1. Hayden
1
HAYDEN
T he sounds of the ship rang loud and clear as I strode through the P-ways. Clanks and hums from the crew going about their duties mixed with the sounds of machinery and the roar of the engines. A cacophony of reverberation. A symphony that could only be heard echoing off the metal walls, ceilings, and floors.
The noise deafened me. As much as I loved it, I also dreaded it. Every trip out to sea was the same. Thousands of us crammed together for months on end, sharing tiny spaces with nowhere to go. Plus, I was a big motherfucker, and squeezing myself into a rack in the berthing compartment took a level of yoga pretzel twisting that took hours to undo when I rolled out of bed.
When I stepped through the ship’s hatch onto the deck, a bustling naval base greeted me—this part I didn’t hate. Salty sea air filled my lungs, an squawking birds were music to my ears. The sun’s golden rays pierced my eyes after being below deck all day. I squinted into the bright light.
In a practiced move, perfected over more than half a decade in the Marines, I settled my cover over my short, shorn hair. Comfort and assurance filled me as I welcomed the weight. My sunglasses on, I moved to the rail and pulled out my cigarettes, tapping them against my palm before pulling one out to light.
Turning, I rested against the rail, letting my eyes roam over the massive gray vessel. This nearly fifty-thousand-ton hunk of steel spread out before me would be my home for the foreseeable future. We left in a week for one more training exercise before we deployed for half the year.
A Navy vessel could be the most exciting experience one moment and the most boring the next. Mostly, it was boring as fuck. The ship and crew were a well-oiled machine that worked together to complete the mission, whatever it may be, until it didn’t, and then… utter chaos. As much as I didn’t want the chaos, halfway through the deployment we had coming up, we’d all be craving it.
I only hoped it held off until we were underway because I had plans. Dinner, drinks, dancing, and dick were on the agenda. And not necessarily in that order. There was no chance in hell I could set sail for weeks and months without blowing off some much needed steam. I glanced at my watch. Not long now.
“You got someplace else to be, sergeant?”
I looked up at my friend Lucia, chuckling. “Considering what we’ve got coming up, absolutely.
She snatched the cigarette from my hand and took a drag before handing it back.
“I would’ve given you one if you’d asked.”
“But that wouldn’t have annoyed you as much as I wanted it to.”
“Bitch.”
She threw her head back, laughing like a hyena. I rolled my eyes at her and at my dick when it twitched in my pants.
Lucia was a fucking knockout. She always had been. Long dark hair, high cheekbones, full pink lips, and a body made for sin. A body we’d made great use of many times over the years we served together.
“Takes one to know one, Marin. So, what’re you getting up to tonight?”
My brows climbed my forehead as I gave her a ‘what the fuck do you think’ look.
“Gotcha. You’re on the prowl. Good.”
“Yes, and what do you mean, good?”
“My brother, the oldest of them, is here now, and he’s queer but doesn’t know anyone. I want you to take him out. Well, if you’re on the prowl for a man and not a woman.”
“Scott’s here?”
She nodded. I’d known Lucia and her brothers for as long as I could remember. We’d grown up together but didn’t hook up until I got jilted by the heiress I’d stupidly fallen in love with.
“When did that happen? The last time I saw him, he was just growing hair on his nuts.”
“Okay, I don’t wanna think about my little brother’s nuts. And he got stationed here after sniper school.”
“And he’s gay?”
A drawn-out “yes” hinted at her frustration and confusion.
I brushed my hand across my head, holding the cigarette away from my short-cropped hair. I didn’t want to do this, but I also didn’t want to tell her no.
“Lucia, I love you, but I wanna fuck not hold your kid brother’s hand while he dips his toes in the pool at the end of the rainbow.”
“Quit being an ass. Just take him along with you and point him in the right direction.”
Her comment made me want to be even more of an ass, but I bit my tongue.
“Fine. I’ll take him.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it. Seriously. Don’t. Mention. It.”
“For fuck’s sake, you’re such a diva.”
“What was that you just said? Oh, yeah, it takes one to know one.”
She shoved at me. I burst out laughing. She wasn’t tiny by any standard, at least not until she stood next to me. She barely came to my collarbone, and I had her by at least a hundred pounds.
“You’re a big ass brute.”
“You never complained about that before. From what I remember, you loved it when this big ass brute tossed you around like a feather and fucked you until you saw stars.”
“You’re right. I did.” She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. When she continued, her voice wavered, “And we’d still be getting our jollies off together if you could get your head out of your ass.”
“Lucia…”
She waved me off, and I stopped, my lips rolling between my teeth as I waited. She opened and closed her mouth several times, then walked away. When she turned back toward me, sunlight glinted off the tears in her eyes.
“I’d gut that cunt if I could.”
I sighed, hating myself for hurting her and for the drunken confession that clued her in on the ugliness of my past.
“It wouldn’t do any good. Wouldn’t change anything. The lesson’s been learned. There’s nothing to be done.”
“But…”
“Lucia, I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt. Just sad. For us both. I thought we were good together.”
I held my tongue. We were good together. We understood the Corps came first, and I thanked my lucky stars that Lucia and I could remain friends because she was probably one of my best friends. But none of that mattered. There was no point in this conversation. There hadn’t been any of the previous times we had it, and there wasn’t now.
I’d gotten my heart trampled. Then Lucia and I started fucking. Everything was fine until she started pushing for more. I’d been honest from the jump. A relationship wasn’t on my radar. Not now. Not ever again. It’s the reason I’d quit fucking women. They weren’t all like the bitch I’d fallen for, but I wasn’t ever going to take that chance again. No matter how much I wanted a partner, men knew the score. At least the ones I went for did.
She must’ve realized that I wasn’t going to comment because she took a deep breath before saying, “I’ll text you Scott’s info.”
I nodded, and she stepped forward, squeezed my arm, then walked off, leaving me to my thoughts. Thoughts I didn’t want to be left alone with. I flicked the cigarette off the side of the boat and headed back inside. I still had an hour before I could return home to prepare for tonight’s babysitting gig.
My boots echoed as I moved through the boat toward where we stowed our gear. Another check wouldn’t hurt. I went through every bag. I counted weapons and ammo, trying and failing, to lose myself in the mundane mindlessness to escape the reminders of her .
Fucking cunt.
It didn’t matter that I hadn’t seen the woman for years. She infected me with her vile manipulations until she lived in the marrow of my bones. The pain and hate from every touch, kiss, fuck, word, and breath I’d once cherished lingered on relentlessly, trapped in the spaces she’d invaded and left festering.
Dropping to the floor, I leaned back against a pallet of gear. I banged my head against them, trying and failing to dislodge her from my brain once and for all. It was useless. I’d never rid myself of her.