Chapter Twenty-Two
Honor
Dinner turned into dinner and a movie that was so cringeworthy I couldn’t help but laugh.
It melted any ill feelings over my interaction with Mom and Max and let me actually enjoy being out.
Which then turned into another movie night the next week, with dinner right before that, that was also not a date according to Bodhi.
The team wins their next two game and loses one over the few weeks that follow. Bodhi and I usually wind up ditching the team to have a celebratory dinner one-on-one (with Puck, of course) that I always wonder is finally going to be “the date” he asked me on.
By December, the curiosity eats at me. “I thought you wanted to go out with me,” I blurt as we skate around the ice rink at Bryant Park.
The outburst has my face heating, which has little to do with the nipping air.
“I mean, you always say that our dates aren’t really dates and I don’t get it.
You asked me on a date but won’t take me on whatever that is for you. ”
Amusement flickers across his face as we come to a stop off to the side. “Be honest with me,” he begins, leaning his elbows and back against the wall. “How many dates have you been on since Max?”
He must already know that by now. “None.”
He hums. “How many times have you gone on dates in general?”
I wet my lips, wondering where this line of questioning is going. “Not many.”
His fingers tilt my chin up. “Hey. That’s okay, honey. In fact, it makes me real fucking happy that you don’t have a lot of experience. Do you know how hard I had to restrain from doing something I was going to regret to the douchebag who got to marry you?”
I wince. “Like hit him?”
His lips stretch into a smile. “I’m glad it was you who got a solid smack in. I bet it felt great.”
It totally did. Not the point, though. “I don’t know what any of this has to do with why you’re not calling our dates, dates.”
His chuckle is light, causing his cold breath to cloud in front of him.
“I want you to be comfortable with the idea of us dating, Honor. Not going on one date, because I want more than that. I want a lifetime of them, if you’ll have me.
I want to watch bad movies with you and go out to dinner.
I want us to take Gemma out, even if it’s to the aquarium for the millionth time to see Chuck the Octopus.
I don’t want you to be scared of the possibility of getting hurt by another man.
I will do everything in my power to not put you through the same shit he did.
You have my word. My heart. And I’ll do anything to prove it. ”
I stare at him for so long that my eyeballs sting from the cool air. “You…” I let out a short breath and shake my head. Does he know how one-of-a-kind he is? I’ve never met another man like Bodhi Hoffman before, and I know I never will. “So all of the nights we’ve gone out have been what exactly?”
He shrugs easily. “Practice dates.”
Practice dates. A confused but amused laugh bursts past my lips. “And when do you think I’ll be ready to finally get a real one?”
He leans down and presses a kiss to my cheek, making my shoulders tense despite the anticipation of his lips being on me again.
Bodhi hasn’t made a move since pumpkin carving at his house, and I’ve been pent up waiting for him to after each of our dates.
He never does. Not even when he walks me and Puck to my door after dropping us off.
“When you’re ready,” he tells me against my cheek before drawing away. “Only you’ll know when that is.”
I don’t understand him at all. I meant what I said to Max. I’m done. I have no feelings, other than anger, toward him. My marriage is over, and I’ve seen Max’s true colors enough to move on without looking back.
“I don’t want to be with him,” I tell Bodhi as he adjusts the yellow scarf around my neck that Helen told him to give me. She knitted it herself. Bodhi has a matching one in blue.
“I’m happy to hear that” is all he says in reply.
I want to frown. Maybe even stomp my foot like a first grader. Because why would he assume I’m not ready? Why would he give me more time when we both want this?
He extends his hand. “Let’s keep skating. Then we can get hot chocolate after. I know a place for it.”
Of course he does.
I want to argue with him.
Tell him that I want to go out; that I don’t need any more practice dates.
I want the real experience. The whole thing.
The awkward feeling at the end about if he’s going to make a move.
The anticipation of him getting closer and being scared of not being a good enough kisser.
I want to feel nervous and excited and scared about letting someone into my life.
I want more than one, he’d said.
And that…that makes my heart dance.
But it also terrifies me.
And that’s when I realize he’s right.
I’m not ready.
Not yet.
I accept his hand and wrap our fingers together. “I should start paying for some of these practice dates,” I tell him as he pulls me back into the rink with the other couples and families.
He deadpans. “In your dreams.”
I grin. “That’s not what I dream about.”
Interest arches his brows. “Then what do you dream about?”
A mischievous smile curls my lips. “Take me on a real date and I’ll show you what I’ve been dreaming about afterward.”
Heat fills his eyes as his nostrils flare. “That’s playing dirty.”
I stick my tongue out at him and skate away as fast as I can while laughing.
It doesn’t take him long to catch me, hooking his arm around my waist and tugging me against him.
With his mouth pressed against my ear, he says, “I look forward to finding out when the time is right.”
*
The crowd’s boos are louder than the opposing fan’s cheers as the ref puts Bodhi into the penalty box for a second time in one game.
“That wasn’t hooking! This is bullshit,” I say aloud, clenching my camera as I watch him skate to the box on the big screen. “They clearly have it out for him. His first penalty should have been given to the other player who actively tripped him.”
A bemused smile curls Karina’s lips. “I didn’t know you were such a hockey enthusiast all of the sudden. You’ve been studying.”
I fight a blush. “Bodhi helped with the basics,” I admit, not willing to meet her eyes.
Her light hum is knowing. “Interesting.”
“It’s really not.”
“I disagree. You’re two seconds away from storming the ice and giving the referee a piece of your mind. I’d say there are developments being made between you and him.”
“We’re…” I don’t know what we are. We’re not dating—not boyfriend or girlfriend. But we’re not friends. We’re somewhere in between. “It’s not like that with us. We hang out.”
