Chapter Twenty #3
Andrew nodded. ‘They can be very slow, but they’ll definitely call.
I’d expect at least a phone call by the end of the day, and they’ll come and see you.
They’ll find him a placement. It will likely be a children’s home, at least temporarily.
We don’t have anywhere near enough foster homes for the kids already in the system, but we might get lucky for Cam further down the line. ’
‘He’ll stay with us,’ Elsa said, firmly. She felt, rather than saw, Nathan shift in his seat beside her. She took his hand. ‘For as long as it takes, Cam stays with us.’
* * *
In the car on the way home, they were quiet for the first ten minutes of the drive.
‘It doesn’t seem real,’ Elsa said, eventually.
Nathan reached out and squeezed her hand, then let it go. ‘This guy, Walker, you’ve never heard of him?’
Elsa shook her head.
‘Me neither. But this will end up being reported. You know, if his wife is on TV, his death is news.’
Elsa turned to look at her husband. ‘Are you okay with what I said? About Cam staying with us? For however long it takes?’
‘That depends. Are you thinking about what’s best for Cam, or are you doing it because you think you owe it to Miriam?’
Elsa’s mouth was already open, ready to pitch him on Cam, but his question surprised her. Of all the possible objections he might have raised to having Cam live with them on a semi-permanent basis, Miriam—or rather, her guilt over Miriam—had not been among them.
‘Jesus, Nate. If I owe anyone, isn’t it Jack? He’s my friend. What if it was you and me, and our girls. You think Jack would allow them to go into care?’
Nathan shrugged. ‘It wouldn’t be an issue. My parents would take them.’
‘If your parents weren’t around. And your sister and brother and cousins weren’t around.’ Nathan had a big, loving, extended family who would probably fight for the opportunity to take care of Lola and Doris. He had no idea what it was like to be alone in the world.
‘I think Jack would do everything he could for the girls, yes. But that’s not what I’m asking you.’
Elsa threw her hands in the air. ‘Does it matter? Whether I want to do it for Jack, or Miriam, or Cam himself?’
‘Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe I just want to know.’
Elsa sighed. He did this sometimes. Acted like he was her therapist. Like it was his job to get her to open up and examine herself more closely. It was always annoying.
‘Then the answer is no, I’m not doing it for Miriam. Maybe I wasn’t a great friend to her ten years ago. I could have tried harder to stay in touch. But we grew apart. It happens. And I had no idea she was in the state she was in. Jack didn’t tell me. I don’t think he told anyone.’
Elsa’s voice was calm and strong and matter of fact.
Partly because she wanted to shut this part of the conversation down.
But also because it was the truth. She’d thought about it many times over the years.
She’d liked Miriam very much. They’d met at uni and had been very close for the first six months of their first year.
Miriam had had a quirky sense of style and she was a genius thrifter.
She knew all the best places to go. They’d skip lectures and get on a bus to some bougie suburb and go to a Vinnies or a Save the Children and browse through the racks for hours.
They liked the same music. Miriam had a dry sense of humour, and she was a great listener.
But she also wasn’t social. She never wanted to spend time with anyone else, never wanted to go to clubs or hang with a group for drinks.
Even the night Elsa had introduced Miriam to Jack .
. . she’d had to drag Miriam out that night.
And then Miriam and Jack had fallen in love and had been so completely immersed in each other that there’d been no room for Elsa.
By the time the initial intensity of their relationship had begun to mellow, Elsa had already been scouted and then she’d been flown to Sydney and then Japan.
They’d texted each other and Miriam had been genuinely excited for Elsa’s success.
But the texts had fallen off over time, and she couldn’t honestly say which of them had been responsible for that.
It was just . . . they’d had less and less in common.
She’d called Miriam when she heard about the pregnancy, of course, but even then it was Jack who’d told her about the baby.
Elsa sighed again, this time more deeply.
‘It’s all so sad and shitty, but no, I don’t feel guilty.
’ She’d made mistakes. There was plenty she’d change if she had the time all over again.
But they were human mistakes, not made out of malice, and she didn’t blame herself for Miriam’s death.
‘I want Cam because I love him, and I love Jack, and . . . it’s just that simple. But what about you?’
He reached out and took her hand again.
‘I’m okay with it,’ he said. ‘We probably need to talk more about what that really means for all of us. For Cam. For the girls. But I’m okay with it. Honestly, Elsa, I don’t see how we have any other choice. I just wanted to know where your head was at.’
‘And the money? For Andrew?’
He glanced at her again. ‘You tell me.’
She swallowed. ‘We’ll find a way.’