Bella
I love my car.
Chris
It’s so old!!!
Bella
It’s a classic. Now go away, some of us have work to do.
She clicked back to the file she’d been working on and tried to focus. But now she couldn’t help herself from thinking about the fact that right now, even when she didn’t think about it, when she wasn’t even sure if she could think about it, millions of cells were multiplying, dividing, growing.
Were she and Don going to do this? Were they honestly going to go ahead and have a baby?
She tried to picture herself a year from now, holding their baby. This set off a rush of different emotions: panic, helplessness, uncertainty, even dread, but also running right alongside, a deep longing. Peeling back the layers for the first time, she recognised the feeling that maybe she really did want to do this.
That was another big surprise.