Chapter Twenty-Four #2
‘You don’t like weak women. Or women you see as weak. You’ve had all the training, and you’ll say all the right things about victims’ rights and all the rest of it, but deep down, there is a part of you that believes they should be like you.’
‘Like me. Give me a break.’ Judith said half-laughing, shaking her head, but there were tears in her eyes too. Shockingly. Unexpectedly.
‘Yes. You think everyone should be able to fight back as hard as you did. As hard as you can. But you’re missing the whole point.’
‘What’s the point?’
Katy leaned forward. Her eyes met Judith’s.
‘The point is, you are strong, Judith. You’re strong, and you’re smart, and you’re brave and you can be fierce as hell.
Yes, you’re too impulsive, but mostly it works out because you’re bloody good at what you do.
And you should be using all of that to fight for the people who don’t have those gifts.
Sometimes you do that—I’m not saying you never do it—but not enough.
Maybe these people, they don’t have the strength you have, or maybe they had the strength beaten out of them, or maybe circumstances have just put them at the lowest ebb they’ll ever be at in their lives when they meet you.
And you’re there. And instead of sitting in judgement on them, Jude, you should be putting your hand out and lifting them up. ’
Judith swallowed against the lump in her throat.
She wanted to say that she wasn’t that brave or strong, actually—that she was just as much of a mess as the next person— but she wasn’t sure she could talk without emotion getting the best of her, so instead of talking, she sipped her wine. Minutes passed. They sat in silence.
‘I wish I’d known about her mother,’ Judith said in the end. The words surprised her. She didn’t know they were coming until they were out.
Katy picked up the bottle and topped up their glasses with a steady hand. ‘You think you would have treated her any differently?’
Judith ignored that question. ‘It just seems wrong, that I didn’t know.’
They fell silent as Oliver opened the door and came out onto the porch carrying two large bowls with generous portions of pasta, a hunk of garlic bread plonked on top of each.
‘It’s just spag bol,’ he said, deprecatingly.
‘Excuse me,’ said Katy.
‘Apologies. It’s spag bol mostly made by the great Katy Cirillo, and garlic bread made by me.’ He put a plate in front of each of them. He picked up the bottle of wine. ‘And I’m stealing this, you wenches, before you finish it. Share and share alike, you know.’
He disappeared back inside. Katy looked after him fondly.
‘He’s the best, really.’
They were quiet again for a few minutes. The only sounds were birdsong and distant traffic. Judith shifted her weight in her seat.
‘Could you do it?’ she asked.
‘Do what?’
‘What Ruth’s done. Assuming I’m right about her, that is. That she’s murdered one man, set up another.’
Katy frowned.
‘If you had a very good reason. If someone killed Bianca or Nico, for example.’
‘Don’t even joke about that.’
‘No joke. I mean, if someone killed someone you love, would you go after them the way she has? No compromise, no quarter, just her version of justice.’
‘No. I’d want to. I’d maybe even daydream about it. But it takes a certain kind of person to walk up to a man and actually pull a trigger. I don’t know if I could do that.’
‘Right,’ Judith said. She thought for a long moment then said, ‘But it’s almost admirable, in a screwed up way, don’t you think?’
‘Not really. No one gets to be judge and jury. What if she got it wrong? Killed the wrong man? Also even if she got the right one, we don’t have capital punishment in this country, for good reason.’
‘Okay, I get that, but what if you were one hundred per cent sure? I mean, no doubt, you had all the proof anyone could ever want, but for some reason there’s no other way to punish the guy who did it. What about then?’
‘Same answer. I’m not a murderer. And you’re just trying to argue me into a corner.’ Katy gave her a disapproving look. ‘What are you trying to say? That it’s a good thing that that guy Jack Miller is in prison for a murder you think he didn’t do? Didn’t you say he had a son?’
‘I never said that it was a good thing. I was just thinking about what kind of person could do what she’s done, that’s all.’
‘Right,’ Katy said, in a tone that meant bullshit.
Judith decided it would be wise to move the conversation on.
