Chapter Five
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Adalynn
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I want to gag. I may be turning green.
“Me too, darling, me too,” Uncle Ralph says, sitting next to me. He pats my hand as if he can feel what I’m feeling. “I lost the bet, and your Uncle Jim gets to have Irish coffee in bed while I have to be here all romantic at this ungodly hour. It’s Christmas, for fuck’s sake,” he murmurs.
“Right?” I agree.
“So,” Ines says with great pride, “I went around to each of your beloved significant others, and I got them to write a little love letter to their partners. Isn’t it the best idea ever?”
She picks up a bright red basket and starts handing out pink envelopes with little pink fluffy bows on them.
I was absolutely right to hate where this is going.
The hair on my head stands straight up. My fried nerves leave me in disarray. I whip my head up to my mom and find her attention is already on me.
Her eyes are so wide, and her eyebrows raised so high up her forehead, they’re part of her hairline now. Panic makes me shift uncomfortably in my chair.
Okay, I need to think about this logically. Everyone has a letter, and since my fiancés are nonexistent, it makes perfect sense that I don’t have a letter.
Clearly, Ines had planned this a while ago. I just know in my heart she also planned this to rub it in my face that I don’t have someone significant in my life. I know her.
She loves rubbing my face in things, bringing up my scrolls of misdeeds at every chance she gets. But now, this is different. I have a fiancé, three fiancés, I remind myself, so her snub just falls flat. Does she know that? If she does, why is she smiling with such radiance?
My stomach drops even further.
What is my cousin up to? Intuitively, I know it’s something horrendous. Did she find out I had lied? I made sure to tell them we were keeping it a top secret, and if they asked anyone, they would deny they were engaged to be married to some unknown, mousy jewelry maker.
Even if Ines got to ask them herself—which would be impossible to do—I know this because I kinda tipsy-called their office one day and asked to speak to them to tell them how much I disliked them for replacing my perfectly good, very casual previous celebrity crush, whose name I can’t even remember now.
Anyway, I was told in no uncertain terms they don’t take unsolicited calls from anyone.
They certainly wouldn’t take a call from Ines either.
I’m still in the clear. Whew.
“Sorry, Adalynn, I didn’t get a note for you, so you can’t play, unfortunately.”
I shake my head, distraught. “Oh, shucks. That sucks,” I say, pretending to be really sad.
“Oh, shucks?” Uncle Ralph whispers next to me. “Who are you, and what have you done to my gorgeous niece?”
You don’t know the half of it, Uncle Ralph.
Since my whole motto is playing it cool, that’s what I do.
“Okay, everyone. Let’s open our envelopes.” Ines silently scans her letter, then adds, “Isn’t this lovely? Don’t our partners just adore us?” She coos.
Oh, thank goodness, it’s finally over.
“I’m sorry, but I need to read my letter out loud. I have to share the amazing things Nathan said. He paid such detail to every word; I just have to share them with you.”
Of course, she does.
Ines reads her letter aloud. I want to gag. Again. Also, there’s no way Nathan wrote that. I think Ines wrote that herself. I would bet money on it. Fine, not money because I don’t have any, but I would bet my left kidney on it.
Everyone claps when she gets to the last line. I can’t take it anymore, so I get up from my seat and grab two donuts. One for me, one for Uncle Ralph.
My mouth salivates as I bring it to my lips. It’s still a little warm. The chocolate sauce drips onto my finger.
I open my mouth wide and take a huge bite, ready to be transported to a land of pure fried dough bliss, when Ines opens her mouth again.
“Oh, Adalynn. I tricked you, didn’t I? Of course, I got you a letter. I saved the best for last.” She reaches into her wicker basket and extracts a plain white envelope.
“Oh, please let me read this out loud to everyone as well. We’re so happy for you, Adalynn, and this is very special. Who would have thought our crooked little mouse would have stolen three billionaires for herself?”
The party on my taste buds dies an instant death, and the sugary goodness turns sour. I forget to chew, so I stand there with my cheeks puffed out, half a donut in my mouth as Ines opens the envelope and pulls out a sheet of paper, then frowns theatrically.
In my mind, I leap over the heads of all the people in front of me, then dive forward, just in time to grab the white sheet of paper in her hand. In reality, I’m a messy heap of a disaster.
“Oh,” she says, all fake concern. “This is terrible. Oh, Adalynn, I’m sorry.” And there it is, her victory smile. Ines won’t be outsmarted.
She got me. I’m going to have to drag myself to the little closet that is my bedroom and never come out—well, not until my corpse is removed. Adalynn Miller. Not the best person there was. She expired from shame.
My poor, poor mom. She’s already attempting some sort of damage control. What can she possibly say? This is an un-spinnable situation. I’m going down, and I’m taking my mom with me.
Ines starts to flip the page around. Will everyone see written in big red bold letters: Liar, liar, pants on fire?
I close my eyes and prepare to swallow the clump of donut in my mouth.
This was fun while it lasted.