Chapter 41 Rafaella #2
He stared, drinking her in. She was his sustenance and he hers. ‘… Will he let you go? Or will he fight?’
‘He’ll let me go,’ she said urgently, but she saw – as his breathing slowed and he began to regain control of himself – a cautious reserve come into his eyes, as if he knew better than that.
Their past was scarred by his battles with Fon.
‘He will,’ she insisted. ‘It’s not what you think between us.
He doesn’t want me, Cosi. He wants …’ She struggled for the right words, trying to articulate the thoughts herself. ‘He wants the idea of me, I think.’
‘The idea?’
‘We’re not intimate together.’
He sank against her at the words, burying his face in her neck again and holding her close like something precious. ‘You don’t know how it’s tormented me, Rafa … giving you up to him,’ he said, his voice choked with emotion. ‘Thinking of you with him.’
She clasped his face in her hands this time, making him look at her. ‘I was always yours.’
‘But I don’t understand. He was relentless about you. Obsessed. How could he have you and not … have you?’
‘I don’t know,’ she whispered. ‘But I was grateful for it. I never pressed him for fear of him changing his mind.’
Cosimo frowned. ‘But will he give you a divorce?’
Rafaella hesitated. ‘No.’ Fon’s reputation came before everything. ‘But I don’t care, Cosi.’
‘You know what that would mean …’ He looked back at her worriedly, stroking her cheek. Being together would come at a high price.
‘It means both of us leaving, turning our backs on our vows.’ She swallowed. She didn’t care about living in sin. They could move far away, where no one knew them. No one else would ever have to know. They knew what was between them was pure. ‘I can do it. Can you?’
He nodded. ‘But we’ll need to be careful about how – and when. Leaving the Church is … bureaucratic. There are procedures to follow.’
‘Fine,’ she said, not caring what they had to do as her eyes roamed over him hungrily.
She couldn’t believe they were here, together.
Their bodies touching. Their souls joined.
He kissed her again, making her moan, and he had to pull himself back after a few moments, pressing his forehead against hers as he struggled for composure.
Clarity. They still needed a plan. ‘We’ll need to think about how you break it to Fon. ’
‘I’d rather do it sooner than later. I’ve never been a convincing liar and he’s good at reading people, but especially me. He’ll know something’s up. Better to do it quickly. No lies. He hates liars.’
He watched her. ‘What will you say?’
‘The truth. That we can’t go on in a loveless marriage. It’s not fair to either one of us. I want a family. I want to be a mother. To be your wife.’
‘You can’t say that bit. He’ll never allow it.’
‘But Cosi, you don’t know how it’s been between us. Truly, I think part of him will be relieved it’s over. I think he only married me to appease Dante.’
‘Dante? Why does he care?’
Good question. She swallowed as she remembered Dante’s look at dinner the other week.
He’d had so many women over the years but he’d never once come near her; he had earmarked her for his brother and it had given her a protection of sorts, put her off limits.
But lately, she had sensed a new intensity in his scrutiny of her.
She felt his eyes following her every time they were in a room together and as Fon’s distance from her grew, Dante’s shrank.
He was getting closer by single degrees. She could feel it.
‘Does he know I’m here? In Otranto?’
She shook her head. ‘I haven’t told him.’
‘Probably better to keep it that way until we work this out,’ he murmured. ‘It’ll only complicate things with him. If he so much as hears my name in relation to you …’
Her brow furrowed as something occurred to her. ‘Do you think he’d go to the police? If we renege on the agreement, might he tell them what really happened that night?’
Cosimo fell still. He was silent for several moments.
‘It was an accident. I know that,’ he said slowly.
‘I’ve … made my peace with it, as much as I ever will.
I’ve prayed for forgiveness and tried to become a better man.
And the police felt there was no case when they thought he was the one who had tripped, so I don’t see why that would change if they learnt it was me. ’
‘But he has contacts with them,’ she whispered. ‘I didn’t know it then, but … he’s connected. And so much more powerful now than he was back then.’
Cosimo nodded. ‘Well, I’d still rather take the chance of ending up behind bars than continue living without you behind those walls.’
She took his hands and kissed them. ‘I love you,’ she said with bright eyes.
‘And I love you. I won’t let you go again, for anything.’
