Chapter 21
NORA
“Maybe I’d be on cloud nine if I got some dick too,” Zayne says as Abby pushes him.
“That’s enough, you two,” Pam hisses as Krystal sings “la la la” as if she doesn’t want to hear any of this. And I guess if I was her, I wouldn’t either, to be honest.
“It’s not like that,” I say as I curl up in my chair with a bag of chips.
“Um…you are dating your ex’s brothers, and you’re going to tell me you aren’t getting any dick?” Zayne teases. “Might as well tell me that tomatoes are a fruit.”
“They are,” Pam says, deadpan.
“No, they’re a vegetable!” Zayne says. “They grow on a vine, they aren’t sweet, and they are the key ingredient in pizza and pasta sauce, and those things are not fruity.”
Pam rolls her eyes as Abby shakes her head.
“I’m not!” I say, but as my cheeks heat, I know it’s telling.
“I knew it!” Zayne waggles his eyebrows as Abby smacks him.
“Don’t listen to him, he’s just jealous,” she says.
“I mean, I get it,” Krystal says, and we all turn to look at her. “What? It makes sense you want to keep your options open, right? That’s what dating is. Besides, it’s like, the best revenge ever.”
Abby smiles smugly. “That’s what I said.”
“Would you stop!” I say, finishing off my bag of chips. “I’m not dating them for revenge, I’m—”
Zayne spins in his chair, his grin wide. “No, of course not. You’re dating them for their wonderful personalities.” He makes a jacking off motion with his hand.
“You are disgusting,” Abby says.
Pam tsks. “Lord, if you can hear me, please send this pain in the ass of ours a man so he can stop this shit already. Amen.”
Krystal and Abby say amen in tandem, and I laugh. Zayne only flips us off.
“Actually…” I say carefully. “Yes. Not that seeing them once or twice can be considered dating, but—”
“You are literally staying in their house,” Krystal says. “With the three of them.”
“I have not even been there a full day yet, guys, let’s not jump the gun.
All I did was unload my stuff into their garage.
That’s it. Plus, I still have my stuff from my brother’s that I have to take over there, and it’s not like it’s a permanent situation.
I’m just…staying there until I figure out my next move. ”
“Mhmmm,” Pam says. “That’s what they all say, and then nine months later you’re on an episode of Maury.”
“Mom, Maury isn’t even a thing anymore.”
Pam waves Abby off with a dismissal. “Jerry Springer, same thing.”
“Jerry, Jerry!” Zayne taunts in the background, and Abby smacks him again as the door opens.
I glance at the clock knowing it’s finally time to leave, though I can’t say I want to.
Working at Pam’s is like a second home, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss it sometimes.
But I also know I can’t loiter around here.
I do need to get over to Freddie’s and at least talk to him—about staying with him and his brothers. About us.
Tommy too.
I don’t want things to be weird, and while I know we aren’t technically dating—I know that things aren’t as black-and-white as they used to be where the Sterling brothers are concerned.
But I also know I’m not ready to deal with my ex’s three hot brothers just yet, so I head to the park, thinking some fresh air will help.
I didn’t exactly give Abby all the details, but after what happened last night—with Rush…
I still can’t believe we had sex. On Brett’s bed. The very same one where Brett and I slept, where I found him cheating on me.
Part of me feels vindicated at the thought. Vengeful fuck, indeed.
But the other part of me…feels like my soul’s been exposed in a whole new way.
The first time Rush and I kissed, we were drinking. And though I’d seen his dick before from his response to my sext, it was another to see it in person. Which is so much better, by the way. The camera shot really didn’t do it justice.
But if I’m being honest, it was more than the sex.
It was the confession.
I hadn’t told anyone about what Brett did in detail. About how he lied to me. But telling Rush just felt…
It felt like a confession that needed to be told, and something told me Rush would keep that secret. For me. Because it’s what I deserve.
His words dance around in my head as I think about the depth of them. He didn’t speak like a play. It wasn’t about getting in my pants, at all.
No, Russell Sterling believed those words. Believed that I deserved more than Brett, or even him. But even though he felt so undeserving of me, he promised me he would fight to be the man I deserved.
Brett never said anything like that, nor did he ever say anything with that intensity.
I could have stopped what was happening, and Rush gave me the chance to, but…something changed between us yesterday. Between his haircut and packing my luggage, his offer to help, talking…
I realized that the Rush everyone knows—the charismatic, vivid party boy—is not the Rush I’m starting to uncover. Like Freddie, there are layers I didn’t know existed. Tommy too.
