Chapter 30
Joanne was hired because of the glowing report from her last employer, plus there weren’t other options and Bella had told herself to ‘be sensible’. So, next week, Joanne would start and two weeks after that, she would be back in prep work for her August return to Prentice and the brand-new Danson’s project.
It seemed completely unreal.
This morning, Bella had woken up with an agenda. This was a Friday and it was ‘be nice to Don’ day. She was going to do the supermarket run, very superficially clean the house, cook him dinner and who knows, they might even have sex. It had been over six weeks, after all.
She packed Markie into his car seat in the hall, then to-ed and fro-ed to her car with all the equipment: one bottle of warmed milk in a thermos, one bottle of cooled, boiled water in case he got thirsty, a change of clothes, sun hat, parasol, nappies, wipes, muslin cloths for wiping up vomit, the changing bag, her handbag, buggy, sunscreens for the car windows… good grief, how was she going to fit all this?
She crammed the buggy into the boot, squashed the changing bag under the passenger seat and piled the extra nappies and dummies into the glove compartment and squeezed it shut.
When she went back for Markie, she smelled the unmistakable smell of dirty nappy and with a groan felt her determination to go out draining away. But she changed him, put him back in the car seat, fumbled the seat into the car and finally they were off, Bella, like every half-demented, brand-new mother, driving with one hand on the steering wheel and the other shading her baby’s eyes from the sunshine.
When Don came home that evening, he found his wife and his son out in the garden, enjoying the last of the day’s sun, Bella in a deckchair, Markie lying on his sheepskin rug. They were both freshly bathed and changed. Bella’s hair was still wet, but she looked nice, in a clean white T-shirt (his) and a sarong and sandals.
The kitchen was unusually tidy and it smelled as if something was cooking.
‘Hello!’ he kissed them both, adding, ‘Have I walked through a time fault and come out in the 1950s? Baby on the lawn, wife in a skirt, dinner in the oven.’
‘Ha ha,’ Bella answered, ‘I’m being nice to you – for a change.’ She smiled at him and he kissed her again.
The evening was so warm, they ate the simple meal of baked potatoes, ham and salad out in the garden. Bella lit candles on the garden table and poured out cold white wine.
Markie astonished them both by falling fast asleep straight after his 9p.m. feed, so Bella carried him upstairs then switched on the intercom so she could go back out to the garden. When she sat back down in her deckchair, Don moved his chair behind hers, rubbed her neck and rumpled her hair, which she loved.
‘How are you doing?’ he asked.
‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Nice to see you, I feel as if I haven’t really seen you for ages. Are you OK?’
‘Yeah,’ he answered and she felt his strong thumbs circle the base of her neck.
‘So… Markie is asleep and… you’re not. I don’t suppose you’d want to go inside and, you know… cuddle up?’
She turned round and gave a sly grin. ‘Don’t you mean go inside and make wild, crazy love like before baby?’
‘Hey, I’m trying to be sensitive and understanding here!’ He smiled back and couldn’t help running a finger down her nose and onto her lips.
‘Have we even snogged since he arrived?’ she asked.
Don shook his head sadly.
Bella looked at his handsome face properly. The man she loved so much was still right there waiting for her.
‘That’s disgraceful,’ she said, getting out of the chair.
She blew out the candles, then took his hand and led him into the kitchen. She turned to him in the open doorway and pulled him close for a kiss. He tasted warm and wine-flavoured; she pushed her tongue deeper into his mouth and moved her hands through his hair.
He kissed back for several long minutes but kept his hands anchored firmly round her waist. He clearly wasn’t moving up to her breasts or down anywhere without written permission, but held her tightly and concentrated on the kissing.
Then Bella took him by surprise by throwing her T-shirt off over her head. Quickly she unhooked the white nursing bra and tossed it to the side.
He cupped his hands round breasts which felt heavy and solid. ‘Hello, lovely girl. Are you OK?’ he whispered.
‘I’m fine, boyfriend, and I have missed you…’ this in a teasing voice as she pulled his shirt out of his trousers.
‘Where are we going to go?’ he asked in such a throaty I’m-so-ready-to-make-love-to-you voice that she flicked from feeling this could be fun, to take me now.
Their kisses became long, hot and devouring.
‘Kitchen table?’ she suggested. ‘No, I’ll get squashed. Kitchen wall?’
‘Ah ha.’ He steered her until she was backed up against the wall then they kissed again. As she unzipped him, he moved his hands down to the fabric of her skirt.
He felt through the folds to her underwear and pulled it aside. Their eyes were open and he watched her closely. ‘Just tell me what to do,’ he whispered. ‘And I’m going very, very carefully.’
‘Just fingers,’ she whispered back, ‘let’s start there.’
And that felt good. She smiled licked his mouth, feeling his hard on stir in her hands.
She pulled off her underwear, unknotted her skirt so it fell on the floor, then guided him very slowly inside. She felt a ring of pain at the opening and nothing but numbness beyond that.
He moved against her and they looked at each other.
‘I can hardly feel you,’ she admitted.
‘Let me move,’ he suggested and pushed in more deeply.
‘Ow!’ Bella’s head bumped back against the wall.
‘I’m so sorry?—’
‘Oh my God, is this it?’ Bella asked, sounding upset. ‘Is this what sex is going to be like now? You’re a pencil in a shoebox. No offence, Don,’ she added.
‘Ermm… none taken.’
‘Does it feel OK for you?’ she asked.
‘Well— it’s different, but it’s still good,’ he reassured her. ‘I take it you don’t want me to carry on here?’
‘No, I’m sorry. I’m totally depressed. It’s obviously something else no one wants to tell you about, having a baby ruins your sex life for ever,’ she said sounding tearful.
Don moved out of her and tilted her chin up with his hand.
‘Maybe it doesn’t, Bella.’ He kissed her on the cheek. ‘Maybe everything moves back into place slowly. Muscle tone improves— that kind of thing. It’s OK. I’m not going anywhere.’ He kissed her again. ‘Come on, there are lots of other things we can do…’
But for her the moment had well and truly gone. ‘Yeah, like the washing-up,’ she answered.
The next morning, as soon as she had the chance, Bella phoned her new mummy friend.
‘Red, hello, it’s Bella.’
‘Oh hello! How’s it going?’ Red sounded glad to hear her, although she was speaking above chaotic baby and toddler noise.
‘Fine, I was going to come round this afternoon, if you’re about?’
‘Yes! How about 4.30ish, so we can all have a nap first?’
‘Perfect,’ answered Bella. ‘Look there’s one thing I have to ask, it can’t wait.’
‘Sure…’ Red was intrigued.
‘Sex…’ Bella began, ‘is everything going to stay this… well, saggy… for good?’
There was a momentary pause and Bella wondered if Red didn’t know how to break the bad news.
But then her new friend broke into giggles. ‘Blimey!’ she said. ‘I’m impressed. I’m planning to milk the no sex rule for at least another month.
‘Pelvic floor exercises,’ she added. ‘That’s probably what you need. No one ever does them and things do bounce back eventually, but I suppose you could use them to hurry it up.’
‘So, will it really be the same as it was? I want the truth,’ Bella asked, hating that she sounded so anxious.
‘Do enough exercises and it will probably be better.’ Red laughed. ‘Anyway, I’ll see you later, which will be lovely.’
‘OK, thank you. Bye,’ she said, squeezing in and attempting to hold for ten. Dear God, where had those muscles gone?