Chapter 34
Bella called home on Friday morning and could once again barely listen to Joanne for the sound of her son’s raw howls in the background.
All week Markie had cried for most of the time she wasn’t at home. He was refusing to drink anything at all now and she had the eeriest feeling when she came home at night that he was withdrawing from her. He seemed to turn away, he wasn’t looking at her for as long, he merely ate and slept when she was around, he didn’t seem to want to interact with her and he hadn’t smiled at her since Wednesday.
Joanne sounded tense and harassed whenever Bella called, as she didn’t seem to know what to do to try and distract the baby from his misery.
‘Why don’t you bring him in to see me?’ Bella asked her nanny now. She knew it was not a good idea, not a practical one, but she hoped that somehow they could all wring some relief from it. Markie and Bella could have some breastfeeding time, then Markie would sleep all afternoon because he was full and Joanne would have the distraction of a day trip to the office.
‘Yes, why don’t we do that.’ Joanne sounded quite cheered up at the prospect.
At 1p.m. on the dot, Bella was buzzed by reception and she told them to show her visitors up. She’d warned Hector, who had gone off for lunch early so she would have some privacy.
Joanne arrived with Markie strapped up in a baby carrier.
‘I hope you don’t mind me using one of these, buggies are such a hassle on the tube,’ she explained as she came into the room.
‘No, no, of course not,’ Bella assured her.
‘This is a very nice office,’ Joanne added.
‘Yes. I’m on assignment here. How’s he doing?’ Bella looked anxiously over at the little head she could see at the top of the carrier.
‘He’s fallen into a doze, he’s so exhausted with crying, but I’m sure he’ll wake up at the prospect of lunch.’
‘This is just terrible,’ Bella told her.
‘He’s so attached to breastfeeding,’ said Joanne. ‘I’ve never seen anything like it. You probably should have had him on the bottle from the off. Most women going back to work so soon do that.’
‘But breastmilk is so good for them,’ Bella countered. ‘And, to be honest, no one ever warned me that this might happen.’
Bella took her son from Joanne’s lap. His hair was plastered against his head with sweat and his babygro was damp. His face looked flushed.
‘He’s a bit hot, Joanne,’ Bella said, cradling him in her arms.
‘It’s very hot outside and I got hot on the journey. Sorry, I should have thought of that,’ she replied.
Markie stirred against Bella and instinctively latched on. As soon as he started to suck properly, Bella felt herself relax. Maybe Joanne could bring him in every lunch break? Maybe that would be how they could get through the next few weeks. Surely that was all it was going to take for him to get used to the bottle, get used to this new set-up where she wasn’t around for most of the day?
She felt the heavy weight of guilt in her heart as she looked at the little cheek moving up and down just a few inches from her face.
Markie fed from both sides slowly. When he was finally stuffed full, he broke off. Bella looked at the white dribble of milk running down his chin. He was fast asleep. She stroked him tenderly on her lap. It felt such a betrayal to be sending him home asleep. He would wake up and not even understand where she had gone.
She hooked up her bra and tucked in her blouse. There was a knock at the door.
‘Come in,’ she said, assuming it was Hector.
The door opened and she was stunned to see Preston Wells, the group financial director she’d had made redundant from one of last year’s projects. The very angry man, who’d phoned her up to tell her she was a bitch. She could still remember that awful conversation word for word.
‘Well, well, it is you again,’ he began and there was no hiding the contempt in his voice. ‘I didn’t think I could be quite so unlucky but there we go, you bloodsuckers get around, don’t you?’
Bella just stared at him; she didn’t see why she should reply to this.
‘Having a little crèche meeting, are we?’ he asked with a sneer.
How dare he try and make her feel guilty about seeing her son.
‘Are you working at Danson’s now, Mr Wells?’ She tried to make this sound civil.
‘Yes,’ he replied. ‘And I’m going to do all I can to get you parasites drummed out of the building.’
‘And what is your position here now?’ she asked, trying to keep the panic she felt out of her voice.
‘Yes, I bet you’re bloody anxious to know that, aren’t you? But I think I’ll keep you guessing Mzzz Browning. So, watch your back.’
With that he slammed the door and was gone.
Bella looked at Joanne and caught the appalled expression on her face.
‘Don’t worry about him,’ she said, trying to hide how shaken she was. ‘He’s an absolute arse. I’m sure if he was in any position to get rid of me, he’d have said. He’s just trying to rattle me.’ She hoped this was true.
We have a contract with them, we have a half a million-pound contract, she was reminding herself.