“Is that what the kids call it these days?”
Groaning, I drop my head back. “If this is you trying to remind me about the policy—”
“You mean that there is none regarding relationships?” she asks innocently, all but batting her lashes at me.
I glare.
She holds her hands up. “Fine, fine. I’ll drop it.” Her eyes go back to the board. “Unfortunately, I don’t see how they’re going to close the score gap with Hoffman out. There’s only six minutes left.”
I frown, realizing she’s right.
By the end of the period, we hear the explosive sound of the opposing fans cheering over their victory that only fuels the irritation inside of me.
After waving off Karina, I wait by the locker room where family, friends, and a few reporters line the hall.
I’m off to the side, watching as a few of the players get asked questions about what went wrong and what they plan to do to improve for the next match against the Islanders when I see Bodhi emerge next to Sebastian.
The reporters flock to him almost immediately, but Bodhi pays them no attention.
He beelines for me, practically moving the cameras out of his face and leaving Sebastian to deal with the questions they’re firing at them on his own.
When he makes it to me, I barely have time to open my mouth before he’s pulling me in for a crushing hug and holding me against his freshly washed body.
He smells like soap and laundry detergent, and the tips of his damp hair tickle my face as those strong arms squeeze me like I’ve never been squeezed before.
There are flashes surrounding us, but he doesn’t seem to care about the people watching.
“Sorry,” he says quietly enough for only me to hear. His lips brush the top of my head. “I needed a hug. It was the only thing I could think about when we lost.”
I swallow, pulling back enough to look up at him. “All you thought about was hugging me?”
He nods, moving hair out of my face and letting his thumb rest on my jaw. “It’s helping.”
We stare at one another for a moment, my heart picking up the longer we stay this close.
My fingers flex around the material of his shirt at his sides. “The ref is a jackass who should be investigated. You shouldn’t have been put in the box. I was ready to fight, Bodhi. I swear. Karina had to remind me to keep taking pictures before I went out there and got kicked out.”
He’s grinning now, his hands sliding down to cup my hips leisurely. “You were ready to go to war for me, huh?”
I nibble on my bottom lip. “For the sake of the team, of course.”
He nods along. “Of course. For the team.”
I smile.
He smiles back.
“I’m sorry you guys lost,” I say quietly.
He shrugs. “Part of the game, right?” There’s a ton of defeat in his voice that he shakes off. “Do you want to get out of here? I told Helen and Joe that I’d pick up Gemma and take her home since Joe finally had his hip replacement surgery and can’t get around very easily right now.”
He wants me to go with him to pick up his daughter? “If you want me to. I can get on the train or call a cab or something to get home.”
His stare is dubious.
I frown. “What?”
“I have a spare bedroom,” he tells me. “I have multiple bedrooms, in fact. Pretty sure my daughter even pointed out how much you’d love my bed if you ever stayed.”
I swallow at the implication. She had said that. Only to convince him to let Puck move in. The innocent suggestion clearly left a mark on both of us.
“You can spend the night. I can cook you and Gemma a mean breakfast. Which, knowing her, will consist of pancakes with way too much syrup. But I can scramble eggs as good as the next person.”
Wetting my lips, I process the invitation.
I have no real reason to turn it down. All of the medication I need is in my purse and I always keep a spare phone charger on me.
“I don’t have anything to wear” is the only thing I can think to say, even though I want to go with him.
I want to be in his space. To hear Gemma’s laughs and watch her and Puck run around.
She adores that dog as much as I do. Maybe even more.
It doesn’t deter his determination. “I personally love how my clothes look on you. If it were up to me, I’d have you parade around my house all day in only my T-shirts.”
My eyebrows dart up. “That’d be a sight to see.”
“A great sight,” he replies with a smirk. “Only thing better is if you weren’t wearing anything at all.”
A brazen, hot heat courses through my body, but he only grins.
I don’t comment on that. “Will Gemma be okay with me staying?”
He chuckles. “She’s been asking when she can hang out with you and Puck again. She said she forgot to show you the rest of her stuffy collection the last time you were over.”
The last time I was over plays on repeat in my head. I’ve never been able to recreate the feeling of his fingers playing with me. It’s an explosive feeling only he seems to be able to give me.
Bodhi studies me. “What are you thinking about?”
My eyes widen as if he can read my mind.
His lips twitch, and his thumb caresses the apples of my cheeks. “Your face is red. Makes me really want to know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”
I slowly shake it, feeling myself get redder at the thought of him breaking into my thoughts. “I don’t think I want you to.”
His grin grows. “That’s a shame.”
Suddenly, a throat clears behind us.
It takes everything in me to move my head toward the figure staring between Bodhi and me. At the sight of my father, I try taking a step back. But Bodhi’s grip on me tightens to keep me in place, unashamed of the position we’ve been caught in.
All Bodhi says to my father is, “Sorry about the game, Coach. We’ll be better next time.”
My father looks at him, then me, and claps Bodhi’s shoulder. I notice the tiniest wince from the hockey player holding me as my father’s fingers tighten around Bodhi’s collarbone. He was slammed into the boards at least three times tonight, so he must be sore. “Me too, son. Next time.”
That’s all he says before patting his right wing’s back and walking away.
I blink. “That was…”
Bodhi nods. “Anticlimactic.” He watches his coach leave before turning back to me. “So about tonight…”
He’s not phased at all over my father seeing us be so…intimate. It puts me at ease. Relieves the anxiety that settles into the bottom of my stomach.
He’s waiting for an answer.
And I give him the first one that comes to mind. “Let’s go get Gemma.”