Chapter 32
Bella was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, nervous as hell, trying to apply make-up properly – for work. She couldn’t believe it had come round so quickly. It was already Friday. And was that a hint of double chin? Good grief.
Nanny Joanne was out for a stroll with Markie, and Bella was heading for the office.
The plan was to do an afternoon catch-up session with everyone. She would also pick up all the prep information she needed to work on before the start of the Danson’s project in August.
She saw her hand trembling as she applied mascara and she had a dry feeling in her mouth. She couldn’t decide if she was nervous or excited. She was looking forward to seeing her colleagues again and hearing the gossip. If only she could shake the guilt and anxiety about leaving her baby.
In the bedroom, she changed into one of the new, size bloody 14, suits and shirts she’d bought yesterday in the two hours Joanne had forced her to go out of the house and leave Markie alone.
She put on the dark knee-length skirt and white shirt, no point wearing the jacket, it was twenty-five degrees outside. Good grief, her bust was enormous! A postpartum bulge sat uncomfortably below the waistband of her skirt. She looked like every other out-of-condition mum and it made her deeply depressed.
She put on stockings and her highest heels, shocked at how excruciatingly uncomfortable they were, but this didn’t make up for the lumps and bumps. At least her hair was gleamingly clean and neatly put up. She decided on diamond earrings for morale, and she’d put on red lipstick in the car.
OK, almost ready to go. Bella looked through her briefcase, untouched for two months. She poked about inside. Everything she needed was there, so gathering up her phone, keys and handbag too, she checked herself over once again in the hall mirror. This was it. Goodbye maternity leave, hello working mother.
She shut the front door and locked it, feeling a momentary panic about whether or not Joanne would have remembered her keys. Shut up, she told herself, are you trying to become the most neurotic woman on the planet? Of course, Joanne has her keys.
She walked to the car enjoying the click of her high heels on the pavement and the clunk as she opened the car lock. She clambered in awkwardly, totally unused to the skirt, and damn, smudged oil onto her leg. Automatically she leaned over to the glove compartment and popped the button.
A pile of nappies cascaded to the floor, followed by a baby bottle full of water, a squeaky toy and a dummy. For a moment she had to blink very hard, but tears were averted.
No, there was not a single pair of stockings left in the place where she used to keep them. She re-examined the smudge. Well, it wasn’t so bad, she could live with it.
She fired up the engine and drove out into the street. It felt good to be driving on her own again, without a bump or a baby. In fact, it felt brilliant. She dodged into the traffic, put on her sunglasses, turned her music on loud. For the first time in weeks, she thought that maybe she could start to get back to her other life again.
It was Kitty who Bella saw first when she walked out of the lift and through the double doors into the office.
‘Hi!’ Kitty mouthed silently with a big smile and wave because she was on a call.
For a moment, Bella couldn’t decide whether to knock on everyone’s doors and say hello or go into her own office. She decided to check out her room first. Pushing open the door, she was amazed to see Hector in her chair with his feet up on the desk as he chatted on the phone. The room smelled like a café, so obviously he was using her coffee machine too.
Coffee! Somehow, she’d forgotten about coffee and spent her entire maternity leave drinking tea.
Hector’s eyebrows shot up when he saw her.
‘Actually,’ he said into the receiver, ‘something rather urgent has just come in, I’m going to have to call you back. Sorry. Bye then.’
He put the phone down, stood up and smiled at her, holding out his hand. ‘Hello, Bella, welcome back,’ he said. ‘Susan did say I could use your office while you were away… I hope that’s OK.’
‘And my coffee machine,’ she cut in, noticing how well-dressed he was. He was obviously sharpening up big time.
‘Is that yours? I’m so sorry,’ he replied. ‘Makes brilliant coffee – would you like a cup?’
‘Bloody hell, Hector!’ She was trying to joke off the irritation she felt at finding a usurper in her office space. ‘You moved in the moment my back was turned!’
There was a small silence and she began to wonder what else of hers he’d moved into.
‘I’m looking forward to Danson’s,’ he said. She had totally forgotten Susan’s decision months ago that Bella would have to take Hector along with her on the job.
‘Oh yes,’ Bella managed to say.