It was time for Joanne to leave, so Bella kissed her baby on the forehead and handed him over, feeling like a traitor. Joanne buckled him back into the carrier and he was in such a deep, satiated sleep, he didn’t even stir.
‘See you later,’ her nanny said, gathering up her things and heading for the door.
‘Bye and thank you for bringing him.’ Bella watched the door shut behind them and suddenly felt a little weak and wobbly.
Later in the afternoon, hiding in the ladies’, Bella took deep calming breaths. OK, she told herself, it’s Friday, two more hours of work then I’m out of here. Maybe Markie won’t even have woken up. But when she called Joanne on the way out of the office, the loud screaming in the background told her otherwise.
‘Hang on in there, Joanne, I’ll be back in forty minutes.’
Except she wasn’t, she got stuck in a long traffic jam full of angry overheated drivers blaring their horns and swearing at each other. Her breasts were hot and oozing milk through her breast pads and onto her sticky, sweaty shirt. What a complete nightmare of a day.
Finally, she made it back and collapsed onto the sofa with her baby.
Joanne fetched cold drinks from the kitchen, while Markie sucked frantically. ‘I’ve made us something to eat,’ she said, handing Bella a tall, iced fruit juice.
‘Thank you.’ Bella felt pathetically grateful. Joanne had tidied the sitting room as well, despite her earlier warnings about refusing to do housework. No wonder, it had been revolting with dustballs building up in the corner and stacked with takeaway containers from four nights in a row.
Bloody Don,shouldn’t he be helping with some of this? Instead, he’d come in late every evening this week and she’d been away before he was up in the morning.
Bella nibbled at her luscious chicken sandwich crammed with tomatoes and mayonnaise and occasionally glanced over at Joanne eating hers. There wasn’t much to say. Joanne had had a terrible day, Bella was shattered. They were both hoping things would work out better next week.
‘I really appreciate how hard this is for you at the moment,’ Bella said. ‘I hope it will get easier.’
‘Me too, we’ll wait and see how it goes,’ Joanne answered.
Soon after her sandwich, she left and Bella and Markie were alone.
Bella stroked his cheek and cuddled him close to her. Propped up on pillows on the sofa, she fell fast asleep with Markie in her arms.
It was 10.30p.m. when he began to cry. Her eyes opened and she was momentarily startled to see an unfamiliar ceiling and set of curtains, then realised she was in the sitting room.
She looked at the baby snuggled up against her chest. His face was pink and marked with the folds of her clothes and he was bathed in sweat from sleeping so close beside her. There was also a telltale feeling of wetness on his back. Yuck! She could see yellow goo seeping out of his nappy. She decided to take him upstairs where they could both peel off for a bath together before bed.
After such an awful Friday, Saturday, by contrast, was perfect. Once Don had surfaced from his lie-in, he completely devoted himself to looking after them both. He did the babysitting, the cooking and tidying. Markie was calm and contented all day. He ate well, he slept for long stretches, leaving Bella free to lounge around the house and relax.
For some of the time, she just lay on the sofa, watching sunlight stream into the room and feeling happy with how lovely it looked, snowy white with gauzy curtains stirring in the breeze and big pools of light on the elegant blond floor.
By Sunday morning, she felt so calm and rested that when the call came for Don to go off on a job for a day or two, she took it in her stride. She considered phoning Red or Tania for company, realising that she hadn’t spoken to Tania in weeks. But somehow, the day passed and she didn’t get round to it. Funny how the idea of phoning her old work friends, Mel, Lucy or Jaz, seemed almost ridiculous now. What would they talk about? Those friends wouldn’t want to hear anything about Markie or her back-to-work struggles.
She played with her son, dangling things above his head and watching him reach out his little hands. He was so surprised with his hands; he opened and closed them in amazement and startled when they moved back and touched him. Bella watched him with utter devotion and he rewarded her with long, adoring looks and the occasional fluttering smile. By Sunday night, she knew she did not want to go back to work, could not go back and endure another week like the one they had all suffered.
The work for the next month at Danson’s was basic figure analysis, so there was no reason why she couldn’t do it from home. Hector could email everything over to her daily. He could call her whenever he needed to. She could even go into the office and meet him every few days if necessary, but basically, she would be at home.
She could feed Markie whenever he was hungry and Joanne could look after him while she worked.
The more Bella thought about it, the more perfect a solution it seemed. Why hadn’t they arranged this from the start? Sheer naivety. She hadn’t known what a barely three-month-old baby would need and neither had her office.
Now was time to let them know.