‘You promise?’
‘Let me think of a plan.’ He kissed her forehead as he cradled her to his chest and the rain continued to fall. ‘But I promise, Raf – one way or another, we’re getting out of here. Together.’
Flavia was stripping the beds when she returned.
‘Oh, signora!’ she exclaimed. ‘You are soaking!’
‘I’m … I’m fine …’ Rafaella said, laughing at herself as her clothes dripped on the floor. ‘It came on so suddenly. I couldn’t get back in time.’ Too late, she realized she had left the basket of food in the nook in the side street.
‘You have caught a chill, I fear,’ Flavia said, regarding her with concern. ‘You have a fever?’
‘Me? No,’ Rafaella said, pressing a hand to her neck, but she went to the mirror and caught sight of her reflection.
Her eyes were shining, her cheeks flushed.
Her hands automatically flew to her face as if she scarcely recognized herself.
Joy was written all over her face. She would never hide this from Fon.
He would see at once she had come alive again – and he would know why. It was an instinct he had.
‘You should have a hot bath and get into some dry clothes quickly, signora,’ Flavia cautioned.
‘You’re right. I shall,’ Rafaella nodded, moving to go but stopping again. ‘The children have been OK?’
‘Of course!’
‘I feel bad I was gone so long.’
‘Spoken like a true mother,’ Flavia smiled as she beat the dust out of a pillow.
‘Oh, I don’t know about that,’ Rafaella demurred.
‘I do. You’re a natural, signora. They are so lucky someone as kind as you found them and took them in.’
‘Anyone would have done the same.’
Flavia shook her head. ‘Non, signora … Only you.’
‘Well, I’m lucky to have you helping me.’ Rafaella smiled, embarrassed by the compliments. ‘You make it look so easy. You come from a big family?’
‘Not really. We were four children, but then my little brother died, so …’
‘Oh Flavia, I’m sorry,’ Rafaella said sympathetically. ‘How old was he?’
‘Eleven.’ Flavia had fallen still. ‘I miss him.’
‘Of course you do. I lost someone very close to me a few years ago. She was a sister to me in all but blood and there’s not a day goes by when I don’t think about her.’
‘It’s very hard,’ Flavia murmured, turning away now, her head bowed.
Rafaella watched her for a moment. She felt ashamed that she’d been so busy looking after the children, this was the first time she had bothered to learn more about the young woman working beside her.
She went into the bathroom and opened the taps, watching the water rush into the tub as she slowly unbuttoned her blouse, sinking back into the memories of this morning’s encounter.
Cosimo danced through her head, the heat from his touch still vivid on her skin.
She took off her wet shirt and brassiere and looked down at herself, wishing he had left his mark after all.
She wanted to be branded by him. Made his own.
She ran her fingers over her body, closing her eyes as she remembered his hands on her breasts, his face in the crook of her neck—
A sound in the hallway made her start and she looked up to find Dante standing in the doorway. A slow smile had spread over his face at the sight of her, half naked, touching herself. He was perfectly unabashed to be found watching.
‘What are you doing here?’ she gasped, covering herself with her blouse. How long had he been standing there, enjoying her nakedness? ‘Who let you in?’
She could hear Flavia in the bedroom, still moving the beds.
‘I have a key, Rafa. You know that.’
She stared at him. She had never known that. She knew his influence extended into almost every aspect of her life, but to have a key to her own home …? Fon had kept it from her.
‘What do you want, Dante?’ she asked, but her voice was thin, betraying her fear.
The mannered artifice that always existed between them in Gina and Fon’s company was missing in their absence and he regarded her now, seeing how she hid from him, her dislike of him evident.
She didn’t think he liked her either, but a man could detest a woman and desire her at the same time, and she could see the debate flash through his eyes.
Flavia was here, but that wouldn’t stop him.
His gaze raked along her bare stomach, arms, her smooth clavicle, the nub of her shoulders, and it felt like his hands were running over her skin. Her body had awoken under Cosimo’s touch not an hour before. Could he see it?
‘I want to talk to you,’ he said after a moment, pulling back, the tone shifting again. ‘Cover yourself and come down to the kitchen.’
He disappeared and Rafaella stared into the void he left behind, her heart like a jackhammer.