‘The Giffords told me a story about Ruth. Two weeks after she came to them, she cut off Steve Gifford’s index finger in the middle of the night. Because he’d told her off earlier that day, waved his finger in her face.’
Katy grimaced.
‘She was removed from their home and placed in a mental health facility.’
‘She would have ended up in a group home, probably,’ Katy said. ‘Unless they managed to find her a placement with people who could manage high needs. She must have been young . . .’
‘Eight. Eight years old.’
‘Well, young enough that she had time to turn it around then.’ She paused. ‘Except you don’t think that’s what happened.’
‘I don’t. If anyone had motive to revenge Miriam’s death, it was Ruth. And I can’t find her. There’s the child protection file, but she aged out seven years ago, so even when I get it the file will be wildly out of date. She has no phone registered in her name, no driver’s licence.’
‘Did you check under her birth name?’
‘I did. Nothing either for Renée Palmer.’
‘Right.’
‘The thing is, when Alexis Turner came to me with her complaint about Robert Walker, I believed her because it was almost word for word what Miriam told me had happened with her.’
It took Katy only a moment. ‘So you think Miriam told Ruth what happened. That Walker assaulted her. And Ruth waited and waited and then she decided to take her revenge on Walker for Miriam’s death.’
Judith nodded.
‘Why haven’t you told Rocky that you met with Miriam ten years ago, that she was assaulted by Walker?’
Judith felt heat rising in her cheeks. ‘Because he’s convinced Jack Miller is guilty. I didn’t want to give him a reason to be even more convinced about it. I wanted to work the case, to find something that would convince him that there’s more going on here.’
‘Fuck’s sake, Jude!’
‘I’m not doing it for me. If I don’t figure out the truth, Jack Miller is going to be convicted of Walker’s murder. He’s got a kid. No one’s looking at the case the way I am.’
‘That’s bullshit. You’re not the only one with a brain. You could convince Rocky to look at things differently, if you really tried. You’re just on the hunt, and you can’t let it go.’
Judith gave a half-smile. ‘A few minutes ago you were telling me that I was superwoman and I had to use my powers for good. Help the weak, all that. Can’t have it both ways, friend of mine.’
Katy shook her head. ‘Don’t use my excellent advice against me. That’s cheating. You’ll have to tell him eventually. Putting it off is only going to make things worse.’
Judith drained the last of her wine. This was the problem with Katy. She gave great advice, but she never knew when to stop. Judith wasn’t sure now if she ever would tell Rocky the whole truth. Telling the truth wouldn’t help Jack Miller, that was for damn sure.
‘I was wondering . . .’ Judith said. ‘Do you know anyone who might know more about where Ruth went after she left the Giffords? I really need to talk to anyone who might have been a friend of hers. Anyone who might still be in touch with her, or—’
‘The point of a sealed file is that these kids get to leave their past behind them,’ Katy said.
‘I know,’ Judith said.
‘Also your theory might be wrong. Ruth Hall went through hell as a kid, obviously. She shouldn’t have been placed with a foster family so quickly after her mother died. She obviously wasn’t ready, but just because she was violent once doesn’t meant mean she ever was again.’
‘I know, Katy,’ Judith said again. ‘Jesus, if anyone knows that, I do. But if I’m right, she killed Walker, and she set Jack Miller up.
If she could do that, she’s dangerous. She needs to be found.
’ Dangerous, and formidable. There was something fascinating about Ruth Hall.
Judith was building a sketch of the woman in her mind but it was far from fully formed.
Katy sighed. ‘There’s only one mental health facility that Ruth could have gone into, but the doctors there won’t talk to you.
They won’t breach client confidentiality.
There’s only one man I can think of who might help you.
He used to be a psychologist in the service.
His name’s Lawrence Barr. He got fired a couple of years back.
He’s not practising anymore. He might—might—talk to you. In the circumstances.’
‘Why did he get fired?’
‘He hit the bottle and couldn’t stop. Not until it was too late anyway.’
‘You think he’s angry at the service? That’s why he might talk to me?’
Katy shook her head. ‘I think he thinks like you do. He thinks that some things are more important than rules. You should meet him, Jude. You’ll probably like him.’