These men, these three men who are so different, yet so perfect, and who bring out all these parts of me, have me feeling some sort of way I can’t even begin to describe.
Is it love? I don’t know.
But I know my feelings for the Sterling brothers are not as platonic as they used to be.
There was no alcohol to blame, or distraction, or mid-life crisis. Nothing and no one to shove blame on when Rush asked me if I wanted him to use a condom.
I should have said yes, because that would have been the smart thing to do, but…I didn’t want him to.
I can’t even blame it on the heat of the moment. I just…wanted him. I wanted everything he had to give, and I wanted to feel that praise and warmth and adoration I’d always dreamed of. And for the first time, I felt like I could have everything I wanted.
Freddie’s words reverberate in my brain.
All you have to do is ask, princess.
When the sky is the limit, how do you stop asking?
I’ve never felt like this before. About anyone.
Anyone but them.
I didn’t expect to feel so connected to Rush. But when his lips found mine and he buried himself inside me…it was perfect.
The same way I felt when Freddie came undone beneath me, when he cuddled me into the night until I fell asleep.
Just like I felt when Tommy smiled after tasting something he liked, and then tasting it on his tongue.
I told Abby I had sex with Rush. And I told her I didn’t know how to feel about it, but the truth is I do know how I feel. I’m just terrified I’ve made a grave mistake.
But how can something that feels so right be so bad?
Thankfully, when Rush and I arrived last night, Freddie and Tommy were already asleep, and this morning I left before anyone else was up, needing to open up early for Mrs. Clark’s appointment today.
And when I saw Abby, I don’t know…the words sort of just fell out. And then Zayne came in and…
I tell myself it’s over with Brett. I have my things and now I need to put him in the past. I need to move on.
But can I? Can I find it in myself to let go of those dreams I once had and embrace the unknown?
Something tells me I can, but…I’m still scared. I don’t know what I’m doing with Tommy, Freddie, and Russell Sterling.
I just know that when I’m with them, things feel right.
Maybe that’s enough for now. Maybe I just need to keep focusing on what feels right and go from there.
I pull into the parking lot of the local park and get out. The cool air is refreshing as I slide my hands in my pockets and head down the sidewalk. I get lost in the tweeting birds and the golden-hour sun.
I walk and walk, watching everyone and everything. The kids playing on the playground. The couple holding hands crossing the street. And then I see him.
Tommy Sterling, with a group of people playing field hockey. A handful of people are perched on the bleachers, and just as I see them, the crowd jumps up and down and the buzzer sounds. I carefully make my way over and take a seat.
I know he doesn’t see me, he’s not looking in the stands, but I can’t help but watch him. I’ve been to a few Lions games, and I’ve certainly seen Brett play, but I’ve never been to one of Tommy’s games.
Community field hockey is quite different than professional or even semi-professional hockey, but there’s a sort of energy to it that I can’t help but respond to. It’s wild and carefree, and fun. I can feel the energy of the crowd.
A woman nudges my arm next to me. “It’s Nora, right?
” she says, and I turn to see a short, pale blonde with bright pink tips at the edges of her hair.
Her brown eyes are rimmed in dark liner and she’s wearing a large black hoodie.
Her pale legs jut out from beneath and I wonder if she’s wearing anything underneath. A skirt or shorts?
“Um yes, you are…”
“Chloe,” she says plainly. “We met at the Sterling New Year’s party last year.”
Oh!
“Chloe? Tommy’s friend, right?”
She nods.
“I didn’t recognize you with the new hair.” The last time I saw Chloe she was sporting teal hair, not blonde, and she was also dressed in a sparkly gold gown and boots. Not a dark hoodie and high-top sneakers.
“So…you and Tommy?” she asks, raising a brow, and I panic.
She nudges me. “It’s cool, secret’s safe with me,” she says with a wink.
Does she…know?
I tense.
“No judgment here.” She giggles. “Honestly, I always thought Brett was a dick, anyway.” She shrugs. “Never knew what you saw in him, but I figured it wasn’t any of my business.”
“Right.” I say.
I’m starting to think I don’t know what I saw in him either. Now that I think about it.
We met on a whim and I thought he was attractive and probably way out of my league…and then we had a couple drinks and things…happened, and then it just…evolved from there. Quickly.