‘I know the Danson’s project manager socially,’ Hector added. ‘I’ve had lunch with him to talk about it, sounds very interesting.’
This was even worse news.
‘Hmm,’ she said. ‘Who else is in today?’
‘Oh, hasn’t Kitty buzzed everyone for you?’ Hector asked.
‘Yes,’ came Kitty’s voice from the door.
‘Hello, Mummy,’ she said holding out her arms to Bella. As Bella hugged her, she could see Susan and Chris coming out of their offices to greet her.
‘Hello, darling,’ said Chris when it was his turn. He hugged her tightly and kissed both her cheeks.
‘Hello, Bella. Very well done,’ said Susan and for a split second they stood facing each other without moving, then Susan leaned forward and gave her a peck on the cheek.
‘So,’ said Susan, ‘tell us all about him. Is he adorable and I hope we can see pictures.’
Well, this was an unexpected show of interest.
‘Well, funnily enough…’ said Bella opening up her bag, and everyone laughed. She pulled up some photos on her phone.
‘Oh, he’s gorgeous,’ was Kitty’s verdict.
‘Lovely eyes,’ said Susan. ‘Looks like you, Bella.’
The boys were more sheepish.
‘I’m sorry, he looks like a tiny Chairman Mao in this one,’ was Chris’s verdict.
‘Chris!’ Kitty smacked him on the arm.
‘So, Susan, has anyone got any work to do or are we adjourning to the pub?’ asked Chris.
‘We are adjourning,’ said Susan.
‘But it’s only 2p.m.,’ Bella reminded them. ‘I came to do some work. I want to do some work!’
‘But this is a very special day,’ said Chris. ‘We’ve got our hot shot back.’
So, the office phones got diverted to Kitty’s mobile and they went to the pub across the road for drinks and work gossip and a bit of baby gossip too. She didn’t want to make their eyes glaze over, so stuck to horrific labour details served with a slice of humour.
‘And then, when I’m in the most pain you can experience without passing out or dying or something, Don and the midwife – Declan – start discussing which match they thought was the best they’d seen that week. Was it the Man U last-minute equaliser or the Bayern Munich v. InterMilan championship decider?’ she joked.
‘And pretty soon after that I gave birth to something the size of a sofa. Next time I’m doing the drugs, all the available drugs.’
She sipped her white wine and soda and felt relaxed, civilised and honestly back to normal, just as Don had told her she would.
But by 6p.m., she did begin to feel twitchy about Markie and Joanne. This was the longest Markie had been without her and her boobs were throbbing, plus enlarging by the minute. She had noticed that Chris kept trying not to look but couldn’t seem to help himself. It was time to go home.
She said fond goodbyes and headed for the car feeling happy and light-headed. This was going to work. Everything was going to be fine.
When she got back home forty-five minutes later, Markie was asleep and Joanne was straightening up the kitchen. ‘Hi,’ said Bella, plonking her bag and keys down on the kitchen table. ‘How did it go? Give me the full rundown.’
‘He was fine,’ said Joanne, looking surprisingly relaxed. ‘He’s not totally happy with the bottle yet. He drank a little milk and spent some of the time feeling unsettled, but he fell fast asleep about an hour ago. Don’t worry,’ she added quickly, ‘we’re getting used to each other and I’m sure we’ll quickly settle down and be OK.’
‘Thank you so much,’ said Bella. ‘And thank you for sorting out the kitchen. Do you want a drink or something? I’m going to have a glass of…’ she hesitated. She was still a breastfeeding mother, who’d already drunk one glass of wine, ‘cranberry juice,’ she decided.
‘I’m fine,’ Joanne answered. ‘I’ll be off if that’s OK with you? So, I’ll see you on Monday at 2p.m. and we’ll get Markie used to afternoons without you before you set off for your big first day.’
‘Perfect, see you Monday, have a nice weekend.’
Once Joanne had gone, Bella poured out her juice then stood over her baby’s cot. He was curled up on his side fast asleep with his little fists bunched up close to his mouth.
She couldn’t resist picking him up. He stirred, turning his head instinctively to her breasts, so she undid her blouse and bra and he latched on. He began to drink without even opening his eyes, as she stroked his cheek tenderly.
He was just perfect, and this was going to work.