I moved in barely six months into our relationship, and Brett was suddenly gone all the time.
And then when he came home, things were tense.
He never wanted to go out, always wanted to stay in and fuck, and sometimes I didn’t and he’d just get pissy and go in the other room.
Leave me alone. I never thought much of it, at the time, but now…
Now I’m starting to wonder if I was so intent on creating the perfect future with the perfect man—one I believed to be perfect—that I completely sold myself a lie.
Because I know now that Brett is far from perfect.
And I don’t think there was ever really a future for us that didn’t end like this. In heartbreak.
“We’re just…friends,” I say, but even I don’t believe myself.
Chloe gives me a wink. “Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever you say.” She turns to watch the game.
I focus my sights on Tommy and then I feel Chloe shift her position and then she screams, “Come on, Zack!”
Zack turns and so does Tommy.
And then he sees me. His whole body shifts, his back straightening out and his bright green gaze meeting mine.
And then he smiles.
It’s the most genuine, sweetest smile I think I’ve ever seen. It’s like heaven.
And reality dawns on me that it’s because of me.
I make him smile like that.
My heart flutters in my chest at the thought and I smile too. I give him a soft wave as he takes off after Zack.
I watch and cheer alongside Chloe as they play, and finally, when they win, I jump up and cheer too.
The teams disperse, players filtering out into the stands. Zack comes up to us first and picks Chloe up off the bleachers like she’s a damn sack of potatoes. He kisses her and she swoons and I have to look away, blushing, because it feels a bit too steamy for public viewing.
Then I see Tommy. He slowly saunters over, rustling his blond hair.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” he asks.
“Thinking,” I say as I look in his eyes.
“Thinking about what?” he asks, that innocence in his voice making my heart lift.
There are a hundred things I could say.
Brett.
That photo.
Freddie showing up to my brother’s in the rain and holding me until I fall asleep.
Rush telling me he loves me.
Tommy and his sweet, sweet soul that warms me all over and makes my heart flutter.
And so I look in his bright jade eyes and say simply, “You.”
His cheeks pinken and his eyes widen in shock.
I laugh, realizing how ditzy I must sound. “I mean, you were great out there.”
It’s true, he played just like his brothers. Like he owned the field. He’s a natural.
“Well, I didn’t know I had an audience,” he says with a smirk. “Maybe I would’ve shown off a few tricks.”
I playfully shove him. “Tommy Sterling! I would not have picked you for a show-off.”
He shrugs, his shy, sweet smile making my heart melt all the more as Zack and Chloe finally come up for air.
“We’re heading out to get something to eat ’cause I’m starving,” Zack says as he pulls Chloe in close. He looks between Tommy and me. “You uh…you two are welcome to join us, if you want.”
I look at Tommy. “I mean, we kind of had our own plans…”
“Or some other time,” Chloe says, nodding to Tommy. “Maybe we could plan something.”
Tommy clears his throat. “Um, yeah. Some other time, maybe?”
“Yeah, rain check?” I say with a smile.
Tommy’s lips turn up and his eyes light up when he grins.
“Okay, but I’ll hold you to that,” Zack says.
Tommy nods with a little more confidence this time. “Yeah, sure.” He looks at me. “I can drive us.” He clears his throat. “We can get your car later, assuming you drove…”
Oh, right! I nearly forgot how the hell I got here, but I guess that’s to be expected with everything else going on in my damn brain.
“Sure.”
“Alright, you two lovebirds have fun!” Zack says. Chloe smacks him in the chest. “What?”
“Stop!” she says. “You’re embarrassing him.”
I can’t help but smile because they really are too cute. I know they’re around the same age as Tommy—twenty-three and twenty-four—but they feel like old souls. Like a proud mother and father. It’s cute. And it warms my heart.
Chloe wrangles her boyfriend and they head for the parking lot, leaving Tommy and me alone. The bleachers have cleared out and the streetlights come on.
“They seem like great friends,” I say.
He shrugs. “They are. Most of the time.” He smirks. He steps beside me, carefully reaching his hand out, and I don’t think twice about taking it.
He doesn’t jolt or startle, but relaxes almost instantly. His hand in mine is warm and I like it. It feels right.
And with that, he starts walking, leading me to the parking lot. To his truck.
He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to. He opens the door for me and helps me in before getting in on the driver’s side and starting the car up.